Before We Knew

by Wasowski, Mary

  We didn’t officially break up, but tell that to my shattered heart that’s literally in tatters. It aches for Hallie, and it’s not going to heal until she comes home to me. And when is that going to happen?

  Both Leah and Harry told me to not give up and to be patient. My girl has a lot to work through and needs to do it on her own timetable, which cannot be rushed. I didn’t believe that Hallie would cut me off completely, but after a few one sentence texts, she did just that. I want more, and I’m not going to hide that fact from anyone.

  We don’t have the same classes, and we are on different schedules, so unless I actually plan a chance meeting, it’s not going to happen. Even Maggie and Marina are keeping in touch with me, but they say the same as Leah and Harry. I have to be patient and give her time. She has no problem talking to her sister and friends, but I’m a different story.

  It’s April now, and our spring break is about to begin. My father wants me to come home to London for a few days, and then, only if I’m up for it, take a trip to Switzerland to see my mother. So far, she’s responding positively to the new medication and has experienced minimal side-effects.

  To have just a simple conversation with Oliver Chapel is downright bizarre, but I don’t know, maybe revealing the truth to me has lessened his burdens. I told my father I would call him if I decide to come, and he said that all it would take would be one phone call to send the plane. Just like Hallie, I need time too, and my decision is leaning closer to London than staying here all alone in my apartment.

  “Hey, asshole, open up the door. It’s time you re-join the land of the living.” Ah, leave it to my mate, Oz, to keep it real, I thought as I got up off the couch to answer my door.

  Once I undid the chain and opened the door, not only Oz came through, but Drucker and James followed, all demanding that I go out with them tonight.

  “Guys, I’m not feeling it tonight, but you go have a good time,” I said trying to get them to leave, but they were not having it.

  Oz spoke up first, “Now, look, it’s been almost a month, and I don’t see any discarded panties lying around here, which leads me to believe your woman has flown the coop. It’s time, man. We are going to the party of the year, and you are coming with. Get your stinky ass in the shower. You have ten minutes.” I raised an eyebrow toward my two silent friends, and all they did was nod their head in agreement and point toward my bedroom.

  “Okay, I see there’s no argument to win here,” I said and then walked to my bedroom and slammed the door behind me.

  I took the hottest shower I could and then said fuck it and chose something to wear that made me feel semi-human. Usually this is Hallie’s department, but since she’s not here, I have to rely on my own fashion sense. I picked out a pair of black leather pants and paired it with a button-down silk shirt in white. I wore my boots, and since I recently got a haircut, it was easy to toss some gel in my hair and go with the tousled look.

  I looked for a cologne to put on, and my heart ached because I only preferred one scent, the one Hallie bought me for my birthday. I shoved the heartache away, sprayed the cologne, and took a final glance in the mirror.

  “Okay, girls, hope you’re ready for me,” I said and then shook my head again, because there was no fucking way I would be touching any girl tonight if she wasn’t my girl.

  Hooting and hollering followed as I made my way back to the guys, who helped themselves to my liquor cabinet.

  “Okay, I normally would not say this to another dude, but you’re hot, and I hope you packed your wallet with condoms, because you are seriously getting some tail tonight!”

  “Fuck you, Oz. You know, you can be a real wanker sometimes,” I said and grabbed my wallet and keys, sans the condoms.

  “Oh, tell me more, you limey prick! I love when you enlighten me on the cool British words.”

  “Bugger off! Now, let’s go before I change my mind,” I said, and the truth was, I can’t even be mad at my mates, because they are all good guys just looking out for me. I guess I have been pretty depressed lately, and this is them cheering me up. As long as they don’t hire any prostitutes for the night, I think I will be okay.

  A couple of hours later after hitting a few bars, we finally made it to Kappa Sigma. The party was in full force, and a lot of guests were spilled out all the way to the lawn. The kegs were overflowing with endless beer, and the music was blaring. It will be a miracle if the cops are not called soon.

