I had to say something before she passed out from exhaustion. I blurted, “I’m moving to London!”
Her fork clattered down to her plate, and you could hear a pin drop in the room. “What!?” she shouted back at me.
“I’m moving to London to study in the abroad program for Early Childhood Studies. I sent them my transcripts from UNC, and I was accepted into the program for my high honors. I’ll get my full year of credits. Leah, please say something.”
“I don’t know what I can say that is going to come out right, so I’m going to plead the fifth and remain silent for a while.”
“You silent? That would be a first, and I didn’t travel all this way for you to go all quiet on me and not have an opinion. Come on, Leah. I would really like to have your support here.”
“Why? Does it really matter when you are just going to do what you want to do anyway? I knew this was going to happen. I told Harry, right, babe?” She turned around to her husband, who said we needed to talk on our own before he went upstairs.
“That’s not fair. Please don’t be cruel,” I told her.
“I’m not trying to be, but Hallie, you’ve been gone since my wedding. Two longs months without my sister, and you had a birthday without me. How do you think that makes me feel? It’s like I get married, and what? I’m just supposed to go my own way now and drive off into the sunset with my husband? It doesn’t work that way when it comes to being part of a family. And now you’re moving to another country and don’t expect me to have an opinion about it?”
“Oh, you have had opinions about it, and when I voiced my own, you stopped talking to me. Did you listen to any of my messages? I left more than one.”
“I know, and I practically burned out my cellphone listening to them. Why do you think I left that greeting? I wanted you to know that I love you so much and that we are always sisters, no matter what.”
“Okay, if that’s true, then why can’t you be happy for me?”
“Because I think you’re making a mistake.”
“Okay,” I said with my voice about to crack as I fought off the tears that I refused to show her. I walked out of the kitchen and picked up my bags. I turned around and said, “Thanks for clearing that up for me, which you could have done over the phone. It would have saved me the time of flying all through the night so I could have this conversation with you. Tell Harry I said goodbye.”
“Hallie, don’t go. We can talk this out like we’ve always done.”
“You know, I don’t think we can until you are willing to really hear me. I’m exhausted, and I’m going to go home and take a nap.”
She begged me to stay, and I was already out the door and walking down the street, opening up my Uber app to call for a car. I was about to send the request when Harry pulled up and asked me to get in. I wanted to say no out of principle, but this was Harry, and I just couldn’t do that to him.
“Thank you,” he said as he shifted the car into drive. “I was afraid you were going to walk all the way to Cary. Come on, Hallie, why did you storm off? Your sister is freaking out and won’t stop crying. You know you two can work anything out. I just don’t understand why you are both being so stubborn.”
“Harry, I don’t want to hurt my sister, but I know she doesn’t want the same for me. I have to live my own life, and right now that life is in London.”
“Okay, that’s fair, and I’m not going to take the car ride to tell you that you don’t have a right to live your life the way you want. Look at me. I met your sister and wanted her from the moment we met. I loved her, and from the moment we kissed, I knew I just met the woman I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with.”
“I remember Leah calling me the next day, and she sounded so happy. She didn’t go as far as telling me you were the one, but I know she liked you a lot. Harry, please be okay with this. I need you and Leah on my side. How can I leave without it?”
He parked the car in the driveway and turned to look at me. “Hallie, there is no possible way we would ever want to make you feel alone in any decision you make. We love you, and no matter how far you travel, you always will have us with you in one way or another. Carry us in your heart, because it’s what your sister does every single day. And Hallie, turn around.”
And when I did, I saw Leah standing there.
Harry said, “You see, you have nothing to worry about. Go give my wife a hug.”
I wiped away my tears and said, “Thank you, Harry. I love that you are my brother-in-law.” I got out of the car, and Harry watched two crazy sisters hug and cry on each other’s shoulders.
After we cried our hearts out, we went inside, and the house looked immaculate. Not one thing was out of place, and it was as if I never left. “You did this, right?” I asked, and she shrugged her shoulders, confirming my suspicion.
“I have a fantastic cleaning service, and they come in once a week.”
“Thank you for taking care of the upkeep. I thought I would have had to clean for days. This is really great, and I appreciate it. Is there food in the fridge too?”
“Okay, I’m not a mind reader and couldn’t predict when you would be home, but I did put some frozen dishes in the freezer. There’s water.”
“Thank you, again. I’m tired, and I have to call Ben. He’s texted a million times, and I want to talk to him before I crash.”
“Okay, tell Ben I said hi and miss him.”
“I will. Thank you for that. I’m still mad, you know.”
“I know.” She gave me a hug and left without another word. We both needed time to work out our feelings, but first, I had to call Ben because I really needed to hear his voice.
I took a hot shower and soaked my sore muscles as I heated the casserole dish in the oven. It was so late by now, and Ben would probably be asleep. I put on a pair of sweats and a tank-top, combed out my long hair, and found warm, fuzzy socks to wear. I opened my laptop and set it up on the kitchen table, clicking on the Skype app. I took my food out of the oven and cut a piece of lasagna. Once I was settled at the table, I hit video chat on the screen and waited to connect with Ben. I got an off-line message when the call didn’t connect.
