by Cee, DW
“Shit, Bee. We look like some rag-tag Bad News Bears and you look like the freakin’ New York Yankees.”
“You know my motto. It’s all about how you look.”
“Tell me you don’t all have matching cleats.” I groaned when I saw the Davis brothers walking my way.
“Look at what Donovan got us.” Josh pointed to his flashy blue baseball cleats.
“He bought that for all of you?” Now, I was getting pissed. I never liked being underdressed and today, I was feeling like the homeless.
“He said he had a big name client who offered these to him when he told him about our game.”
“Damn Donovan Taylor! He couldn’t ask his client for a pair for all of us?”
“Why would I do that for the enemy?” Donovan let out an evil laugh. “We have a couple more players now. My dad and Mr. Davis want to play.”
I looked over at Max and he winked. “Really?” I whispered.
He nodded yes and smiled. This day was going to be awesome!
“Then what do we do about Laney?” I wondered since we, too, had gained Uncle Billy. “We all have nine players each. Now, Laney makes the tenth and she’s outfitted as an Other.”
After much discussion with Jake and Donovan, we decided to each have nine players on the field and use Laney as the tenth player. Without asking her, it was decided that she would pitch for both teams, since she was really the only one who’s ever pitched as a softballer. When she was told, Laney looked neither happy nor upset. She took one for both teams and accepted her fate. Bee had made a special shirt for her, knowing she would pitch for them. It was a real (pink) baseball Jersey with her name on the back, number and baseball diamond on the sleeves, and a phrase that said, don’t mess with me written in cursive, sewn across her chest. It was perfect for Laney!
Emily helped Jake into his catcher’s gear as The Reids took position in the outfield. Nick played first base, I took second, Doug took third, Uncle Billy took shortstop, Dad was in left field, Uncle Henry in centerfield, and Sam was placed in right field. Gimpy was to be the impartial ump, Mrs. Davis was our scorekeeper, and the moms were the cheering crowd.
First up to bat, Donovan Taylor. Jake walked out to Laney and gave instructions she didn’t like. She kept shaking her head in the negative and at one point laughed hysterically.
“Let’s get the game going before the sun goes down,” he yelled at Jake. Jake walked back to the catcher’s position with a cocky look on his face. “Let’s see what you’ve got, Delaney Reid. I plan to hit a home run off of you.”
And damn, he almost hit a home run on the first pitch. Laney threw a perfect fastball to him and he got a triple off it. Next up was my honey, and shit, he also got a triple off of us. Perhaps Laney was purposely giving them good pitches to put us in the doghouse. I was getting suspicious, but Doug and Josh struck out, Mr. Taylor and Mr. Davis each hit a single, and Bee hit a pop fly and the inning was done with only two runs in.
It was our turn to hit and Donovan was catching for their team. He, too, had a long talk with Laney and she listened to all he droned on about during their time. I think he purposely held his meeting on the mound as long as possible to piss off Jake. For The Others, their outfield line-up consisted of Max, Josh, Garret on the three bases, Al as shortstop, Mr. Taylor in left field, Mr. Davis in centerfield, and Becky and Bee would take turns subbing into right field. We were just as successful at bat, and we were up 4-2 at the end of the first inning.
And so this game continued and at the end of the 6th and last inning, we were up 10-9. There were two out, the tying run on third base and Donovan was up. Jake called a meeting on the mound with his infielders, and I heard him whisper, “Laney, you need to spook Donovan with a fast pitch and try and hit him. The closer you can get to his manhood, without actually hitting him, the better.”
“No way, Jake. I can’t control my pitches to that degree and I will NOT be responsible for his posterity.”
“You can do it. Just get close enough to scare him. He won’t swing after that. I promise you. Just try.”
“I don’t know, Jake...”
“You can do it, Laney. It’s all up to you,” her dad came to the mound to encourage her. “Just remember who you are. You are a Reid!”
What a crack-up! She was told in so many words to scare the shit out of Donovan by almost hitting him where it will hurt—badly.
The first pitch Laney threw was a ball and nowhere near his manhood. The second pitch was perfect! It was fast, and Donovan’s body formed an ending parentheses sign as he curved his body away from the ball. Laney quickly turned her body away from Donovan, put her mitt up to her face and giggled. Once she regained her composure, she turned back around and threw another strike, identical to the first one. This one too, was really close to his body. It was a 1-2 count on Donovan.
In a most unconventional move, Donovan called a timeout and walked out to the mound. Jake took off his mask to follow, but Donovan was done with his brief conversation before any of us could get to her. None of us knew what was said, but it rattled her enough to lob two balls. Now we were at full count and as soon as Donovan got himself back in the batter’s box, she caught him unready, threw out another fast pitch, and struck him out.
Donovan was shocked, The Reids were elated and the game was over. We won 10-9!
