“Mom, I think I know where you’re going with this.” As much as Chase loved his mother, that was the only thing he didn’t love about being back home, her well-meaning meddling.
“Vi said she thought it was your truck parked at Shay’s house for hours last night. Is that true?”
Since Chase knew he would eventually have to tell his mother about their plans, and he could use some advice right about now, he decided to distract her from the matter of him and Shay with the one thing that he knew would set her on a different course. Her grandson.
“Here,” he said, passing her the frame. “Shay gave this to me last night.”
Tears filled her blue eyes before she clasped her hand over her mouth. “Oh my goodness, this is…?” She sank down in one of the guest chairs.
“Nick.” Chase smiled, his chest swelling with pride, though he logically knew he had no reason to be proud of the boy. He didn’t even know him. “That’s the name his adoptive parents gave him.”
“Um, honey,” she said, setting the frame back down on the desk. “I know I should have told you about this sooner, but I wasn’t sure you wanted to talk about it. Shay wrote a book about the adoption and—”
“I know.” He pulled the hardcopy book out of his desk drawer, holding it up, before sitting back in his chair. “Read it cover to cover.”
“Me too. Several times, in fact.”
They shared a long look and it was all he needed to remind him that he and Shay weren’t the only people who had suffered when they gave their son up for adoption. His parents didn’t want him to do it. They even offered to help him raise the baby, but that wasn’t an option Shay’s parents were willing to consider. As far as they were concerned there was only one recourse. Adoption.
“I was so heartbroken for Shay when I read that book.” Her jaw clenched as she straightened her silver-framed glasses. “The way her parents pressured her into—”
“I know.” Chase didn’t want to go there again. If he did he was afraid he’d drive across town and let her parents have it. Something he probably should have done years ago. “But that’s ancient history, right?”
“She was young,” she said, gently. “You were both so young, honey. I know you don’t agree with the decision she made and you resented being pressured into going along with it, but you have to know how much she regrets it now.”
“You and Shay have talked about the adoption?” Chase didn’t know why he was so stunned to hear that, only that he’d never imagined her having the courage to broach the subject with his mother.
“You know she goes to my church, right?”
“No, I didn’t know that.”
“Well, she does. Anyways, when she wrote the book it circulated at the church, of course. It helped a lot of families who’d been touched by adoption. The Reverend even asked her to speak about it.” She smiled. “She was wonderful. I was so proud of her.”
“Really?” He didn’t know how to feel about the fact that his mother’s relationship with Shay had continued, even grown stronger, though she’d never said anything to him about his ex. “I’m sorry I missed that.”
“You need to forgive, son.”
“I’ve already forgiven Shay. I know she was just doing what she thought was best for all of us.”
“I’m talking about her parents. I know you think they’re the reason you weren’t able to raise your son, and you may be right. But it’s not healthy to carry around all that hate and resentment in your heart.”
Chase had never even entertained the idea of forgiving the Hanson’s. Not that he thought they wanted his forgiveness. He was certain they could care less how he felt about them. “I have more important things on my mind than them right now.” He held up the slip of paper that contained the name of the woman who could provide a direct line to the part of his life that was missing.
“What’s that?” she asked, frowning.
“The name and number of Nick’s adoptive mom.”
“Oh, wow.” Her eyes widened. “You’re going to reach out to her? Does Shay know?”
“She knows. That’s the reason I was at her place last night, to discuss it.”
“Oh.” Her slim shoulders slumped slightly, beneath her thin, hand-knit gray cardigan. “I thought maybe you two were seeing each other again.”
“We’re not.” Not that he didn’t wish they were. “But we have decided we’d like to meet our son. Together.”
She clasped her hands, looking elated once again. “Oh, Chase. That is so wonderful!”
“I hope it will be.”
“You’re worried that he won’t be receptive?” she asked, pursing her lips. “I guess I can understand that. After all, he has no way of knowing the circumstances, or how much we all love him and wish he were a part of our lives.”
The last thing Chase wanted was to give his mother false hope. She’d already been hurt enough. “Mom, listen. I know you want grandchildren, but you have to understand that Nick has a family of his own. He may never want to be a part of ours and we have to accept that.”
“I know.” She faked a smile, shaking her head. “We have to deal the hand we’re dealt, right? But I still think it’s wonderful that you and Shay have decided to reach out to him. That must have been a difficult decision for both of you.”
“Not for me.” Chase felt like he’d been counting down the days ‘til he could make this happen. “I’ve wanted to do this for a really long time.”
“So, why didn’t you?”
Trying to make her see it from his perspective wouldn’t be easy, but he wanted to try. “For a long time I had nothing to offer him.”
“You had your love to give him. Don’t you know by now that’s the only thing that matters?”
Love had been more than enough in his family because his parents had been there from day one in all of their lives and for every important moment thereafter, until his father died. He sure wished the old man were around now, to meet his only grandson for the very first time.
“I wanted him to be proud of me.”
