If I were a betting man, I would bet money that within a short period of time Melissa will be back to making a high six-figure income. The reason why is because that income is her identity. That is how she sees herself; she believes she’s worth $200,000 per year and she understands the principles needed to get there.
It’s the same reason people who come into an inheritance or win the lottery are often broke again a few years later: They never built the identity of a successful high-earner. The running joke about the lottery is that it is a tax on people who are bad at math. People who think that buying lottery tickets is a wise use of their money are probably not going to be very good at managing their winnings on the 1 in 13,983,816 chance that they do win. To put those odds in perspective, if you bought one lottery ticket a week for 250,000 years, you would be expected to win once.
Consider the story of Jack Whittaker Jr. (1), a West Virginia businessman who became famous when he won $314.9 million in the Powerball multi-state lottery. At the time it was the largest non-divided jackpot in American history. Whittaker opted to take a lump-sum payment that came out to $93 million after taxes. Since winning the Powerball, Whittaker’s life has gone dramatically downhill.
Since December 2002, Whittaker has:
had two deaths in his family from drug overdoses,
been sued by casinos for gambling debts,
been sued by individuals looking for a payout,
been robbed,
been mobbed by requests for money everywhere he goes,
lost all of his friends,
had his gambling, drinking, and philandering woes splashed about the media.
History and state lotteries have shown us that those who come into very large sums of money without earning it—or without having the identity to keep it—often end up broke again or worse off than they were before they won the money. Money is something that has to be grown into with a developed sense of discernment, responsibility, and wisdom.
As with anything else, before you begin to build your identity, you must first decide what you are building. Think about the college athlete who sees himself as one day being a professional basketball player. Once he gets drafted by the NBA, where else can that identity take him? He has already arrived. Now think about stars like Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, or Phil Jackson. Their identities are based not just on being in the pros, but on being one of the great ones of the game. They attract that level of success because they see themselves as champions and therefore do the work to make it a reality. Sometimes it may take years for us to actually transform into the person we see ourselves as; but once we truly believe that is the person we are meant to be, eventually we find a way to embody that identity.
Building your identity is about earning that identity. It is about doing the hard work, seeking the information, and transforming yourself from the inside out into the person who you envision becoming. This book will give you the tools and steps to begin that transformation.
Winston Churchill gave a speech at Harvard University on September 6, 1943, which he closed by saying, “The empires of the future are empires of the mind.” If you want your future to look different, you have to start by changing your thinking and building your identity into the person who you desire to be.
An associate of mine asked me a question once on why his identity wasn’t constantly growing, so we did an inventory of the way he spent his hours each week. Here is what we found:
168 total hours per week
Sleep: 7 hours per day x 7 days = 49 hours. (119 hours left)
Work ( including drive time and lunch breaks): 10 hours per day x 5 days = 50 hours. (69 hours left)
Watch TV: 4 hours a day x 7 days a week = 28 hours. (41 hours left)
Personal hygiene / bathroom / shower: 1 hour a day x 7 days = 7 hours. (34 hours left)
Workout /exercise: 1.5 hours x 3 days = 4.5 hours. (29 hours left)
Family responsibilities / church / soccer practice: 10–30 hours a week. (Time is gone)
The real question I asked was, “Out of your 168 hours per week, how many hours do you spend reading, listening to personal development CDs, attending professional development conferences, or associating yourself with high identity individuals?” His answer was an hour a week. I asked, “How do you expect to an hour a week to compete with the other 167 hours?” If you want to transform your identity, you must make the process a priority in your life. The time that you spend on your identity makeover will positively transform all the other areas of your life as well.
Action Item:
1. How many hours a week do you spend working on your identity?_______
Action Item:
2. What are three things you’re willing to commit to in order to help increase your identity?
1.
2.
3.
(1) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Whittaker_(lottery_winner)
Law 2
Let the Right Ones In
There’s an adage that says you will make the average income of the five friends with whom you spend the most time. For better or worse, we become more like the people who we hang around. Your associations have a lot to do with where you are at in every area of your life. The idea is to create an “advisory board” of friends who will lift you up, challenge you, inspire you, and hold you accountable. Your friends are going to influence you either way, so why not pick the friends who will be a positive influence?
