by Cee, DW
My pain aside, I feared what was on Jake’s mind at this moment. I knew he believed I didn’t care for him the same way he cared for me. Never once did I explain to him how much he meant to me, just how much I loved him. Every time he professed his love for me, I’d never fully reciprocated. He probably believed I didn’t feel as strongly for him as he did for me. How ironic Jake might feel this way when I loathed feeling this way with Max. I hadn’t been fair to the man I loved.
“Jake? Please say something. I’m sorry for turning you down. Can’t you give me more time? I’m not ready to get married.” I kept swallowing back my sniffles.
Silence.
He didn’t seem to care.
Jake drove the entire forty minutes without saying a word or breaking his visage. I kept looking at him, wanting to say something to ease this tension, but I decided to leave him to his silence. Sadness surrounded every corner of my being. I had lost another person who felt like family. My face stayed focused on the window to hide my fears. It’s over, already.
Could there be a second chance for us?
The welcomed sight of my driveway brought with it the inescapable tears.
“Do you want to come in and talk?” My eyes blinked rapidly to hold onto the tears.
“No.” He wouldn’t look at me. “Let’s just forget this whole ordeal…just forget everything. I’ll see you later.”
That was all he said as the car pulled away.
Some time passed and the doorbell rang. Thinking it was Sarah stopping by before heading up to Oxnard, I opened the door to a face that looked as sullen as my own.
“Hi,” he whispered—very penitent, very unsure. “Emily…” We both said nothing for a while. “Can I come in? Can we talk?”
Taking a step back, the door opened wide, and Jake was welcomed in.
“I’m sorry,” was all he said as his arms draped around my body. “I’m so sorry! It killed me to see you walk away, so hurt by all the things I said to you.”
Speechless, I stood there wondering what my reaction should be to his remorse.
“I knew you’d be hurt, I knew you’d be crying, but my ego got the better of me, and I couldn’t stay to work this out. My head needed to be cleared before I could come back and find a resolution.”
His body still covered mine and slowly my arms lifted to cover his as well—tentatively.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry I was so angry with you. And I’m really sorry that I brought up Max and said all those crazy words to you.”
Confused about where this was heading, I just stood there with pearl-sized tears hovering. Would the next sorry resemble, “I’m sorry but this isn’t working out,” or was he trying to make amends?
“Emi?” He kissed the tears from my eyes. “Why are you so quiet? Talk to me.” For the first time since we started dating, I heard fear in his voice.
“Where does this leave us now?” Worn out—if he wanted to end our relationship, I wanted it done immediately.
“What do you mean?” Jake looked puzzled.
“You told me twice ‘let’s just forget everything.’ Does everything include us? If so, I’d like for you to be honest with me. Since I turned down your proposal, I get it if you want to break up with me.”
“Unbelievable!” Jake shook his head with a look that could be summed up as stupefied.
I felt bare as he dislodged his arms from my body, but to my relief, my cheeks felt the immediate warmth of both hands. Without another word, his lips devoured mine and I was only too happy to allow it—more accurately, I was desperate for it.
When we both needed a breath, his lips let go, but his face stayed inches from mine.
“Does that answer your question?”
I shook my head no.
An even longer and more intense kiss followed.
“I can do this all day until you get it.” His head came down again.
“Wait!” The last thing I wanted to do was cut short any embrace, but I needed verbal reinforcements rather than a sensual one. “Let’s talk.” We sat next to one another but not so close that he could attack my senses and discombobulate my brain.
“What did you mean when you said you wanted to forget everything?”
“Emi…I just wanted to undo the mess I had gotten myself into. I’d said so many careless words to you. I didn’t mean to bring up your heartache with Max. I know you don’t love him anymore. In some ways, I was mad, hurt, jealous—there were so many emotions going through my head, and I said everything that came to mind. There was neither discretion nor discernment, and I’m sorry.”
“Why would you be jealous? Of what? Of whom?”
“Of Max, I suppose. There was a time you wanted him to propose to you. I thought maybe you’d want the same from me…”
“Jake. I know I haven’t made myself very clear on this subject, but I am absolutely in love with you.” The gray skies left his face and he beamed the most heartwarming smile.
“Say that again.” He inched closer.
“Which part?” I feigned ignorance. “That I haven’t been too clear with you or that…”
It didn’t take much for Jake to push me onto the sofa and have his way with me.
“You love me?”
“I am irrevocably in love with you, but I’m not ready to marry you. Are you OK with that?”
“Do I have a choice? This just means I have to work harder to get a yes out of you on both accounts.”
“Huh?”
“Sex and marriage—in that order, starting now, if possible.”
“Go home. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
I cleaned myself up the best I could before heading toward Jake’s parents’ home. After such a crazy morning, I needed this time to gather my wits for tonight. With all the presents for the family in the car, I drove over to their home earlier than expected. Jake’s parents lived in a stunning old colonial home that sat on a large parcel of flat land. Their front lawn was so huge their home actually looked normal size from the street. As I got closer, I could see that their home was closer to being a mansion than a normal home like mine. I rang the doorbell, and Sandy greeted me with a huge smile.
