It’s not until we’re finally home and I’m able to lock myself in my room that I pull my cell out of my purse and turn it back on.
I know that everyone is expecting me home today, but I’ve missed practice now so I’m hoping I’ll be able to hide in here until Monday morning rolls around and I have little choice but to rejoin the world once more.
Flopping down on my bed, the familiarity of it makes me sigh and I wish I could curl up under the sheets and never emerge again.
Flipping onto my back, I turn my cell on and wait to see if I have anything from anyone.
A notification pops up with a message from a @queenwillow. Despite everything, a smile twitches at my lips. I like Willow.
Tapping the Instagram app, I find her message.
Willow: I hope you don’t mind me reaching out. I’m just worried. How is he?
All the air I didn’t know I was holding in rushes out of me as I press my head back into the pillow and close my eyes.
How is he? I wish I knew.
Ruby: Of course not. I just got home... without him. He made me leave. He’s... not good.
I squeeze my eyes closed, willing the tears to stop as I think about the look in his eyes, the hurt, the desperation.
I tell myself that this is what he wanted, and not only that, it’s the right thing to do. Just look at our parents, because of us they are now falling apart. I might not have heard anything from them yet, but I know an argument is brewing between them, and it’s going to be all our fault.
Staring at my screen through blurry eyes, I read her response.
Willow: I’ll go check in on him. Everything will be okay.
Ruby: Will it?
My hands shake as I lower my cell. I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to that question, and it doesn’t involve any of Willow’s positivity.
Not really wanting to read her answer to that question, I lift my cell again and change the subject.
Ruby: How’s Axel?
Willow: Still an ugly mofo. He’ll survive.
Annoyed that I’m surrounded by the scent of airplane and his lingering smell, I climb from my bed, pull out a clean set of underwear and pajamas, and head through to my bathroom in the hope I can wash the last few days off of me.
I knew going to Seattle was a bad idea. Why wouldn’t anyone listen to me?
I stand under the water for so long that my skin begins to wrinkle but I know I can’t hide in here forever.
Finally, I turn the water off and step out, wrapping towels around me, I turn to look at myself in the mirror above the sink.
I look tired, no, exhausted. The circles under my eyes are darker than I think I’ve ever seen them, and my skin is pale. I guess there’s no hiding how I’m feeling on the inside.
I do everything I can to distract myself but there’s not all that much I can do while in here, so I pull my pajamas on and walk back to my room.
Two people sitting on my bed scare the crap out of me, but the second my panic subsides, and I look into their eyes, I can’t stop the flood of tears.
“Oh shit.”
“Ruby.”
I have no idea who says what, and I don’t really care as both Harley and Poppy wrap their arms around me and hold tight.
“I messed up,” I admit once I can get some words out.
“No, girl. You didn’t. He did.”
“N-no,” I argue, but it’s pointless because Harley pulls back and looks at me with a raised brow. “Okay, so he’s partly to blame.”
“Partly?”
“Yeah, it’s not like he forced himself on me. I was just the stupid girl who fell for it.”
“You’re not stupid, Rubes,” Poppy says softly. “Some boys have a way of making us lose our minds.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure I left my mind here while my body fucked off to Seattle.”
“We brought pizza and ice cream.”
I sigh at her words because despite not really wanting to eat, my stomach is growling to be filled.
“You can tell us all about it as we stuff our faces with carbs.”
“How’s practice? Are we ready for the weekend?”
“Everything is good, Ruby. You don’t need to worry.”
Poppy opens the pizza box, allowing the scent of cheese and tomato to permeate the air, and my stomach growls louder. She offers me the first slice and I take it, eagerly. Then, I go back to the very beginning. It’s only days ago that we walked out of that airport in favor of Stephen’s car but right now, it feels like it was a lifetime ago.
“So when’s he coming back?” Harley asks.
I shrug. “No idea. But he has Stephen’s car, so I guess he’ll need to at least return that at some point. If he doesn’t just drive it straight off a cliff,” I say with a sad laugh.
“He wouldn’t, would he?” Poppy asks, concern pulling her brows together.
“Honestly, I have no idea. I’m pretty sure he’s already hit the self-destruct button, I guess we just need to see how far he takes it.”
I blow out a slow breath. Praying that he’s not going to do something stupid, but equally not feeling all that confident about it. I think of Nat. We’ve been gone a good few hours now, I wonder if he’s already gone to search out her services.
The rest of the weekend drags. I spend Sunday working out and getting ready for a week of insane practices and then nationals. I tell myself not to look at my cell because he won’t have reached out, and although I’m right, it doesn’t stop me from checking every hour or so just in case.
Willow messages a few times trying to reassure me that he’ll be okay, that she’s seen him but even her words don’t make me feel any better.
I’m still a mess when I walk into the gym early Monday morning. I’m the first—seeing as I can’t sleep—aside from Chelsea who’s setting up.
“You’re back,” she says with delight when she spots me.
“Yup,” I mutter.
“Is... is everything okay? Harley said—”
“Everything is fine. Nationals is this weekend, I’m ready for this.”
