“Do not run away from me. Tell me, Drew. What are you up to?”
“Shit!”
“Tell me. Now!”
“You’re not getting those places.”
“I’m not?” Even though I’d had my suspicions when he started acting odd, hearing him confirm it was kind of weird.
With a shake of his head, Drew leant back against the sink and folded his arms across his chest. Arms I missed being wrapped in. Arms I missed holding me and promising me everything would all be okay. Arms I craved. Trying to ignore the appeal and hold onto my temper, I pinned him with a menacing glare. It must have worked because barely a minute later he was spilling his guts.
To say I was stunned was an understatement. Not only had Drew compromised my application but he’d recruited help. Help from people who should’ve been on my team. People who should’ve had my back. I wasn’t surprised Glen was involved; it wouldn’t have taken much for Drew to convince him, but he wasn’t the one that really disappointed me. No, that spot was reserved for my mum. My own mother, the woman who’d given birth to me, the woman who was biologically required to be on my side had turned traitor. Even after knowing my whole sad story, she’d still sided with him.
“Mum?”
“She told me which ones you’d submitted,” he answered sheepishly. At least he had the decency to look ashamed, I guess. Not enough to not have done it though, but I guess it was something.
“Why?”
“Because Kristie wouldn’t…”
“Kristie?” I don’t know that I would’ve been able to cope if she was part of the conspiracy. She was my person. The one I’d run to less than a month ago when Drew had shattered my heart and up-ended my world. She was the one who held me while I fell apart. If she wasn’t on my side, I don’t know how I’d keep going.
Sensing my fear, Drew confirmed, “She wouldn’t help me. Kristie can be scary when she wants to.”
“Yeah, she really can.” If I didn’t love her as much as I did, I’d probably be shit scared. Thankfully I hadn’t been on her bad side, not yet anyway, and I wasn’t about to try and get on there any time soon either. I wasn’t completely stupid. Curiosity got the better of me. If Drew had approached Kristie, I needed to know what went down. “What’d she say?”
“Let’s just say she spent the first ten minutes threatening to rip my balls off and stuff them down my throat if I wasn’t serious.”
I couldn’t help but snicker when Drew’s hands instinctively dropped down to cover his groin, almost as if he was reliving her threats. “Sounds like her.”
“You don’t have to laugh,” Drew reminded me with a smile. “She has an interesting collection of threats that one. But when she felt like she’d finally made her point, she told me she wouldn’t help me.”
“Good!” I’d have to remember to buy her an extra big slice of chocolate cake next time I saw her.
“Kristie said she wasn’t going to help, but she wouldn’t stop me either.”
“Oh.”
“You’re surprised?”
Actually, I was fucking bewildered. We would definitely be having a conversation about this. “Why would she do it?”
“Why would she what? Why would she not turn me in?”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe she thinks I’m not that bad. Not really. A complete dumb arse, yeah. Someone who has a lot, and I mean a LOT of grovelling in my future. But not a complete write-off.”
What he was saying was making sense. Too much sense really. It didn’t mean, though, that I had to like it. Or even agree with them. The trouble was, I was starting to find Drew’s persistence adorable. I don’t know how long I had before I buckled. He knew me too well. He knew exactly which buttons to press, where the chinks in my armour were and, from where I was standing, it looked like he wasn’t afraid to exploit everything he had.
“I never said you were.”
“Then stay.”
“Drew. Don’t. Please.” I heard the begging in my voice. If he pushed, I’d cave.
Lifting his hands up, Drew conceded defeat. I wasn’t convinced that it would last, but for now, it appeared as though he was backing down, even if it was only a single step.
“Okay. I’ll ease up.”
“Thank you.”
“Just for now, though.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less Drew.”
“Great! At least you’re starting to get the picture.”
“Yeah. Yeah.”
“Drew, I just need some time. We need some time.”