  “Go mingle and talk to some women.” Oz pushed me forward into the crowd.

  “Come on, man, will you give it a rest? My woman is Hallie, and she’s coming back to me, okay?” I shouted over the music, making Oz take a step back from me.

  “Okay,” he said, raising his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, man, I’m just trying to help.”

  “I know that, but help a little less, okay? I’m going to get a beer.”

  “Grab one for me,” he called out, but I just shot him the middle finger and carried on.

  The house was just as crowded as the outside. Wall-to-wall bodies lined the makeshift dance floor, and I muttered under my breath, “What in the hell am I doing here?”

  Drucker moved passed me, shoving his hand on my chest and telling me this party blows and we should leave.

  I looked at him suspiciously and said in protest, “You guys won. I’m here. And now you want to leave? What gives?” I got myself a drink and practically gulped down my beer, hating the taste of it. I wasn’t a drinker, but I figured I would have at least one since I was here.

  James joined us and tried to usher me out just like Drucker did, and finally, I was like, “What the fuck guys? Why are you working so hard at getting me to leave?”

  And then I saw why. Hallie was here and dancing with some bloody asshole whose hands were all over the amazing ass that I claimed months ago.

  “What the bloody hell!” I fucking roared, and then as if they knew how I would react, my mates tried—and I mean tried—to pull me back, but they were no match against me. I plowed through the crowd, and once I got closer, her eyes went wide, and the asshole who had his hands all over her turned around and asked me what my problem was.

  Oz joined us by now and tried to get the guy to back off, but he wasn’t that smart and didn’t get the memo that I was about to rip him the fuck apart for ever thinking it was okay to touch what was mine.

  “Seriously, dude, back the fuck off, or don’t say I didn’t warn you,” said Oz, but I was done fucking around.

  Hallie looked like she was about to wet herself with the “I just got caught cheating on my boyfriend” expression on her face. I wiped that horrific thought from my mind and proceeded to remove the asshole blocking my way to her.

  “I’m only going to say this once, so pay attention,” I pointed and directed my gaze over his shoulder and on Hallie. “She’s mine, and no one—and I mean no one—touches what’s mine, so if you value the ten digits on your hands, you will not be so dumb to do that again.” I said it clear and pretty fucking calm considering I wanted to just beat his ass down and ask questions later.

  However, the clueless guy didn’t listen and couldn’t read between the lines, so it was up to me to show him I wasn’t fucking around.

  He lunged first. I ducked and then struck back with such a force, he flew back over the table, knocking over all the booze. The shock and gasps could be heard all around us, and Hallie was leading the pack of shocked partygoers. He got up on his feet and tried once again to hit me, but once again, I was quicker on my feet and landed a punch to his stomach, and then an uppercut to his jaw, effectively knocking him out and on his ass.

  Maggie was now present and was beside Hallie, but I moved, and the crowds parted, giving me a clear path back to my girl. I didn’t hesitate and grabbed her wrist, pulling her with me as we made our way to the front door and through the crowds to my car.

  Hallie was tugging on my arm to get me to slow down, but I’d had enough of this separation bullshit and scooped
her up and over my shoulder and placed her in my car, slamming the door behind me to get my point across loud and clear. I was done with this ridiculous separation.

  I needed to catch my breath and gather my thoughts before getting behind the wheel. This is not how I envisioned our reunion to be, but she’s here, and I’ll be damned if she’s going home with anyone but me.

  I got in and fastened my seatbelt, putting the car in drive and forgoing my apartment. There was only one place I wanted to be with Hallie, and that was my cabin. I had called ahead to my caretaker and had the place cleaned and stocked just in case I didn’t go to London and retreated to the cabin to nurse my wounds over missing my girl. Now, she’s here with me, and fuck that if I’m letting her go. Our break has ended, and I am determined to keep her with me until we work out what separated us in the first place.

  It was close to two in the morning by the time we arrived at my cabin. She said nothing the entire drive up here, which was fine by me, because I knew I wasn’t ready and was processing what happened earlier.