“Hi, Emily! I’m glad you came early.”
“I thought I’d come and help you get dinner ready.”
“I’m so glad to have you here with me. No one else is home so we can get to know each other without any interruptions—from my son especially. He won’t give any of us a chance to spend time with you.”
We both started to laugh. “I’m sorry we were so exclusive in Hawaii. I wanted to get to know everybody, but since Jake hardly gets any time off from the hospital, I couldn’t help but enjoy my four days with him. I hope this hasn’t spoiled me for when he goes back to work. It’s tough dating a doctor.”
“I know, dear. We rarely see him even though he works in town. He’s mentioned moving back into this house to be closer to you and work. Has he told you this?”
“No, we haven’t had a chance to talk about it. I’m sure he’ll let me know when he’s ready. What can I help you with? I’m somewhat skilled in the kitchen, as I’ve been on my own for a while.”
“Well, there’s not much to do. Bobby went out to pick up the flowers and the caterers and servers will take care of the food. The table is set already. Why don’t you just sit and have a cup of tea with me?”
“Oh, I forgot. I have a little something for you and the family. It’s not much, but I wanted to thank you for such a special trip and say Merry Christmas.”
“You are so sweet,” she said as she hugged me like only a mother could.
“Jake told us that your parents have passed away already.”
“Yeah…” So many years have passed and yet tears always accompanied any talk about my parents being in heaven.
“Oh, Emily.” Sandy hugged me and cried with me. “How lonely you must have been all those years without a mother and father.
Holidays could not have been very joyful for you.”
I nodded in agreement. “But this Christmas is different. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much I appreciated the four days I spent with your family. It truly felt like I was a part of a family again, and I thank you for giving me that sense of belonging.”
“Emily. Regardless of where you and Jake are now, or where you will be in the future, I want you to come to me when times are tough, or when you think of your mother. I know I can’t substitute, but I would like to be there for you if a need should arise, OK?”
“Thank you, Sandy. I’ll do that.”
We took a few minutes to compose ourselves and then talked about everything from Jake’s childhood to mine to details of everyone coming to dinner tonight. Jake had so many family members living nearby. I would meet many aunts and uncles and cousins tonight. An hour had flown by when Jane arrived ecstatic to see me here.
“Emily! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming early? Does Jake know you’re here?”
“No. I actually don’t know where he is. He and I had a big misunderstanding this morning, and I need to work my way back into his good graces,” I said kiddingly.
“I can’t imagine him being upset with you. I’ve never seen him so in love with anyone. Right, Mom?”
“I would have to agree. It’s unusual the way he looks out for you and loves you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so passionate about anyone,” Sandy said wistfully. “I think he’s forgotten about all the other women in his life—namely, me.” She was happily laying on the guilt like a real mother would.
“No. He speaks highly of you all the time. He loves you and Jane very much.”
“No, he loves you very much.” Jane shook her head no. “Emily, come with me. I’ll show you around the house and you can see what my room looks like.” I followed Jane through a vast hallway and up a grand staircase. All of the bedrooms were on the second floor with the exception of the guest suite up on the third floor. Jane’s room was larger than my living room and dining room combined. It was filled with memorabilia from all over the world.
“Jane, have you really been to all these places?” I marveled at a large map with different colored pushpins. Each member of the family had his or her own color displaying all the places they’d visited. There wasn’t a continent that didn’t have a pushpin. Even Antarctica had Bobby and Sandy’s color pushed into it.
“OK, what’s going on? You might be able to fool Mom but you can’t fool me. You look as though you’ve been crying all morning.”
“Am I that obvious?” Was that the case or was Jane so in tune with me already that she could read my face so readily?
“You didn’t go into hysterics by yourself about this whole my life is a dream, when is reality coming crap, did you?”
For the first time today, I laughed. As much as I wanted to bring Jane into my confidence about what happened this morning, it felt a little too raw. Rather than discussing this further, the topic of San Francisco came up.
Jane, too, was curious about how I’d reacted to Allison.
“I didn’t get upset with your brother. I told Jake I didn’t want to hear anything about her, but I’m dying to know what happened between them. Will you tell me?”
“Ally and I were roommates for two years. She’s Jake’s age and was up north modeling.”
“Yeah, I thought she was unusually tall and gorgeous.” I shuddered at how pretty she was. “I felt like Smurfette next to her.”
“Emily, you’re so funny. Anyhow, she was after Jake since the day they met. She finally told me during lunch that she and Jake hooked up briefly while she worked in LA. She was really upset when I told her how much Jake loves you. I don’t think she’ll be bothering you anymore.”
I felt grateful toward Jane for taking my side over her old roommate’s. There was a bond that had been created between us during my weekend up north. This bond was different than the one I had with Sarah. Jane and I felt like true sisters rather than close friends. I wished more than anything we could become sisters one day.