She stares at me for long seconds. She doesn’t believe a word of it.
“You don’t have to lie to me, Ruby,” she says softly, reaching out for my hand. “I’m here as your friend, not just your captain. Some things are more important than cheer, nationals approaching or not.”
I suck in a breath, desperate not to allow the tears that are burning the back of my eyes to spill.
There’s a commotion at the main doors as the others begin to arrive and Chelsea looks up.
“Go wait in the office, let me set these up.”
“O-okay.” I really don’t want to talk, but at the same time, I really don’t need the squad seeing me fall apart.
I drop down on the chair in front of what should be Miss Kelly’s desk, should she ever actually be here. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her face that I wonder if she even still works here. Chelsea takes such good care of the squad though, it’s not like we actually miss her.
I stare up at the ceiling, willing my tears to subside.
I’ve never been a crier. In fact, until Ashton showed up in my life, I was never really affected by anything. I’ve always been totally level-headed. But add him into the mix and I turn into an emotional head case.
Fucking boys.
Chelsea joins me after a few minutes and drops down into Kelly’s chair, her hand instinctively going to her swollen belly.
“How’s she doing?” I ask, nodding to her belly.
“Perfect, but she doesn’t stop moving.”
“Little cheerleader, that’s why. Already somersaulting.”
She laughs but it doesn’t meet her eyes, she’s more concerned about me right now, which I kind of understand having looked at myself in a mirror.
“I slept with him,” I blurt. “He was hurting, things just... happened.”
“And then...”
“Then he put his walls back up and sent me aw
ay. He’s still in Seattle doing God knows what and I’m here trying to keep myself together. Our parents are at each other’s throats because of it,” I say, thinking of the shouting I’ve tried to drown out this weekend. I have no idea if Ashton and I are the full cause of the tension or if we’ve just piled a lot more on top of other shit they’re dealing with. Mostly, I try to stay out of their business and focus on my own life, but I can’t help feeling guilty that we’ve caused this. “It’s all just a mess.”
“Right...” She sits back, her hand still rubbing at her belly. “Do you love him?”
“W-what?” I ask, startled.
“Do you love him?”
“No, he’s an asshole.”
“Doesn’t stop you from falling, Rubes. Most of the guys on the team are assholes, but look at them coupling up.”
“Ash is on a different scale.” I think back to that factory of him pinning Natalie up against the wall, off his head on whatever he’d taken. I shake my head.
“The worse they are, the harder we fall, Rubes.”
“Do we have to talk about this? I just want to lose myself in cheer, focus on the weekend. Forget he even exists.”
“And what if he turns up before the weekend?”
“I can move in with you, right?” I ask jokingly, but she doesn’t return my amusement.
“Ruby,” she says seriously, leaning forward and placing her elbows on the desk. “This squad needs you. This squad can be yours in only a few weeks if you want it bad enough. But none of us are going to look down on you if you need some time out. Life’s hard, Ruby. I get that more than most these days. I have no doubt you’ll get to nationals again next year if you want to take a step bac—”
“No,” I interrupt, knowing where she’s going. “No, I’ve worked too hard for this. I want it too badly.”
“I know you do, Ruby. I wouldn’t be suggesting that you could lead this squad if I didn’t already know that. But I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine. I need this, Chelsea. I need a distraction.”
“And if he comes back before the weekend and becomes the distraction?”
“Then I’ll have to deal with that when and if it happens.”
She nods. “Okay. You’re going to be a good captain one day, Ruby. Cheer is in your blood. But you need to remember that the outside world exists sometimes.” Her words come out sounding sad, and I know that she’s talking from experience. “It’s too easy to get swallowed up by this life. I refuse to allow that to happen to any of you, and I need you to be aware of it, so you can ensure it doesn’t happen under your watch either.”
She pushes to leave but I stop her.
“Are you really serious about me taking over?” I hate to ask. I hate the vulnerability in my tone as I do. It’s what I’ve wanted from as early as I can remember and I’m right on the cusp of it. I’m equally as excited as I am terrified that it might actually happen.
“Yes, Ruby. I’m serious. After nationals, I need to nail Kelly down and make a plan. The girls are going to have to vote you in, so nothing is set in stone but I believe you’re the only one for the job, we just have to hope they all agree with me. Then together we can start auditions for next year.”
Butterflies take flight in my belly at the thought.
“But right now, nationals are our focus. You ready?” she asks, holding her hand out to me and pulling me in for a hug once I’m on my feet. “You know where I am, yeah. Don’t let his asshole ruin this for you. And remember, my offer still stands. The team will take him down should it become necessary.”
I can’t help laughing at the thought alone. “Ash isn’t a Rosewood boy, Chels. I’m not sure they’ll be all that much of a threat to him.”
I think of the guys he hangs around with. They make Jake and Ethan look like teddy bears.
“Okay, well, they’re behind you too should you need it.”
“I appreciate it, but it won’t be necessary. I can fight my own battles.”
“I know, but sometimes, you don’t need to do it alone.”
