by Cee, DW
“Jane!” I heard again. This time I knew I wasn’t wrong. My name was being called. All three of us stopped when we heard, “Jane” again. “Hello!” We all heard the voice trying to stop us from getting on the plane, and turned around. I turned to see a frantic Max waving his arms, stopping us from getting on the plane. Donovan and Gimpy were at the top of the steps, I was a few steps short of the top, and Max caught up with us at the bottom.
We met halfway and there was this weird sense of movie-scene déjà vu, but I couldn’t figure out which one.
“Don’t go.” Max pleaded. “Don’t move. Don’t leave me again. I’m sorry, Gem. I know I took my time licking my wounds. I love you and can’t live without you.” He was now begging me. Where the hell did he think I was moving to? “We belong together. You are my other half. I am completely lost without you.”
Then the light bulb went off and I had no choice but to say, “Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at hello.”
July 29, 2013 Contents of a Certain Black Box
Max ended up on the plane with us, and as much as we needed to talk, it was impossible with Donovan—the man who caused much of our grief, and Gimpy—my grandfather who didn’t need to know about our stupid-ass ménage à trois, on the plane with us. They did their best to sit as far away from us as possible, but there’s only so much privacy you can have when there are only four passengers, and three flight crew on board.
“Max, tell us about your trip.” We ended up joining Gimpy and Donovan in the four seats facing one another, for dinner.
“To say that it was an eye-opener would be an understatement. There’s so much poverty, and ignorance, and crime down there—and those poor kids are stuck in the middle.”
“Do you think you’d want to go and stay there indefinitely to help?” Seeing as how it looked like we were on our way to reconciling, Gimpy sounded like he was scoping out Max’s thoughts.
Max looked over to me before answering my grandfather. “Definitely, I’ll go back from time to time for short periods, but it all depends upon on Jane and our future together.” He gave a 10+ answer on a scale from 1-10.
“So if Jane were to move to another city, then you’d move with her?” I tried to give Gimpy a warning but he didn’t care to look my way. Max and I had so much to work through at this moment. The last thing I needed was to add my work to our list of unresolved problems.
“If she were to move before I decided on a hospital for residency, then yes. I’d be willing to relocate. Once I start residency, that’ll be hard to do. But, we could do it after those four years.”
“Gimpy...” I pleaded.
“If you want to move back to New York, I’ll ask the Chief to help me get a residency out there. I’m okay with that. What I don’t want is for us to have a long distance relationship.” Max voiced quietly. I saw Donovan purposely engage Gimpy in a separate conversation. “I don’t want to be apart anymore.”
“Let’s talk when we get to the apartment.” I squeezed his hand and stopped this conversation before it got any heavier with two spectators.
Once we landed in New York, we took a cab into Soho, while Donovan and Gimpy went off to their hotel. Between the five and a half hour flight plus the addition of three hours, it was quite late. Or better stated, it was very early in the morning Sunday morning.
“You want to sleep or do you want to talk?” Max asked.
Truth be told, I’m embarrassed to say I wanted to have sex with him. We were alone, it looked like we were back together, and we had a bed at our disposal. It had been an awful long time since we did anything of a naughty nature. Was I being a total slut for wanting to get it on with Max before any conversation happened? Probably. At this point the wisest thing to do would be to talk it out, get back together, then have sex the rest of Sunday.
“Why don’t we talk first.”
“When Roland ask me about New York…”
“Before we get into that,” I interrupted his thoughts, “what did you mean when you said back at the airport for me not to move?”
“Jake told me that you were moving to New York.”
“What? Why would he tell you that?”
“Jake told me that you were moving to New York today, and if I didn’t stop you from going, I would lose you forever. He said he had no idea when you might come back.”
My wheels started turning, and I thought back to what Donovan said to me on the ride to the airport and the cryptic conversation he and Jake had. I picked up the phone and called Donovan right away.
“What was said between you and Jake during the conversation when we were driving to the airport?”
“Jane, it’s almost 1 o’clock in the morning. Can a guy get some sleep?”
“No! I need some answers from you.”
“Don’t you and Max have better things to do right now than call me?”
“You spill the beans right now and I’ll tell you about Emily’s conversation with Laney earlier this morning.”
“Did I ever tell you you’re scary when you want something? Damn, Max better watch out,” Donovan chuckled. “Jake called to tell me that he told Max that you were moving to New York forever.”
“I knew it! What did he need to do that for?”
“To quote your brother, he said, you were both ‘being dumbasses’ and you both ‘needed a wake-up call.’ Now you spill the beans Jane Sydney Reid. What’s going on with Delaney?”
