by Cee, DW
“There’s nothing to think about where we are concerned. He probably knows I’m interested in him, he was probably briefly curious, and that’s it. I need to ask you not to reveal the depth of my feelings for him. It’s embarrassing to have been in love with a man for so long when he has never once returned my feelings. What kind of self-respecting woman does that?”
“And Michael?”
I sighed not knowing what to say about Michael. “Michael is this fabulous man who waited to introduce himself to me when we got off the plane. He asked me the first night I met him if I believed in love at first sight. Michael is sweet, caring, funny, and has a wonderful relationship with his family. His parents are also kind and gracious. When I was out to dinner with them last night, his father asked me to go on their summer holiday with them. He and the Bennington family remind me of the Reids.”
“Is there a but?”
“I don’t love him. I can’t love him.”
“And why not?”
“Because I love Donovan Taylor and I don’t know when my heart will allow me to let go of loving Donovan Taylor.”
“Damn, woman, you have it bad for my nephew.”
“Let’s talk about happier topics. You been out with my cousin lately? I think there’s more of a chance of us being related through you and Nick, than through me and Donovan.”
“Fuck. Bring on the next topic. Nicholas Reid is on my shit list right now.”
“And why’s that?”
“Hell if he or I know why I’m so pissed with him. He just pisses me off.”
Reaching for my phone, I called my cousin to try and weasel some information off him.
“Laney! What brings you to calling me when you seem to be avoiding the man you really want to talk to and who wants to talk to you?”
“Are there no secrets left in this world? How the hell do you know who I want to talk to right now?”
“Who the hell are you talking to?” Bee grabbed my phone. “Hello? Who’s this?” I started busting up when she quickly hung up the phone. “That was hilarious!”
“You want to be on my shit list too? You want me to get Donovan Taylor on the phone for you?”
I sat up straight like I was back in grade school and shook my head no like a frightened little girl. Then I busted out laughing. “Please, teacher, no. Please don’t beat me.”
“Laney Reid. You can be a pain in the ass sometimes.”
“Come on! There’s a room with two single beds. Let’s take up a pint of ice cream each and spill our woes to one another.”
“I’ve got no woes to speak of.” She tried to play it off.
“Bullshit!” I grabbed two spoons and two containers of ice cream and made her walk up three flights of stairs.
I was so happy to have Bee here with me; I played her non-paid assistant with a silly grin on my face the entire day. After Michael helped us transport the clothes to a makeshift showroom, I did everything she told me to do and acted as the docile employee. The industry people who came to see her clothes loved them. She sold just about every sample she’d brought with her, and when she got back home, she’d have to start immediately producing clothes to meet the demand. A proud mama, that’s who I was whenever someone praised her creations.
“I don’t know what I would have done without your help. Dinner is on me,” Bee announced while we started packing things up. “Call out Michael.”
“Here I am!” Michael walked in with Mr. Whippys and a box full of unopened Flakes.
“You, Michael Bennington, future duke of wherever, are the best!” I exclaimed and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Try these.” I handed a Mr. Whippy to Bee and jabbed three Flakes into the soft serve.
“Shit, what is this? This is even better than whatever we polished off last night.”
“Did you bite into the chocolate? Heavenly, huh?” I was using the chocolate stick as a spoon.
“Let me have some more of those Flakes.” Michael opened up a couple more and handed them to Bee who devoured them on the spot. “This combo might even be better than Haagen Dazs bars. I’m going to have to take a box of these home. You,” she turned to Michael and also gave him a kiss on the cheek, “are a doll! I approve of you being Laney’s friend.”
“Would you approve of me being more than Laney’s friend?”
Bee stopped eating and thought about his question. “Talk to me when I’m in Flake-coma. I may be in a good enough mood to say yes.”
Michael took us first to a very cool East End thrift store where Bee searched through vintage frocks. Then Michael treated us to a trip to the Portobello Road Market where Bee went crazy again, looking through old clothes as well as creations from up and coming designers.
