Sizing up his mouth full of teeth, I noticed my belly had gone.
A cold fear gripped my core.
“Get down, Rain.” I snapped my fingers, and he leapt off the bed. I touched my stomach, now flat, almost concave. It looked as if I were never pregnant. Even my breasts were normal size, their fullness of pregnancy gone.
What happened to my baby?
Having no one in the room with me, I had no explanation. I slid out of bed, and my legs gave out under my weight. If it wasn’t for the bedside table, I would have fallen, but I didn’t care.
I may be weak, but I am alive.
My smile pulled my dry lips tight across my face. “We made it!”
With a bit of effort, I hobbled to the dresser. I washed my face with the water provided in the pitcher and changed from the tunic I woke up in into the gown with the matching robe. I tied it securely around me and staggered toward the door, careful not to trip over the wolf affectionately pressing into my side. Pushing the door of the tent back, I discovered where exactly I was.
Nik’s ridge.
He came here for solitude, but now there were tents lined back as far as I could see. Rain ran around me and down a case of stairs built to connect the lower terrace to where I stood. I took a moment to see all the changes made since I was here last. The perimeter walls of the camp had been pushed back—way back. Across the cavern, rows of tents extended to the crest of the hillside where trees used to hide the peaks and valleys beyond. All in all, the entire footprint of the camp had expanded twentyfold.
Rain waited for me at the bottom of the stairs, barking as if to encourage me to run down as he had.
“There’s no way, Rain.”
With my hands gripping the railing, I slowly descended the stairs to the eager pup. Everything had changed; I had no idea where anything was. I sat on the lowest step to catch my breath and let my head stop spinning. The camp was so busy. Everyone had a job to do, and apparently, they were all doing it right at that moment. I looked for someone I knew but doubted with a population so large I’d ever find them.
“Well, well. Who’s awake?” Nik sat next to me. “I thought I heard your pup barking.” He put his arm around me, and I leaned into him. It felt good to hug the real him, not his reflection in the mirror.
He kissed the top of my head. “If I ever doubted the power of Healers, I promise I will doubt their talents no more.” He pulled back and offered me the crook of his arm. “Come, I’m sure there are some people who will be as happy to see you as I am.”
He led me through the crowd at a speed I could handle, past his little tent. I held on to him, still a little off balance. A few of the residents greeted Nik, which I didn’t mind, but the ones who addressed me reminded me of what I had lost.
“Good day, Mother Una.”
I knew they meant it as a term of endearment, but I silently wished they’d stop. My hand pressed against my belly, missing the life within, and when I glanced down at the void, the burned tracks along my arms made the reality exponentially painful.
My baby is gone.
I didn’t want to ask Nik about my pregnancy. I wasn’t ready to hear the truth about what happened, that my choice to kill Noran cost me my unborn child. The question lay thick on my tongue but never left it. I opted to wait. The news would not be something a friend would tell. My parents were at the camp, so Nik would probably escort me there. I suspected he would leave the tough questions to be answered by my mother. After all, she would be the one I’d seek comfort from. Anticipation chipped away at my stoic composure as I began counting my losses.
He led me through the cave to the little passage to the left.
We’re going to the Council first?
Perhaps they’d waited long enough and needed my account of what transpired. They were the leaders of the Resistance. I felt it mildly inappropriate, considering I still wore pajamas, but figured Nik must have a reason for it. When we came to the end of the corridor, the sky opened up to ferns dancing between the shadows and sun. The waterfalls across the crevasse fell like ribbons to the river below. I almost forgot how beautiful it all was.
The Council’s office had been replaced by a makeshift nursery. Sitting beneath the weathered canvas, in an alabaster rocking chair, was Calish, singing softly to a babe cradled gently in his arms.
I reached for the nearest thing, Nik’s arm, to keep myself from collapsing from the flood of joy.
My gods, they’re alive.
They’re really alive.
Fearing what I saw might be an apparition, I held my breath but could not contain my emotion.
It was my mother who noticed us first. In a spasm of shock, she dropped the light brown blanket she had been folding, missing the wicker basket.
“My sweet little birdie.” She gasped, clutching her hands against her heart.
“What is it, Mother?” Calish stood to help her, but she had already passed him. He did a doubletake when he saw me standing at the far side of the landing.
Mother’s arms enveloped me, and like a child, I relished in it. She held my head against hers and squeezed me so tightly I fought to take in air. She sobbed, and it made my tears of joy adopt a twinge of guilt for all the worry I caused her over the last several seasons. I didn’t deserve such warm welcome, I deserved a lecture.
Or ten.
Calish, with arms free, joined our embrace. Mother eventually stepped aside and took the baby from Nik. Calish sobbed in my hair, and I buried my face in him.
“I love you so much,” he confessed between his tears. “I thought I’d lost you.” He held me tighter.
His arms were strong enough to lose myself in them. They were almost as comforting as the sound of his heart beating within his chest. I was not sure there would ever be a more beautiful sound. I reached up and touched his face and made our lips meet.
I’ll admit, it was not my best kiss. I couldn’t pucker. My face was wet from my tears, and my body shook from my inability to control the fullness of my happiness.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up,” he said with his mouth still pressed against mine.