“I wasn’t going to tell you this because I didn’t want you to be upset, but I overheard Emily and Laney talking this morning, and Emily was cautioning her against going away with Michael to his grandfather’s summer home for a month.”
“What the fuck? Who the hell is Michael and why is she going away with another guy?”
“Don’t you remember that British guy...? Remember from the hospital?”
I heard Max clearing his throat, getting a bit annoyed with me. “Hey Donovan, let’s meet up and talk about this a little later. I need to finish my conversation with Max.”
“Sure, now that you have your information, hang up on me why don’t you.”
All I said before hanging up was, “You’re a great friend Donovan.” Then I hung up before he could rebut.
“So Jake kind of told you a little lie. To his knowledge I am not moving. What he doesn’t know is… Before I tell you this complicated story, let me just ask you point blank. Are we reconciling? Are we actually getting back together or are we just clearing the air and going our separate ways?”
“Gem, didn’t you hear me before we got on the plane? I love you and I don’t want to separate from you ever again. You are what makes my heart beat and my soul have life. Our time away gave me a clearer perspective on my life without you—and I didn’t like what I foresaw.”
“So tell me all that’s on your mind concerning me, Donovan, us—don’t hold anything back. Let’s get everything out. Let’s be completely honest with one another and if possible, let’s start again.”
“The morning of your birthday, I came to give you this.” He pulled out the wrapped box I threw at him. “Open it.” He urged.
This box, I did not expect to see again. I’d actually forgotten about my birthday present. Slowly, the ribbon and wrap came off and in my hand was a dainty black velvet box. Not one to be shy about birthday presents, I opened the box and found a diamond ring...of the ENGAGEMENT-kind!
“Imagine my surprise and disappointment when I saw you listening to another man enticing you to go away with him. The forever I imagined in my head was shot to hell.”
Shit! This was not what I was expecting.
“That’s why I couldn’t listen to, or accept any of your reasons at the airport. But, as soon as you came to me in the terminal and threw this box back at me, I knew I couldn’t live without you. You actually made me laugh so hard my teammates thought I was nuts. They pretty much saw us breaking up out front, then I was brooding the whole time inside, then I complet
ely changed my demeanor and was laughing like a lunatic. After killing my heart, only you would be pissed at me and throw my gift back in my face. What may I ask, did I do to piss you off enough to come after me?”
My face was red from embarrassment. “You gave me hope. That’s what you did.”
“And how did I give you hope?”
“When you left with HANNAH, I thought I’d lost you forever. Then you came back out and I thought you’d changed your mind and were going to tell me I was forgiven. What a shocker—you handed me a gift only because you didn’t want to hold onto it any longer. That pissed me off!”
“Gem...” Max decided to carry me over to the bed at this point and we lay there laughing with one another. “What am I to do with you?”
“I don’t know...what do you want to do with me?” I asked as seductively as possibly. That made him laugh even harder.
What the hell? Had I lost my magic touch on this man?
“Babe. It’s been a long and shitty month. Let’s get some shut-eye and talk more tomorrow. As much as I’d like to make love to you from now till the end of August, we still have a lot to talk over and a shit load of decisions to make.”
Still in his travel clothes, Max fell asleep immediately. His worn-out spirit broke me in a way I couldn’t explain. I didn’t fully understand what I’d done to this man. I still don’t fully understand what I’ve done to him. We had so many issues, and one major unresolved absolution. While he was resting tonight, I’d think through what Max professed and what else might have made him so weary and wary.
August 1, 2013 Proposals
Max and I made plans to meet Donovan and Gimpy for an early dinner. After getting a decent night of sleep, we decided to walk down the street to the local brunch hangout. New Yorkers love to brunch. They live for the weekends so they can drink mimosas and Bloody Marys, and eat a meal large enough to give you sustenance for the rest of the day. When we arrived without a reservation, the wait was an hour long so we decided to take a walk and talk out more of our problems.
I started the conversation this time and told him about Gimpy’s proposal. “So, I’m not sure if you want to change your life to that degree since you just bought a house, and life would probably be simpler for you if you stayed at General Hospital.” This was not what I wanted, but it would be best for Max.
He didn’t even think twice about his answer. “I am willing to move with you if that’s what you want. As long as you pick a location and stay there for four years, I’m good with that. Here’s what I don’t want.” Did I want to hear his list? “I don’t want a long distance relationship.”
“Is that because you don’t trust me?”
It was uncomfortably silent for too long. “I trust you, but maybe I don’t trust us to be apart.”
“Isn’t that the same thing? That just means you can’t trust me to stay faithful. I told you this at the christening—I don’t want to be with you if you are going to throw Donovan in my face every time you’re unhappy with me.”