When we emerge from the office, Harley is leading the warm-up and Chelsea still has her arm slung around my shoulders.
“There’s your assistant captain right there, girl,” she whispers in my ear, and a wide smile curls at my lips.
Harley and I against the world... or the world of cheer at least. Hell, yeah!
I join the squad on the mats to complete the warm-up before Chelsea gets us into formation.
I slip back in as if I haven’t had a week away. It’s like coming home and it feels so good.
The rest of the week is like any other week at Rosewood. If we’re not practicing for the weekend, then we’re in class. We don’t even go to Aces with the team because we’re too exhausted. It’s exactly what I need to try to drag my head back from Seattle and away from the boy who messes with my mind.
I’ve not heard anything from him and every time I’ve spoken to Willow, she’s said a variation of “he’s okay.” I didn’t believe her when she first said it on the weekend, and I certainly don’t now. But what am I supposed to do about it?
Thankfully, Mom and Stephen seem to have sorted things out and it’s once again peaceful in our house. Neither of them has tried talking to me, possibly because I keep myself hidden away as much as possible, but I know that conversation is coming. Stephen was too angry to just let it rest. And we all know that at some point, he’s going to have to reappear and we’re going to have to deal with what happens next.
But I’m putting all of that aside because this weekend is about me. It’s about me and my dream.
28
Ruby
The weekend is everything I hoped it would be and more. The second I climbed onto the bus—driven by Miss Kelly who miraculously appeared in the hope of national success—with my best friend by my side and the rest of the squad, I put everything to do with Ashton freaking Fury behind me.
It was time to focus.
We sailed through prelims on Friday afternoon, and although the semis this evening were tighter, we won with a clear margin.
“We’re almost there, girls,” Chelsea says, lifting her fruit juice in the air before us.
We got back to the hotel thirty minutes ago and Kelly has given us strict instructions not to even try to find alcohol and to be in bed not a second after midnight. She then proceeded to get dressed up and fucked off, so I don’t really think she cares all that much. I sure hope not as I pour vodka into my glass and take a sip.
We’re all hanging out on the loungers around the pool, riding high on our success from this afternoon and trying to relax before we do it all over again in the finals tomorrow.
The finals. Tingles race through my body at the thought. The varsity finals.
I fight to contain my smile, not wanting to sit here looking like a mental case but I can’t hide it when my lips curl.
“You okay?” Harley asks with a laugh when she notices the expression on my face.
“Can you believe we’re in the varsity finals tomorrow?”
“No,” she breathes. “I can’t.” She glances over at the JV team on the other side of the pool. They lost their semi-final. I’m not overly surprised. They don’t have Chelsea pushing them at every turn.
A couple of the JV girls notice my attention. We all used to be good friends. After all, we’ve all grown up together but since Harley and I got chosen for varsity, we’ve been given the cold shoulder by most of them. I get it, they want to be where we are but once we get this weekend over with, we’re going to be auditioning for next year’s varsity squad so they’re going to need to get over themselves if they want a place—assuming I get a say of course.
Someone turns up a song on the wireless speaker and a few of the girls grab us and start dancing.
“Come on, we’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves,” Harley says, grabbing my hand and pulling me from my lounger.
She pulls me into her body and then pushes out again. My hea
d spins with the vodka and I laugh at her antics, feeling light for the first time in well... months.
We dance, laugh, and generally just act like idiots with the rest of the squad.
“I need to pee,” I shout in her ear, releasing my hold on her and stepping away.
“I’ll get more drinks.”
I make my way inside the hotel, the music getting quieter with each step I take. I breathe a sigh of relief, enjoying the peace for a few minutes.
Thankfully, there’s no one else in the bathroom allowing me a little time to myself to process everything that’s happened today and what we’ve got coming tomorrow.
Still, I can’t keep my smile from my face. We’ve got a real shot at winning tomorrow, I know we have. But I don’t want to get carried away with myself. There are still a lot of things that could go wrong, now isn’t the time to get complacent.
Someone comes and goes while I sit there but I don’t make any attempt to move. But I know I need to get back out before Harley comes looking.
I can’t help but smile as I stare at myself in the mirror. I look like my old self again. The sparkle is back in my eyes. That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about him or what happened but having this weekend to focus on has helped me to shove it all into a box to deal with later.
I touch up my lipstick and wipe some stray makeup from under my eyes before adjusting my skirt and leaving the bathroom.
The vodka that the girls have been topping off my drinks with is starting to take effect and my head spins, the fresh air as I step out of the hotel doesn’t help the situation. I think I might be done for the night if I want to stand any chance of being on form for the finals tomorrow.
I walk past the bushes with the sound of the squad laughing and joking in the distance but just as I’m about to round the corner to join them once more, there’s some rustling behind me. I twist to look over my shoulder but I don’t get a chance to move before a solid chest presses against my back and a strong arm wraps around my waist, pinning one of my arms to my side, while a huge hand covers my mouth to stop me from screaming. I try to anyway, but the sound is muffled as I try to kick and elbow whoever it is.
FURY: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rosewood High Book 6) Page 22