by J. R. Ripley
Murray tapped his gun against the glass. “Step out of the van, Amy.”
I lifted my hands to show I was complying. Murray stepped back, but not far enough. I kicked the door open savagely, catching him smack in the middle of the chest. The gun flew from his hand.
I jumped down. Murray’s hands found my neck, and he began squeezing. I fell to my knees, digging my fingernails into his hands, but he was wearing leather gloves, so he was doing more damage to my neck than I was doing to his hands.
A dark shape rounded the corner of the van and struck Murray down.
I sobbed and grabbed the earth. For the third time that night, I was seeing stars. But this time, when I looked up I was seeing something—rather someone—else.
“Kay!” I gasped.
Kay Calhoun stood behind Murray, looking not like the Devil but like the angel of my salvation. She was wielding a double-barreled shotgun, which she held by the steel barrels rather than the wood stock.
“I saw the Devil coming.” Kay held the shotgun at the ready, high above her head like a club. She trained her hate-filled eyes on Murray. “Where’s Warren, Devil?”
Murray hoisted himself up on his elbows and raised his hands protectively over his face. “No, please! No!”
I pulled myself off the ground and dusted my knees. Pep ran between my legs and licked my hand.
“I called the police!” Ross Barnswallow was a dozen yards back, limping toward us.
Kay looked at us all uncertainly. She still held the shotgun at the ready. I prayed it wasn’t loaded.
“Give me the shotgun, Kay.” I held out my hand.
Ross called Pep to his side. “I saw Murray. Then I saw Kay. What’s going on?”
“The Devil is running loose,” Kay waved her weapon at Murray. She ever so slowly lowered the shotgun, planting the butt of the stock on the ground and holding onto the barrels for support.
“It’s okay,” I said to Kay. I ripped Murray’s cap off his head. “This is your Devil.”
33
Two days later, the world was back to normal. Well, back to as normal as normal gets in Ruby Lake.
Mom and Aunt Betty had returned from their vacation. Their mouths gaped and their eyes bulged as I gave them the lowdown on what had been happening in our fair town since their departure.
It was nine in the morning, and Birds & Bees was open for business. The whole team was present at the front of the store: me, Esther, Mom, and Kim.
“It certainly has been quite exciting around here, hasn’t it?” Mom fussed with my hair. She always complains I don’t get the part straight. “I worry about you, Amy.”
“I’m fine, Mom.” I gently pulled her hand away and shook my head so that my hair could find its natural balance, adjusting for the spit, of course.
“Did you mention that you almost got shot to death?” Esther had to ask.
I frowned at her. “Yes. I did.”
“I didn’t hear it.”
“That’s because you went for coffee.”
“Hmph!” Esther snorted. “He could’ve shot Amy right in the heart.” She dug a hole in her chest with her index finger even while balancing her mug. “Can you imagine? Just like that Yvonne Rice woman.”
“That’s enough, Esther,” I begged.
“Yeah, don’t upset the murder lady,” Kim quipped.
“I am not the murder lady. I run a bird lover’s store.”
“It seems to me I’m the one who does most of the running.” Esther flashed me a look.
“Okay, okay,” Mom interrupted. “It sounds like you could use a vacation, Amy.” Mom rubbed my back.
“What she needs, what both these girls need,” said Esther, “is to put in a good day’s work here in the store.”
I blushed. She wasn’t wrong. Working in Birds & Bees would seem like a bit of a vacation after all I had been through.
“You know—” began Mom.
“Wait a second.” I stilled Mom with a hand on her shoulder. “I’ll be right back.” Forgoing my coat, I darted out the door and ran across the street. Amy Harlan was strolling into Ruby’s Diner. She may have been going for a piece of pie, but I wanted a piece of her.
Her conniving could have cost me my relationship with Derek—or worse. Not to mention, she was using Maeve in her twisted attempts to drive a wedge between me and her ex-husband. Derek was mine, and he was going to stay mine.
I threw open the diner door and went straight for her.
“Hello, Ms. Simms.” Amy Harlan sat at the counter, drawing attention to herself in a slinky, red wool dress and matching pumps. “I was about to order a biscuit and coffee. Care for something?”
I grabbed her shoulder and swiveled her around to face me. “What I care for is for you to accept that you are divorced.”
She batted her long lashes at me. “Of course, I’m divorced,” she said evenly. “Everyone in town knows that.”
Tiffany set a cup and saucer on the counter in front of Amy Harlan, but her unsettled eyes were on me. “Hi, Amy. Anything for you?”
I shook my head no, and she retreated. “Derek and I are in love. You need to accept that.”
“Has he told you that? That he loves you?”
I felt my cheeks burning red. “That’s beside the point. You need to move on with your life. Better yet, move on to another town.”
Tiffany returned and placed a small blue plate holding a freshly baked biscuit on the counter.
“Where’s the gravy?” Amy Harlan demanded.
“Coming right up.” Tiffany faded into the background once more.
“I’m serious, Amy. Leave Derek alone. And stop trying to bribe strangers to hit on me in some demented scheme to break me and Derek up.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I am talking about you minding your own business. If you don’t, you’ll be sorry.”
