by Cee, DW
I eventually pulled myself together and asked Ruby to borrow the family car so I could go visit Nick. A twenty-minute drive later, I came upon Nick.
“Hi. I was going to go see you just now.”
“Hey. I guess I saved you the time and effort.”
“Listen, about last night...”
“May I speak first? And if you have questions, I’ll be happy to explain further.”
“Bee...please...”
“I thank you for missing me enough to fly all the way out here during your busy schedule. I know how important school is to you, and I know that no matter what you decide with your future, you will succeed in life.”
“Bee...”
He wasn’t strong enough to stop me, or perhaps he didn’t care enough to be strong. “When I see you with the women in your family, I know one day you will be a loving husband. And when I see you playing with your niece and nephews, I know you will also be an amazing father. But I also know that your one day is different from my one day. And I have to agree with you, there’s nothing wrong with that. We are two people who are attracted to one another, have wonderful chemistry, but have a different time frame for the goals in their lives. I’ve enjoyed our time together, but I believe I deserve more than just a fun time. I wish you only the best, Nicholas.”
Before I lost it, I turned to the car to make a graceful departure.
“That’s it? You’re going to say what you want to say and just leave? I don’t have a say in this?”
I wanted to ask if he loved me enough to consider marrying me one day, but I didn’t want to break my fragile heart anymore.
February 20, 2014 NICK: Love Anew
I was fucking pissed I went all the way to Europe and got rejected without cause. Bee didn’t even listen to what I had to say. Had she given me a chance, I was going to say I had made a mistake that night at dinner. If there was ever a woman I saw with me ten years down the road, it was her and only her.
But, it was done. I was done. I’d always hated drama, especially women drama. Now I was back to a quieter, calmer, stress-free life.
“How’d it go?” Murphy’s Law would have it that I would run into Emily of all people, the minute I returned from my trip.
“It didn’t.” What else could I say to her?
“What do you mean it didn’t?”
“Emily,” I sounded a little more exasperated than I should have with my sister-in-law. “It’s a long story.”
Emily gave me her usual sweet smile and said, “Dinner is in fifteen minutes. We can talk then. See you in fifteen.”
Damn! That was not what I needed right now. I was pissed in Italy, I became even more pissed during the flight home, and several days later, I was still raging about what happened. It was thanks to Max, who stopped me from driving to the Bennington villa, that Bee didn’t get a mouthful and an earful from me back in Tuscany.
“Nick!” My little monster ran to me with her two brothers in tow. I now noticed that JR was crawling at the speed of a running toddler. “Pray?”
“It’s play, and not pray, Ellie.” I tried to correct her pronunciation, but she didn’t give a damn. She only wanted to hear my agreement to her question. “I think it’s dinner time, Ellie. Let’s play after dinner.” I patted her and James on the head, and picked up JR. The twins decided to grab each knee and I gingerly walked with three kids. “How are you, Buddy?” With his shirt ruched up to his belly, I blew raspberries all over JR’s tummy. JR giggled away.
“Me too. Me too!” My monster demanded. I obliged Ellie, and picked up James next.
“You too?” I asked him.
“Yesh, Unca.”
“Finally! Someone got it right.” I gave James an extra-long raspberry session.
Once the cackling died, this comical boy said, “Thet you, Unca,” and waddled to his high chair. He was like a little man.
“I think I found a new favorite,” I called out casually.
“Hey Bro’. I see Emily called you over to put you in the hot seat.”
“I’m unsure why she called me over.” I knew that wouldn’t get me out of the conversation, but I thought I’d try.
“Sit!” Emily commanded. All this time I thought Ellie got her bossiness from Jake, but tonight I was seeing a different picture. “You want to explain before you start dinner or after you finish dinner?”
“Before.” I explained everything in fine detail. I also told Emily what I would’ve said had I been given a chance.
“Then it’s simple. You go to Bee’s after dinner and finish your conversation.”
“Emily!” I complained to her like a little boy. I might as well have added, “Do I have to? Do I have to?” and stomped my feet on the floor.
“If you don’t want to make this work with Bee, let us know and we won’t meddle. We were under the impression you liked her very much, and regardless of what might happen in the future, you wanted to have a relationship with her in the present.”
“I do, Emily. But…”
“Nick. There are a lot of words spoken that shouldn’t be spoken when one is hurt and/or angry. Jake and I have had plenty of those cases ourselves. I think you should give it one last try and at least talk to her. Finish your conversation, tell her what you just told us, and if she still says no, then at least you tried. There will be no regrets.”
As always, my sister-in-law made all the sense in the world. “All right, Emily. I’ll go over there right now and try one last time.”
