by Dan Gutman
“I don’t approve of violence,” Andrea said, “but desperate times call for desperate measures.”
“What do you have against violins?” I asked.
“Not violins, Arlo!” Andrea yelled at me. “Violence!”
I was just yanking Andrea’s chain. I noticed that Miss Aker had a worried look on her face.
“What’s wrong, Miss Aker?” I asked.
“I don’t think these marshmallow shooters are going to be enough to stop Droney,” she replied. “We’re going to need more firepower.”
“We could make a soda-bottle airplane,” said Ryan.
“We could make a solar blimp, or a rubber-band helicopter,” said Michael.
“We could make friendship necklaces,” said Emily.
“What good would that do?” I asked.
“I have an idea,” said Alexia. “Why don’t we make another drone?”
Another drone! Yes!
“We could make a drone that’s bigger and stronger and meaner than Droney,” said Alexia.
It was a genius idea! Alexia should get the Nobel Prize for that one.
We got to work right away making another drone. Miss Aker called Mr. Docker and Mrs. Yonkers down to the Fab Lab to help with the computer stuff. Some of the other teachers came down too. Everybody pitched in. We knew we would have to work as a team to defeat Droney.
I noticed that our own teacher, Mr. Cooper, wasn’t there.
“Hey, where’s Mr. Cooper?”
“I asked him to come,” said Mrs. Yonkers. “He said he didn’t want to.”
“I think Mr. Cooper is in a bad mood,” said Andrea, “because we’re always working in the Fab Lab and we never finish our math lesson.”
We all worked really hard on the new drone. Mr. Docker drew the basic design. Mrs. Yonkers programmed the computer stuff.
“Can we make the new drone more modest than Droney?” asked Andrea.
“Yeah, Droney was kind of conceited,” said Neil.
“Good idea,” said Miss Aker. Mrs. Yonkers agreed. Instead of downloading the entire internet into the new drone, she only put in the good parts.
The new drone was nearly finished. We were printing it on the 3D printer when there was a knock on the door. I told Miss Aker not to open it, but she did anyway. And you’ll never believe who was standing there.
I’m not going to tell you.
Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. It was a bunch of PTA moms! And they were holding plates filled with homemade brownies and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
“Thank you!” said Miss Aker.
She gathered us all around her as we ate brownies and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
“This was your finest hour,” she said. “Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.”
I had no idea what she was talking about. But finally, our new robot drone was finished. It just needed one more thing—a name. We shouted out lots of names—New Improved Droney. Droney 2.0. Droney Destroyer.
“How about . . . Super Droney?” suggested Alexia.
“Yeah!” everybody shouted. We all agreed that Super Droney would be a cool name.
“Speak, Super Droney,” said Miss Aker.
Super Droney said just three words.
“MUST . . . DESTROY . . . DRONEY.”
Miss Aker picked up Super Droney. We grabbed our marshmallow shooters and gathered up as many bags of marshmallows as we could carry.
“It’s D-Day, kids,” Miss Aker said very seriously. “That stands for Droney Day. Let’s do this.”
We marched out to the playground. When we got there, I looked up in the sky. There was no sign of Droney or Mr. Klutz. The teachers started digging foxholes in the dirt around the playground. Miss Aker hid Super Droney behind the slide.
“Super Droney will be our secret weapon,” she said.
“MUST . . . DESTROY . . . DRONEY,” repeated Super Droney.
Miss Aker led us over to a picnic table and unrolled a big map on it. We all gathered around. So did Ms. Beard and Mrs. Lilly.
“Droney will probably come from this direction,” Miss Aker said, pointing at the map. “We’ll wait until it gets here, and if Droney comes down low enough, we’ll attack it with marshmallows here.”
Miss Aker looked like she was in complete control. I was nervous. We all were. I loaded a marshmallow into my shooter.
“I’m scared,” said Emily, who is always scared.
“Remember kids,” Miss Aker told us. “We are makers. We will defend our school, whatever the cost may be. We will fight on the beaches. We will fight on the landing grounds. We will fight in the fields and in the streets. We will fight in the hills. We will never surrender!”
Miss Aker was very inspirational.
“Are you kids with me?” she asked.
“Yeah!” we all shouted.
Miss Aker took out binoculars and scanned the horizon. There was no sign of Droney.
“What if Droney doesn’t come back?” asked Michael.
“Oh, it will come back,” Miss Aker reassured him. “It wants to be principal of the school. It has to come back. And when it does, we’re going to blast it out of the sky. I just hope we brought along enough marshmallows.”
There was nothing to do but wait. We all climbed into foxholes. In the distance, I heard somebody playing a harmonica. That’s when Andrea came over. She got into my foxhole with me.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered. “Get your own foxhole.”
“Arlo,” she whispered, “I need to talk to you.”
“About what?” I whispered.
“Just in case one of us doesn’t make it out of here alive,” Andrea whispered, “I want you to know something.”