“So, why did she want to talk to Jake?”
“I don’t know. She won’t tell me. I’ll get it out of Jake next time I have a chance.”
“Thanks, Jane.” I hugged my dear friend.
“So, I want you to know that I booked tickets for you to come visit me in New York over Martin Luther King Jr. weekend. I hope you don’t have plans already.”
“No way. Jane…you didn’t have to do that.”
“I told my dad how I wanted you to come see me in New York, and he immediately bought you a ticket.”
“Oh, he didn’t have to do that. That was so nice of him. I’ll have to thank your parents when I see them at dinner.” I put my arms around Jane. “I’m excited to be spending time with you.”
“So this is what I have planned for us. Saturday, let’s go to the flea market, then lunch at Gotham, then maybe spend the afternoon at the Met. We’ll have dinner in Brooklyn and go see my friend’s art show. Sunday morning I’ll take you to the Green market in Union Square, we can have lunch at Lupa or maybe Union Square Café. Let’s shop afterward and then for dinner, how about Le Bernardin?”
“I was just there over Thanksgiving. Your generous brother sent me and Sarah on a gastronomic adventure there. It was amazing.” Vividly those courses continued to linger on my mind and palate.
“Then how about Masa? Maybe Jake will foot the bill for that meal.” Jane looked hopeful. “Of course, you’ll have to go up the Empire State Building at night so you can see the city all lit up. On Monday…darn, I think I hear Jake.” Jane spoke with disappointment knowing our time together was over.
“Here you are. I searched all over the house for you,” Jake said looking relieved. “We need to talk.” Jake grabbed my hand and started leading me out of Jane’s room.
“Hey!” Jane protested. “We were planning Emily’s trip to New York. You can’t just drag her out of here. We’re not done yet.”
Jake turned to me with a surprised look. “You’re going to New York, again? How come you didn’t tell me?” He looked hurt.
“Jane and I just made plans about thirty seconds before you came into the room. Your dad bought me a ticket so I can spend some time with her over MLK weekend.”
“I’m not letting you go off to New York again without me. Nuh, uh. I’m coming too. Plus, why would Dad buy you a ticket and not me? I’m sure he purchased two seats.”
“Jake!” Jane protested. “I’ll never see Emily if you’re there. Come on!”
I tried to smooth the situation over by reminding Jake that there was no way he would get another three days off from the hospital so soon after his Hawaii vacation.
“I have so much vacation time, I will make sure to take those three days off. So what do you have planned for Emily?” Jake gloated while Jane frowned.
Jane regurgitated all the places that she wanted to take me to when Jake rudely cut her off. “Hey, where do I fit in? I want to take Emi to some of my favorite places. You are taking my girlfriend away from me.”
“Maybe, you shouldn’t come on this trip, Jake!” Jane was serious. She did not want Jake spoiling it for us.
“Jane, you’re being unreasonable. If I’m taking time off to be in New York with my girlfriend, then I’d like to spend some alone time with her. I don’t want you tagging along everywhere.”
“Whoa,” I calmly stated. “Let me break this up. I have a solution for us.” I turned to my love. “Jake, why don’t you see if Nick wants to come to New York with us?”
“Why would I do that? I don’t need to add another wheel.”
“You do realize that you are the third wheel on this trip? It was a girls’ weekend, remember? You wanted to tag along?”
“That’s right,” Jane declared. “You’re the tag along, not me.”
I turned to Jake and lovingly asked, “Will you invite your brother so that you wil
l have a friend when I spend some quality time with my friend? Please?” I did my best to break the stare down between the Reid siblings.
“All right. I’ll bring Nick and we’ll have some quality brother bonding time. So much for a romantic trip to the city.”
“Jake,” Jane said. “I have one favor.”
“What is it?”
“Can you pay for a meal at Masa? I’ve always wanted to eat there but can’t afford it on my budget. You make a lot of money. Will you treat us to this meal? If not for me, will you do it for Emily?”
Masa could be summed up as the most expensive restaurant in New York, maybe even in the entire United States. Each meal costs somewhere around $400–$600 per person, before drinks, tax and tip. This twenty-six-seat, Zen-like sushi temple has a small pond, bamboo garden, and Japanese Cypress Hinoki wood as the sushi bar. Depending on which pre-fixe menu we chose, we’d eat five appetizers, about fifteen to twenty sushi courses, along with dessert and tea. It was French Laundry—sushi style. My mouth salivated at the thought of this meal.
“Would you like to dine at Masa, Emi?”
I gave him an are you kidding me look while answering coyly, “Only if you want to take me there.”
“Why did I bother asking? I’ll call in a reservation if you’ll stop bothering me,” he told his sister. “You want to see my room?” He asked, but was already pulling me out of Jane’s room.
“Um, OK. I’ll see you at dinner,” I said, turning to Jane.
“Yeah, I’ll save you a seat and Jake can go sit with the aunts and uncles.” She turned to stick her tongue out at Jake, but he quickly grabbed my hand and led me out the door.