by Cee, DW
“Did somebody call me?”
“No, Dad. This little girl insists on calling me Mr. Taylor for some reason. I’ve told her that I feel like my father, but she won’t give it up.”
“What’s wrong with feeling like your father? He’s a very handsome man.”
“He’s my stud, aren’t you, Scottie?”
“Ma,” Donovan pleaded. “Please! Don’t start.”
“Don’t start what, Donny? I was just agreeing with this gorgeous young lady. Which Reid are you?”
I hadn’t seen Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, better known as Scott and Jamie Lynn Taylor, since my dad’s birthday party, where we didn’t even get a chance to speak. We used to see them all the time when we were younger. Though they still lived near us, we hardly saw them because they traveled most of the y ear, visiting their children and grandchildren.
“I’m Laney, daughter of Henry and Barbara.”
“My Gawwwd!” Mrs. Taylor practically hollered in her mix of New York / Italian accent. “Last time I saw you, you were in pigtails. When did you grow up to this?” She motioned her hand up and down Laney’s body. “You’re stunning.”
We all laughed at Jamie Taylor’s animated gestures.
“Ma. Calm down.” Donovan turned to us and explained, “I’m sure you all remember that Mom’s Long Island roots appear whenever she gets excited.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down, Donny. Why can’t you get yourself a young lady like Laney and settle down? You’re the last one, Donny,” she whined to her son. “I want babies, grandchildren like Sandy and Bobby have. Those twins are beautiful. I want grandbabies who will live down the street from me. I’ll move next door to you and babysit every day, Donny.” Mrs. Taylor had both her hands on Donovan’s face and she squeezed his cheeks in varying ways depending upon the degree of her plea. He was immobile to her begging.
“Donny. Listen to your Ma!” Mr. Taylor chimed in.
“Dear God. Not you, too. Both your accents are coming out.”
“Kate’s too old to bring sweet babies into this world. No more Kate, Son. I know she’s sexy. Any man would be blind not to notice.”
“Scottie! How can you talk about another woman being sexy when I’m right next to you?”
“I’m just trying to explain to our son that I understand his attraction towards her. But,” Mr. Taylor turned to Donovan, again, “no more. You’ve had your fun. Now it’s time to get serious. How about one of these Reid girls? There’s plenty of them.” Mr. Taylor looked at us as though he were searching for Captain Crunch cereal in the bread aisle of a grocery store. “What about Janey? I’ve always liked her.”
“Janey is happily taken,” Max answered, placing his arms around me from behind, possessively.
“Okay.” Mr. Taylor just moved on to the next box of cereal. “What about Laney here. You married?”
“No, Sir.”
“What do you think of my son? Isn’t he handsome?”
“I guess he’s all right.” Laney answered nonchalantly. Was she nuts? She couldn’t have been that blind to think Donovan was just all right.
“All right?” The three Taylors sounded like a harmonized chorus.
“My son is gorgeous!” Mrs. Taylor ardently preached to the choir, especially Laney.
“My son is even better looking than I am,” Mr. Taylor said. “Didn’t you say earlier that I was handsome?”
“I did, Sir.”
Donovan also pushed his own cause. “I was told I was even better looking than Henry Cavill. You know...the new Superman?”
Laney giggled. “Mr. Taylor, I think you look like a mousy Harry Styles.”
“Mousy Harry Styles??? Who, me, or my father?”
“You!” She pointed at Donovan.
“How can you call me mousy? And who the hell is Harry Styles?”
Donovan was getting all huffy-puffy with Laney’s insult. He wouldn’t let Laney off the hook. I took out my phone and pulled up an image of Harry Styles and showed it to Donovan. “Here you go, Monsieur Ratatouille.” Everyone cracked up.
“So if my son’s not good looking enough for you, Laney, then who is?” Mr. Scott Taylor asked with a rascally smile.
“Donovan Taylor is plenty good looking, but I prefer a bit more of a manly look.”
I saw Donovan and his mother about to pass out while the rest of us choked on our laugh. Jake was loving this the most.
“Explain, Delaney Reid!”
“I like the weathered look,” she mused. “You know, the Harley Davidson, beautiful tattoo, five o’clock shadow, mussed-up hair, look. You, Mr. Taylor, look a little too cleaned up. You’re the James Bond when he’s at the casino. I prefer the James Bond when he’s firing his Walther PPK, all cut up, with dirt on his face. That’s what I prefer.”
Donovan’s face gentled. “You truly are full of surprises. No Prince Charming from Cinderella?”
“Prince Charming from Cinderella with a few tats, riding a Harley.”
“You should,” Max whispered in my ear, “learn to embrace my bike, like Laney.” Then he turned to Laney. “You want a ride on my bike? It’s here. Maybe Josh can take you.”
Laney all of a sudden turned shy. “Maybe next time, Max. It’s a really cool bike. It’s a Switchback, huh?”