“Is that a threat, Simms? Because if that is a threat—”
“Here you go, Ms. Harlan!” Tiffany hurried over carrying a small gravy boat and a spoon. The waitress tripped on the rubber mat under her feet. She managed to hold onto the porcelain cup, but the hot gravy flew across the counter. The thick gravy struck Amy Harlan’s chest and oozed down her stomach.
“My dress!” shrieked Amy-the-ex. She leapt off the bar stool, grabbed a wad of napkins, and dabbed wildly at the fabric.
“Sorry,” said Tiffany. Her face said otherwise.
“Derek is going to hear about this,” Amy Harlan snarled. She flung a ball of damp napkins over the counter.
“You bet he is,” I replied. “From me.”
Amy Harlan grabbed her coat from the rack at the door and sped off in her Lexus.
“Sorry about that, Tif. She left without paying.”
“Are you kidding? Worth every cent. In fact, that’s the kind of entertainment folks around here pay good money for.”
I suddenly realized that the eyes of everyone in the diner were on me. A couple of folks even applauded. A blush ran from my toes to my nose. I smiled weakly.
A busser appeared from the kitchen bearing a mop and bucket. He went to work on the dirty floor.
“I have to get back to the store,” I said.
Tiffany picked up Amy Harlan’s uneaten order. “Take the biscuit.”
“I don’t have any money. I left my purse at Birds and Bees.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll stick it on Amy Harlan’s tab the next time she’s in.”
I ate the warm biscuit as I crossed the street. Even without gravy, that was the best bite I had ever eaten in my life. Nothing like a little backbone to whet the appetite and sharpen the taste buds.
“What was that all about?” Mom asked when I returned to the store.
I explained about my little run-in with Amy Harlan. This elici
ted a round of laughter.
“You’re gonna be the talk of the town, Amy,” Esther cackled with delight.
Sadly, she was probably correct.
“What about this Lani and his friends, Amy?” Kim asked. “Are they staying in town?”
“Last I heard, Lani said he wasn’t sure. I ran into him last night at Brewer’s. He, Phil, and Teddy were performing again.”
“I thought Paul told them to stop?”
“He seems to be tolerating them. Plus, they don’t charge him, and they pay for their own drinks.”
“Sounds like Paul’s favorite kind of people,” I replied.
“What are you going to do with that cabin you inherited?” Esther wanted to know. She had a cup of coffee in one hand and a bagel in the other.
“Sell it,” I announced. “The money will go to charities.” I had several in mind, from senior citizen organizations to animal welfare and rescue services and, of course, bird conservation.
Ross had agreed to care for Pep. Both man and dog seemed happy with the arrangement.
“Are you sure, Amy?” asked Kim. “Because if you’re looking for someone to share your inheritance with…”
“I’m sure.” I had no use for it, and the money was better spent on others. Besides, I’d be happy if I never laid eyes on Webber’s Pond again. Everybody who lived there seemed just a touch crazy.
Maybe it was something in the water.
“I think that’s a wonderful idea, Amy,” Mom replied. “What do you think, Esther?”
Esther chomped down on her rye bagel and chewed a moment. “It’s not the dumbest thing Amy’s ever done.”
Kim giggled.
I did not.
I glanced out the window. Two familiar figures were walking up the path. “Look who’s here, Kim.” I pointed over her shoulder.
Kim spun. “Dan and Paula? I wonder what they’re doing here.” She reached for her purse under the counter and pulled out her tiny mirror and makeup kit.
“Maybe Dan needs more birdseed,” Esther said greedily.
“Maybe Dan’s going to propose to you,” I suggested. I hadn’t forgotten Kim’s story about how the spirits had told her he would soon be requesting her hand in marriage.
“Propose? What’s this all about?” Mom asked.
The door flew open before any of us could explain.
Kim raced from behind the counter. “Dan! Paula!” She gave each a friendly hug, followed by kisses. “What brings you to Birds and Bees?”
Kim gave Paula a measured look. No doubt seeing what I saw. Paula’s long locks hung from beneath a blue and white ski cap, and there was a rosy glow to her cheeks. Her matching sweater was just tight enough so that you couldn’t miss her assets.
Speaking of assets, her jeans hugged all the right places, leaving nothing to the imagination but the imagination.
Dan grabbed Kim’s hand. “We wanted to give you the good news.”
Kim tilted her head and held out her left hand. “What good news is that?”
Oh, brother.
Was Dan actually going to propose marriage? Here and now inside Birds & Bees?
That would be newsworthy for our monthly newsletter. Except for the recent sighting of our yellow cardinal, stories had been rather stale of late.
“I’ve put in for leave.” Paula smiled.
Oh, sister.
“Leave?” Kim asked. She looked at me for a clue.
I threw out my arms to show I had none.
“That’s right,” Dan explained. “We know you’ve been having a tough time.” He moved closer to Paula. “Paula has decided to stay and help out.”
“Help out?” Kim was pale as a swan.
“Sure. You’re always saying how tight money is now that you’ve quit your real estate gig. No offense, Amy,” Dan said for my benefit.
