Yeah, she wanted what his exactly-the-right-amount-of-tight black T-shirt and worn-in-all-the-perfect-places jeans kept hinting at. She wanted those eyes. His smile. Sam moving inside her until the world outside shattered and there was nothing but that instant when they existed alone together.
But she wanted so much more than that too. She wanted Sam’s good-morning kiss and his last thoughts at night. She wanted his heart to beat for her the way hers beat for him. She wanted their lives to fit together like the last pieces of a puzzle finally sliding into place.
Damn it, she wanted him to love her the way she loved him, and despite having had twenty years to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t going to happen, every new minute that it didn’t was like a knife sinking farther into her heart.
“Shit, Ava.” Sam gripped her shoulders, getting down into her face so she could see he’d left the fun and games behind. “I’m sorry. I was just joking around, being an ass. But I can see how serious you are. I guess it’s just taking a little getting used to.”
She didn’t even want to think about what she looked like to prompt such an about-face, but at least Sam was on board and understood as well as he could, all things considered.
“A little time, Sam. That’s all and we’ll be right as rain.”
He dropped a kiss at her temple and backed out of her room. “I’m counting on it.”
Chapter 26
Married.
Shit, Sam couldn’t quite wrap his head around it. But he’d been there. Watched the whole thing go down: from the little raven-haired tyrant dressed in a miniature version of Maggie’s dress stomping down the aisle, paces ahead of her beaming pint-sized tuxedo-clad counterpart, Charlie; through the smacked look of awe and wonder on Tyler’s face as Maggie met him at the altar, and the exchange of vows they’d written themselves; to the kiss that sealed the deal and nearly set the place on fire, but somehow ended with the two of them clinging to each other, laughing.
Yeah, that was the best part.
The way they laughed, neither one letting go.
They’d make it. Of any couple, he had the most faith in these two pulling off the whole forever-and-for-always business. Both of them had been through hell in their previous relationships that he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy. Bad shit. The kind that scarred and changed people forever. But somehow Maggie and Tyler had come back stronger. Wiser. They’d found each other and together they’d learned to believe in love again.
And now they were married. For better or for worse. He just hoped to hell it was better. They deserved it.
Sam hooked a beer around the neck and tipped the bartender before looking back to the doorway where Maggie and Tyler headed up the reception line, greeting the guests as they arrived for the cocktails preceding the reception itself. Next in the lineup were Maggie’s folks and then Tyler’s. Proud parents, all of them. Still married themselves. He figured the both of them having grown up with decent role models for the marriage thing had to count some in regards to the newly formed Wellses’ chances for success. And bringing up the rear, Tyler’s younger brother, Mitch, and then Ava, looking anything but cold in her ice-blue, formfitting bridesmaid dress.
Mitch leaned in to whisper something in her ear, touching her elbow as he did it. The guy was decent enough, but the way he was chatting up Ava while they waited for the next guests to trickle down the feed? He had ideas all right, but so did every other single guy in the place. Sam included.
Which was why a few minutes’ space wouldn’t be the worst thing.
Before they cleared the receiving line, and the room’s worth of distance that was between him and Ava was gone and he’d be back to reminding himself every other second not to touch her. Biting his tongue each time he started to lean down to whisper just exactly where he’d like to lick her.
Another look back at Ava in that dress and he swallowed hard. Turning, he searched the room for an acceptable place to land. A blonde, maybe. Or a redhead? Only the drill he’d been running half his life wasn’t going to work tonight. The idea of distracting himself with some other girl when he could still practically feel Ava around him—yeah, no thanks. She deserved better than that, even if she was the one who’d called an end to the sexy times. Besides, he was pretty sure Anne Hathaway herself could strut up to him and it still wouldn’t be distraction enough to make him forget the taste of his best friend on his tongue.
Not for a few more days, anyway.
Shit.
Maybe a few more weeks, whatever.
Who was he kidding? Anne had been his poor man’s replacement for Ava from the start.
“Nine o’clock, fire-engine-red dress, C-cup,” Tony said under his breath, sidling up to Sam in a cloud of what was probably six times the recommended daily allowance of Axe body spray. “I’m getting a good vibe off her. Thinking this might be just the lucky lady to take a ride on the Tony Express tonight.”
Sam shook his head.
The Tony Express? His cousin was rocking back on his heels, his tongue sticking out of his mouth, all “ready to rock” style.
He thought about pulling the guy off to the side for a refresher course on the birds and the bees, complete with an explanation as to why comparing sex with him to an express anything might not be the way to go—
Only then he heard it. Above the tinkling sound of glasses toasting, the music, the celebratory chatter…Ava’s laugh.
“Whoa, Tyler’s little brother is putting the full-court press on your girl—and getting somewhere?” Tony whistled through his teeth. “Never thought I’d see the day.”
Sam’s head swung around to the receiving line that seemed to have gotten a clog at the top. And sure enough, there was Mitch leaning into Ava’s space, hand over his heart, his face torqued up as he spun some animated tale that brought him in closer with every word.
