Leah was right behind me, helping me through it. Did she not hear what I said? My mother killed her mother, and here she is, helping me.
“Come, Ben, let us help you,” Leah said, and then Harry pulled me up and handed me a towel to wipe my mouth.
I quickly rinsed and spat out a few times before wiping the sweat off my head.
“Ben, there is something you need to know,” Leah began to say and then Harry said it for her.
“We, Leah and I, recently discovered that it was your mother that was the driver. I couldn’t let it go after I came up short with what I found out, and then I reached out to Mr. Doyle, the family lawyer, and he filled in the missing pieces of the story. The trust and all the monies that were in accounts set up for Leah and Hallie, most of them came from Jo Beth and her smart investments. But we discovered that some came from another source.”
“My father, right? He padded the accounts to keep the secret buried, right? And Mr. Doyle acted in the best interest of the girls. Am I close?”
“Right on the money. Here’s what we learned: your mother wasn’t drunk. Here is the original medical report from the tests performed on your mother.” Harry handed me the papers, and I began reading through it.
“A medication reaction?” I asked in surprise.
Harry responded, “In simple terms, yes. She takes a lot of medication for her condition, and it impairs her motor skills. She should have never been behind the wheel of a car, and on top of the illness, it impaired her even more. She blacked out and had no control over what she was doing.”
Leah cleared her throat and then asked, “So, I guess what I need to understand is why your father went to such great lengths to hide this. Why not just come clean and deal with it? For over two years I’ve been hating this woman who took our mother away from us and believed she did it on purpose by foolishly driving drunk. Why? I just don’t understand it.”
“He didn’t know any other way. She’s suffered from mental illness more than her adult life, and now with Alzheimer’s added to it, the mother I remembered no longer exists. I swear I didn’t know any of this until Sunday.”
“We believe you, Ben, and I’m sorry for you too,” Leah said and then came over to give me a hug.
I began to shove her away, but she held on as the lifeline I needed.
“No, don’t be sorry for me. You lost your mother because of mine, and once Hallie finds out about it, she’s going to hate me forever.”
“No, she won’t. She loves you. You brought her to life, and she’s never been happier. But it will be hard for her to digest, and if it is okay with you, I’d like to be the one to tell her. I just think it would be easier hearing it from me and Harry.”
“She will see it as a betrayal, and she will hate me for it.”
“Ben, have you been listening to anything we said? Leah does not blame you for what happened and…” Harry paused.
“And I don’t hate your mother,” said Leah. “She’s very sick and had no control over her mind. I can’t even imagine how that feels. It was an accident. A tragic and very sad accident. However, even with knowing all of this information that has come to light, I can’t have hate in my heart anymore. It’s resided there for far too long than I wanted it to, and all I can do is forgive and make peace with it. My mother is gone. My father is gone. Your mother is gone, and I’m so sorry for you. But we are here, and we have to live and make the most out of each day.”
“I’ve never met anyone like you, Leah. I still don’t understand how you can sit here and not hate me.”
“I’m no martyr, Ben. I’m just human and have had my share of pain and loss. I choose to love and forgive, and you should as well. Hallie is coming here tonight. I’ll talk to her tomorrow and keep you updated. We promise.”
I hugged her back, and for the first time in over a week, I let out everything I’ve been holding inside.
“Can I stay and wait for her?” I asked through my tears.
“No, I don’t think it’s a good idea, given the circumstance. She’s out with her friends, and she texted a little while ago telling me that she would be here by eleven. It’s getting close to that time, and I just want her to get a good night’s sleep. I’ll talk to her in the morning.”
“Just like that? Over pancakes?”
“Yup! Just like that. Trust me, Ben, we’ve come a long way tonight, and the world didn’t implode. And trust Hallie and the love she has for you. I’m not going to lie and say this is going to be easy on her to hear, because it's not. I will do my best to make Hallie understand. Now, I think you should go and let me take it from here, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, and then Harry walked me out to my car.
We talked for a minute or so as he tried to reassure me that I wouldn’t lose my girl, and then a car pulled up and Hallie stepped out, smiling and laughing. She took one look at me and practically sprinted right into my arms.
“Oh my god! I am so happy to see you,” she said and then kissed me all over my face.
The girls drove by and beeped the horn, shouting out shit to Hallie that was certainly not appropriate for the neighbors to hear. She didn’t care and continued to kiss me. Leah came outside after all the commotion and was surprised I was still here.
“Hey, little sister, I bet you’re wondering why Ben is here?”
“Duh! Because he missed me, and his man period is over,” she giggled.
“Um, man period?” I questioned.
“Yes, Maggie says that every man goes through the PMS part without bleeding like a woman. Men have their emotional times too, and you had yours this week. But now you’re here, and we can do some major catching up.”
“Okay, sister, calm the hormones. Boyfriend time is going to have to wait. Isn’t that right, Ben?”
“Yeah, I’m afraid so. You promised some girl time with your sister. You know where to find me when you’re ready. I love you, Hallie.” I kissed her forehead and practically shoved her into Leah’s arms, so I could make my escape.
