by Laura John
“Are you okay?” Mason asks, almost to my kitchen, noticing that I haven’t moved from the door.
“Yep,” I say, popping the “p” like a fucking idiot.
This was not a smart decision, but it’s too late to go back now. My dick already did the talking, inviting him over, so now I just have to live with the consequences.
Closing the door, I follow Mason to my kitchen and smile as he pulls out a beer for me.
“I like lots of types of beer. We should go to a brewery one day and expand your horizons if this is all you drink,” I joke and Mason smiles like he really likes the idea.
“I’d actually love that. I’ve tried a few different beers, but as you know, the past few years, I’ve buried myself in work and haven’t really done much for fun. A brewery sounds like a great night out.”
I want to say, “It’s a date,” but I decide to keep my mouth shut.
“I hope you like hummus. I kind of didn’t think about the fact that some people don’t stick to as strict of a diet as I do,” I tell him, before taking a swig of the beer.
“I love all food. I should get Meadow to cook for us sometime. She told me she’s working on new food ideas for her restaurant. So if you want to be a guinea pig with me, let me know. I’m sure she could make something that sticks to your diet.”
“Meadow has a restaurant? I don’t know much about her.”
“Not yet. She’s actually a teacher, but this summer we are going to open one. I’ve been looking at properties for her. She loves to cook and is fucking amazing at it. She kind of hates the business side of things but wants to own something that’s hers, not work for someone else.”
I smile at him, loving the way he lights up when he talks about her. I learned from our phone conversation that they were close, but you can really see it when he talks about her.
“That’s awesome. I’m down to try her new food. And if she’s looking for another investor, I’d be really interested,” I tell him as I go to get the veggie platter and hummus.
When I place the platter on the counter and glance up, the look on Mason’s face is unrecognizable.
“What?” I ask, wondering if he thinks the hummus looks gross.
“You’d really invest in her? You haven’t even met her, let alone tried her cooking.”
I shrug. “You say it’s good, I trust your judgment.”
“Why?” he asks, grabbing the back of his neck.
“I’ve always been a good judge of character, and there’s something about you that is trustworthy,” I tell him, staring into his eyes.
He looks away and takes a swig of his beer, a shade of red covering his cheeks. Shit, I think I embarrassed him.
“Anyway… why don’t we take this food and go to the living room?” I say, trying to change the mood back to something positive.
After I grab the hummus and Mason picks up the veggie platter, we make our way to the living room and sit next to each other on the couch.
“Why did you choose Sienna?” Mason asks, before putting a large bite into his mouth and moaning.
I take a large pull of my beer before answering, telling my cock to stay down, but of course, it’s not listening.
“I’m not sure, actually. I’m a Cali kid and I did love playing with the Giants. But my dad was from Oregon and always cheered for the Grey Wolves, so it was kind of in my blood to cheer for them too. And when I heard they wanted me, I jumped on it. Honestly, if they wouldn’t have accepted the offer you did up for me, I probably would have taken a low-ball offer just to be able to play for mine and my dad’s favorite team.”
He smiles at the story. “I bet he’s so proud of you.”
I stare down into my food. “Actually, he passed away when I was only fifteen. My momma had to work her ass off to provide for us. There were so many times I wanted to drop out of school and help her, but she would have none of that. She let me have a part-time job as long as my grades stayed up but wouldn’t take any of my money. So, I didn’t let her buy me anything, except food. I did as much as I could around the house and helped be a good role model for my three brothers. My youngest brother will be graduating from college next year. They are all smart fuckers and didn’t get the sports gene like I did. Zack, who is only a year younger than me, is actually a doctor, and my mama is so proud of us all.”
I smile, thinking about all we have accomplished and that my mom doesn’t have to work anymore. She took care of us by herself and always pushed us to be the best. I know my dad would be proud of her, and all of us. He was with us long enough to show us how to be real men. Mama reminds us that he’s always watching and would be proud of each and every one of us. She was sad when I was moving to Sienna, but so happy that I was doing what I wanted and following my dream.
“Your mama was a strong woman to raise four boys by herself. But looking at you, I can tell she did a good job. I didn’t lose my dad as young, but he was a huge part of my life, and I get wanting to make him proud. You are amazing, Xavier.” He stops and reaches out to place his hand on mine. “If your dad were here today, I’m sure he would be the loudest one at the stadium. Screaming, ‘that’s my boy,’ but since he’s not here, I’ll be the loudest one cheering you on saying, ‘that man’s a beast.’”
I chuckle and stare at his hand on mine. It feels…right. Like that’s exactly where it’s supposed to be.
“Ready to play some Mario Kart?” I ask. He nods, slowly taking his hand back, and I already miss the connection.
After an hour of playing, it’s already one in the morning, and I’m exhausted. I don’t normally go to bed until two, but tonight, I’m ready for an early bedtime.
“You are too fucking good,” Mason says, placing the controller down and turning his body to me. A large yawn slips out, and I quickly place my hand over my mouth. “And clearly you are ready for bed. I’ll get out of your hair.”
He stands to grab his coat, and I follow him to the door.