Birds of a feather….
Walt Disney befriended Ray Kroc while the two were working together as ambulance drivers back in 1917.
Bill Gates and Warren Buffett have become friends and partners in their philanthropy.
Magic Johnson and Larry Bird were both competitors and friends. They both spoke the same language of doing the impossible.
Two of the most influential American authors of all time, Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau, lived in the same small town and were close friends. Their dialogue helped shape each other’s philosophy.
Another famous friendship existed between writers C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien. The two became the best of friends not just because of their shared belief in the power of myth and writing, but also because of shared religious beliefs.
Making the active decision to change your associations can lead to some painful criticism. For example, you realize that if you want to make it to the NBA you need to stop playing ball with your friends at the YMCA and instead start running with players at a much higher level. Your YMCA buddies who can’t relate to your burning desire to go to the NBA may feel like you are leaving them behind, or they may think that you feel superior to them. Some friends may even try to bring you down out of envy of your courage and confidence. Some people simply have no desire to attempt the impossible in life. That’s okay, too. We all get to make choices on how we want our life to be.
“Associate yourself with people of good quality if you esteem your reputation, for ‘tis better to be alone than in bad company.”
— George Washington
Very rarely will you have friends who will completely support you for what you’re doing. My father once told me that finding a true best friend is just like finding a great spouse: One special person is worth more than hundreds of acquaintances. A true best friend will build you up and believe in you. Lesser friends, and even family members, may not. Sometimes they are worried that they are being left behind, or perhaps they simply lack your belief.
“People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.”
— Plato
Believe it or not, this is where most people hesitate when pursuing their dreams. They let the criticism and doubts of others get to them and they give up. Prepare yourself for criticism or lack of support from people around you and make the decision ahead of time not to let it deter you from your path. Any time you decide to make a courageous change in your life you will have naysayers, e
ven some who are doing it out of love or concern for you. You can’t control the criticism that you’ll get, but you can control your reaction to it.
“Wounds from a friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”
— Proverbs 27:6
Think of your associations in terms of assets and liabilities. People who are assets are your mentors, your guides to an increased identity. Look for people who have qualities that you want to develop in your own self and learn from them—someone who holds a leadership role in life, for example, who has faith as a cornerstone, has been married for thirty years, and has raised good kids.
“First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win.”
— Gandhi
It’s not a complex formula: Look for people who have the attributes that you want in your own life. Be selective of your friends. Think about the identity that you want to build for yourself and create associations in your life with people who resemble that identity. Last but not least, keep in mind that people want to associate themselves with others who add to their lives. If you constantly bring value to others, you will be someone who others seek to associate with as well.
“All truth passes through three stages. First it is ridiculed. Secondly, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”
— Arthur Schopenhauer, German Philosopher
Action Item:
Study your associations. Make a list of the five friends with whom you spend the most time. Remember the key is the most time. How do they influence you in a positive or a neagtive way?
Name Positive Influence Negative Influence
Your most important associations: finding true mentors.
A true mentor is worth his or her weight in gold, but mentors are not easy to find. Think of a person in your life currently or in the past who you believe served as a mentor to you. Let’s take a closer look at that person. There are some keys to look for when determining if someone is a true mentor.
A Mentor’s Attributes:
They care about you.
They’re not afraid to give you tough love.
They challenge you regularly.
They teach through setting a great example of personal success.
They have a great vision and communicate it well.
They have a solid foundation of character— an exemplary personal life as well as business life.
If you are blessed enough to have someone like this in your life, your job is to become very coachable. Be grateful for your mentor. A true mentor is a rare treasure. Earn your mentor’s respect and show them that their belief in you is well-founded. That will be all the payment that a true mentor needs.
“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.”
— Sicilian Proverb
Action Item:
Make a list of the associations that you would like to develop. What pastor, community leader, coach, or entrepreneur do you want to influence you? Then think about ways you can develop your relationship with that person and spend more time with him or her.
Law 3
Protect Your Credibility Score
Accomplishing the impossible requires you to earn the trust of others. You must prove to those around you that your word and your character can be counted upon. Trust takes years to develop but only moments to destroy. When the people in your life who you interact with know that you can be trusted, you will develop business and personal relationships that stand the test of time. Long-term, successful relationships are key to doing the impossible; nobody reaches greatness alone.