“This was thoughtful of you to bring Bee here, Michael. I am always in awe of your kindness and continue to find myself in your debt.”
“This is what friends do for one another, isn’t it?” He looked over at Bee. “Bee is soaking up this artistic vibe, huh?”
Bee was all over the place going from stall to stall. “She’s loving it. Thank you.” Many times Michael had attempted to capture my heart, and today, he finally succeeded. Bringing Bee on these excursions opened my eyes to a completely new man. This afternoon, I began to like him just a teeny-tiny bit, and took my first step toward where he was already waiting.
“You have a beautiful look on your face. What’s the smile for?”
“For you…”
He gave me a similar smile and kissed my forehead. “I have one last place to take you ladies.”
“More?”
“I’d give you a hundred more if you’d let me.”
Maybe I’d learn to like this man the way he liked me. Maybe Donovan Taylor would be a distant past and my heart would make way for a new occupant.
“Let’s just start with this more. Perhaps we’ll discuss the other ninety-nine, day by day.”
His smile explained that he knew I was leaning his way. “Hey Bee.” Michael called to her attention. “If we don’t get going, we’re going to lose our reservation at a fashionista tea.”
“Well, why didn’t you say so earlier?” She hopped over to us with her bags of clothes.
When we got to tea, I was slightly shaken because this was the hotel Donovan stayed at last week. I didn’t realize it was walking distance from my home. Trying not to dwell on Donovan when Michael had done everything and more to make this a great day for Bee and me, I reverted to my happy smile, and Bee and I ooh’ed and aah’ed over the delectable delights all in the shape of the Spring and Summer fashion collection. Along with delicious tea sandwiches, we ate a cake in the shape of Jason Wu’s purse, a bikini cookie modeled after Tory Burch’s collection, and a bumblebee yellow Alexander McQueen inspired dress. When we were done with the first batch, we asked for another and stayed until we each had a full serving.
“We were such pigs.” Bee laughed on our way home. “Did you see the server when I asked for one more of those Prada white chocolate bars?”
“That was so much fun. Have you been there before?”
“Believe it or not, I never even knew the tea existed. I put a question out there to a few of my friends and someone suggested I take you ladies over to the Berkeley.”
“The food was yummy, the fruit tea I had was ingenious, and I loved the atmosphere. I’ll have to go back there.”
“If you liked it that much, I’ll put in a standing reservation for us. I’m sure Ruby would love it, too. How about every Wednesday, in honor of Bee having dined with us today, a Wednesday?”
“That’s kind of you but every Wednesday isn’t necessary. Maybe we’ll go once a month?”
“Once a month will do, too.”
What was declared as once a month turned into a standing date every Wednesday afternoon. One week, Ruby, Michael and I went. The next week, Lizzy Bennington joined us, and the duke-in-training even joined us when we kept discussing this tea while at dinner wi
th the Bennington family.
I’d decided to join the Benningtons on their summer holiday later in the summer, and Michael, Ruby and I became inseparable. We three dined together daily, Ruby came over at least once a week and spent the night at Gram’s monstrous flat, and I saw Mr. and Mrs. Bennington almost as often as I saw Michael and Ruby. That small spark of interest that ignited when Bee was here grew by the week, but was still only a flicker. My love for Donovan wouldn’t erase so easily.
Donovan had stopped by a few more times and the times Mrs. Haines was here, I asked her to let him know I wasn’t here. Once he stayed for hours inside Gram’s home and I was trapped in my room agonizing over whether or not I should go down and talk to him, wanting more than anything to hear him tell me that he loved me and wanted a relationship with me. The further the days separated the two of us, the more realistic I became about our so-called “relationship.” I knew such a word didn’t exist between us and I knew I didn’t want to hurt anymore than I already did.