  My knuckles were split open and swollen, but I didn’t give a shit. The pain I felt didn’t compare to the dull ache that was pounding in my heart in Hallie’s absence. Without a care in the world, I just pummeled that guy with my fists, driving home the fact that she was mine and no one touches her. He was probably some random guy just to dance with, but still, I don’t give a fuck.

  I got out and walked around to her side. She had fallen asleep, and I lifted her in my arms and carried her inside. I didn’t let go and carried her all the way upstairs to my bedroom and placed her down on my bed. I pulled her shoes off and began to undress her. She didn’t protest and let me do what I’ve been craving to do since the night I left her at her house.

  Once she was only wearing her bra and underwear, I shucked off my clothes and joined her in bed. I took her into my arms and held her as close as I could with no escape. Again, she came willingly and didn’t fight me. I flicked the side table light off, and the only light in the room was from the full moon outside my window.

  “I love you, Hallie, and I know you love me too. I miss us, and no matter what I have to do, we are going to be us again,” I said and then kissed her by her temple, and for the first time in over a month, I found peaceful sleep.

  I had the best dream ever, dancing with Hallie, holding her close to my body. She felt amazing rubbing up against me and making my dick hard as fuck. And then my eyes opened, and it wasn’t a dream, because she was here and straddling my hips. My briefs were gone and so was her underwear. She was fully seated on my dick and writhing her body up and down on my cock. My hands went to her hips, and I guided her in the way that made me lose my mind and see stars. She was close, and so was I. Hallie flung her head back, with her long hair tickling my thick thighs, and she screamed out my name, which made me come so hard that I filled her to the brim with my hot cum.

  Her body was shaking, and then once the adrenaline subsided, she collapsed on my chest and cried and apologized over and over again for hurting me last night. If she only knew her silence and distance nearly destroyed me, but she’s here now, and we are going to work us out.

  I sat up straight, and my arms pulled her close and wrapped around her naked back. My hold was constricting but nothing she wasn’t used to.

  “I love you, Hallie,” I said against her neck as I kissed and marked every part of her soft velvety skin.

  She cried and repeated the same words back to me. “I love you, Ben. I love you so much it hurts. Please forgive me for not being strong enough to fight for us. Thank you for coming for me and bringing me here. Please love me. Please forgive me. I can’t live without you, not one more day.”

  “I just have one thing to say, Hallie, and then I’m going to make love to you again: Welcome home.”

  And our mouths crashed with the other, and we made love as I promised.

  22

  Home is wherever you are

  Hallie…

  Waking up here in Ben’s arms felt amazing, and I didn’t know how much I missed it until now. The weeks without him have been dark and cold. I went into protective mode after I sent him the text telling him I needed to be alone for a while. I hated myself for hurting him, but Ben being Ben, replied back with a simple “I love you” and he would be here waiting for me when I was ready.

  I didn’t know when that would be, if ever, because I can be stubborn to a fault and fall back into familiar patterns and just be by myself. I wouldn’t listen to Leah, or my friends. I just went silent until last night when Ben dragged me out of that party that I didn’t want to go to but did it anyway to get the girls off my back. The jerk who got a little too handsy for my taste was my shadow since I arrived, and it was stupid of me to say yes to his invitation to dance.

  The expression Ben wore the minute he saw me was painful, and then as he got closer to us and saw that guy’s hands on me, it shifted to murderous. I had never seen Ben get physical with anyone, let alone angry. He is always in control and carries himself in a way that is like no one I have ever met.

  My friends and his friends were in shock, and then he touched me for the first time in over a month, and every feeling I had for Ben came rushing back to me. I felt alive again and knew there was no way I was going to resist him once he tossed me over his shoulder.

  I wanted Ben, and I knew he wanted me, but he was too heated and held back until we both calmed down. Once we arrived at the cabin and the way he carried me up to his bedroom, I thought it would happen then, but again, Ben held back. He undressed me with gentleness and held me in the way that I had grown to be accustomed to. It just felt right, kind of like…home.