Nik handed him a handkerchief. “In his defense, he only leaves your side to see one other person.”
“Thank you, my friend.” Calish laughed, taking the fabric and using it to dry his face. “Oh, I’m sorry, my love, did you want to use it?” He chuckled through his tears.
“No,” I joked back, “someone left me a whole robe.” I used my sleeve to wipe my face.
“I’m going to give you some time with your family.” Nik smiled. “I’m so very glad you’re back.” He bowed and hurried off.
“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Mother asked, tucking my hair behind my ears.
“Better now.” I laid my head against Calish’s chest once more. I never wanted to let him go. I never wanted to leave that spot again.
But in my mother’s arms nestled a tiny human with a miniature version of my husband’s heart-shaped nose. I turned from Calish’s embrace, drawn by the familiar features of our family.
Mother dabbed her running nose on the rag lying over her shoulder with one hand while holding the baby in the other. “I always wanted to be there the first time you held your firstborn.” She pressed her lips together and sniffled again. “I’m not sure I’ll ever again feel so blessed.” She closed the gap between us, resting the child in my arms.
Calish stood behind me, watching over my shoulder, caressing the curve of my shoulders with his gentle thumbs. “She’s the only girl I’ve ever seen who’s more beautiful than you.”
“She?” I laughed-cried. “It’s a girl?”
The baby squirmed, her face wrinkling like an old woman’s sour expression as she squinted in the bright sun.
Calish pressed his lips against my temple and nodded. “And like you, she knows what she wants. Come, you should rock her before she starts to complain.”
I let him lead me to the rocking chair. “I’m not sure how t
o do this,” I confessed as I sat.
“Don’t worry, little bird. Mothers always know.” She pushed a pillow under my arms.
Under the shade of the tent, the baby’s eyes darted around the room, taking in all the light and textures.
Her eyes are so blue.
I held her tight and tried to keep my tears from falling into her precious, perfect face. Just a few moments ago, I had convinced myself I’d lost her in the battle against Noran. I kissed her forehead and thanked the Great One for such a beautiful, healthy child.
“She smells so good.” I laughed.
“I’d like to say she always does, but that would be a lie.” He shook his head, crinkling up his nose.
“How is she eating?”
He knelt next to the chair. “Good. She’s a real hungry little girl. A nursemaid comes several times a day, and she seems to be satisfying her demand.”
“Do you think I could feed her?” I asked my mother.
She sat at my feet and patted my knee. “I don’t think so, dear. You’ve been out for so long, your body never got used to her need,” she said tenderly. “It’s nothing to stress over, darling. Not every woman is blessed with milk. Some are merely blessed with friends who have enough to share.”
I leaned in to Calish as I held our daughter, amazed she lived. The baby twitched and yawned so big she squeaked at its peak and sighed when it ended. She closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep.
“That was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” I whispered. “Did you name her?”
“I know you and I talked about it once, but we were always too busy, too distracted to make any decisions. We didn’t choose one, but when I saw her, I just knew,” he put his hand on her gently, “so I named her Hope.”
“Hope. That’s perfect, Calish.”
“We all thought so too,” Hawk said, standing with Ino, Lark, Paw, and Marsh. “We couldn’t help interrupting. Rain told us you were up.”
“Marsh!” I said, handing the baby to Calish.
“Don’t get up, little sister.” He came to me, but I stood anyway. “Una, you scared the shit out of me,” he cried, stopping just out of my reach.
I wiped my tears from my cheeks. “I’m sure you’ll find a way to return the favor,” I joked, running into his arms. He picked me up, spun me around, and hugged me so tight I could barely breathe.
“We’re going to let you enjoy your family,” Hawk said. “Una, we’ll be visiting you later if you’re feeling up to it.”
“I will be, don’t worry.” I waved to all of them from my brother’s arms.
He set me down and knelt in front of me, holding both my hands in his. “I am so, so very sorry.”
“Don’t be, silly. You did exactly what I asked you to do, Marsh. You killed him like you were supposed to. We were the only ones who could; I know that now. I knew it that afternoon. I just couldn’t tell you. I’m so proud of you. Thank you for trusting me.”
Father came tearing around the corner as if he were running from death itself, but when he saw me, he stopped. He took his hat off and held it in his hands, curling the brim in his grip. He choked out his tears from a distance.
“Father?” I stepped around Marsh.
His emotion flowed over his cheeks and into the salt-and-pepper beard I’d never seen so full on his face. “I prayed with every breath I took that this moment would come.”
We rushed to each other, and he sobbed. “If this is a dream, I would gladly give my life to stay in it.”
He cradled me for what felt like years, and my soul was renewed by the love only a father could provide. I was no longer Mother Una, but Tawl’s daughter, a full and righteous title and birthright no man of power could take from me.
I closed my eyes and breathed him in, and I never felt safer than I did then. For all I had endured, for all I had survived, my father had always been strong. I’d seen him at his best and at his worst, but I’d never seen him scared.