“You speak Harley?” Max brightened up as though the manager at the Harley Davidson store offered him a 50% discount on a new bike.
“Some...I considered buying one last year, but Mom wouldn’t let me. She said it was too unladylike. Don’t tell anyone but I’ve saved up money to buy a Harley. You may see me on one when you visit me in London.”
Who on earth was this girl? Wasn’t she the Disney princess who forced all of us to play with dolls, have tea parties and dress up like Barbie princess fools? Where did the motorcycle, tattoo and five o’clock shadows come from, and when the hell did my cousin grow up?
“This is the girl for you, Donny my boy! You need to marry this girl and she can help you get rid of that metrosexual side. Real men don’t take so long picking out their clothes and styling their hair every morning. Ever since he was a child...”
“OK! Pa. Enough, already...”
“What’s all the fun, here? What’s going on?” Mom and Aunt Babs joined our group.
“Babs,” Mrs. Taylor called out in her thick accent, “Whatcha gonna do with all the money your kids earned you?”
“Jamie!” Aunt Babs hugged our guest. “You look phenomenal. How’d you lose so much weight?”
“Pole dancing.”
Donovan spit up his drink and started choking. Laney pounded on his back and Jake positioned himself to give him the Heimlich, but Donovan waved him off.
After making sure her son wasn’t going to die, she continued. “I got a pole in my bedroom and started getting private lessons. My Scottie loves it...”
“Maaaaa!” Donovan pleaded. “I give up. I’m going to the other side of Jake’s yard. I’ll see you before you or I leave.”
“Bye Donnie.” Mrs. Taylor called out. Max and I walked away soon after when the conversation turned a bit too risqué for our taste.
“I love your family.” Max said sadly. I went from sitting on the bench next to him to sitting on his lap. “I hope I’ll be able to recreate something this magical with my own family.”
“What is your mom doing tomorrow for Mother’s Day?”
He didn’t answer me.
“Tell me you’ve at least offered to stop by the house or take her out for a meal.”
“I’m afraid to see my mother, especially after that last dinner.”
“Max. I know she’s more mommy dearest than June Cleaver, but it’s a day when we celebrate moms. You have to at least see her. Can I call her and invite her to dinner with us tomorrow night?”
“You really want to do that after what she did to you, to us, last time?” He doubted my sincerity and I, too, wondered what the hell I was doing offering to walk back i
nto the lion’s den.
“Yes. I think between you, me, and your brothers, we can have a peaceful meal with your parents.”
“You’re a glutton for punishment.”
“I am...in so many ways...” I added suggestively.
We left the Mother’s Day festivities to create some festivities of our own, across the street in my bedroom.
May 13, 2013 All That It’s Cracked Up To Be...
What possessed me to invite Max’s parents to dinner was beyond me. I thought since we were all on our own on Sunday, I’d be the bigger person and suggest dinner with the three brothers, me and the parents. I didn’t exactly invite Hannah, but I supposed she would be there as well. As a buffer, I begged Nick, Doug, and Evie—who was in LA brunching with her parents—to join us.
An early dinner—reserved. Gift—purchased. Buffer companions—confirmed!
All that was left was to go have one dinner and get everyone on good terms again.
“Are you sure about this? We can still back out, you know.” Max, Garret, and Josh all asked this question in some form during the ride to the restaurant.
“I can’t remember the last time we celebrated Mother’s Day with Mom.” Josh added. “This’ll be really interesting. You have any other previously knocked-up girls showing up to this dinner, Max?”
My boyfriend actually laughed at his brother, even though he poked at a sore spot. “I have nothing else to hide from my girlfriend, anymore. She owns my heart, soul and body, now.”
If Max’s two brothers weren’t in the car with us, I would’ve forced Max to pull over and the car would’ve done a jalopy on the side of the road. But since I couldn’t do that, I just gave him a sinful smile, full of promises for later.
The two brothers rolled their eyes. “Jane,” Garret addressed me, “I can promise you that not once was my brother this sickeningly in love with anyone—not even Emily.”
“Garret,” I addressed him just as seriously, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard such beautiful words.”
I was seriously going to give Max some lovin’ tonight!
“Who are all coming?” Josh wondered.
“Did you invite Laney?” Garret wondered back.
“Hell no! Why would I scare her off even before she’s decided she’s in love with me?”
“In love with you?” Garret wondered even louder. “Bro’, you can’t even get a date with her.”
Now this was a cute scene where the three brothers joined forces, aiding and abetting. Max began. “Have you used your Davis charm and asked her out? You know she’s leaving soon.”
“I’ve tried, but she’s held me at an arm’s distance. I wish she’d hold me with her long, sexy-ass legs, instead.” The men chuckled. I didn’t know whether to feel offended for Laney, or try aiding and abetting Josh along with my boyfriend.
