“Nope. And Lennon is in his room playing video games. He won’t come back out either. It’s Steven Winslow’s show tonight, and he doesn’t care what his wife and kids think of it.”
“Well, I’ve had enough partying for the night. It’s almost midnight, why don’t we grab a few cupcakes, a couple waters, and go watch a movie in your room. We can see if Lennon wants to join us. Everything will be better in the morning when the party is over,” I said.
He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me. “Where did you come from, Jade Moore.”
“Bucktown,” I said, and he laughed.
“Let’s stop at the kitchen and then go find Lennon.”
We had a plate full of snacks and three bottles of water. We stopped by Lennon’s room, and he didn’t answer when we knocked. Cruz peeked inside and his brother was already asleep.
“Good for him,” he said, pulling Lennon’s door closed.
We set up a full picnic on Cruz’s bed and I convinced him to watch The Proposal because he’d never seen it. His room looked more like a hotel room than a twenty-one-year-old guy’s room. It had been professionally decorated, the bedding was chestnut colored and top of the line, and the cherry wood furniture was grand and traditional.
After we finished all the snacks, we tucked in under the heavy comforter and finished watching the movie. Laughter and loud voices trickled in for hours, but exhaustion finally kicked in and allowed me to drift off.
A loud shatter startled me from sleep. The room was dark, but little bits of light peeked through the plantation shutters. I felt around the space beside me, but no one was there.
“Cruz,” I whisper-shouted, hoping he was in the bathroom.
A loud voice came from the main house, but I couldn’t make out the words or the voices. I hurried to my feet and found Cruz’s hoodie on the chair beside the dresser and pulled it over my head and slipped on my black leggings. The sound of something being smashed came from the living area, and I rushed out the door. Once at the end of the long hallway I stopped and remained beside the wall, just out of sight. Cruz and his father were arguing.
There was another voice that I couldn’t place. I peeked around the corner and there was broken glass all over the floor. I didn’t know where it had come from. A chair was flipped on its side and Cruz had his hands in the air as he shouted at his father.
“Why? Why do you ruin everything good in your life?” my boyfriend said, and I wrapped an arm around my stomach because the sadness in his eyes sent a sharp pain to my middle.
“You’re being dramatic. It’s not a big deal,” Steven said to his son. He was still wearing last night’s suit jacket and button up, but he looked disheveled.
There was white powder piled on the coffee table, and three little lines were beside it. I didn’t know much about drugs, but I was fairly certain it was cocaine. There were two people sitting on the couch as I scanned the room. Walker, the man from last night, and Lennon. My heart sank, because I knew what happened before even being told. Lennon was leaning back against the cushion. He stared off in space, dazed, like he had no clue what was going on around him.
“He’s high on a hell of a lot more than that shit, and you know it. What did you do? Go in and wake him up and drag him back into your piece of shit existence?” Cruz said, and veins bulged on his neck.
He shoved his dad out of the way and reached for Walker. He lifted the man to his feet and shook him by his shirttails.
“Why the fuck can’t you leave him alone?”
Walker pushed my boyfriend back. “Your brother came looking for it, just like he did the first time. Quit blaming me. Once an addict, always an addict.”
Cruz grabbed him and threw him over the couch, and Walker landed on his ass on the wood floor. He laughed. He didn’t care what he’d done to their family. I wanted to rush over and stand beside Cruz, but my instincts kept me in place.
“Shut the fuck up,” Cruz said, backing away and pointing his finger at his father. “This is your problem now. I’m done.”
He turned and his gaze locked with mine. We didn’t speak a word, he stormed past me and grabbed my hand, leading me back to his room. He started throwing clothes in our bags and picked up his phone.
“When can you have the plane ready, Ponch?” He paused and his stare was distant as he listened. “Thank you. We’re on our way,” Cruz said, tossing his cell on the chair and pacing around the room.
“I’m sorry, baby. We need to leave.” He told me before dropping to sit beside me on the bed. He buried his face in his hands.