“Wonderful!” Emily kicked me out as soon as dinner was done.
Regardless of what I thought, Emily was correct. I needed to say at least what was on my mind, and if Bee still said no, I’d say the hell with her. We would forever be done.
Just as I got into my car, my phone rang. “Hello?”
“Hey Nick,” said a cheerful voice. “This is Lily.”
“Hey Lily. How’s it going?” It had been a while since we’d spoken.
“Well I wasn’t going to call you…” she was hesitant, “but my sister convinced me to let you know I was moving and to ask you...something...”
“Wait. You’re moving? Didn’t you just get here?”
“Yeah…can we meet? I’m not far from you if you can see me briefly tonight.”
“Sure.” I gave her the address to a local coffee shop and wondered what it was she wanted to ask me, and why she was moving.
“Hi,” she said in a soft voice, and gave me a hug when she finally arrived.
“I ordered an espresso for you already.”
“How’d you know that’s what I like?”
Do I come off as that much of a negligent man? “I have ears and eyes.” I teased. “So what’s with the move, and what do you have to ask me?”
“Before I start, let me ask you what your status is with Bee. Every time we ‘see’ each other, you and Bee seem to be on the outs. Is that the case again, or are you and she finally together?”
Shit. How to answer this one... “Bee and I are no longer together...and I believe this is final.”
Lily looked somewhat relieved, but still uncomfortable enough to fidget. “I got an offer for my same position back in Jersey. I can move back in with my parents, and eventually get my own place or stay here and mooch off my sister a little longer. It’s unrealistic to think I’d have any decent standard of living out here, especially on the Westside.”
“OK...”
“But...Sarah and Charlie have told me I could stay with them as long as I wished.”
“What is it you want to do?”
“Going home is ideal. But...” She resisted finishing the sentence. “If by a slim chance you wanted to date...I’d stay and see where things could go for us. I’m not asking you for anything. I don’t want marriage. I don’t want kids. None of that floats my boat yet. But I like you.” She did a cute shrugging of the shoulders and turned red.
I had one woman who wanted the impossible from
me, and ran the hell away when I couldn’t give it to her. Here, I had another woman who wanted virtually nothing but a chance to get to know one another. I preferred the former, but didn’t mind the latter. What was a guy to do? “Um...”
Apparently, I’d taken too long to answer. Looking embarrassed, Lily got up and said, “I have a decision to make regardless. I was curious to know what you thought of me. See you around.” She was leaving.
“Lily...wait!”
February 24, 2014 BEE: Love Familial
“What are you doing here? Did you and Donovan get into a fight?” My niece was at my door with an overnight bag in her hand, looking more than three-months pregnant. On such a tall frame, it looked natural and beautiful.
“Of course my husband and I did not get into a fight.” She looked at me as if I were crazy.
“Then what’s with the overnight bag, and why are you here at this late hour?”
“I am here to spend the night.”
“And why would you leave your mansion for my half-bedroom castle?”
“I’m here because I love you, we are family, and I know you’re hurting inside.” I tried to play if off as though I had no idea what she was talking about. She wasn’t buying it. “You’re looking at a woman who hurt for a very long time by the man who knocked her up before wedlock.” That was funny. My niece always had a self-deprecating humor that made her goddess looks turn human. “You helped me when I was hurting. I’m here to return the favor.”
“Your hubby know you’re here?”
“Of course!”
“Does he know he’s losing his wife tonight—that she won’t be in his bed?”
“Yes. He’s not thrilled to be sleeping alone, but he supports my decision. In fact, he drove me here and helped me pick out tubs of ice cream. Which one do you want?”
She opened up a freezer bag filled to the rim with pints of Haagen Dazs, Ben & Jerry’s and boxes of novelty bars. “You didn’t get my favorite.”
“Your nephew picked out your absolute favorite Haagen Dazs coffee bars. You have some Flakes? Let’s start with the tub of vanilla bean and scoop them out with Flakes.”
We did just that. Between my broken heart and Laney’s pregnant appetite, two pints were polished off in record time.
It was when we were in an ice-cream-drunken-stupor that Laney asked me about Florence.
“You want the long, ugly version or the short, Phantom of the Opera version?”
“What the hell is that?”
“You know.” I put my hand over half my face for special effects. “Half beautiful, half distorted?”
“You’re such a nut!” Laney fell back on the futon and laughed. “Tell me whatever version you’d like to talk about. I’ll stay up the entire night listening to it all.” By the yawns she was producing, I didn’t know how long she’d last. “Don’t mind the yawns. This is what I do all day long with this pregnancy. I have no morning sickness, I feel perfectly fine, but all day long I eat and yawn. So please don’t take it personally.”