Another laugh bubbled up over the crowd—not some polite imitation, but the real deal. The one she gave to him. The one that was for her closest friends. And for some reason Sam knew had to be misplaced and total bullshit, it was Mitch who’d earned that laugh bugged the hell out of him.
Ava leaned back, her eyes flashing with humor as she covered her mouth.
Didn’t matter.
“He’s not getting anywhere. She’s just laughing.”
“Dude.” This time it was Tony shaking his head. “Listen to her. That laugh’s all about advertising the electrified fence is down. Like ‘Welcome aboard, friend.’ She’s letting him in. In fact, Mitch there might be getting all the way in tonight, if you know what I mean.”
“Don’t talk about her like that.”
“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. But she’s twenty-eight, not sixteen anymore, right?”
Right. But that didn’t change the fact that Mitch wasn’t getting all the way anywhere tonight. At least not with Ava.
The guy leaned in again, resting his fingers across the cut of Ava’s waist. Sam’s grip tightened on his beer.
Did she want this? So soon after they called an end to whatever it was they’d been doing? Was that why she’d called it off—because suddenly she was ready for more than the buddy-with-benefits package that was all Sam could offer her? Was she finally ready to stop shutting down all the guys with the potential to give her the future she deserved and actually open herself up to the possibilities?
Christ, it’s what he wanted for her.
It was.
She deserved what Maggie and Tyler had…but at that moment, it was making him nuts thinking about what it would actually mean for her to get it.
Chapter 27
Ava stared down at her plate, the baby carrots missing only a single tip. Her fillet all but untouched. And those fancy potatoes she’d practically licked off the plate at the tasting…she hadn’t even managed a bite.
“Are you through?” the server beside her asked.
Belly tensed and churning, she smiled weakly and nodded.
From her other side, Mitch leaned in so his shoulder p
ressed against hers. “Now I see why you’re so tiny. You eat like a bird.”
Not really. Sam teased her that she ate more than twice her body weight a day. Something that always made her laugh, only right then the thought only made her stomach clench tighter as her eyes sought him out at the table to the right. He’d been seated beside Tyler’s cousin Jocelyn, who just happened to be gorgeous, tall, and athletically lean. She had a California-girl look, complete with the sun-streaked hair and golden hues in her skin. She and Sam looked like they ought to open a surf shop down on the boardwalk somewhere.
Would it be her?
Or maybe Sylvia, the Wellses’ family friend seated across the table from him. She’d been casting Sam shy smiles from beneath that fall of chestnut hair all day.
“Watch out or my mom’ll be trying to cook for you to put a little more meat on your bones.”
Ava blinked, confused by Mitch’s conspiratorial tone and the words she hadn’t been following. Poor guy—he’d been stuck with her all day, dutifully making conversation while she stewed and stressed over whether Sam would deem a few days long enough before resuming his standard pickup activities. But Mitch had made the most if it, and for a few minutes earlier, he’d even managed to distract her completely.
Yet now as she noticed more and more of the women in attendance noticing Sam, she was less and less capable of noticing anything else.
It was going to happen.
Whatever magical number of days Sam had decided were enough would finally pass and the wild charm that was so much a part of his makeup would flip back on, and all he’d have to do was pick from one of the dozens of women who’d been circling him like sharks.
And when he did, she’d smile and laugh it off and not let on for a single second that it was killing her inside, just like she’d been doing through most of her life.
“But if you ask me—”
She startled at the feel of Mitch’s fingers running over her wrist and met his eyes.
“—I think you’re perfect just the way you are.”
Oh God. Was this about the food thing? Mitch was Tyler’s little brother and it really wouldn’t kill her to be polite. “I was just a little nervous tonight. You know, for Maggie and everything. Hoping all the details came together.”
Not exactly the truth, but she’d had to give him something.
He was giving her that dimpled smile then, and it made him look so much like his big brother, it was all she could do to resist pinching his cheek.
“You’re telling me you’re a big eater then?”
Not much of a conversationalist, this one. But she smiled warmly anyway because he was trying. “Yeah, like unhinge-my-jaw-and-swallow-a-cow-whole big eater.”
He let out a laugh, his blue eyes flashing with humor. “I like you, Ava. You don’t try to convince people you’re anything other than who you are. You’re honest.”
This time her answering smile was strained, because she’d never felt more dishonest in her whole life. She’d lied to everyone. To her friends—telling them all there wasn’t anyone in her heart and playing like she didn’t care. To Sam—swearing her emotions wouldn’t get tangled up in what they were doing, when her emotions had been tangled up for twenty years. To herself—for thinking for one minute she could spend weeks living out her every fantasy with the man she’d loved since they were little kids, and then go back to being friends of the “just” variety without it completely destroying her.
Jocelyn arched back in her chair, arms overhead, the movement elongating her already criminally long body and thrusting her ample breasts forward. Her eyes were on Sam the whole time, a seductive curve to her lips that was all invitation. Nothing Ava hadn’t seen a thousand times before and nothing that concerned her because when it came down to it, it was going to be Sam who decided. Only the way he was seated—and unfortunately, Ava didn’t have anyone to blame but herself as she’d been the one to press his little sticky tag into place at table two—she couldn’t see anything but the back of his head.
