I left the window and threw myself down on the bed. Staring at the ceiling, I nearly accepted defeat, then I remembered my alter. On the wall behind the dresser, a mirror waited.
Always waiting.
Rolling onto my back, I ignored the temptation. Going back into the glass would prove nothing. She had already told me what to collect and where to get them from, not that I needed a list.
Why would she lead me to my death? She and I were the same person. Could Nik be wrong? It made no sense. All the questions I had narrowed to one: Who did I trust more? Him or me?
Is there anyone else?
I closed my eyes and laid my arm over them to block out the unwanted light in the room.
* * *
Sleep is supposed to be restful, but instead of pleasant dreams, I recounted each and every house I’d been to when trying to warn the Citizens of the landslide. I dreamed of the laughing children who followed me, the elderly couple who tried to delay me for the Authority to arrest me, and Pantis.
“Did you leave when I told you to?” I asked, but he and Marquette continued arguing in some language I didn’t understand. I found Sada in my dream, was reintroduced to Merci, and even shuddered when seeing the men locked in the cages inebriated by the Sakenbrush.
“Did any of you survive?”
I opened my eyes, finding myself in the room on the bed still wondering if anything I’d attempted that fateful day had been the least bit helpful. Did anyone make it out of the valley that afternoon, or were they all buried or washed away?
Rubbing my eyes and trying to clear the images from my mind, I overheard voices in the hallway. “There’s plenty of room for all of you.”
“Thank you, Calish,” I heard Hawk reply. “I didn’t want to stay with my father if I didn’t have to.”
“We have plenty of room. Two of you can stay in here.” The door to the room across the hall opened but didn’t close. Their footsteps came closer. “One can have that room there.” The door latch clicked in front of me. “This one has a single bed”—I rolled over before the door pushed open—“so the girl can sleep in—”
I kept still with my hands tucked under my chin.
The door closed softly. “Or maybe you should double up over there.” His voice trailed off as he continued the tour.
Calish must have thought I was sleeping. Chances were he didn’t want to see me any more than I wanted to see him and wouldn’t be back. I got up and took my usual place at the window and pulled back the drapes.
The sun blared in the sky, and the heat pouring through the glass panes made my skin hot. I pulled the chair out of the direct sunlight, and doing so woke the baby inside me. I put my hand over my roundness as it rolled from one side to the other. That had to be my favorite part about being pregnant. I couldn’t see my feet and I used the handrail to help myself up the stairs, but moments like those made it all worth it. I’d never felt anything so intimate.
It wasn’t long before Hawk and Calish left the house. They moseyed across the gravel drive with lazy purpose. I wondered what casual conversation they shared in fitted clothes behind the protected entrance of a neighborhood stolen from their rightful owners.
The baby rolled again, putting extra pressure on my bladder. I would need to tend to that calling, but standing seemed to temper the urgency. My hand had gripped the finished edge of the drapes when Calish glanced up through the window. His eyes met mine, but we did little to acknowledge the other person.
As much as I wanted to pull the window dressings closed, I couldn’t. Hesitation wasn’t a weakness of the spirit but an opportunity of the heart. A lower level Authority guard stole Calish’s attention, handing him the reins to his horse and Hawk his. Hawk mounted his horse first and missed Calish’s delay.
Look at me. Please.
He lifted himself on top of his steed and fit himself properly in the stirrups and saddle. Wrapping the reins around his left hand, he continued his conversation with Hawk. He never turned back with a second glance or a nod. Anything he would offer might have helped ease the tension between us. As the gate opened to let them pass through, I realized I expected too much. Why would he offer such comfort when I withheld it from him? What would it have hurt to simply raise my hand to wish him farewell?
I could have made the first gesture. I chose not to.
A light knock at the door barely caught my attention. “Yes,” I said, thinking it was one of the servants.
“Is it safe to come in?” Marsh poked his head through the door opening.
I shut the curtain. “No, just go away. I’m not in the mood.” I crawled onto the bed.
He slid into the room. “You don’t have to talk to me, but I need to get something off my chest.” He closed the door.
I rolled to face him. “What?”
Marsh sat on the bed. “First things first.” He bounced on the mattress. “Wow, this is really springy.”
I didn’t fall for his tactics; I knew his tricks. He wanted to get me to talking. He started by purposefully not bringing up the issue. A soft bed seemed a pretty safe topic to start with. I didn’t want it to work, though I knew it would eventually. It almost always did. I knew it, and so did he. Still, I wouldn’t make it easy for him.
“Calish told us about the wedding. I guess congratulations are in order.”
“Thanks.” I moved my hand over my stomach to feel the baby kick in its new position.
“Did Trisk tell you the news?”
“Yeah, she did,” I said softly. “I’m sorry, Marsh.”
“Sorry? Why?”
“I know you liked her.”
He fell to his side on the bed next to me but stayed propped up by one arm. “Still do.” His attitude felt far too playful and his smile much too wide.
“Wait. Is it you?”
Marsh nodded and blushed.
“No way!” I cheered. “You and Trisk?”
“Don’t act so surprised. Apparently, I’m quite the catch,” he bragged.
