by Cee, DW
I continued the story while the three continued their gambling. “Bee somehow turned this into me not wanting to get married because I didn’t find her desirable enough to want to marry. How the hell do the two thoughts correlate? I don’t get it!”
“That’s simple.” My brother was handing out advice regardless of my asking. “Women want to know exactly where you are going, with any relationship. And a woman of Bee’s age will want to know if marriage is on your mind.”
“But marriage isn’t on her mind!” I complained.
“Are you stupid?” My brother slapped me behind the head. “Of course she’s thinking of marriage. What woman who’s willing to date doesn’t want to get married? Have I not taught you anything?”
“Did she ever tell you she didn’t want to get married?” Max saw to Jake’s bet, and raised it another fifty.
“Maybe...I don’t know...I think she did.”
“Don’t think, oh future brother of mine. That’s dangerous when you’re around women, especially your own woman. Give her what she wants. If she wants to talk about marriage, talk to her about it.”
“But I don’t want to marry her or anyone else. That would be deceitful!” What was wrong with this conversation? Why didn’t these guys understand that I didn’t want to lose my freedom?
“I, too, will see to your bet and raise you another fifty!” Donovan flashed another one of his evil grins. He, too, had that deceptively nice-but-not-really aura about him. He and Laney suited one another perfectly. “Don’t be an ass, Nick. You know you want to date her. Give in and see where it goes. It’s not like you’re going to live as a bachelor the rest of your life.” Jake showed his cards first and Max grinned. “If I know my aunt, she’s not expecting you to be at the altar next week. She just wants complete commitment from you.” Max revealed his cards, and now it was Donovan’s turn to grin. Obviously, we knew who had the best hand.
“Damn. That was good.” Jake congratulated his buddy. “What happened? You were never that good in college.”
Donovan let out another silly-ass looking grin. “Strip poker is all I have to say.” All three men guffawed.
“You have anything to say?” I turned to Doug.
“Hell no. I’m folding every round and staying invisible. I don’t need these three getting on my case. I’ll let you have all the fun.”
“Gee, thanks. You’ve turned into quite the friend.”
“Anytime, Cousin.” Doug spoke not one more word the rest of the night. He watched me grapple with the free-flowing, unwanted advice concerning Bee.
“Well?” Jake asked. “What have you decided? Max and I are almost out of money. This asshole has been playing too much poker with the wife. He’s wiped us clean.”
“I’m going to have to teach Jane to play strip poker. Maybe that’ll entice her to get off this crazy no-sex-till-the-wedding-night idea.”
“What the fuck?” Donovan laughed at Max. “Seriously?”
“What the fuck is right! Or maybe the better question would be, when can we…”
“Enough! I don’t want to hear about my sister and her bedroom antics.” I hollered in disgust. “I give up...again! Once Bee gets back into town, I’ll talk to her and work this out.”
“You like her enough to want to have her hold you by your Achilles’ heel and dangle you into the River Styx?”
“Or juggle you by the balls, ready to rip them off with one wrong move?”
“Shit, Max. Dammit, Donovan! What the fuck are you guys talking about? I’m not jumping into anything—not if you put it that way. Are you guys trying to help me or scare the shit out of me?”
They, including Doug, laughed at me till tears were rolling.
“Here you go, Cousin.” Donovan shoved his winnings along with the rest of what was in his wallet. “My wife told me to kick your ass tonight, literally and figuratively, but I believe I’ll save your ass instead. This here is a thousand dollars. It’s almost Bee’s birthday. Don’t wait for her to come back to you, but buy yourself a plane ticket with this money and go to her. If, after you give it a shot and it doesn’t work, none of us will ever bother you again.”
Damn! I had to admit, I loved my family.
February 3, 2014 BEE: Love Longing
“You are finding everything comfortable?”
I was hugely indebted to Ruby for housing me in New York, and to Michael for helping out a poor designer in London.
“How does one man occupy this huge place? You need to get married and fill it with kids right away, Michael. I really can hear echoes.”
“Find me a willing woman and I’ll do as you command,” he answered without hesitation.
“I’m sure you’ve got willing women lined up to be the next duchess.”
“I just need one right woman.” Even his wistful answer sounded sad.
“She’s probably in line, too, but you have no idea because you won’t sift.”
“Sift?” He grinned. “A bit insulting to women, no?”
I answered with a noncommittal I-don’t-give-a-damn shrug. “I got a huge advance from a new client.” I waved my check. “Dinner?”
In this short time of friendship, Michael and I had become close and comfortable. There wasn’t any crazed desire to be with one another, but when we were together, we had fun. There was a mutual respect and trust, and I’d come to rely upon this friend more often than I ever expected or intended.
“No can do on dinner.” Oh? That was a slight punch in the arm. “I have a date tonight!” A date? Now it felt like a fist to the stomach. The end of Michael’s lips veered north and looked similar to a smile as he said the word date. “Oh! But you’ll be alone. Did you want to join us?” Join you? That was a slap in the face.