You need to be a person who people will want to work with long term. You have to be a bridge builder, not a bridge burner. There is no quicker way to burn bridges than by breaking the trust of those you have worked with. If you lack integrity in your dealings, it will soon be known by everyone. On the flip side, if you are a great partner, people will tell others and they will come back to work with you again and again.
“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”
— Abraham Lincoln
Even a person with the best intentions can fail in the credibility department. Sometimes it’s a question of committing to too much, of not wanting to say no, or of not placing enough value on your word.
If there were a formula to run a “credit check” to determine what your FICO score is on keeping your word, how would you do? If you were to run my report in 1997 I would’ve probably scored around 400. That’s because I had big dreams but very little action. I began working on my credibility FICO score as soon as I realized how powerful a person becomes when he starts keeping his word. It starts off with small promises you keep and leads to big commitments where someone will put a lot of trust in you because you have earned it. Do not make any commitments that you are not 100% sure that you can keep. Learn to say “no” or “let me get back to you.” In the end, people will respect you more when your word is as good as gold—and you will respect yourself much more, too. You will eventually get to the point where you and all those around you know that if you say you’re going to do something, it will get done.
“There are seven things that will destroy us: wealth without work; pleasure without conscience; knowledge without character; religion without sacrifice; politics without principle; science without humanity; business without ethics.”
— Mahatma Gandhi
“Character is much easier kept than recovered.”
— Thomas Paine
You don’t get to this point overnight. Becoming a person who keeps your word starts with doing the little things, like calling someone back when you say you will or arriving to an appointment on time. Once people know that they can count on you, you will be seen as a person whose word comes to pass. You will come to see yourself that way, too. Eventually, if you make a promise to yourself and to others to make a change in your life or achieve a goal, others will believe that you will do it. Make your word your bond, both to yourself and to others, and you will turn yourself into a person who can be counted on.
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
— John Wooden
Action Item:
1. What would your credibility FICO score be today?____
Action Item:
2. What are three things you can do immediately to increase your credibility score?
1.
2.
3.
Law 4
Strengthen Your Greatest Weapon
Why should we stop learning when we finish school at age eighteen or twenty-two, or at age fifty, or ever? It’s funny that we accept that going to college will lead to making more money or getting a better career yet we don’t assume that self-education will increase our success potential. You don’t need a teacher and a university to learn. As a matter of fact, we live in a world where you can have access to just about any book, article, audio file, or video that you want with the click of a mouse. We live in a great age of access on demand. You can educate yourself on history, matters of money, personal development, or just about anything that you want.
“If you stop learning, you will forget what you already know.”
— Proverbs 19:27
When I was young I did not like to read, nor did I think that reading was cool. Up through the age of eighteen, I had read only two books cover to cover: That Was Then, This is Now by S.E. Hinton and Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck. I was the kid in high school who thought people who read books were nerds.
“A room without books is like a body without a soul.”
— Marcus Tullius Cicero
After I was discharged from the military, I wanted to do something great with my life, but I didn’t know where to start. A mentor of mine told me that leaders are readers. On his advice, I started reading, and I couldn’t st
op. I have read over six hundred books cover to cover. Before I got married, I read books on marriage. Before starting my business, I read books by great business leaders. Anything I want to know more about or get better at, I read a book on. Now, fifteen years later, I have turned into the book nerd that I used to make fun of.
“One hour per day of study will put you at the top of your field within three years. Within five years you’ll be a national authority. In seven years, you can be one of the best people in the world at what you do.”
— Earl Nightingale 1921-1989, Author and Speaker
Reading allows you to shape your identity independently of your current circumstances. You internalize the wisdom and knowledge of the authors who you read. They say that there are two types of experiences that we can learn and grow from: personal experience and the experience that we borrow from others. Reading allows you to learn from mentors who you don’t have access to in your daily life. Learning from other people’s stories of challenges and triumph is far less painful and less time-consuming than going through those challenges yourself. That is why most of the world’s greatest leaders have been avid readers.
Doing The Impossible Page 2