I typed him out a message and promised we would talk in the morning. I finished off half the pan of lasagna, knowing I would have to run double to burn some of these calories off. I cleaned up and did the dishes, thinking about Leah and all she said to me.
Why was she so negative when it came to my life choices? It’s not fair, and I’m going to stand my ground. God, when she said I was making a mistake, I swear I wanted to throw up. It was low and so unfounded. I looked around the big kitchen and just cried, missing and wanting my mom with me.
She would give me the advice I need and totally support my choices, because she would know how much Ben means to me. This is not a fly-by-night romance. It’s fucking real, for cripes sake, and I have the ring to prove it. I turned the lights off and made sure the house was locked up before going upstairs to bed.
“Good morning, beautiful. I miss you.”
“I miss you too, so much. I can’t believe I came home without you. I really needed you, Ben.”
“Oh, love, I’m sorry. What happened with Leah?”
“Everything I was afraid of and more. She thinks I’m making a mistake, and it’s a pretty big one. It’s like she’s rolled up all my decisions into this big ball and slapped a label on it.” I said and then began to cry using my t-shirt to wipe my eyes.
“I’m getting on a plane today and putting an end this nonsense.”
“Ben, you can’t. We agreed. I have so much to do here at the house, and then I would really like a proper goodbye with my family, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
“Everything is going to be fine, and I don’t want you to worry about Leah. She just needs to take it all in. Once that she does, she will call you.”
I dried my eyes again and tried to focus on the screen. “Ben, are you sure? What about your mom
? And how is everything going with your father? This is really happening, right?”
“Yes, Hallie, it is. I am holding your enrollment packet right here,” he said as he showed me the thick yellow envelope. “I told you: one phone call, and it's done.”
“At what cost, Ben? I know this has to be so hard on you, and you have gone through enough.”
“It’s for us, Hallie, and knowing that is what made it not so hard to ask him to make this happen for you. For all we know, everything was already in motion, and they were waiting on the confirmation from my father. It’s the way he works, and I’m going to stop fighting with him and trying to change him. You taught me so much, Hallie, and one of those things is forgiveness. He’s my father, and I know I can’t hate him, but maybe I can learn to understand him better with you helping me.”
“You know I will, Ben. We are in this together, right?”
“Always. I don’t want you to worry about a thing, okay? I’m on my way.” He told me he loved me again and blew me a kiss before ending our call.
I already felt better knowing Ben was coming back for me, and he was always true to his word. He would make it better.
38
Pride
Ben…
The incessant knock on my door brought me out of my fog, and I took my headphones off to answer it. I opened the door and found my father standing on the other side, still dressed in his suit from this morning.
“Hello, Ben, may I come in?”
“It’s your house,” I said and moved aside so he could enter.
“True, but it’s your room in our house. Now, your mother tells me that Hallie has gone home, which raises the question as to why you did not join her?”
“I have my reasons, and I was going to explain them all to you tomorrow.”
“Well, I have time now, and we’re both here, so tell me.”
“The offer to help Hallie attend the University of London, is that still on the table?”
“Yes, along with others, but let’s begin with Hallie, shall we?” He loosened his tie and removed his suit jacket, taking a seat across from me.
“When I left your office, all I wanted to do was race home, get Hallie, and go back to America. I was angry with you and believed yet again that you were playing games and controlling my life. But Hallie and mother helped me see you in a different light. Things that I never wanted to before.”
“And what may that be?”
“You are my father, and you never apologized owning who you were, even though sometimes I wanted and needed you to. You never claimed to be anything but the man standing in front of me, and a big part of who I am is thanks to you. I work incredibly hard to be the best in anything I do, because you instilled this incredible work ethic in me. You never settle for anything less than you deserve. All these years vying for your attention, I was hoping you would tell me once in a while that you were proud of me. I’ve spent a lot of years being angry and confused about the state of our family and the secrets you kept.”
“Ben, I am proud of you,” he said covering his heart. “How can I not be when you have so much of your mother inside you? I’ve been so lost without my wife all these years, and sometimes I took that hurt out on you. I am proud of you and have only wanted the best for you. I know I went about it the wrong way most of the time, but it was for the greater good.”
“Innovate Now? Was that for the greater good?”
“At the time it was, but not now. I know you may not believe me, but I swear to you it’s my last underhanded play I use against you. I meant what I said: it’s your company and free to run it as you see fit. I’ll always be here to guide and lend a hand if you need me, but I will no longer force it. This was just one of the many things your mother made me see and accept.”
“I will accept the company and the offer of help when I need it, agreed?”
“Yes, absolutely. And for Hallie?”
“Hallie will be attending the University of London and will be living with me outside of this home.”