“You’re one hundred percent right. We do need some time. But time together. You moving in somewhere else isn’t going to help. We need to spend time together. How can we fix this if we’re apart?”
I hated that he was right. It really annoyed me. And I wanted to spend time with him, I just wasn’t ready to trust him yet. I’d had all my eggs in that basket once and I’d been left, standing there covered in yolk. “We do.”
At my agreement Drew’s head snapped back so quickly he almost gave himself whiplash. “You’re agreeing.”
“Why is it so hard to believe?”
“Are you kidding me right now? I’m sweating my balls off over here and you’re yanking my chain.”
“Yeah, I am. It’s fun, isn’t it?”
“You’re a cruel, cruel woman, Maggie. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, but you love me anyway.”
Fuck!
Shit!
Fuck! Shit! Holy Hell!
I hadn’t meant to say that. I didn’t want to say that. It was the last thing I wanted to say. Even though Drew was doing his damnedest to convince me to stay, it didn’t mean he loved me. His asking for a divorce was still too raw for me to forget. You don’t divorce someone you love. At least, I wouldn’t.
My head spun. The room spun. I felt like I wanted to be sick. Grabbing hold of the counter, I used it to steady myself. Face-planting on the tiles wasn’t on today’s agenda. And embarrassing myself in front of Drew; I’d done that enough times to last a life time. I didn’t need to add another instance to the long list.
“Shit, Mags! Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I slurred, sounding like I’d downed half a bottle of vodka. My stomach was suddenly agreeing as it lurched.
“Liar.”
Drew moved without a word, scooped me up and carried me back to the lounge room before depositing me on the couch. “I’m fine,” I protested weakly.
Without a word he walked away, returning a second later with a bag of jelly beans and a bottle of water. Sadly, this wasn’t the first time I’d had a turn that left me dizzy and drained, but it was the first in a while. Why couldn’t it have happened when I was at Mum’s? At least then if I threw up or passed out I wouldn’t make a complete tool out of myself.
“You’re not fine. Drink your water.”
Cracking open the bottle, I took small sips, not trusting my gut to go along with the program. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Drew rooting around in my bag. “Whatcha looking for?”
“Your phone.”
“Front pocket.”
A second later he was on the phone, speaking to Mum I guess. Dropping my head back against the cushion, I let my heavy eyes fall closed. I just needed a rest. Just a minute. When I managed to pry them open, I was once again swept up in Drew’s arms. Not bothering to pretend, I burrowed into his chest, breathing in the familiar, comforting scent that was so uniquely Drew.
“You’re awake, Sleeping Beauty.”
“Mmm.”
“You’ve been out for about three hours.”
“Three hours?” That woke me up. It felt like I’d only closed my eyes for three minutes. I was just so tired.
“Yeah. I’ve let your mum and Kristie know you’re staying here tonight.” I went to object but Drew silenced me with a look. As he carried me through the door into the spare bedroom, his face drooped. “I wasn’t sure if you would want to sleep in our room.”
“
Here’s perfect,” I conceded, trying to hide my emotions. I was trying to deal with all of them at once. I was grateful to Drew for being so thoughtful, but at the same time I was disappointed he wasn’t tucking me into our bed.
Setting me down gently, Drew pulled back the covers and helped me wriggle in. He was looking down at me like I was made of precious china. “Thanks for taking care of me.”
“Always.”
As Drew stepped back, I watched him. There was something on the tip of his tongue that he wanted to say but was struggling to hold the words in. I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to say it. Whatever it was. We’d done enough damage to each other over the past few years holding back all the things we should’ve said. Our marriage was destroyed because of the secrets and half-truths we’d shared. If we had any chance, and I honestly didn’t know if we did, it had to be something that ended and ended now.
When the light went off and the room was plummeted into darkness, I found the courage to ask. I know it was a chicken shit way of doing it, but there was only so much rejection, so much heart break this girl could take.
“Drew?”
“Yeah?”