Fuck! This is so hard, I thought as I drove away, leaving Hallie distant in my rear-view mirror. “Please don’t leave me,” I said.
Before Hallie, I simply existed and followed the path my father had set forth for me. And now, she’s the very thing I never knew I needed and cannot live without.
20
Unspeakable reality
Hallie…
Last night was weird. Sure, I had a great time with the girls, but once I saw Ben, he was the only person I wanted to be with, but he left and now I’m waking up in my house instead of in my boyfriend’s arms. I’m sure Leah has an entire day planned for us, which includes Harry, but I want my boyfriend, and I am going to try my hardest to make my escape.
Before I went downstairs, I already showered and got dressed for the day. I wouldn’t normally do this so early on a Saturday morning, but again, I was planning my escape to see Ben. I walked downstairs, and my welcoming committee was standing by, and with lots of food too.
“Okay, what’s going on?” I asked with my hands positioned on my hips. “Pancakes, French toast, bacon, sausage, and hash browns? Wow! What is this? Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfast? Or something is up that’s really bad, and you are plying me with food first before you drop the bomb?”
“Gee, little sister, paranoid much? I just thought since you are here and Harry is here, I might as well go all out and cook a big breakfast. It’s Saturday, and it’s a day to just chill and eat a real meal instead of running on empty with too much coffee and a granola bar.”
“You have a point, and you just described life for a college student, but you don’t have to worry about me. Ben feeds me very well and always makes sure I’m taken care of first…in more ways than one.” I winked, and my sister winced and told me that I was gross and she didn’t need to hear about my sex life.
“Let’s eat before the food gets cold,” said Harry. He took the tray from my sister but not before kissing her cheek. They are so cute together.
“Mmm, this is so good, Leah. Thank you for this,” I said and then finished off my juice before excusing myself from the table. I began to clear the dirty dishes and bring them to the kitchen.
“Hey, let me do that, okay?” she said.
“You cooked, and we will clean, right, Harry?”
“Anything my future wife wants,” he said and then walked up behind Leah to give her a hug.
“Okay, and that’s my cue to leave you lovebirds alone. I’m going to call for an Uber and surprise my amazing boyfriend who kind of runs circles around you, Harry. No offense,” I laughed.
“None taken, brat.”
“I love you, too!” And I gave my future brother-in-law a big hug. He is so good for my sister, and I am happy they found each other, just like me and Ben did.
I pulled up the app on my phone to order a car when Leah reached for my hand and said, “Hallie, I need you to stay.”
“What’s wrong, Leah? I swear your cheeks went from red to white in under a minute.”
“Will you please come into the living room and have a seat? It’s important, Hallie, and it can’t wait.”
I followed both Leah and Harry, and I sat across from them while they sat together. “Tell me what’s wrong, and no stalling tactics, because your faces say it all.”
“Hallie, this is going to be difficult for you to hear, but you deserve to learn the truth…” my sister paused and then said, “the real truth behind mom’s accident.”
“What do you mean? Real truth? Does this have anything to do with the woman I met at her grave?”
“Yes, it does. The woman whose name was concealed and buried for no one to ever find out. But, thanks to Harry, we now know who she is.”
“And why she was there, right?”
“Yes. Hallie…” she paused again, which was incredibly frustrating.
I yelled, “Come on, Leah. Spit it out,” and then that earned a glare from Harry, who began to scold me for my tone.
“Hallie, this is very hard on your sister, and I’m going to ask you to give her time here. She only found about what she knows a few days ago and has been struggling over a way to explain it all to you,” he said and then put his arm around Leah’s shoulder.
She was wiping away her tears, and then I felt like shit for causing them.
“I’m sorry, sis,” I whispered, and then she nodded and got up to get a glass of water and brought me one too.
She inhaled a breath and then let it out before saying, “The driver who hit mom is Lilliana Chapel, mother to Ben Chapel.”
What did she just say? I thought as I began shaking my head at the absurdity of it all. “No, you’re wrong. Ben’s mother lives in England, and he hasn’t seen or talked to her in years. This has got to be a mistake,” I said and then began wringing my hands in my lap. I wanted to just run, and really fast to make what Leah said untrue.
“Here, is this the woman you saw at the cemetery?” Harry handed me a photo, and once I took in the beautiful woman in it, I knew without a doubt that she was Ben’s mother. They both have the same blue eyes that are so crystal clear and sparkle in the sun.
I handed the photo back and wiped my hand as if I just burnt it. “How is this possible?” I asked through my tears.
“As you know, Ben’s father works in Charlotte, and he keeps a home there. He travels a great deal, but on this particular week, two years ago, he was here in Raleigh attending a charity gala, and his wife was with him.”
“And what…? She decided to just take a fucking joyride after drinking one too many, and then her lack of judgment kills our mother!? Is this what you are telling me?”
“Hallie, she wasn’t drunk when she hit mom. Yes, she should have never been behind the wheel of a car, but I am telling you she was not drunk. Has Ben told you about her at all?”