I ran my hand along his back, before wrapping my arms around his middle. “I don’t care. I’m so sorry this happened. What about Lennon?” I whispered.
“I don’t care. I can’t do it anymore. He’s a grown man. I’m done being his babysitter. He doesn’t give a shit about his life, so why should I?” His gaze was tired and glossy, and my heart chipped away a little more.
“I understand your frustration. Do you want me to go get your mom, and maybe she can get involved and ask Walker to leave?”
He pushed to his feet and threw a few more things in his bag. “I tried. She’s out of it. Mumbled something and fell back asleep. She’s a fucking pill popper too. They’re all fucked up. I don’t want to be around it anymore, and I don’t want you to be exposed to this shit either.”
“Okay, let’s go.” I hurried to the bathroom and threw my hair in a ponytail. I slipped a bra on beneath Cruz’s hoodie and followed him out the door.
We walked through the house and Steven was arguing with Walker, but Cruz didn’t stop or engage. He opened the door and I walked outside with him right behind me. There was a car waiting there, and I had no idea if it was his family’s driver or a service, but the man nodded when we stepped outside.
Before Cruz pulled the car door closed, his father called out to him, “Cruz, let’s just take a minute and talk about this.”
“I’m done talking about it. You made your bed, now you can lie in it,” he said and pulled the door shut.
The car ride and the flight back home were quiet. We both fell asleep on the flight, as we hadn’t got much sleep last night. It felt like weeks had passed since I left for winter break. I’d visited another state, lost my virginity, downhill skied, attended a Hollywood party, met Cruz’s parents, and witnessed a drug-induced fight.
Life with Cruz Winslow was never boring.
The weeks blurred together after I started my spring semester classes. I moved into Ari’s dorm room, and I was much happier. I still slept at Cruz’s house every night, because Jace stayed in our room, so it worked out well for everyone. But I still came home every morning to get ready, and Ari and I ate breakfast and lunch together most days. I was trying my best to keep my life balanced, but Cruz and I spent a lot of time together. I was growing dependent on him, and it terrified me.
“So is Cruz finally speaking to Lennon?” Ari asked as she scooped scrambled eggs onto her plate.
“Not really. It’s very tense between them. Lennon just tries to stay out of his way. He’s apologized so many times and is just waiting for Cruz to come around.”
“It was noticeable at their show this weekend. You could feel the disconnect, you know?” she said.
“I’m sure. Cruz is resentful. He’s given up a lot for his brother, and he wants him to take control of his own life. I’m not surprised you could tell. The tension is palpable at their house.”
“When are you going to come out with me again?” she whined.
I laughed. “I’m sorry. This semester’s class load has been a lot. I promised Cruz I’ll come next month when the AF Record label guy comes to watch them.”
“Isn’t he going to play the song he wrote for you?” she said as we walked to our usual table.
“Yeah, I’m dying to hear it. He won’t sing it to me until they have
it ready with the music. He said he had a drink with you and Jace after the show last night.”
“He did. I think he and Jace have a little bromance going. Cruz said his friend’s house will for sure be available for us. He didn’t know what the rent was but said it’s super cheap. I don’t know how, being so close to campus,” Ari said.
“I know. I told him what we could afford, and he said it’s less than that. We can go see it in a few weeks.”
“I can’t wait to have our own little house. What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?”
“Pizza at the beach,” I said, smiling because it was kind of our thing now.
“Fun.”
“What are you and Jace doing?”
We left the dining commons and headed for campus. I didn’t have any classes with Cruz this semester, but Ari and I had taken an elective together. It was a screenwriters course, and studying Harry Potter hardly felt like a real class, as it was my favorite series of all time.
“He’s making me dinner at his apartment,” she said, wriggling her brows.
“Awww… he’s so sweet.”
“He really is. See you at lunch.” Ari waved as she walked to her English class.
“Hey Jade,” Brayden said, jogging up beside me.
“Oh, hi.” He had three classes with me this semester. He was also a human biology major, though he was a year ahead of me.