“Very well, I can do that. As you know, we have properties all over London. I’m sure I can secure a residence for you and Hallie.”
“I’m sure you could, but I’ll take care of it. I want this relocation to go as smoothly as it possibly can. Hallie is giving up a lot to be here with me, and I want to do everything I can to make her happy.”
“I give you my word that I will take care of everything, and she shall not want for anything. But Ben, just a smile from you makes Hallie happy. Even a man like myself who has been closed off to love for so long can see it. I’m so sorry for every unkind word I ever said to her. She’s good for you and is a welcomed addition to our family.”
“Yeah, she is, and thank you for figuring that out. It certainly took you long enough.”
“One of many,” he patted me on my back, and I had the sense he wanted to do more, but I was still a little guarded by all this fatherly bonding. “Well, I better get down to my office and make my calls. I’ll give you some privacy,” he said, and then I called him back.
“Hey, father?”
“Yes, son.”
“Thank you. I’ll see you at dinner.”
“You’re welcome, and I’ll tell your mother.”
The physical door to my bedroom closed, and the emotional door that has been closed for too many years to count for my father slightly opened. This was weird and unfamiliar, and I wasn’t going to look beyond one day at a time.
After a restless night of sleep, missing my girl royally sucked, and I wanted her back with me. She didn’t call when I thought she would, and by the time she did, I didn’t hear the ring on my laptop. I dragged myself out of bed and took a shower, so I wouldn’t look like the dawn of the dead when she rang me this morning.
A breakfast tray was sent up to my room while I waited for Hallie to call. Nothing tasted good, but I ate it anyway. My screen lit up, and the familiar ring came through the laptop, and I hit accept on the screen. A moment later, my beautiful girl appeared to be on the screen.
“Morning, my love! I miss you,” I called out.
“I miss you too! Oh, Ben, this was a mistake coming here without you,” she said and then began to cry, which broke my heart in two.
“I gather your talk with Leah didn’t go over well?”
“Yeah, you could say that again. She hurt me, and what she said hurt more. I just don’t understand why she can’t be happy for me and happy for us.”
“Why don’t you start from the beginning? What did she exactly say?”
“She said I was making a mistake.”
“Hallie, she loves you and is just worried. I’m sure she didn’t really mean what she said. I know I shouldn’t have let you go home on your own. You needed me to be with you, and I’m here.”
“Will you stop? We talked it about and agreed that I would do this on my own. You couldn’t have known how Leah was going to react. Sure, I thought she would be a little taken back by our news, but then once she took it all in, she would be happy for us.”
“How’s Harry?”
“You know him, he’s always neutral like Switzerland. Always the one to calm everyone down. He was great to me and drove me home. We talked all about Leah, and by the time we pulled into my driveway, Leah was behind us.”
“There you go, a good sign. Did you talk?”
“A little, and then she gave me a hug. I told her I was still mad, and she said she understood why.”
“I’m getting on a plane. I love you, and I’ll see you soon.” I practically leaped off the bed and reached for my bag from the closet. I threw in some clothes and went into the bathroom to pack a few toiletries. I grabbed my laptop, passport, and did a quick look around the room to make sure I didn’t forget anything.
Once I got downstairs, I called for my father. He was in his office on a call and put his finger up for me to wait. I practically bounced on my feet until he got off the phone. A few minutes later, I was ready to just flee the house,
but he finally finished his call and gave me his attention.
He looked pleased with himself and then said, “Okay, I know you said you would secure a place on your own, but I just got off the phone with Lorena, and she has e-mailed me a list of properties close to the college.”
“Father, thank you, but I don’t have time for that right now. What I need is the jet, because I have to get to Hallie.”
“Is she okay? What’s happened?”
“No, she’s physically fine,” I said and then just threw my hands in the air in frustration. “Can I have the jet or not?”
“Yes, you can have use of the company jet. Give me a moment to call my pilot.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it.”
“Could have fooled me,” he muttered and then rolled his eyes as he made the call. “Yes, thank you, Nigel. Ben will be meeting you at the hangar. Yeah, in about thirty minutes or so. Okay, you are all set. I’m ready to go into the office, so I will drop you on the way, and it will give us a chance to talk. Have you said goodbye to your mother?”
“Yes, I have, and she’s fine.”
“I didn’t say she wasn’t. Shall we go?” he gestured to the door.
I gave my mother another hug and then sat in the car waiting for my father. He stepped in a couple of minutes later and told the driver we were ready to go. The car ride was quiet, and I was on edge practically the entire trip to Heathrow. My father worked on his laptop, effectively ignoring my obvious tantrum. I let out a breath and tried to talk to him.
“Father, will you please stop working and talk to me for a minute,” I turned and put my arm around the top of the seat and faced him.
“One more line, and I can send this e-mail off.” He closed his laptop and placed it down. “What’s on your mind?”
“I’m sorry I was behaving like a jerk. It wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry.”
Before We Knew Page 26