“Oh, Marsh!” I felt my eyes water. “How did that happen?”
“Well, I figured things are different now. Why shouldn’t I make a new way for myself? I found the medallions Reinick gave to Calish, took off the little jewel things, and decided I would ask her.” He pulled the medallion out from under his shirt and rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger. “She doesn’t care about our status, not that it’s relevant anymore. I know it’s dumb, but it felt good to ask her. The only thing better was she agreed.”
“Congratulations; I mean it, Marsh. She’s a great girl.”
“I figured that one out on my own.” Dropping the charm, he scratched the inside of his ear with the tip of his finger. “What’s this deal with you and Nik?” He examined what he removed before wiping it on his pant leg.
“Nothing.” I flopped onto my back. “It’s not important.”
Marsh sat up and swung his feet over the side of the bed to face me. “You were pretty harsh earlier. The least you can do is tell me what set you off.”
I shook my head. “I’m not getting into this with you; there’s no point in it.”
“Whatever it is, or was, I know Nik is worried sick about you. He’s been acting strange since you left, but when he assessed that guy, he lost it. Like really lost it. He made us leave camp immediately to find you. He locked up the poor bastard so we’d find you before he got into your soup line.”
“You know, I’m wondering about that whole thing.” I sat forward. “I don’t think we can see the future.”
“Of course, you can, you’ve seen it before.”
“Maybe the near future, but the distant future? Too many little things can change it.”
His eyes narrowed. “Like what?”
“Well, remember the vision I had when the Authority took me at Talium? In my first one, all of you were killed,” I reminded him, “but we changed it. Here you are, alive and well.”
“So, us coming here and keeping you from serving transients cha
nged the future?”
“Probably. Think about it, I won’t be doing it now, will I? If I don’t do it, how can there be a sneak attack on the neighborhood? There’s no opportunity. That situation can’t happen, at least not the way Nik saw.”
“Then what happens?”
I shrugged. “Something else? Who knows? It could be anything. If they want to come at the neighborhood, they will find another way, another reason. My visions usually come if I’m in real danger. I sense it somehow.”
“But you didn’t see anything wrong with serving at the fence?”
“No. I actually thought it would be safer that way. But then again, it’s not going to happen. Maybe if you didn’t try to stop me, I would have seen it,” I thought out loud.
“Ergh, this is too complicated.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
It didn’t matter what I’d seen or not seen, what my plans were or why Nik sent them here. The situation had changed, and I refused to be fearful of something that didn’t happen and probably never would.
“Speaking of complicated, what’s the story about you and Hawk? I mean, you two seem pretty comfortable.”
“Oh, yeah,” he stretched uncomfortably, “let’s just say a lot has happened since you left. At first, we just avoided each other, but it didn’t work. I signed up for some night training with Lark one evening, and Hawk came around. I was already upset, the lessons weren’t going well, and his face was the last thing I needed to see. We had a few loud words, one thing led to another, and Lark ended up suggesting we take care of it once and for all.”
“So, now you’re friends?” I inquired cautiously.
“We came to an agreement.” He coughed. I waited for him to expound, and as a response to my silence, Marsh felt compelled to give me the highlights. “I kicked the shit out of him, Mother healed him, and we decided to start fresh.” He bobbed his head.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope,” he answered quickly. “Broke my hand doing it.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m sorry.” I put my hand over my mouth. “I know it’s not funny.”
Marsh smiled, suppressing his laughter. “It felt good.”
“Did he fight back at all?” I felt like a gossip.
“No, in fact he didn’t try to protect himself. It took both Mother and that Oyals woman to heal him.” He paused, the smile fading from his lips. “I almost killed him.”
I sat up, waiting for him to continue.
“Strange thing seeing him lying there all bloody. I could have just offed him, but that wouldn’t have solved anything. It wouldn’t bring my parents back.” Marsh struggled to compose himself, and I moved to sit next to him at the edge of the bed.
He cleared his throat. “Hawk told the women not to heal him unless I told them to. It was like he wanted to die or something.”
“I’m glad you didn’t kill him,” I said softly. “You cannot come back from something like that.”
Marsh made a fist and gazed at his knuckles, as if the scars from the fight still existed. “I want to honor my parents. Back before I knew him, yeah, I probably would have killed him and wouldn’t think twice about it, but now, I don’t know, Una, it seems like he’s trying to do the right thing. I’m going to give him that chance. We’ve talked about that night; most of the members of that hunting party are long gone. There’s only one other man left, and he’s the one I’m going to make pay.”
I nodded.
“To answer your question, no, we’re not friends, but we’re not enemies.”
“That’s fair.”
Marsh pushed himself off the wrinkled bed and admired the twin drapery panels I failed to close completely. With a brush of his hands, he parted them and contemplated the settlement stretching across Ashlund until the makeshift shelters blurred and blended in with the horizon.
He propped himself against the casing, pushing his hands into the pockets of his trousers. “How often do you stare out this window?”
“Every day.”
His head bobbed.
“I’m dying in this house, Marsh.”
He glanced over his shoulder as if I were being overly dramatic.