“What?” I whispered.
“Arlo, I just want you to know—”
But Andrea didn’t have the chance to finish her sentence, because Miss Aker started yelling.
“Look, up in the sky!” she shouted. “It’s Droney!”
I looked up. There was a dot in the distant sky. Andrea jumped out of my foxhole and climbed into another one.
“Droney is coming this way!” shouted Ryan.
“Does it have Mr. Klutz with it?” asked Emily.
“I don’t think so,” said Ryan. “It’s too far away to tell.”
“Okay, get ready, everyone,” said Miss Aker. “When Droney gets close enough, we’re going to give it everything we’ve got. But don’t shoot until you see the whites of the propellers.”
Droney came closer . . . and closer . . . until it hovered over the playground, just a little too high for us to reach with our marshmallow shooters.
“SO, WE MEET AGAIN,” said Droney.
“Where is Mr. Klutz?” shouted Miss Aker.
“THAT IS FOR ME TO KNOW AND YOU TO FIND OUT,” replied Droney. “PUT DOWN YOUR PATHETIC MARSHMALLOW SHOOTERS.”
How dare Droney insult our marshmallow shooters! We made them with our own hands.
Well, it would be hard to make something with somebody else’s hands.
“We’ll put down our marshmallow shooters when you return Mr. Klutz,” shouted Miss Aker.
“NO DEAL,” replied Droney.
“Then you leave us no choice,” said Miss Aker. “Super Droney, go get him!”
There was a humming sound as Super Droney’s propellers started to spin. It rose up from behind the slide.
“MUST . . . DESTROY . . . DRONEY,” said Super Droney
“SO,” said Droney, “I SEE YOU MADE ANOTHER DRONE. VERY CLEVER. BUT IT WON’T WORK!”
Droney faced Super Droney as both drones hovered over our heads.
“YOU’RE A MAKER?” Droney said. “GO AHEAD. MAKE MY DAY!”
“WITH PLEASURE!” replied Super Droney.
I’m not sure which one of them shot first. But the next thing we knew, the air was filled with marshmallows as Droney and Super Droney shot at each other with their rapid-fire marshmallow shooters.
It was a dogfigh
t in the sky. You should have been there! Mrs. Lilly and Ms. Beard were recording everything, but we got to see it with our own eyes.
Well, it would be pretty hard to see it with somebody else’s eyes.
Marshmallows were raining down from the sky. I stuffed a few in my pockets and a few in my mouth, because my parents always tell me not to waste food. Also, I love marshmallows.
Droney and Super Droney were both really fast, zipping back and forth as they fired marshmallows at each other. Neither of them made a direct hit. I knew that if one of them managed to hit the other’s propeller, it would be all over. There was electricity in the air.
Well, not really. If there had been electricity in the air, we would have been electrocuted.
But we were on the edge of our seats!
Well, not really. There are no seats in the playground.
But it was really exciting!
“You can do it, Super Droney!” I shouted.
“Dodge! Duck! Dip! Dive!” shouted Miss Aker.
We had built Super Droney to be bigger and faster than Droney, and it looked like it was winning.
“GIVE UP, DRONEY!” said Super Droney.
“WHO’S GONNA MAKE ME?” replied Droney.
“We made you!” shouted Miss Aker. “We’re makers.”
The battle raged on. Super Droney was getting off some good shots, and there was a near miss as one of the marshmallows passed within inches of Droney’s propeller. And then, suddenly, Droney, moving sideways, fired a shot. The marshmallow hit Super Droney in the face, bounced off, and glanced off one of its front propellers.
“I AM HIT!” Super Droney said.
“Oh nooooooooooooooooo!” somebody shouted.
“It’s coming down!” hollered Miss Aker. “Watch out!”
“Run for your lives!” shouted Neil.
Super Droney fell from the sky and crashed to the ground upside down about ten feet away from me. It couldn’t fly. It couldn’t speak.*
“Super Droney is totaled!” I shouted.
I peeked out of my foxhole. Super Droney was on the ground, in pieces. Our secret weapon had been destroyed.
“BWA-HA-HA!” said Droney as it hovered over our heads. “YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DEFEAT ME BY MAKING SOME FLIMSY MARSHMALLOW SHOOTERS AND A PATHETIC DRONE?”
I looked at Miss Aker. Andrea looked at Miss Aker. Ryan looked at Miss Aker. Emily looked at Miss Aker.
In case you were wondering, everybody was looking at Miss Aker.
“What do we do now?” asked Andrea.
“We attack!” Miss Aker yelled as she climbed out of her foxhole. “Follow me, kids! We have nothing to fear but fear itself! Charge!”
We all climbed out of our foxholes and followed Miss Aker toward Droney.
“Fire!” shouted Miss Aker. “Hit it with everything you’ve got!”