By the time the game was over, lunch was set up in Jake’s backyard, and the twins were already in their high chair noshing on fried chicken.
“James, Ellie, did you enjoy watching Daddy play?” Jake sat in between his kids and helped them eat. The kids had no clue what my brother was saying, but they smiled brilliantly at him and nodded yes. “Should we go swimming after lunch?” He asked the million-dollar question.
“Yawshhh,” James answered with excitement as his sister yelled, “ME!” That one word was her answer to everything.
“Let’s see which aunt or uncle might take you two in the pool. We have plenty of friends and family members to keep you occupied till dinner.”
“Yawshhh,” James repeated over and over.
“Janey, this was a fantastic idea. Let’s do this every year,” Mr. Taylor said from the other side of the long table.
“I agree,” Uncle Henry raised his lemonade glass, “to my brilliant niece for a spectacular idea, my beautiful and athletic daughter for pitching for both teams, and to all the ladies for coordinating the entire day. Thank you and a job well done!”
“Here, here!” We all cheered.
“Laney,” Mavis Davis surprisingly spoke up in the middle of our lunch, and to my cousin at that. “Why don’t you come sit next to us, and join us for lunch.”
This time Mrs. Taylor spoke up and loudly, “Laney, come join us instead. There’s plenty of room over here.”
There was an interesting tug-of-war going on with the two mothers and my cousin. I could see why Mavis was pushing Josh’s cause, but I didn’t understand why Mrs. Taylor was so interested Laney.
“Ne Ne,” my darling nephew called out and saved Laney’s butt.
“Thank you for the invitation,” she said to both mothers, “but I’m going to sit next to James.” As soon as Laney sat, both mothers went and pushed their way towards the other end of the table. Jamie Lynn was outright aggressive. Mavis had that passive-aggressive thing going on, pushing her younger son’s cause.
“Go, Mom!” I whispered to my boyfriend. “I guess she’s taken a liking to my cousin?”
“I think she’s taken a liking to you, and figured Laney couldn’t be half bad if she’s related to you.” He gave me a heartwarming smile and a body-tingling kiss. “You did good today. We all had a fantastic time and I’m glad my parents got a chance to hang out with your family. The Reids can be a role model for any family out there.”
“I enjoyed today, too. And I especially enjoyed seeing your parents. It may take some time but I think they’ll come around. How can they not with you three?”
> “Who’s ready to swim?” My brother asked.
The kids started jumping up and down in their high chairs. Laney quickly got up and took James and jumped in the pool before any mother could come in with her. Ellie started whining because she hadn’t been picked up yet.
“Who do you want to go into the pool with, my princess?” Jake went fishing and Ellie took the bait. She pointed down the table, but that could’ve been anyone.
“I’ll see you in a bit?” Max said with a quick kiss to my lips. “I’m going to be Ellie’s knight in shining armor.” He hopped over and swooped her out of the high chair. Ellie was in love! But in all honesty, she would’ve been in love with anyone who took her in the pool.
Looking around, I was beyond pleased with myself for getting everyone together. What started as an outing for the four of us, has now turned into possibly another family tradition. I guess the question that begs to be asked—will all the Davises continue to be a part of The Others? I sure hoped so.
May 20, 2013 Mother May I (Not Be)?
Me without you is like
shoes with no laces
a nerd with no braces
asentencewithnospaces
I thought of my brother and his wife when I read this corny saying this morning. Those two were like peanut butter and jelly, bacon and eggs, SpongeBob and Patrick, two peas in a pod...well, you get what I’m trying to say—one cannot exist in this world without the other! Even their birthdays are positioned right next to one another on the calendar. Jake turned thrity-three yesterday and Emily turned twenty-seven as of this morning and of course, neither my brother nor his wife would let each other’s birthday go quietly. As a birthday surprise, Emily made reservations at Bazaar at the SLS hotel for Sunday night (Jake’s actual birthday) so they could dine on a crazy twenty-two course dinner.
What Emily didn’t know was that Jake planned an almost identical birthday surprise that started a night earlier and included an overnight at the SLS hotel and a leisurely afternoon tea on Sunday. Even their freakin’ surprises for one another went hand in hand. Scary! Tonight would be a family dinner to celebrate Emily’s birthday, but yesterday and the night before were anything but a party for me!
Before Jake whisked Emily off to their fun overnight, right after our softball lunch at their house, he charged the four of us—me, Max, Laney, and Donovan—with keeping the kids happy till their mother returned to them the next day.
Why Donovan was asked to help was beyond me. It’s not as if he knew how to care for these kids. Being their godfather and sending expensive gifts, did not a caretaker make! This weekend was an eye-opener for me and right now, I was taking my time, enjoying my coffee, rejoicing that I didn’t have to walk across the street and face those munchkins. I was not ready to have kids any time soon.