  When he said the words this morning, I knew that I would not be leaving him again. I choose Ben because I love him with all my heart, and I can’t imagine having these feelings for anyone else. His kisses brought me out of my deep thoughts, and then I turned to face him. His hair was a disheveled mess, and he hadn’t shaved in a few days.

  The insides of my thighs are still tingling from when he went down on me and rubbed his face between my sensitive folds. It was a new sensation, and it took me a little time to get used to the new feeling. Ben always makes me feel good and probably knows my body better than I do.

  He has tested what I can and cannot take, introduced different kinds of play, all welcomed and enjoyed immensely. I don’t have to worry about comparing him to other men, because he’s the only one I can imagine being with. I just hope after how much I’ve hurt him by my distance, he will forgive me and this morning will mark a new beginning for the both of us.

  “Morning, or should I say afternoon?” Ben said and pulled me closer to him. I fit perfectly in the crook of his neck as our bodies aligned with each other.

  “It’s still morning, and I’m hungry.”

  “Oh, baby, then let’s rectify that right now,” Ben said, kissing me soundly before getting out of bed. He was deliciously naked, and I was the voyeur who got to enjoy and appreciate him. He put his arms above his head and stretched as if he was trying to touch the ceiling, making all his muscles flex. “You’re staring again,” he snickered and then bent down to pick up his discarded jeans.

  “Can you blame me? How are you not on the cover of a fitness magazine?”

  “Easy. I don’t model for strangers, only for you, beautiful. I’ll be right back. Don’t move, and please, stay naked.” He put his hands on the mattress and leaned in to take my mouth in a firm and passionate kiss.

  I squealed happily, and while Ben went downstairs to cook, I texted Maggie to tell her that I was safe and with Ben. She was there last night to witness Ben drag me out of the party. I didn’t want her to worry. It only took her a few minutes to respond, and she sent a variety of inappropriate emojis, telling me how happy she was that I was back together with Ben.

  I didn’t have to say the words to make it true. The minute I locked eyes on Ben at the party, I knew. The next call I made was to Leah.

  She answ
ered, “Hey, sis, where are you? I tried calling you a few times last night and this morning but kept getting your voicemail.”

  “I’m sorry, my phone was off, and I didn’t check it for messages. I just wanted to call you to give you some good news.”

  “And what might that be?” She sounded distracted.

  “Leah, is this a bad time?”

  “No, don’t be silly. I’m sorry. I’m reading a recipe in one of mom’s old cookbooks and it’s so smudged with grease, I can’t make out the words.”

  “What are you trying to make?” I asked.

  “Zucchini bread. Harry wants to try it.”

  “There’s another copy of it in her recipe box.”

  “Really? Let me check. Hold on a sec.” She put the phone down and came back on the line a minute later and said, “You are a life saver. Thank you so much.” She giggled on the line.

  “You’re welcome. Now, can I tell you the reason why I’m calling?”

  “Oh, sorry. Go on.”

  “I’m out of town right now with Ben, and we are back together.”

  “Oh, Hallie, I am so happy for the two of you. Where are you?”

  “I’m up at the cabin, and I’ll probably be here for at least a few days, if not more. I just wanted to call so you don’t worry.”

  “Well, thank you for letting me know, and I expect a full report when I see you.”

  Ben walked into the room, carrying a large tray, and my eyes sparkled as I took in his naked chest.

  “Um, Leah, I have to go. I’ll call you when we are back in town. Good luck with the bread. I’m sure Harry will love it.” And then I bit my lip and ended the call.

  “Wipe that look off your face. No sex until I feed you.”

  He placed the tray down on the bed and climbed back in beside me. I poured us coffee and handed him his.

  “This looks amazing,” I said and took my first bite of the omelet Ben cooked for us. “Mmm, so good,” I complimented him and then fed him a bite. The bacon was crispy, just how I like it, and I ate every last bite until I was stuffed. “Thank you for breakfast. it was delicious.”