The last time Donovan stopped by, he left me a gigantic box, wrapped and with a large bow in the entry hall. Once he left, I ran down and unwrapped the box to find a pink golf bag with my name stitched in cursive and a set of pink golf clubs. Each club had my name etched and there were two notes attached. The first read, Congratulations to the most brilliant girl. I am proud of you! Once vacation begins, I’ll take you somewhere fun where we can golf and I can regain my title as king of the greens. The second card read, Delaney, I really don’t understand where you and I went so wrong. I’ve come by numerous times in the month that you’ve been gone, and I can’t believe you’ve gone to this length to avoid me. I guess it doesn’t matter to you that I miss you. I guess you don’t care about me and us anymore. I’ve heard through your family that you are well, and Bee tells me you’ve made some good friends. I’d like to hear about them from you. I was at the beach house this weekend and I felt empty there without you. Somehow, you put a mark on that place and I kept hearing your voice and seeing images of your laughing face. Please Delaney, call me. I want to hear your voice; I want to see your smiling face. I’m coming by early July. Please answer my calls!
Today was early July and rereading Donovan’s cards put me in a dour mood. If Donovan was being truthful about what he said in his second card, I, too, missed him. I, too, heard his voice everywhere I went. And I, too, was haunted by Donovan every hour of my day. I wished I could say there wasn’t an hour that went by when he wasn’t with me. With a monstrous sigh, I put on Bee’s yellow dress that Donovan liked so much and sat outside thinking. I needed to be outside to get away from the quiet and solitude of Gram’s home. I wished to be surrounded by my boisterous family and the twins, who could make me smile no matter my broken heart.
As I sat on the steps, I remembered our kiteboarding day and our dinner at the beach. I remembered our last “date” together at the sushi bar and as I felt the camellia that sat on my neck, I remembered his gentle embraces and the memories we created that night. If too many memories plagued me, I tortured myself even further by creating delusional fantasies about us.
I imagined Donovan telling me that he loved me. I imagined him getting on his knees, proposing marriage, and a future with lots of kids. I imagined a life with laughter and joy and more happiness than I ever dreamed possible. These imaginations alleviated the frustration that clogged up my heart. I yearned to see Donovan; I longed to feel his touch, even if for a brief moment.
Thinking of Donovan on the steps brought more solace than I imagined. Deciding these maudlin feelings were too much for a beautiful day, I got up to go back inside when I saw him. It was hard to mistake that handsome smile. It was him—Donovan Taylor—in a black taxi, turning the corner and I was thrilled! I would confess my heart to him. I’d tell him just how much I loved him and for how long I had loved him. I’d ask him what his feelings were for me and why he’d relentlessly pursued me while I stayed in London. We’d communicate honestly and maybe even try for a relationship. I knew this was it. Our time had finally come, and today would be a day of reckoning. The joy in my heart was indomitable!
“Laney!” An ecstatic voice greeted me and spun me around in the air like I was a little girl. “That smile you greeted me with was heart-stopping. Have I finally won you over? It’s like a dream to see you look at me like I am the only man on earth who matters to you. You know you’ve been front and center in my heart since we met. And if that look in your eyes is genuine, then I’d like to tell you that you are the only woman I have considered as my future duchess. I know you’re going to complain and say it’s too soon, but I think I fell in love with you the moment I met you, and my thoughts were confirmed when you stood up to my father that first night at the dinner table. Tell me you feel the same way. Tell me you’ll be my duchess!”
“Michael…” In the midst of the confusion and mistaken smile, I searched for the taxi that carried Donovan. I searched everywhere, but the taxi had disappeared and taken my dream with it. What had possessed me to believe Donovan was in that car, waiting to start a new life with me? How had I made such a careless error? Now I had to undo Michael’s erroneous belief that I was meant to be his duchess.
“Laney?” Mrs. Haines called out. “Your cousin Jake is on the phone. Would you like to answer him, or shall I tell him you’ll call him back?”
I looked at Michael. “Go answer your call. I stopped by in passing to say hello. I actually have a meeting to attend. Can we talk more later?”
I nodded yes, waved good-bye, and walked in to answer the phone. “Hello?”