“He tells me very little about his family, and when I bring it up, he changes the subject. Why are you asking me this?”
“Because there are things about his mother that Ben has only recently found out, and it’s been very hard on him to come to terms with.”
“Okay, I think you need to back up and start from the beginning,” I said.
And that’s when Harry took over and explained how Ben’s mother has been mentally ill for years now and has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She wasn’t drunk that night. She blacked out and lost control of her car. Ben’s father believed she tried to harm herself, so he used his connections to make it look like a DUI accident instead of a more serious charge like homicide. If she was attempting to kill herself and took another life instead, that would be vehicular homicide, where she would surely to go jail for a long time.
By the time Harry finished telling me every last detail, I was crying so hard that I couldn’t see through my eyes. “Oh my god! And Ben knows all of this?” I asked.
“Yes, as of Sunday, when his father told him everything, and he said goodbye to his mother.”
“What do you mean goodbye? Where is she going?”
“To a private institution in Switzerland. She’s going to be taking part in a drug trial and needs to be closely monitored over the next year or more, depending on how she responds to the medication. She’s in Stage 2 now, and every day that goes on without the medication, her symptoms are getting worse. From what Ben told us, she was lucid enough to clarify some details from that night. She told Ben that she was not suicidal but knew in the back of her mind that she did something but couldn’t piece the details together until now. It took her two years to remember, Hallie, and that’s why she ran away from her caregivers in London to come here.”
“Do you believe all of this, Leah?”
“Yes, I do. There is no reason why I shouldn’t. I don’t agree with Mr. Chapel’s methods, but there’s a part of me that understands to some degree why he did it. He was wrong, Hallie, and if this information came to light at the time of the accident and all that followed, I think it would have saved us from a lot of pain of not knowing her identity and the unanswered questions.”
“She killed our mother,” I whispered.
“Yes, but it was an accident. A terrible accident for which we need to forgive her.”
I struggled with everything I’ve learned here today, and a part of me wants to hate this woman forever. I want to make her suffer for taking our mother away from us, but I can’t do that when suffering is the only thing she’s known in her life. To be a prisoner of the mind is soul crushing, and I can’t even come close to knowing what that feels like. I only can relate to my own pain, and right now, my heart is bleeding with it, and I don’t know what to do about it.
I asked, “What about Ben? Did he know who I was when we met? And this has just been another pack of lies and cover-ups?”
“Oh, Hallie, don’t think that, not about Ben. He was devastated and drowning in grief over learning all of this. He’s not only mourning for our late mother but for his as well. He has lived most of his young life growing up without a mom, and now he had to do one of the hardest things a child should ever have to be faced with, and it’s something you and I know all too well. He had to say goodbye, knowing that if and when he sees her again, there’s a possibility she could be extremely altered and not remember him at all. It’s been happening at a slower pace, and for the past three years, it's been manageable.”
“How am I ever going to look at Ben the same way I did last night? Last night, he was the greatest person in my life who I just wanted to be with and have him hold me. And now? I’m afraid if I look into the pair of eyes that I fell in love with first, all I’m going to see is his mother.”
“Hallie, Ben loves you very much. I know this with a true heart. He’s thinking exactly the same as you and is afraid that you won’t want to be with him anymore. I can’t tell you what to do and how to feel, but I will ask you to take some time to process all of this, because if you make a rash decision now, it’s only going to hurt you more in the end. Ben will wait for you until you’re ready
.”
“What if I’m never ready? What happens then? We break up and just go on as if the past six months haven’t completely changed my life?”
“I don’t know, Hallie. Only you can decide how you want your life to be and who you want to share it with. I love you. We love you and will always be here for you. Please, just take some time to think about it.”
I said nothing more to my sister or Harry, who left the living room, and they both went upstairs, leaving me alone down here. I picked up my phone, which felt like a brick in my hand. I want Ben to make all of this go away, but I know that he can’t, not this time.
The fact remains that my mother is dead, and his mother played a part in her death. I can’t face him, not now. Avoiding him at school is going to be a challenge, but I am going to have to try my hardest to do so.
His eyes are like magnets that pull me in, and I’m not strong enough to fight the current. I have no willpower when it comes to Ben Chapel. He made me fall in love with him and become his everything as he is mine.
How can our relationship survive, now that the truth has been revealed? His father is still an asshole in my book, and I don’t think I will ever be able to look at him without wanting to just lash out and smack him. He has a great deal of power and connections, and he used them to protect his family and legacy, but what about our family? Don’t we matter? Or did he believe by paying us off that would make it all better? These are the questions occupying my mind on a continuous loop, and I don’t have any idea how to stop them.
21
Missing us
Ben…
It’s been over four long and excruciating weeks without my girl. Four weeks since her world imploded around her upon hearing what has been kept from her about her mother and my mother. Leah has been great with texting me updates about Hallie and reassuring me that she’s doing all that she can to bring us back together.
Before We Knew Page 15