“You asked for it, so I will give you the good, the bad, and the ugly in a nutshell.”
“OK!”
“It starts with Michael.” I began with the prologue. “Michael told me that though we did not love each other, we liked each other enough to try for a relationship.”
“You and Michael have progressed to that stage? I thought you guys were friends who might be a little attracted to one another. I always figured it was never a bad thing for Nick to have a little competition. Of course, I don’t want Michael hurt in any way. I figured it was fun flirtation.”
“I didn’t hurt Michael, and he didn’t hurt me. He was at least honest and upfront about his feelings, or lack thereof. To be truthful, Nick has always been honest about his feelings too. It’s just that I have a hard time accepting what he wants and doesn’t want.”
“What happened with Nick? When I learned he was traveling to Florence, I thought it was a very good sign.”
“So, Nick showed up at the duke’s villa as I was rounding the corner with Michael. Always the gracious host, Michael greeted everyone and gave us our privacy.”
“What did Nick say or do that upset you enough to end your relationship?”
“He actually said all the right things. He told me he missed me and that he came thousands of miles to see me.”
“Then where did it go wrong?”
“It was at dinner with the Benningtons when all Michael could do was talk about you, and all Nick could do was talk about his future without me.”
“Oh Michael!” Laney wasn’t pleased. “I’m nothing to pine over. He needs to wake up to the reality that there are so many women out there much better suited for him.” Laney went to grab us each a Haagen Dazs bar. “Why was Nick talking about his future in front of strangers?”
“Lizzy Bennington asked him what his future plans were, and he mentioned doing research, publishing, studying abroad, not having to settle down since his siblings were settled, and taking his sweet time accomplishing all his goals. What he never mentioned was a future with the woman he flew all the way to Tuscany to see.”
“So what did you say to both men?”
“I told Michael that neither he nor I wanted to be each other’s sloppy seconds. And without saying a word, he knew I was right. But he left us open-ended and told me he’d be willing to see if we could work.”
“And Nick?”
“I thanked Nick for taking time out of his busy schedule for me, and I told him he would one day make a fine husband and father, but obviously it wasn’t meant to be for us.”
“What did he say? Didn’t he disagree?”
“He was upset I wouldn’t give him his say. We didn’t need to rehash the same story. I’ve heard it before.”
“Can I ask why you’re so hell-bent on getting Nick to heel? I understand where you’re coming from, but if Donovan had traveled halfway around the world to tell me he missed me, I would’ve given in in a heartbeat.”
“Donovan hasn’t told you about Beau?”
By the blank look on her face, I guessed this was news to her. “I know you were engaged to Beau at one point, but no one ever told me anything about him.”
“Here’s the short and ugly. We dated since sophomore year in high school. Once we graduated and I started working, we moved in together and I supported him for seven years. Five out of those seven years, he had another woman on the side. When I suspected he might be cheating, he proposed marriage and shut me up. When I actually saw him with the other woman, he had the balls to accuse me of not being attractive enough or fun enough. I was ‘too serious trying to make a name for myself.’”
“Asshole! So what happened?”
“After feeling like an idiot, I moved myself out and bought myself this loft. I’ve been alone since Beau, and I promised myself that when another man came around, I’d matter to him. I wouldn’t be another plaything and waste seven years of my life.”
“But you know Nick won’t cheat on you. He’ll break up with you if there’s another woman involved.”
“I know. I’m not accusing him of being another Beau. It’s really more me. I don’t want to be the seventeen-year-old naïve girl again. I’m thirty now, and if a man tells me he’s not looking at a future with me in it, then I know better than to go along for the ride, no matter how fun the ride.”
My poor niece had sleep written all over her face. Pregnancy, med school, and the demands of a new marriage were taking a toll on her, but she still had a radiant smile on her face. I supposed that was what a good man did for a woman. He made her outlook on their future bright, no matter the circumstances. Even in her groggy state, Laney would rise up to the challenge of conquering the world if called upon to action.
“So what will you do now?”
Wasn’t that the question of 2014 for me! “I’ll do what I’ve been doing the past twelve years—what I absolutely love doing beyond anything.
I’ll continue to design and make pretty clothes. I may even think about getting into children’s wear if your kids are cute enough to inspire me.” No more words were necessary. Laney was done for the night. She was asleep on the futon with a melting Haagen Dazs bar in her hand.
“Hey.” I called my nephew. “Take your wife home. She’s conked out on my sofa. She’ll end up with a neck-cramp the way she’s positioned.”