“Thanks for hanging out with me tonight. I had a great time. I really do want to do that brewery thing; I just don’t know when I can make that work.”
He smiles. “I’ll see if there are any open late. I’m sure we can make something work. I’ll just drop your name.”
I laugh, and I want to kiss him, or at least hug him. Instead, I place my hands in my pockets. We both stand at the door awkwardly for a minute before Mason gestures outside.
“Well… I guess I should be going…” he says, almost sounding disappointed.
“Call me tomorrow night. We could do this again,” I add.
He smiles, a light coming back to his eyes. “I’d like that a lot, actually. I didn’t really realize that I didn’t have any friends anymore—besides Meadow—but she doesn’t count. It’s nice to make a new one.”
He starts to walk toward his car, and I shut the door, a sadness coming over my heart. Is that all we’ll ever be? Friends? I want more than that, but I can’t rush it. If I push too soon, he’ll run away and then I won’t even have him as a friend.
Meadow: Are you coming out for drinks after your baseball game?
Me: Can’t. I have plans.
My phone starts ringing, and I laugh.
“Meadow, I’m busy watching the game. I’ll call you later.”
“Oh, no, you won’t. You don’t have friends. Who are you hanging out with?”
I laugh again and stand up to go to the bathroom so I can hear better.
“You’re making me miss the game. What if I miss an awesome run?”
“Stop dodging the question. Do you have a date?”
“I wouldn’t call it that. I’m hanging out with a new friend. He can only hang out late at night, so I’m probably booked for the next few nights.”
“Why only a few nights? Who is this new friend? Stop beating around the bush and spill the beans!”
“It’s Xavier, okay? And I don’t want to hear it. Right now, we are just friends, and I’m happy with that—” Am I, though? “I don
’t know if I’m ready to date, but I am ready to expand my circle some more. And if this turns into more, I won’t say no.”
Meadow squeals on the other end of the phone and I have to pull it away from my ear.
“I’m so proud of you. This is a big step for you, even if you don’t see it like that. I love you and I’ll let you get back to the game. Have fun tonight.”
“I will. Love you too.”
I end the call and walk back to my seat. I’m really excited to be hanging out with Xavier again tonight. After our deep conversation last night, I really connected with him.
I wasn’t lying when I told Meadow I don’t know if I’m ready to date. But if Xavier asks, I don’t think I could say no to him. Part of me wants him to ask me, even though it’s kind of scary. When I lie in bed at night, he’s who I think of. I had one moment with him in a fucking closet and it’s all I can think about. What would a full night of passion with him be like?
“You didn’t need to bring anything,” Xavier says when he lets me in.
“I know, but you said that you were craving cherries, so I picked some up for you.”
He smiles and takes the bag of fresh, super juicy cherries and walks to his kitchen. Following behind, I notice he’s wearing cologne tonight; it has a citrus scent to it, and I really like it. Makes me want to get closer to him.
“I was thinking we should play a board game tonight,” he tells me, unpacking the yummy smelling food.
“Sure. What do you want to play?”
“Well, I only have Scrabble and Monopoly, and I’m not sure we are at the point in our relationship—I mean friendship—to play Monopoly.” He blushes as he stumbles over his words, and I can’t help but smile at how cute he is.
Maybe I want more than friendship, but how do I even tell him that?
“Scrabble sounds good to me, but I’m gonna warn you, I’m competitive.”
He laughs and dishes us both up a plate. “I know. You pout every time you die in a video game.”
“Do not,” I say, crossing my arms and causing him to laugh harder. I can’t help but join in. “Fine, I pout, but at least I’m cute when I do it.”
“That you are,” he says quietly, and I’m not sure if he meant for me to hear it, but I did.
After he pours the cherries into a bowl and places it on the table, Xavier goes to his cupboard and pulls out the Scrabble game.
“Remember, I’m not the smart one of my brothers, so don’t beat my ass too bad,” Xavier says, placing the box on the kitchen table.
“I make no promises. I love to win.”
I give him my smile that I used to give to women, and I’m pretty sure it has the same effect on Xavier because his cheeks turn a rosy color.
“I quit!” Xavier yells, standing from the table when I put down the letters for the word appellate. “That’s not even a fucking word.”
I chuckle. “It’s legal jargon, but it’s a real word. Would you like to use the dictionary?”
He flips me off and storms into the living room. Shit, now I feel bad. I need to do something to rectify the mood. We were having such a great night. I hope I didn’t ruin it by being too competitive.
Walking up behind him, I place my hand on his shoulder. He slowly turns to face me and I realize quickly that we are standing very close to each other. I can feel his breath on my face.
“I guess I’m a sore loser too,” he finally says, breaking the silence.
I laugh and shove his shoulder gently.
“Glad I’m not the only one.”
Neither one of us moves, and I glance down to look at his lips. I remember how soft they were, and before I even realize what I’m doing, I’m brushing my lips against his.
He kisses me back and we stay like that for a moment, kissing gently before I pull back. Feelings I’ve never really experienced before rush through me.
“It’s not a bad thing,” Xavier says, placing his hand on my shoulder.