“Calish is never here, the servants barely talk to me, and I can’t leave. At least in prison I volunteered to work every once in a while.”
“Why don’t you come back to the camp?”
“I can’t. How would we explain that to the people here? It’s bad enough Calish married his sister. Now that I’m pregnant, I run? He won’t be able to make that sound like a good thing.” I joined him at the window. “I need to do something, Marsh. I can’t just sit here and watch people die. That’s what I’m doing.”
“You really pissed off Calish,” he said as if I didn’t know already.
“Well, I’m not too pleased with him either,” I blurted. “I thought my idea was a good one.”
He turned to me with his head cocked to one side. “Why?”
I cussed under my breath.
What kind of a question is that?
“Seriously,” Marsh said. “I want to know all the reasons, not just the obvious ones.”
“Primarily because people are starving, and they don’t know how to feed themselves. Did you see all the thistle when you came in? There are fields and fields of it out there. I know how to make that into something useful, they don’t. It’s not like my days are full with anything else.” I moved out of the window and sat on the edge of the bed. “I also think it would be good for Calish, politically, I mean.”
“Really?” He took a seat next to me on the bed.
“Yeah. People don’t like Reinick, they know he’s just concerned with himself. Calish isn’t making any headway, so things are stuck like this. I don’t mind if they resent the Authority and hate Reinick. Every person who’s fed is one less dying of starvation. The Authority sees them as useless, inconvenient baggage, but they’re not.” I shrugged. “If the people revolt, Calish and I are as good as dead anyway, so what’s the difference?”
“Have you seen any of this?”
“I’ve only seen where all the supplies I need are.”
“Where are they?”
“Everything I need is here in this neighborhood, with the exception of the weed.”
Of all the people in my family, Marsh was the one who always seemed to help me when I wanted to do something outside of what would be considered acceptable. While he would never do anything to put me in harm’s way, he had a clear-cut idea of what needed to be done and what made the most sense.
In the past, Marsh had trusted me and my rational explanation for things. My eldest brother would never be known for his tact or gracefulness, but he did have a stern compass for truth and doing right, whatever the cost. His strong will made him frustrating to argue with but good to have in your corner in a fight.
If my words were heard by any man in Calish’s office, they were heard by Marsh. If they hurt anyone’s sense of integrity, it would have been his.
“Are you going to give up on this thistle idea?” he asked, eyebrows raised.
“What do you think?”
Marsh took a disapproving tone. “Una, he’s your husband. He’s not your brother anymore.”
“Yeah, but are you?”
“Don’t make this about me.”
I stood to pull the curtains closed in an effort to keep out the hot sun. “I never intended to, but if you do choose to get involved, make sure you know what side you’re on.” I headed for the door.
“Nobody’s taking sides, Una.”
I opened the door and turned back to face him briefly. “Tell that to the people out there.”
As I was leaving the room, Marsh tried to have the last word. “I’m not the enemy!” he shouted into the hallway.
“Really?” I marched back into the room. “Then prove it. Do something that matters. Do something requiring a little risk. Help me. Help me help them!”
“You go get your supplies,” he dared
me. “If you can’t, then this argument is done. This absurd idea is over, you got it?”
“Deal.” I stuck my hand out. “However, if I get them, you get Calish to let me do it.”
Marsh looked at my outstretched hand. “You have until he and Hawk get home.” He took my hand, and we shook on our terms. I ran as fast as my belly would let me from the room and downstairs to the kitchen. I didn’t know how long they’d be gone, and I wasn’t going to waste time trying to find out.
Getting back to the kitchen, I beamed. Most of the work had already been done for me. Qarla, Sterle, and Jeorge had spoken to the servants of the other houses, and they had brought over things they knew their masters wouldn’t miss. Large soup pots, presses, ladles, bowls, cups, and spices crowded the butler’s pantry.
“This is fantastic,” I said as my eyes welled up.
“Are you all right, my Lady?” Sterle asked.
I didn’t want to tell them Calish had forbidden my plans. It would do no good for them to hate him, and I couldn’t very well explain the reasons behind his decisions without exposing ourselves. I praised them for their resourcefulness and claimed we would need more than what we’d acquired.
“Were there any other house servants you didn’t speak with?”
“Only Reinick’s,” Qarla admitted. “We didn’t want him to know, and I’m not sure his staff are good at being discreet,” she said politely.
“We didn’t ask Noran’s maids, either,” Sterle said.
“That’s because he doesn’t have any,” Jeorge explained.
“He doesn’t?”
“No, my Lady,” he answered. “He spends most of his time with Reinick or visiting the other houses. He has no need for his own servants.”
“Then his house is stocked with supplies he doesn’t use,” I pointed out. “I saw him leave earlier, before Calish left. I could go in and get what I needed without him ever knowing.”
“You’re just going to take his things?” Sterle gasped.
“Why not? It’s not like the house was his before the flooding or the landslide. He stole it from someone,” I said. “That person is probably outside the gate right now. I’m going to get it so we can feed them. If the rightful owner asks for the stuff back, I’ll gladly give it back to them when we meet.”
Scavenger Girl: Season of Toridia Page 7