“What is it you wanted to say?”
Now was his chance. I’d given him the perfect opportunity.
“Get some sleep, Mags. I’ll still be here in the morning.”
Arsehole!
He’d pussied out.
As the door creaked closed, just before the latch clicked, I heard him murmur, “I love you too, sweetheart.” At least that’s what I thought I heard. Maybe though, maybe I was just hoping. The problem was, if hope was all I had to cling to, then I was sticking to it like white on rice.
DREW
When Maggie went white, I almost shit myself.
I hated it when she was sick. I always had. Even if she just had a cold or cramps, I always ended up making myself feel worse because I couldn’t help her. There was nothing I could do to make it better for her so I over compensated, which usually just ended up pissing her off. If I did the groceries so she didn’t have to change out of her pyjamas, I got it wrong. I bought the wrong brands or the wrong size or the wrong thing all together. How the hell was I supposed to know there were that many types of sugar?
Seeing her pale and wobbly forced my hand. Sweeping her off her feet, having her in my arms just felt too good. I never wanted to let go. When she’d fallen asleep, I never for a second thought she’d be out for that long. Watching her sleep was weird. I felt like a creeper when I kept sneaking glances at her chest to watch the steady rise and fall.
After tucking her into bed, not the bed I wanted her to be sleeping in, but the one I thought she’d most appreciate, I headed for a shower. I was covered in Maggie’s scent. It smelt like warmth and home. I couldn’t believe I’d fucked everything up so spectacularly. How could I have been this fucking stupid? Why I thought I could walk away from this woman, I had no idea. More importantly, why the hell did I ever think I wanted to?
It was instinctive.
It was necessary.
It wasn’t something I’d planned.
Reaching down, I wrapped my hand around my cock and gave a hard tug. Surrounded by steam and the smell of Maggie had me tipping my head back and squeezing my balls. When the strangled moan escaped from the back of my throat, I knew I couldn’t stop. Bracing myself with one hand against the tiles, I jerked myself until my knees threatened to buckle. With one final grunt, I came with a rush and let go. I thought I’d feel less tense, relaxed even, but it barely took the edge off.
Feeling less than average, I cleaned up and stepped out. Wrapping my towel around my waist, I stood in front of the mirror. The man standing in front of me needed his arse kicked. He’d fucked up. Fucked up in a way that I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to come back from. Covering my face with shaving cream, I changed the blade in my razor.
“You’re shaving?”
The sweet voice from over my shoulder almost gave me a heart attack. “Shit, Maggie!” Dropping the razor, I grabbed the knot at my waist. The last thing I needed right now was to drop my towel and give Maggie an eyeful. Just having her standing there, watching how her eyes followed the water droplets down my chest was doing things to my body that it shouldn’t be.
“This is weird.”
“What’s weird?”
“Me being here. You being like this. All of it.”
“I don’t think it’s weird.”
“How is it not?”
“Maggie. You’re overthinking it.”
“I’m overthinking this.”
“You know you are.”
“Drew…”
“No, Mags. I don’t want to fight. It’s the last thing I want to do with you right now.” When Maggie quirked her eyebrow, I realised how that sounded. I didn’t deliberately try to make her squirm but seeing the heat flash in her eyes, even if it was only fleeting, had everything below my waist perking up. “What I meant to say was, it doesn’t have to be awkward. It shouldn’t be. It’s nothing you haven’t seen a hundred times before.”
When Maggie blinked rapidly, I knew the moment had passed. Sadness flooded her. “That was before.”
I was an idiot and a glutton for punishment. “Before what?”
“When we were… when we were married.”
She didn’t give me a chance to answer before she turned and bolted.
“Shit!”
As quick as I could, I dragged on a pair of sweatpants almost tripping over the leg, and a moment later was wiping the shaving cream from my face as I bounded down the steps. “Fuck!” I boomed as I looked out the still-open front door. Maggie was running. Again. And it was all my fault. Again.