“No, I don’t want to join you!” I spoke as if he’d said the most ridiculous words. “I’m glad you have a date. Who’s the lucky lady?” I hoped my enthusiasm was evident.
“I was told we went to school together back when we were five. A friend reintroduced us at a gathering, and she’s the first girl since Laney I’ve thought about dating. I figured it was a good sign if I found someone to take my mind off a married, pregnant-with-twins, unavailable woman.” His self-deprecating humor lightened this weirdly enlightened moment.
It wasn’t as though Michael and I had anything more than friendship. It wasn’t as though I wanted anything more than friendship with Michael. But it still bothered me that he was going out with another woman. With Nick and our last conversation still fresh on my mind, having burned a small hole in my heart, I shouldn’t be feeling disgruntled about Michael seeing anybody. And yet…I was. Perhaps I didn’t like the fact that everyone had found what or who they wanted, but me. Donovan and Laney ultimately found love, Nick recaptured the freedom he’d wanted for the next ten years, and Michael was on his way to finding his duchess. If I knew what the hell I was looking for in life, I’d be able to find it.
“You’re pulling a Laney on me.”
“What?”
“You went off into Neverland, and I was still talking to you. That’s what Laney used to do. I know now she was thinking about her future husband at the time. What or who are you thinking about? Nick?”
I shook my head in the negative. “In truth, I was thinking about you.” I shouldn’t have admitted that thought.
“Me? Well now I’m intrigued and honored. How did I enter your thoughts?”
“I had a single thought about you finding your happily ever after,” was all I’d admit. “Have a great evening. I hope she turns out to be all that your heart desires.” I pushed him out the door with that cheesy Hallmark greeting.
“Are you sure you’ll be all right without me?” Michael asked out of courtesy, but showed no hesitation or regret about leaving. He had no reasons to show any of those emotions and I encouraged him to have a fun evening.
With Michael gone, I picked up the sample fabrics I’d purchased today and fiddled around
with which might work with each design. I clipped swatches and put them on the sketches and no matter the way I laid out the swatches, they all looked wrong. Leaving those alone, I took out my sketchpad and worked on the new collection. All the drawings I came up with looked like something a high schooler had done. Frustrated to no end that nothing was working out the way I wanted, I went to the 8-foot table to do what I do best—make something out of nothing.
The kind man that he was, Michael set up a designer-friendly room in his large library. When I arrived at his flat, there was a beautiful mahogany work table, an industrial sewing machine and a pin-up board, along with pencils, erasers, rulers, and scissors, to name a few of the paraphernalia taking center-stage on the table. Michael had even thought of half-bodied mannequins. His kindness blew me away. Having left a man who grudgingly gave in to calling me his girlfriend, and coming to a man who gave much thought to my needs and comfort, reminded me even more how my “relationship” with Nick was only surface-level. Even a friend considered my needs more than the man I was “dating.”
Without putting any thoughts to the design, I let my mood dictate my hands, and I had finished two very darling onesies. They were nothing fancy, but they were sweet enough for my future grandnieces and/or nephews. I took a picture and sent it to Laney and Donovan with the hashtag #Beeautifulbabies!
“How did I know you’d be calling?” The phone call was immediate.
“Auntie, I love the onesies! I’m here with Donovan and he, too, thinks they are darling. Will you make us like twenty more?”
“Damn, Laney Taylor. Have you always been such a slave driver?”
She giggled and told her husband, “Auntie is calling me a slave driver.”
“She’s definitely a dominatrix in her own special way,” I heard Donovan purposely yelling loudly enough for me to hear.
“I’m hanging up,” I warned.
“No!” Laney hollered. “How are you, Bee? You’re surviving out in London?”
“It’s freakin’ cold out here, and the English get damn cranky in this weather. Otherwise, I’m doing well. How are you and the fam?”
“I am incredibly fat. My doctor tells me I’ve gained too much weight, even for a mother carrying twins. I cannot have my steaks for three every other night anymore. So I’ve been gorging on chicken salads to keep my weight and health in check.” She prattled on, “The babies are well and playful. Already, they have a good relationship with one another.”
“How the hell do you figure, Laney?”
“They sleep at the same time, they kick at the same time, they punch at the same time...”
“Are you even three months pregnant? Can you see and feel them kicking, already?” That Laney had to be pulling my leg.
“I can feel every movement, Auntie, and it’s the most amazing feeling. Donovan is dying to feel the kicks and punches, but the twins don’t perform when their daddy has his hand on my stomach. Is it possible to already love my unborn children more than family I’ve known all my life?” This talk of love for two faces she’d yet to see was incredibly sweet.
“You love these babies more than the man whom you’ve been in love with since you were a baby?” I knew the answer to that already.