“I can’t say I’m comfortable with you and Donovan, but I know whatever was between you two is over. It really should never have been since neither of your hearts were in it. I won’t throw him back at you. In fact, I probably won’t ever refer to you and him in any conjunctive way.”
“If you knew our hearts weren’t into one another, then why’d it take you so long to reconcile with me? And how do you know what Donovan is feeling?”
“You’d have to have been blind not to see the attraction between Laney and Donovan.” Max answered with a bite and a sting. Ouch! “Seeing the five-ringed circus between me, you, Donovan, Laney, and Josh was more comedy than I can take for a lifetime.” This time, he oozed dark and heavy sarcasm. Obviously, he was still upset with me. “Because I thought Donovan was as into Laney as she was into him, I didn’t see his indecent proposal coming. I thought he’d go to London and bring Laney home.”
“You knew all this? Why didn’t you mention anything to me?”
“What was there to say?”
“Maybe if you had mentioned that Laney and Donovan liked each other, we wouldn’t have gotten to this point in our relationship.”
What I’d just said was stupid, and the sarcasm I put into this statement was even stupider. I wasn’t looking forward to Max’s rebuttal.
“You, Jane Sydney Reid, needed a wakeup call. Perhaps we all needed one.”
I thought about this statement while we sat and perused the menu. Max stopped talking and took some time to order his meal. What could I say next to make this all better? We were still nowhere near finished in our break-up/make-up session.
“Can you explain your last statement concerning us all needing a wakeup call?” I asked carefully and defensively.
“You needed to decide who you wanted in your life, once and for all. Donovan needed to understand that he couldn’t trifle with everyone’s feelings without consequences. He may be letting out a sigh of relief that you and I will eventually be okay, but he’s going to soon be in hell and he may never come back from hell when he realizes how much he hurt Laney. He may have lost her forever. Me,” Max finished his Bloody Mary in like three gulps and ordered another one, “I need to exercise my right to keep what’s mine, mine, and not let life be so predestined for me.”
“Huh???”
“For a lack of a better phrase, you will be on a short leash with me, Gem.”
“Whaaat?”
He cracked-up. “What I mean is, I am not going to take you for granted anymore. I’ve decided I am going to be clear on what I want, what I don’t want, and you, too, will be clear with me on what you like and do not like. We will be open, honest, and share all that’s in our hearts. We are going to live in each other’s pockets for the time being.”
“And we haven’t been doing this already?”
“If we had, I don’t think we would’ve had problems with Donovan. I should have let you and Donovan know whenever I was uncomfortable with your friendship, rather than bringing it up only when we got into a mess. And as for you, I hope you can be honest with me even if it’s a difficult subject. We can never grow as a couple if we can’t share everything—no matter how uncomfortable the topic.”
“So...you’ve forgiven me for what happened on my birthday?”
“Yes.”
“And you’ve forgiven and will forget what happened in Chicago?”
“I believe so.” Still it wasn’t a 100% affirmative. “That’s what’s kept me from coming to you right after Mexico. I was in agreement with you on the fact that I didn’t want us to get back together if I couldn’t let go of your...” Kiss? Infidelity? I didn’t know which word he was about to say, but the pain on his face expressed both. “I can’t say that I’ve forgiven or forgotten completely, but I’m working on it. Without a doubt, I know myself well enough to believe I won’t throw Donovan back at you, ever. There’s no part of me that’s crazy about him, but if we are to be close to one another—whether by mutual friendships, or as a family, I don’t think I have much of a choice but to forget.”
“Tell me what you’re thinking in terms of Laney. What makes you sure that she likes Donovan? I always thought she found him annoying.”
“Gem,” he said in a what-am-I-to-do-with-you tone, “you like to see only what you want to see. You close yourself off to any possibility that doesn’t suit your plan. As far as I can tell, Donovan and Laney are in love with one another. Donovan either never understood what he wanted or he fooled himself to believe he wanted the wrong Reid. Laney understood her own feelings, and didn’t want to continually watch the man she fell in love with, look at every woman but her.”
“When the hell did you become Oprah Winfrey?”
Max finally laughed freely and comfortably. “All anyone had to do was open his or her eyes. I think this was a secret only to you, Josh, and Donovan.”
“You know for a fact Laney is in love with Donovan? If so, I need to let h
im know. She’s not talking to him at all.”
“I am not Laney’s keeper. As you can see, I haven’t done a good job being a keeper of one certain dark-haired, stunning blue-eyed Reid. You may not repeat my words to Donovan.”
We started walking back to the apartment and I thought we were finally headed in the right direction with one another. Our conversation flowed as usual, we were able to joke with one another and the chemistry appeared to be back.
“Are we good, now? Is this all we need to talk about? You have anything else on your mind?”