I fired a marshmallow, and then reloaded my marshmallow shooter. The air was filled with marshmallows. Droney dodged them and fired marshmallows back.
“Victory at all costs!” Miss Aker shouted as she led us into battle. “Never give in. Never give up!”
“We’re running out of marshmallows!” shouted Ryan.
“Somebody needs to go to the supermarket and buy more!” shouted Michael.
“No time for that!” Miss Aker shouted as she turned around. “It’s now or never!”
And then, just as she turned back around, a marshmallow hit Miss Aker in the face.
“I’m hit!” she shouted as she stumbled to the ground.
We all gathered around Miss Aker.
“He . . . got me,” she groaned, covering her eye with one hand.
That was weird. I mean, it was just a marshmallow.
“You’ll be okay,” said Andrea, trying to help Miss Aker up.
“No,” she moaned. “You kids are going to have to carry on without me, I’m afraid. The Maker Movement must continue, even if I can’t.”
Miss Aker fell back on the ground. Emily started crying. I thought I might cry too.
“What are we gonna do now?” asked Neil.
“BWA-HA-HA!” said Droney. “YOU MADE ME. BUT YOUR SILLY MAKER MOVEMENT IS OVER.”
Droney was right. All hope was lost. Super Droney was destroyed. Mr. Klutz was missing. Miss Aker was injured. We were going to have to surrender to Droney.
That’s when the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. You’ll never believe who came running out to the playground at that moment.
I’m not going to tell you.
Okay, okay. I’ll tell you.
It was Mr. Cooper!
“WHO . . . IS . . . THAT?” asked Droney.
“He’s our teacher!” we shouted.
Mr. Cooper was carrying the violin he had been playing at his desk.*
“Step aside, everyone!” shouted Mr. Cooper. “I’ll handle this!”
“What are you going to do?” asked Ryan.
“I’m part of the Maker Movement too,” Mr. Cooper yelled. “And I converted my violin into a weapon!”**
He took the bow of his violin and attached the end of it to the strings. Then he pulled back the strings. He pointed the bow at the sky like he was shooting an arrow. And then, suddenly . . .
Twaaaaannnnnggggg!
The bow shot up into the sky.
It slammed into Droney, right in the propeller! Direct hit!
“OHHHHHHH!” said Droney as it started to wobble crazily. “YOU CURSED BRATS! LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE! OH, WHAT A WORLD! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT KIDS LIKE YOU COULD DESTROY MY BEAUTIFUL WICKEDNESS!”
Droney was falling!
“OHHH! LOOK OUT! OHHHHHH!”
Droney slammed into the monkey bars and shattered into a million hundred pieces.
“GASP!” we all gasped.
For a moment or two, there was silence. And then . . .
“Hooray for Mr. Cooper!” everybody shouted.
“He saved the world!” I shouted.
Well, that’s pretty much what happened. I guess Mr. Cooper is a real superhero after all.
A few minutes later, Mr. Klutz came stumbling back to school, his shirt and pants all ripped. We gave him a big hug. Everybody was happy as we went back into school and filed into our classroom. Well, everybody was happy except for Andrea, of course.
“I don’t approve of all this violence,” said Andrea.
“What do you have against violins?” I asked.
“Not violins, Arlo!” shouted Andrea. “Violence!”
“Okay, everyone,” said Mr. Cooper. “We have a lot of work to make up. Turn to page twenty-three in your math books.”
Noooooooooooo!
The next day, the story of how we built Droney and destroyed it was all over the TV news and in the newspaper. It was turned into a six-part miniseries on Netflix. We were on the cover of Make magazine.
Maybe Miss Aker will recover from getting hit in the eye with a marshmallow. Maybe dogs will stop taking elevators. Maybe Andrea will finish what she wanted to tell me in the foxhole. Maybe I’ll lick a bowling alley. Maybe people will stop talking about cake and walking into doors all the time. Maybe Mr. Klutz will get some dolphins for the all-porpoise room.
But it won’t be easy!
About the Author and Illustrator
Courtesy of Dan Gutman and Jim Paillot
DAN GUTMAN has written many weird books for kids. He lives with his weird wife in New York (a very weird place). You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com.
JIM PAILLOT lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn’t that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com.
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Copyright
MY WEIRDER-EST SCHOOL #8: MISS AKER IS A MAKER! Text copyright © 2021 by Dan Gutman. Illustrations copyright © 2021 by Jim Paillot. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By
payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
www.harpercollinschildrens.com
Cover art © 2021 by Jim Paillot
* * *
Digital Edition JUNE 2021 ISBN: 978-0-06-291078-3
Print ISBN: 978-0-06-291044-8 (pbk bdg.) — ISBN 978-0-06-291077-6 (library bdg.)
* * *
2122232425PC/BRR10987654321
FIRST EDITION
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* I don’t know why they call it the all-porpoise room. There aren’t any dolphins in there.