She giggled again. “Not yet.” She was now in her dreamy mode. “My husband will be my one true and profound love. No one will ever take his rightful place in my heart.”
“I see it’s time for us to get off the phone. Tell Donovan I said hello. I’ll talk to you again, soon. Bye.” Tonight, I didn’t want to hear about Laney and Donovan’s love.
“Wait, you haven’t told me about London and Michael and…” I hung up.
Feeling beaten up and setback, I plopped myself on Michael’s tall leather chair and closed my eyes, wishing to escape reality. I’d be thirty in ten days, and I had very little to show for my thirty years of life. My mother was on some island I’d never heard of, my favorite cousins were all married and entrenched in family life, and most of my friends busily juggled family life with their careers. I was an “up and coming” designer who’d yet to stand tall in the design world. I lived in a tiny loft, and worked all hours because I had no one keeping me from working such hours. This wasn’t the first time I’d felt alone, but this was the first time I felt lonely. If anything were to happen to me, no one would look or even notice for days...or maybe even weeks.
I’d never thought of my life as a sad one, but I sure felt like a loser tonight.
February 6, 2014 NICK: Love Confused
“Why haven’t you gone out to Bee, yet?”
“Because like you, I have school, Laney. I can’t drop everything to chase down a woman on another continent.” I added that last bit of sarcasm.
I didn’t need to take out my frustration on Laney, but I was tired of everyone asking me why I wasn’t in London. Med school was top priority, and as much as I wanted to see Bee, I wasn’t going to be irresponsible. I was also pissed Bee hadn’t communicated with me since I left her apartment. I had told her to make up her mind and fill me in, but apparently she wasn’t going to fill me in on anything. She had been silent for too long.
“Do you even want to go after her?”
“Must we always have lunch together, Laney?”
“Of course!” she answered cheerfully. “Did you or did you not promise my husband you’d watch over me when we were in school together?” By the sarcasm in her voice, she knew what Donovan had asked was silly. “My hubby just wants to make sure the kids and I are safe at all times.”
“What will you do about school once the babies are born?”
“Finish it, of course. I’m not a quitter!” She was nuts. My cousin had no clue how hard it would be to finish med school with twins. It was hard enough as a single man bumming food and lodging off his parents.
“Hello, Family.” Max and Jake joined us.
“Hi Max. Hi Jake.”
“How are you feeling, Laney? My buddy tells me the doctor put you on a ‘diet’ already.”
“Yeah. Too much red meat and dessert. You see,” she pointed to her salad, “I’m eating all veggies with white meat chicken. I don’t even have dressing on the salad.”
“You don’t fool me, mama of twins,” my future brother-in-law accused, “Jane told me we were having dinner with you and Donovan tonight at another steak house.”
Her non-apologetic face said it all. “The doctor didn’t say I couldn’t have red meat. I just won’t have dessert.”
“Moderation, Laney.” Jake encouraged. “How goes it, Bro?” His question was just that—a question, but I took it as an inquisition.
“Before you both badger me, I purchased my plane tickets for next week when we have a four day weekend, and I’m going to take an added day off. That should give me plenty of time to find Bee and…”
“And?” Max asked, mid-bite. My sister must have rubbed off on him. He, too, always had an egg salad sandwich when I saw him.
“And...I don’t know…” I shrugged.
“Bee’s birthday is February thirteenth. Go find her at Michael’s, take her out, surprise her with a heartfelt gift, and tell her that you want to commit yourself to her.” Laney made it sound so easy. “Bee’s a simple person. There’s no drama with her. All she wants is to know which direction she’s headed, Nick. Her wedding dress isn’t made and she’s not waiting at the altar. She knows as well as you do this might not work. She only wants to know that you want to make it work.” Laney made sense.
I missed Bee. I didn’t think she’d be on my mind this much, but she was. Thoughts of her distracted me all day.
“You want me to give you a tip on what she’d like for her birthday?” Laney dangled the golden carrot. “Bee’s an easy person to please. Donovan once told me that Bee’s full name is Beatrice and when she was little, she’d only wear the color yellow. Because of her bright outfits, she’d always attract bumblebees and that’s when the name Bee stuck.”
“So she wants a bumblebee for her birthday?” Of course I knew this wasn’t the case, but I wanted to rile up Laney. She knew, and gave me a don’t be stupid look.
“She likes anything yellow—and all shades of yellow. Get her a collection of thoughtful gifts in yellow and you’ll make her birthday.”
“In the end, that’s harder and possibly more expensive than just getting her one thing,” I complained.
“Use your imagination, Nicholas!” Laney was done with me. “Good-bye cousins. I am off to the library. Where shall I meet you when you’re done?” She asked Max.
“I’ll pick you up from the library. See you soon.”
We all decided to go about our separate ways, and Jake ended up catching a ride home with me when the day was done.