It all started Saturday after the game, and after work. Donovan and I had to go into work—yes, we lawyers work on Saturdays (and generally Sundays, too) after that fun game, lunch and a little pool time. We got called in for a few hours so we carpooled and decided to make it a productive two hours. When we arrived from work, Laney had the kids fed and was in the process of getting their baths ready in the farmhouse sink.
“Hey,” she greeted the both of us with a calm smile.
“Hey, how’s it going?” I asked.
Donovan just gave her a pat on the back hello and went to greet each kid.
“Hello big boy, beautiful girl! Did you enjoy your spaghetti dinner?” He asked, while wiping off their mouths with a baby wipe. “It sure looks like the ground enjoyed it.” He proceeded to carefully pick up James and he held him far away from that YSL suit that looked oh so delicious on him. I think this man carried a secret closet in his car, since we never stopped by his house to get him changed. He went from baseball uniform, to bathing suit, to a dashing suit. I guess he believed Bee’s motto—It’s all about how you look. And he looked good—always!
Laney took James and proceeded to strip him of his Bolognese-laden clothes, and put him in his seat and quickly handed him a bath toy. Ellie got the exact same treatment. While Donovan went upstairs with his overnight bag and changed out of his work clothes, I didn’t know whether I, too, should go home and change before getting my hands dirty. It didn’t seem the right thing to do—leave Laney by herself with the two kids, but being this overdressed to take care of two kids didn’t seem too smart either.
Laney read my thoughts. “You can go and change, Jane. Don’t worry about us. We’ll be all right.”
Well, now that I got the boss’ okay....
“Hello,” I crooned over the phone to my boyfriend while walking to my home. “When are you coming back?”
“Hello my beauty! You missing me or my helpful hands?”
“I always miss you and your helpful hands.” I flirted back. He was always so playful, when he wasn’t upset with me. “But, I think I will really miss you and your hands if you don’t get over to Jake’s soon to help with the kids.”
“I may not make it there at all now. I may have to join a study session tonight. I’ve been fooling around with you too much these days. I’m behind on all my studies.”
“Max...” I whined. “You have to come over! How about if you come over tonight, I’ll help you get rid of all your tension—and thus, you will be able to study even better come next week.”
“Can I hold you to this promise?” I could tell he was smiling on the other end.
“You betcha! See you soon?”
“As soon as I can, my precious gem.”
Donovan and I strolled back into the kitchen around the same time, and felt a pang of guilt when we saw that Laney had already washed both kids and was taking Ellie out of the bath chair and putting her Hello Kitty bathrobe on her little body. My gorgeous niece was walking around with a Hello Kitty-eared hoodie over a mop of curls as she tried, unsuccessfully, to put on her matching Hello Kitty bath slippers. I helped her put on the soft fleece slippers that were pink and blue with silver polka dots everywhere with a small Hello Kitty plush doll face planted between her two toes. She looked so adorable, I took a picture and sent it to her parents.
“You look so cute!” I exclaimed and kissed her face.
Freakishly, this girl replied, “Det tyu,” which I think meant, “Thank you.” She had quite a knack for the English language. I’m sure one day, I’ll be wishing she didn’t talk so much, but for now, Donovan and I looked like proud parents as he picked up his goddaughter and threw her up in the air. That made the Hello Kitty slippers fly to both corners of the kitchen. While we were making a fuss about how darling Ellie was in her outfit, Laney had put a matching Sanrio bathrobe on James. He was dressed as Kerokerokerropi with matching slippers that fit over his feet nice and snug. He, too, looked gorgeous!
“I’ll take James,” I said and took him off Laney’s hands. James started whimpering and called out “Ne Ne,” which kinda pissed me off that he learned to say Laney’s name before my name. Before she could take him back, I told Donovan to follow me, and we marched the kids upstairs so we could put them in their pajamas.
We laid them both down on their changing tables, and Ellie was as happy as a clam, but James started crying. I did my best to calm him down because I didn’t want my nephew favoring a distant cousin to his aunt. I pulled out the toys that were next to the changing table and did a song and dance, but had absolutely no luck.
“I don’t think he likes you much, Auntie Jane,” Donovan teased. “Why don’t you call Auntie Laney?”
“She’s not his aunt. I’m his only aunt,” I growled at Donovan while attempting to get a diaper under James’ soft bottom.
I was doing okay with the diaper but the hollering got worse, and I heard Laney’s footsteps along the hallway .Shit! I can do this. I do not need anyone’s help. Just when I thought everything was in the clear, I felt a gush of water on my chin and neck, and I let out a louder than necessary yelp!
“What the hell?” I
hollered, which in turn led to a chain of events I’m horrified to relive!
Before I closed James’ diaper, he peed on me.I yelled.James got frightened.
He rolled himself off the changing table to get away from me.James proceeded to fall, head first, onto the hardwood floor.