I could see her sitting in the car, both hands death-gripping the wheel. Beside me, her suitcase sat there abandoned. I don’t know why I did it, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Grabbing the handle, I carried it down the stairs. Obviously, she’d been so desperate to get away from me she left what she came for.
Without saying a word, I popped the boot and set her bag inside. When it closed, I stepped back and watched as Maggie backed out of the driveway. Her eyes met with mine for a minute, and I would’ve had to be completely blind to miss the hurt there.
I don’t know how long I stood there staring at the empty, quiet street. I don’t know if I was hoping she’d change her mind and come back or if I was just relishing in the pain. I deserved it after all. With the wind whipping around, by the time my brain had kicked in again, I was shivering and covered in goosepimples.
As I climbed into bed later that night, my phone chimed on the bedside table.
Maggie: Thank you
Even though I wasn’t sure what she was actually thanking me for, I wasn’t about to push. I’d learnt that lesson the hard way. I wasn’t going to stuff that up again. At least I was going to try my damnedest not to. Instead, I silenced my phone and rolled over.
Even though guilt was eating at me, I made it, somehow, through to Wednesday with my balls still intact. Arriving home, I was shocked to see Maggie’s car sitting in the drive and a very pissed off woman glaring down at me from the veranda.
Briefly I considered slipping my car in reverse and bolting. I wouldn’t do that though. If Maggie wanted to tear me limb from limb, then I had to give her the chance. It wasn’t anything less than I deserved.
Not wasting any time, I climbed the stairs and came face to face with her intimidating scowl. I didn’t even bother wasting time or breath with pleasantries. “Want to come inside?”
Maggie didn’t answer. Instead she pushed her way past me and headed straight for the kitchen.
Hypnotised by the sway of her hips in the tight black skirt that hugged her curvy arse, I followed along like a puppy. Maggie was sex on legs. And what legs they were. She had on my favourite black heels, the ones I had very good memories of digging into my arse. She was fucking hot and turned me on in ways I couldn’t explain. Even pissed off, she boiled my blood.
&nbs
p; By the time I reached the kitchen, Maggie had dropped her bag on the bench and was standing with her hands on her hips.
I must have a death wish. “Good afternoon, Maggie. How was your day?”
“You want to do that?”
“I want to do whatever you do.”
Holding up her hand, Maggie silenced me. “Don’t do that. Don’t try and be funny or cute.”
“I’m funny?”
“Drew!” Maggie snapped. I couldn’t help it. She was so fucking sexy. Always had been. Always would be. But when she was all worked up, steam billowing from her ears it did things it shouldn’t to my body. Shifting behind the kitchen counter, I attempted to hide my excitement. “This is serious.”
“Okay.”
“Why’d you do it? Again?”
“What did I do?”
“Don’t play dumb. It doesn’t suit you. You know exactly what you did.”
The truth was I didn’t. I wasn’t playing dumb; I honestly had no idea which dumbarse thing she’d found out about. I mean, there was a long list to choose from. I just had no idea which one she was referring to and was about to kick my arse for.
“Okay.”
“I thought you were going to stop! Tell Glen to stop!”
“Stop what exactly?”
“Come on, Drew. You know I can’t stay at Mum’s for much longer. She’s driving me nuts. From the moment I walk in the door she starts talking and doesn’t shut up. This morning, I was in the shower and she was talking through the door.”
“At least she was on the other side,” I offered, trying to be helpful.
“Only because I locked it.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. Drew you’ve gotta stop. Call Glen off. I need somewhere to live. I’m running out of time.”
“You know she’d never kick you out.”
“No, not that. I might kill her and bury her body under her precious petunias.”
“Oh.”
“Please. Please, Drew, I’m begging you. Call Glen. Tell him to stop lying to every agent that calls for a reference. I need a place of my own.”
Broken Dreams Boxset Page 20