“How about I set up a double-date as soon as Laney is out of school? I think she’s been quite busy studying for finals, finishing up papers, and setting up home in London. I haven’t seen much of her these days.”
“You’re the bomb, Sis! I knew you’d pull through for me.” Josh kissed me on the cheek. “When Laney gets to know me, she’s bound to fall madly in love with me. Who the hell can resist the Davis charm?”
“Damn right!” Garret added.
“Damn straight!” Max agreed.
The sheer amount of machismo in this car made me laugh.
We revisited that little French bistro where I first met Mr. and Mrs. Davis. Are you all wondering why I still call them Mr. and Mrs.? I have no freakin’ clue what their names are. And no one’s clued me in, plus I suppose I never asked.
“What are your parents’ names?”
The three men howled.
“What the hell’s so funny?”
“Mavis and Davis,” Max spoke between wiping off tears of hilarity.
“Seriously? Mavis Davis and Davis Davis???” I too started tearing from the joke. “Either you’re all pulling my leg or someone above has a sense of humor.”
“Our paternal grandparents had a great sense of humor and thought if Dad had the same first and last name, he’d have an easier time remembering and spelling. Then my grandfather told us that he knew Mom was the one, when her name was only a few spaces down the alphabet chart from Dad’s.” Josh continued the crazy explanation.
“What a hoot. Mavis and Davis...I guess I’ll stick to Mr. and Mrs.”
“Yeah. Good thinking, Babe. I don’t know that they’ll be happy if you brought up their names in the middle of dinner.”
We arrived at the bistro and soon after, my brother, Nick and Evie came one after another. To Josh’s delight—or chagrin?—Laney was with Doug. I couldn’t gauge Josh’s reaction since he beelined to my cousin.
“Josh filled me in somewhat on the Davis details. I thought the more ammo, the better,” my sweet younger brother explained. “Jake and Emily were going to join us as well, but both kids have the sniffles and are cranky. They send good karma in their stead.”
I love my family!
“Hello Jane,” I heard Max’s mom call out from behind.
I whipped around to a solemn face—a face that displayed penance over her past sins. Feeling sorry for her, and being in a brief state of insanity, I gave Mrs. Davis a hug and wished her a Happy Mother’s Day. That hug stopped everyone in their tracks. They all looked over to us. That hug may possibly have been the reason why our evening turned out to be a surprisingly pleasurable one.
The dinner started awkward and everyone broke off into their own conversations, with Mr. and Mrs. Davis keeping quiet. It didn’t go unnoticed in my eyes that they didn’t bring Hannah with them. I don’t know what happened there, but I wasn’t one to complain.
“Have you seen the homes your sons purchased?” I asked both parents in hopes of getting them into the conversation.
They shook their heads no, and judging by the glance Max’s mom gave her sons, it wouldn’t have surprised me if she had no idea that her sons were now home owners.
“We all bought a very small home, not too far from Jane’s parents’ place and we’ll be moving in soon.” Max offered this info by way of apology.
“When do you move in?” Max’s dad asked. “Do you boys need any help? Do you have enough money? Your mother and I are able to help financially if you need it.” This generous offer sounded similar to an apology as well. It made me wonder if instead of emotional love and support, the only way the Davises knew how to support their sons was financially. Perhaps this was their way of showing love.
“We’re all doing well, thanks to Josh and his expertise with the stock market. It’s a very small, starter home and we got a good deal, so we thought it’d make a wise investment.” This was about as loquacious as I’d seen Max get with his parents.
Mr. and Mrs. Davis looked over at Josh and cracked a proud smile. It was weird to see them smile since I had never seen one on their faces before.
“So, does that mean you are staying around for your residency? You’re not moving far away?”
“Though there are no guarantees, I’m pretty sure I’m staying. I’ve been told by Jane’s uncle and brother that if I keep Jane in line, they will consider keeping me at the hospital.” Max actually cracked a joke at the Davis family dinner table, and his parents actually cracked a smile, again! Wonders never ceased.
“Can we come see your new place?” Mr. Davis asked, cautiously.
All three boys looked at one another, not only gauging each other’s reactions but almost expecting Ashton Kutcher to pop out of the restaurant walls to tell them that they were being punked. It was sad on the one hand to see such doubt and vacillation about the sincerity of one’s own parents, but what was happening tonight was progress.
The pause was longer than necessary so I jumped in. “Why don’t we do a drive by tonight, then you can help us on moving day. I don’t think we mentioned that I’m moving in with Max. Your son, in
his machismo way, told me that I could bum off of his generosity. I’ll be his ‘little woman.’” I saw a smile bordering on laughter, again! I patted myself on the back.
“I’m glad you’ll be close to Max,” his mother patted my hand. “You’re good for him.”
I whispered, still loudly enough for everyone to hear, “Your eldest has no idea that I can’t cook, I don’t clean, and I also don’t plan to be his ‘little woman.’”