“I know. It’s not that. It’s just, I don’t know how to do this,” I admit, running my hands through my hair.
“It’s okay to be nervous.” He squeezes my shoulder and I lean more into his touch.
“I want to go out with you.” I pause, biting my lip, “On a date, see where things go. That is, if that’s what you want?”
He smiles, and a warmth spreads through my chest. He keeps his hand on me, the weight of it welcome and comforting.
“I’d like that very much,” he tells me in a softer voice. “I’m going to be gone for another week, the day after tomorrow, but when I get back, we should go to a brewery as our first date. I think it would be the perfect setting.”
“That’s a great idea. I think I need to get home now. Thanks for another great night.”
Part of me wants to stay, but another part needs time to come to terms with everything I’ve just agreed to. I’m taking a big scary step and I don’t know how to feel about that.
I grab my coat from the back of the couch and head towards the door with Xavier right behind me.
We both pause, and I wonder how we should say goodbye. Should we hug? Kiss? High-five?
“Stop overthinking everything,” Xavier says and places a soft kiss on my lips. It calms me and I want more, but not yet.
“See you soon,” I say, walking out the door feeling like I’m walking on cloud nine.
I’m pretty sure I’m dating Xavier Briggs, my celebrity crush and the one man who ultimately got me to come out of the closet. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and if I’d never met Xavier, I don’t know if I would have confessed that I’m gay. I probably would have stayed in the closet a lot longer, but he woke up a part of me, and I’m happy he did.
Me: You guys killed it!
Xavier: I know! There is nothing more amazing than the high you get from winning a game.
Me: I bet. I think it might be kind of like when I win a hard case. All of your hard work finally pays off.
Xavier: Exactly! Do you want to talk on the phone? I know it’s late, but I’d kind of like to hear your voice.
Heat rises to my cheeks, and my heart starts to pound faster. Before I can overthink it, I dial his number.
“Hey, sexy,” he says in a low voice, and holy fuck, it goes straight to my cock.
“Hey,” I whisper, not able to form more words.
“I’m really excited for our date when I get back. I have it all planned out.”
“Me too. Although I feel like since I asked you out, I should do the planning.”
He chuckles, and just the sound makes me feel warm and tingly all over.
“You can plan the next one.”
“Oh, so confident there will be another one?” I ask him, but a part of me is wishing for a million. I should be taking this slow with him, but for some reason I want to jump in with both feet. Is that stupid?
“I just have a feeling.” Even though I can’t see him, I can tell he’s smiling.
“Do you feel the connection too?” I ask, just barely audible. My body vibrates with nerves.
“From the moment I laid eyes on you,” he admits.
I let out a breath, relieved that he feels the same. I don’t know where this is going. All I know is that I don’t want whatever we have to end anytime soon.
“I feel like a fucking teenager,” I whine to Meadow as she styles my hair. “I’m not a girl. I don’t need to be primped.”
“Stop being silly and let me finish. This is your first date where you actually like the person and aren’t just trying to change yourself. It’s important.”
I roll my eyes and let her finish with my hair.
When she’s done, she goes to my bathroom and comes out with her favorite of my colognes.
“This one,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows. “If you want to get lucky tonight, then this is the one you want.”
“Meadow, this is our first date. I’m not just going to jump into bed with him,” I chastise her.
�
�Why not? He’s hot. You’re hot. You should totally fuck.”
I laugh and the anxiety I’ve been harboring starts to dissipate.
My phone buzzes, letting me know Xavier is on his way.
“I can’t do this,” I say, pacing back and forth. A sudden burst of anxiety rushes through my veins. I want so badly to do this, but what if someone makes a homophobic slur? Am I going to run like I did all those years ago?
Meadow grabs my shoulders, stopping me.
“You can do this,” she reminds me, staring into my eyes. “And you will do this. You deserve happiness. When you talk about Xavier, you actually light up. I know this is your first date, but I have a feeling this is the first of many. And who knows, maybe it’s your last first date.”
I take a deep breath and nod. This does feel different, and that’s why I’m terrified. I still haven’t told my work, and I honestly don’t plan to tell them until we have a function, and then if I have a boyfriend at that time, I’ll just bring him. I’m not having an awkward coming out conversation with my boss until it’s necessary.
“Stand up tall, give him that smile that makes everyone weak in the knees, and just have fun,” she tells me with a soft smile.
“Okay. Thank you for being here.” I puff out a long breath before pulling her into my arms, giving her a tight hug and kissing the top of her head. “I know I don’t tell you this enough, but I love you. I don’t know if I could have made it in life without you. You held me up when I thought I was going to die. I can’t wait until you find a life partner because you deserve happiness as much as I do.”
She smiles and pushes me away. “Okay, enough sap! Go have a great night, and I definitely think you should get laid tonight, but you can wait if you have to,” she tells me with a cheeky grin and a small roll of her eyes.
I laugh and give her one last hug before heading out to meet Xavier. I trust Meadow to lock up. She’s had a key to my house for years. She never abuses that power.
Walking out my front door, I spot a car and I get another text from Xavier letting me know it’s him.