Mitch was talking to her again, something about the DJ and dancing, and that’s when Ava snapped out of it. Maggie and Tyler were stepping out onto the dance floor together to Sara Bareilles’s lyrics about telling the world they’d finally gotten it all right. The joy in their faces as they danced around the room was so pure and complete, Ava found herself blinking back another bout of happy tears. It was so beautiful.
When the DJ invited everyone to join the couple on the dance floor, Mitch was there, taking her hand before she’d even realized she was looking for Sam. And then they were dancing to Michael Bublé, and there was no place for her focus to go but on the man who was swinging her around the dance floor like a total pro.
“You’re a good dancer, Mitch.”
He smiled, and she had to admit, it was a really nice smile.
“You’re beautiful, Ava.” Mitch said, pulling her in closer as he spun her around faster. “I’ve been trying to get you to notice I was interested since I first got into town, but I’m not sure you’re getting it.”
They were moving in a dizzying rush, and Ava blinked up at Mitch, really looking at him close enough to see more than Tyler’s little brother for maybe the first time. He was tall, not as tall as Sam but probably about the same height as Tyler.
A little leaner through his frame than his brother, but still built more like an athlete than a businessman. And he had thoughtful blue eyes that suddenly made her see him for who he was. A man. Not a kid. Someone who was interested in her and wasn’t playing any games about it.
“Mitch, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize—”
“Yeah, I got that,” he cut in with a smile that promised no hard feelings. “Which is why I’m telling you. I asked your friends about you and they said you weren’t involved with anyone else. I thought maybe you and Sam, but they swore up and down it wasn’t the case. It’s not, is it?”
Okay, this was bad. Really bad.
Because here was this guy putting himself out there, in such an open and honest way…and as much as he deserved to know there had been something with Sam—or forget about even naming him, if she admitted there’d been anyone and she wasn’t quite over it…he might tell Tyler. Tyler would tell Maggie, and then Maggie would bring it up while Sam was sitting next to her at breakfast.
Everything would change.
And she couldn’t let it happen.
“There isn’t, but, Mitch, I’m not really looking for a relationship or, since you don’t live in town, even a date right now.”
At least that last part was true.
He watched her a moment and as the dance came to an end, didn’t let go. “Bet I could change your mind.”
Ava was about to tell him no, when she looked past his shoulder to where Sam was standing by the bar, handing Jocelyn a drink.
What if it wasn’t just a drink?
She swallowed hard and, her heart starting a sickening race, she forced her gaze back to the man in front of her.
Could he make her forget?
No, not even a chance.
But maybe he could distract her. If Sam was ready to resume his romantic adventures, if he and Jocelyn were suddenly suspiciously missing from the festivities, could she get through it if she let Mitch—
“No.” Full of conviction, the word had shot past her lips before she’d realized how bad it wanted to get loose.
She couldn’t use Mitch, and even if her heart somehow hardened enough to where she could live with herself for doing it to him, she still wouldn’t. Because it wouldn’t work.
Sam was too far under her skin. Too close at hand.
Too easy to compare to whichever substitute she hoped could replace him in her heart.
Besides, the only thing that sickened her more than the idea of Sam with another woman was the thought of being with another man herself.
“I’m sorry, Mitch. If I’d realized earlier, I would have said something so you didn’t waste your time.”
&n
bsp; His lips quirked. “Not even close to a waste.” He kissed her cheek and headed off toward his brother and Maggie. That’s when she caught sight of Sam cutting purposefully through the crowd toward her. A look of singular intent on his face, the smile on his lips one she knew without question wasn’t real.
Their eyes met, and everything else fell away.
“Got a dance for me?” he asked, sliding his hand around her waist in a move that would be hard for anyone other than their closest friends to construe as anything but possessive.
And God, she wanted to melt into it. Give herself over to the feel of his arms around her again. Rest her head against his chest to the sound of Jason Mraz.
No one would question it.
They were dancing at their closest friends’ wedding. Celebrating.
But even as every molecule in her body begged her to do just that, she held firm. And when the scant few inches between them weren’t enough, she took the next step back.
Sam’s brows pulled together, the muscle in his jaw beginning to jump.
“It’s just a dance, Ave.”
For her, it was never just a dance. “I know.”
He stopped, and within the sea of guests moving around them to a song she’d lost track of, he stared into her eyes. “What’s going on? You’ve been tense all day. Is it Mitch? Are you into him or something?”
She blinked, stunned. Was it possible he could be jealous?
Only then she realized—so what if he was?
Not wanting another man to have her wasn’t the same as wanting her for himself. Wanting her completely.
Nothing had changed there. Sam didn’t want the whole of her.
And she had to stop feeling sorry for herself over it.
These last weeks, she’d gotten exactly the chance she’d spent years wishing for. The chance to show him what it could be like between them. The chance to know what it felt like to be held in his arms.
That moment when they’d been as close as two people could be and he’d told her he loved her, she’d had it all.
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