Chase knew it may not make sense to anyone else, but he didn’t want to come to him a broken and confused kid who was still trying to find his way. By the time he met his son he wanted to be a mature men who’d repented for his mistakes, made a good life for himself, and could offer Nick some help and guidance, assuming he wanted it.
“How could he not be proud of you?” She gestured around his office. “Just look at what you and Bryce have accomplished. It’s nothing short of a miracle, if you ask me.”
Chase chuckled, thinking there was nothing miraculous about it. They’d worked eighty hour weeks and slept on the couches in their office when they were too tired to drive home.
“I appreciate that, Mom. But it’s not just about the business, though I am proud of that. When I met him for the first time I wanted to be able to tell him about the life I’d lived and feel like…” He’d imagined their first conversation a hundred times, but he had no way of knowing if it would go down the way he hoped it would and that scared him. “I don’t know, like I’d accomplished something, I guess. Like I had something to offer him, some wisdom.” He met her smile with one of his own. “That’s one of the things I remember most about my talks with dad when I was Nick’s age. He always seemed to have all the answers.”
She laughed, fluffing her silver hair. “I’m glad you think so, but I can assure you that wasn’t the case. Since you were the oldest, I think Dad practiced on you. He often told me he hoped he didn’t mess you kids up too bad. He hated that he wasn’t able to get an education. He felt he wasn’t smart enough to be able to teach you everything you needed to know.”
Chase’s heart ached when his thought of his father thinking, even for a second, that he hadn’t been enough for his family. He’d been more than enough, with or without some stupid piece of paper to deem him worthy.
“If education was so important to Dad why’d he let me drop out of college to start this business
with Bryce?”
“Because he knew it was your dream. How could he stand in the way of that?”
Chase picked up another photo on his desk, one that meant almost as much to him as the picture of his son. It was the last one taken of their entire family before his father died and in it the old man was beaming, simply because they’d all managed to make it home for Christmas that year.
“I don’t think I would have had the courage to pursue this if he hadn’t told me the best life lessons were found in your failures. It took some of the pressure off me. I figured the worst thing that could happen is we’d fail.”
“But you didn’t fail,” she said, reaching across the desk to squeeze his hand. “You’ve exceeded your wildest expectations, I’m sure.”
“Believe me, we failed plenty,” he said, thinking about the early days when they’d almost had to file bankruptcy because they couldn’t pay their suppliers. “But we figured it out.” After a beat of silence, he voiced his real fear. “But I can’t afford to fail with Nick, Mom. That would kill me. I may only get one shot with him. What if I blow it?”
“I’ll admit you’re in a unique position,” she said, sinking back in the chair as she crossed her legs. “Most parents have the luxury of screwing up with their kids every day and getting another chance to do it all over again tomorrow. Nick doesn’t have to let you in. He can choose to keep you out of his life. Both you and Shay.”
“Thanks for the reminder.” It was the last thing he needed, but he knew his mother had a point.
“So, if you only get one shot with him, you have to make it count.”
“I know, but how?”
“Think about what you want to say to him. If you only get one hour with him, what do you want him to know, not about you, but about how you feel about him? What do you want to know about him? Remember, this isn’t about you or the man you’ve become. It’s about the man your son is becoming.”
Chase pondered those words, knowing it was true. His son was on the verge of becoming a man and the father who’d raised him was no longer in his life. Did that mean there was a place for him?
“I don’t want Shay to get hurt. If Nick lashes out at her, I’m not sure how she’ll react.”
“You still care about her.”
“Of course I do.” His gaze lingered on the picture that had scarcely been out of his sight since he got it. “We share this bond. I guess I’ve never stopped caring about her, even when I was mad about the way things went down.”
“We’re all entitled to our mistakes, Chase. No one is perfect. Not you. Not Shay. Not her parents.”
“But the difference is Shay and I have learned from our mistakes. Can you say the same for her parents?”
“It’s not up to me to judge Shay’s parents. I don’t know what they were thinking or how they were feeling when they insisted she give that baby up for adoption. But I have to assume they were just looking out for their daughter, because they loved her and wanted to protect her. When you’re a parent you don’t always make the right calls. But as long as you do it from a place of love—”
“Mom,” Chase said, raising his hand. “The Hanson’s are nothing like you and Dad. They’re selfish, manipulative—”
“They’re Shay’s parents, Chase,” she said, her tone brooking no argument. “And your son’s grandparents, whether you want to acknowledge that or not. If Nick does want a relationship with you and Shay, what do you plan to do, exclude them from his life, to punish them for what they did?”
Chase hadn’t thought that far ahead, but he couldn’t imagine Shay’s parents wanting to have a relationship with the baby they wanted nothing to do with all those years ago.
“If you want to pave the way for Shay with Nick, I’d suggest sending him a copy of her book. She poured her heart out on those pages. After reading that there’s no way he could question how much she loves him, and that she was only doing what she thought was best for him when she signed those papers.”