“None taken,” I replied. I knew how little money there was in the pot to go around. And that pot wasn’t big to begin with.
Dan wasn’t done yet. “And how you’ve always wanted a roommate.”
“Roommate?” Kim was foundering. I propped her up.
“You know, to help cover the bills,” Dan said.
“I’ll be happy to pitch in.” Paula’s sexy smile wasn’t helping Kim any.
Kim struggled for words. “But, Dan, when I said roommate, I was thinking—”
I for one knew exactly what my best friend had been thinking. She had told me how she’d been hinting around with Dan about how nice it would be to have a roommate, ostensibly to help cover her bills.
Of course, she was really hoping that roommate would be Dan.
And that roommate would be synonymous with husband.
As for the bills, Kim has never been one to worry about whether she had enough money to cover her expenses.
It looked like her little scheme might be backfiring, and I was helpless to change the course of coming events.
“Thanks, Dan, but—” Kim grabbed Esther’s coffee and gulped it down fast. “You see, I was thinking—” She shoved the mug back into Esther’s hands.
Dan’s kiss on Kim’s lips put a stop to her voiced objections. “No need to thank me, babe. Your happiness is all that counts.” He pulled up his sleeve, looked at his wristwatch, and yelped. “I’ve got to get to the station. I’ll catch up with you later.”
Dan practically flew out the door on a cloud, having done his good deed for the day.
Kim was looking mortified.
Paula took Kim’s hand. “How about showing me around the store?”
Kim looked at me for a lifeline.
What could I do? This was a store filled with bird-feeding and bird-watching supplies. It was not a marine supply store. There was nary a life preserver or lifeboat in sight.
Besides, Paula’s money was as good as anybody’s. Maybe we’d make a nice sale.
I watched as Paula led Kim arm in arm, down the center aisle. “Did I mention that Chief Kennedy suggested there might be an opening with the Ruby Lake PD?” I heard Paula say.
“Huh?” Kim’s lurch was followed by what sounded like an orc taking a direct hit to the gut from a battle axe—Derek had recently talked me into watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Kim cranked her head around and smiled at me, though that smile did not reach to her eyes. “You didn’t forget Amy’s present, did you, Barbara?”
I turned my attention from Kim as she rounded the bend—both physically and mentally, I feared—with Paula and redirected myself to my mother. “Present?” I asked brightly.
What can I say? I like getting presents.
“Yes, I almost forgot.” Mom hoisted a huge shopping bag from the floor. Inside were several presents. “For you, Esther.”
“Thank you, Barbara.” Esther set her cup on the counter. She tore into her package, leaving shreds of purple and green wrapping paper and thin red ribbon all over the floor.
“Careful,” cautioned Mom, looking uneasy.
Esther set her gift on the counter and carefully opened the lid. Inside, sat a big, brightly decorated dessert with purple, green, and yellow icing. “It’s a cake.”
“Not just any cake,” explained Mom. “It’s a Mardi Gras king cake. They are a New Orleans tradition. It’s made from brioche and is filled with nuts and fruits. And a tiny baby.”
Esther screwed up her face. “A baby?”
Mom chuckled. “A plastic baby. It’s supposed to be lucky. Whoever gets the piece with the baby in it will be king, or queen, for the day.”
“Thanks.” Esther was genuinely pleased. She picked up the cake box. “I’ll cut us some slices and put the rest out for our customers.”
Mom handed me a tall package. There was a shorter remaining package at the bottom of the sack. Mine was biggest—I’m just saying.
I slowly pulled away the wrapping and ribbon. Somebody had to show a little restraint and set an example for neatness around here.
As the owner, it was my duty.
I positioned the box on the sales counter and scooped out some packing peanuts, catching a glimpse of black and red. I got a grip on the top of whatever it was and extracted it.
I don’t know how to explain it other than to say my entire body turned into a block of ice the moment that I saw that sardonic face glaring defiantly at me.
“Do you like it?” Mom asked, pulling anxiously at her pearl necklace. “I do hope you like it.”
“It’s…I—” I gulped and winced in pain. It felt like I’d just swallowed a sheet of coarse-grain sandpaper.
“Baron Samedi,” smiled Mom.
“But…why?” This one was dressed in a black tuxedo and top hat with a blood-red vest featuring skull and crossbones buttons. But it was him all right. The Lord of Death.
My Lord of Death.
With a pasty white face and dead black eyes.
“Kim called me at the hotel.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. She told me how much you missed having a doll of your own and suggested I get you one.”
Mom was beaming.
I was not.
“So I did. I bought Kim some pralines,” Mom added. “What do you think? I hope you think he’s as nice as the one you had before.”
I didn’t know if it was the Lord of Death talking or me, but somebody said, “I’m going to kill her.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
In addition to writing A Bird Lover’s mystery series, novelist and musician J.R. Ripley is the author of the Maggie Miller mysteries and the Kitty Karlyle TV pet chef mysteries (written as Marie Celine) among other works.
You may visit JRRipley.net for more information. Visit JR on Facebook at facebook.com/JRRipley.