When he finally let me go, it was due to my mother’s prompting. “Your granddaughter is sleeping, so don’t you dare wake her up,” she warned.
He made a face while shrinking into his shoulders. “Yes, dear.” He smirked while Mother wedged herself under his arm and patted his stomach. “Did I miss it?” he asked, and Mother nodded.
“Miss what?” I asked as Calish approached, lacing his fingers between mine.
“They each wanted to be the one to introduce you to Hope.” Marsh rolled his eyes.
Mother reached out and cupped my face. “I’m so glad you’re finally awake.”
“Me too.” Father drew all of us in for a group hug. “I guess now’s as good a time as any to tell you the three of you are officially grounded.”
We laughed at the notion, although I was pretty sure Father would enforce it if possible.
Mother rubbed my back. “You go get something to eat and rest. I’ll stay here and look after the baby.” She kissed me on the cheek and pulled away. “Then I’ll hug you and cry in your hair some more.” She twisted one of my locks around her finger.
“Isn’t there something I should be doing?” I asked.
“Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of things to do soon enough. I’m able to do a lot of things for you, birdie, but eating is not one of them.”
“Thank you, Mother,” I said, wishing there were stronger words to express my gratitude than those. “I know none of this would have worked without you.”
“Go,” she said, “before I change my mind and never let you out of my sight again!” Her eyes welled up as Father squeezed her into his side.
* * *
We followed Marsh to the dining area, and I sat at a table while he and Calish got a basket of food for us to share.
I didn’t feel like I had returned to the Resistance but to something else entirely. The camp turned into a full-sized city over the course of a single season.
Marsh slid into a seat across the table from me, and Calish sat to my right.
“This place is a little different than when you left, eh?”
“How many people are here?” I asked, watching the people rush past us.
“I’m not sure, but the camp has grown over to the other side of the river gorge, too.” Marsh pointed.
“How do you get there?”
He took a big bite of bread. “Oh, it’s crazy! You just hang on to this wire and slide across!” His eyes were wide with excitement. “Sometimes I go there just because I can! We can’t grow any more on this side, so we’re branching out. This army is going to be big, Una. We just have to work fast before Reinick takes all the—” He stopped short when Calish cleared his throat.
That’s when it came back to me.
Reinick’s gathering all the men and boys in Ashlund.
That’s why we ran in the first place.
“Where are our children?” I said, standing. “I can’t wait to see Aria and Davin. I know I’m not supposed to have favorites but—”
“Una.” Calish took my hand. “They’re not here, sweetheart.”
I touched my head as the rest of the memories slammed into the forefront of my mind. “Wait—”
No, no, no.
He stroked my hand softly. “Graken took them, after you were—”
“He had the mark.” I fell onto my seat, my head suddenly spinning.
He nodded slowly.
“That means he took them back to Kash,” I said, putting the pieces together. “He’ll take them back to Kash, not to Reinick.” I shot up off my seat. “He’s marked!” I said frantically. “He’s in line to rule. His loyalty is with the Woodsmen, not to Reinick. They won’t kill them because they need the Grower—”
One of them tried to interrupt, but I wouldn’t have it.
“—They won’t separate them; they’ll be together. Calish! They’ll all be together!”
You can’t hide fourteen children. I know firsthand!
My ranting plan developed in my mind faster than my mouth could speak. �
�As long as Aria is not happy, nothing will grow. Kash will wait it out. He’ll keep them all alive and under his protection until… Do you know what this means? We can get them back!”
“Una,” Calish grabbed my arm, “you need to calm down.”
“Calm down?” I steadied myself on the table, trying to let a wave of dizziness pass. “I need to find them. I can track them by smell.” I tested the ability. “I can get them back—I’ll find them and bring them back!”
Marsh spoke up. “Una, you can barely stand! You have a newborn baby! My gods, you almost died out there!” He slammed his fist on the table. The chatter of the people around us stopped.
My eyebrows furrowed. “You don’t want to rescue them.” A statement, not a question.
“Una,” Calish said softly, “right now, we are eating. Will you please sit down and eat something? You haven’t eaten in days, my love.”
Feeling all eyes on me, I lowered myself back on my seat. “Where’s Trisk?”
If anyone would help me, she would.
Neither of them answered my question.
I snapped my fingers. “Hello? Where’s Trisk?”
Marsh diverted his stare, taking a violent bite out of his roll.
Something’s not right.
“How long have I been out?”
The two of them caught the other’s eyes, but both remained silent.
“Are you going to answer me? How long have I been lying in that tent?”
Calish pushed the food around his plate with the prongs of his fork. “Twelve days. You’ve been asleep for twelve days.”
“What? Did she give you back your coin?” I spat.
“Una—” Calish touched my arm.
I brushed him off, and Marsh narrowed his glare at an object in the distance. “You two are being too secretive. Where can I find her?”
“I’m not doing this.” My brother slammed his roll down on the table. He pushed himself up, knocking over his seat, and stormed away without another word.
I crossed my arms over my chest and cocked my jaw. The look I gave Calish was one he knew well not to argue with.
“Trisk hasn’t made it back, yet.”
Scavenger Girl: Season of Toridia Page 51