Chase reached for the book, turning it over to see Shay’s beautiful face smiling back at him from the glossy cover. “Maybe you’re right. If Nick would read it, he might see the real Shay, even before he meets her.”
“Well,” she said, standing. “I’m sure you have some phone calls you’re dying to make, so I’ll let you get to it. Call me and let me know how it goes?”
“You know I will,” he said, walking her to the door before giving her a hug. “You’re the best.”
“So are you, sweetheart. I love you, and good luck.”
Chapter Seven
After getting the go-ahead from Shay to make the call without her, Chase held his breath as the phone rang once, twice, three times, before a woman finally picked up.
“Hello?”
“Mrs. Martin, my name is Chase Wright and I’m-”
She gasped. “You’re Nick’s father. His birth father. Oh my goodness. I’d never forget your name. How could I? You gave me the greatest gift in my life.”
Chase swallowed several times, overcome by her praise. He’d been so caught up in his own grief over losing his son that he never thought about what it would mean to this woman to get the child she’d likely spent years praying for.
“I hope you don’t mind that I’m calling-”
“No, not at all. In fact, I hoped you would.”
Chase was relieved that she wasn’t going to make this difficult or awkward. “You were?”
“Of course. After Roger died… that’s my late husband. I was so worried about Nick. I even thought about calling you myself, but I didn’t know how you’d feel about that. He was going through such a rough time, losing his father, and I thought it might help if he could meet you.”
“I wish I’d known.” Chase thought of all the times he’d considered reaching out to his son, but he was afraid it would be like pouring salt in an open wound, so he suffered in silence.
“He’s doing much better now,” she assured him. “I’m not sure if the agency told you… I’m assuming that’s how you got my new number?”
“Yes, ma’am. It is. I hope you don’t mind?”
“No, not all. That’s why I gave it to them. I always wanted you to have a way to reach Nick, if you decided you wanted to. Anyways, my husband died about four years ago now. I remarried just a couple of years ago and thankfully Nick gets along pretty well with my new husband. I wouldn’t have married him otherwise, you know.”
It put Chase’s mind at ease to know that she put Nick first, no matter how selfish he felt for thinking it. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
“Has he ever asked about me and Shay?”
“Of course he has.” He could hear the smile in her voice when she said, “I told him that you were both very young and didn’t have the means to support a baby so you gave him to us, because you loved him and wanted him to have the best possible life.”
“Thank you.” Chase breathed a sigh of relief, knowing how lucky he was that his son had been placed with a caring, compassionate woman.
“When he was seven we told him he was adopted,” she explained. “He asked why he didn’t have brown eyes like us or red hair like me.” She chuckled. “And Roger had blonde hair. Nick’s hair is very dark, almost black, and his eyes are blue.”
Like mine.
“He was also quite the athlete, even from an early age, and I’m embarrassed to admit both of us struggled to throw a ball in a straight line. We knew it wouldn’t be long before he started asking more questions and since we never intended to keep the adoption from him, we decided that was as good a time as any to tell him.”
“Does he, um, still play sports?”
She laughed. “It seems that’s all he does these days. That and hang out with his friends.” She paused. “He really is a wonderful young man, Mr. Wright. I think you’d be very proud of him. I know I am.”
Chase was humbled that she would think he had any reason to be proud of him when she and her husband we
re the ones who’d done all the hard work raising him.
“You must wonder why I’m calling now, after all these years.”
“I am curious.”
“I returned to Landon not long ago and reconnected with Nick’s mom, uh, I’m sorry, with Shay.”
“You don’t have to apologize. She’s as much his mother as I am. She did give him life, after all. She kept him safe until he could be brought into the world and…” She sighed. “Never mind. I just have very strong opinions about the roles we play as birth and adoptive parents, I guess.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d think we had a part to play at all, to be honest.” Sometimes Chase thought of himself as little more than a sperm donor, though a day hadn’t passed when he wished he could be more.
“You said you and Ms. Hanson re-connected recently. Does that mean you’re a couple again?”
“No.” Chase wondered if she was feeling threatened by the prospect of Nick’s parents re-uniting and wanting to be a family. “I want to assure that the reason I called has nothing to do with us wanting to interfere in the way you’re raising your son. I’m sure you’re doing a fine job. I guess we just wanted the chance to meet him, to see if he has any questions for us, you know, about why we gave him up.”
“I’m sure he does have questions, though I think Ms. Hanson’s book may have helped to answer some of them.”
“Nick’s read Shay’s book?” Chase wondered how Shay would feel knowing that their son had read her personal account of the most trying time of her life.
“I read it first,” she admitted. “See, we don’t live too far from Landon and I was reading a local newspaper one day when I came across the story about Ms. Hanson’s book. She was having a book signing at our local bookstore.”
“Really?”
“I’m ashamed to admit I went there to see her. I thought about introducing myself when she signed my book, but I wasn’t sure how she would react. I didn’t want to embarrass her in front of all those people, and honestly, I think I just lost my nerve.”
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