“The contractions have begun. We have a new Reid on his or her way. I thought you’d like to know!” Jake sounded elated.
“I’m coming home to see the baby as soon as I can catch a flight. Same hospital?”
“Laney. You don’t have to do that. I’ll send you pictures.”
“I’d like to see you and your family, Jake. I know I boasted that I wouldn’t be back for a year, but I’m really homesick, and I need to be around my family. Will you keep my secret and allow me to come under the pretense that I wanted to see the baby being born?”
“Of course, Laney. You know you don’t ever need an excuse to come home.”
“I know, Jake. I thought I’d be stronger than this but I miss everyone so much.”
“Your heart would feel that much better and lighter if you’d agree to see my buddy.”
“Maybe I will when I come home…”
“See you soon, Auntie Laney.”
“See you very soon.”
There was a flight leaving in the evening, so I quickly grabbed a few necessities and flew out the door after explaining to Mrs. Haines where I was going, and also letting her know I wasn’t sure when I’d be back. That would depend upon what Donovan Taylor had to say. This trip would be a day of reckoning for us. I needed to know where we stood and I needed to know why Donovan Taylor was all of a sudden so interested in seeing me. I’d be brutally honest and ask for the same kind of honesty from Donovan.
“Laney!” Mom practically dropped the cake stand she was dusting. “What are you doing here?”
I went over and hugged my mother whom I missed so dearly. “Jake called and said Emily was going into labor. I wanted to come see the birth of the baby.”
“You tell your mother you won’t come home for a year, but you rush over to see your cousin’s wife having her baby?” Mom gave me a dubious stare. “No matter!” She hugged me again. “I’m just glad you’re home.”
“What happened with Emily? Jake didn’t answer his phone.”
“She had the baby!” Mom declared.
“Oh my gosh! I gotta go see. I’m going over there right now, OK?” I ran out the door with only my keys in hand and rushed to the hospital.
Coming home and running to the hospital was the worst mistake of my life. What I witnessed at the hospital before arriving at Emily’s room was so devastating and destructive to my heart, I was confoun
ded by grief and utterly lost. The scene in the hospital room next to Emily’s room, jarred not only my fairytale outlook on life, but also crushed my self-esteem. Why was it never me? Why couldn’t I ever be front and center in his life?
Several times, I pulled myself back together only to fall back into tears. This bathroom stall became my protection from the hurtful world outside. I sat and calmed myself so I could go back and live in reality again. Normally I did my damnedest to look at the brighter side of life but after today, I didn’t know if a brighter side would ever exist for me. With every bone in my body telling me to go back to London, I fought that gut instinct and silently peeked into Emily’s door, praying Donovan would not be the first person to greet me as I walked in. What did greet me was a whole other surprise I didn’t expect today.
“Grandfather, she’s the shine to my sun and the light to my moon. I would give up my future dukedom, if she would agree to spend the rest of her life with me.”
“Are you insane boy? Do you know what you are saying? You can’t just give up your dukedom for a woman.”
There was a conversation going on between Michael, a man on the telephone whom I assumed was Michael’s grandfather, and my grandfather who laughed loudly. “You hear that Harry, old boy, your grandson is willing to give up being a duke and all the land and fortune that goes with it, to live with my granddaughter. I guess I’ll see you in America soon.”
“When hell freezes over. I want to see this girl the minute you two land at Heathrow! You got that, Michael?”
“Yes, Sir. I’ll bring her out to see you soon.”
Having no idea why Michael was here and how he found Emily’s hospital room when it took me two tries and a life-altering heartbreak, I tapped Michael on his back and whispered, “Hi. What are you doing here?”
“Laney,” Michael said in the sweetest and gentlest way. “I’m so very sorry, my duchess. I didn’t mean to scare you back in London. Please tell me you didn’t leave after what I’d confessed.” He held my hands as though they were his last lifeline and I closed my eyes, not so much because I was moved, but because Donovan stood right in front of me and I couldn’t look at him without showing everyone my heartache.