We took our seats in Anatomy. I liked to sit up front, as it helped me focus. Brayden sat beside me the first day of class, and they’d become our permanent seats.
“He posted the scores for the first test last night. How’d you do?” he asked.
“I did well. How about you?”
“Ninety-one. I can’t complain,” Brayden said.
I’d received a ninety-eight on the test. I was still kicking myself for changing the answer on the question I missed.
“Awesome. Congrats.”
“Are you still dating Cruz?” His question caught me off guard. I’d been with Cruz for months now, and I thought Brayden was more than clear about it.
“Yes. We’ve been together for a while now.”
“Oh, I just wondered. I never see you at The Dive when Exiled is playing,” he said, opening his spiral notebook as Professor Kross wrote something on the whiteboard.
“I don’t go out much. I just don’t have time. How do you do it and maintain your grades?” I whispered. I really was curious because I was drowning in work.
“Well, I go out more than I should. You must be on an accelerated program because you’re in so many sophomore classes.”
“Yeah, I’m trying to graduate in three years.”
“That’s impressive. You must have tested out of a bunch of first year courses.”
“Yeah, and I’ll take summer classes as well.” I took the cap off my pink pen and faced the front of the room as the lecture began.
“Damn. You’re taking on a lot. This program is hard enough doing it in four years. You’re going to be a great doctor someday,” he whispered.
I smiled and turned my attention back to Professor Kross. Class ended and we walked outside. Two arms came around my middle and I knew it was Cruz before I even turned around. I always felt him before I saw him. His chin settled on my shoulder and his scruff tickled my cheek.
“Hey,” I said, turning to face him.
“Hey, yourself, More Jade.”
“Well, I’ll see you later,” Brayden said, and my boyfriend glared at him. Cruz was ridiculously jealous, and he had no reason to be.
“I’ll see you in class this afternoon.” I waved at him before he walked off.
“I hate that dude,” my boyfriend grumbled.
“You do not. You don’t even know him.”
“I know enough. He wants you. That’s all I need to know.”
“He does not. We’re friends,” I said as he strode beside me through campus.
“He practically took all the same classes as you.”
“Because we’re the same major.” I laughed.
I stopped in front of Herbert Hall and faced him. His dark blond, disheveled hair was longer than usual. His long sleeve white fitted Henley showed off his defined shoulders and stomach. He was wearing black joggers and Converse. My fingers itched to pull him closer, but I didn’t want to be late for class.
“Trust me. He wants you.” His hand wrapped around my waist and he tugged me against his body. I was instantly warm. His lips found mine and he kissed me hard. “Love you.”
“Love you, more,” I said, resting my forehead against his. My voice was breathless.
He chuckled. “I’ll pick you up at four o’clock.”
I pushed up on my tiptoes and planted another kiss on his perfect mouth.
Cruz Winslow was my favorite distraction.
Chapter Twenty
Cruz
“I’m glad you guys are in sync again,” Luke said when we finished rehearsals.
“It must mean Cruz finally stopped menstruating,” Dex said.
I flipped him the bird. We’d all been in a funk. Well, I’d been in a funk. I’d had a beef with everyone but Adam. Dex not living at the house had improved our relationship, and he’d straightened up these last few weeks. It was good timing as AF Records was coming to see us in mid-April. That gave us less than a month to get our shit together. My anger toward Lennon had simmered some, but this was the longest I’d ever gone staying angry at the little fucker. I’d moved forward with my brother, but I didn’t fully trust him anymore. Unfortunately, I didn’t love him any less. But I had more to think about now than just Lennon.
Jade was mine, and she meant everything to me. I looked at the future differently. I used to not give a shit about tomorrow, and now I cared too much. Being with her gave my existence an actual purpose, and I’d never felt this way before. I understood what her dad meant when he said everyone had one perfect match. Jade was mine. I’d never experienced a connection like I had with her. Her happiness was my happiness and her sadness—my sadness. Loving Jade was like finding the missing piece to a puzzle you’d searched for your entire life. She was the only person I’d ever loved that didn’t let me down.
Lennon and I hashed it out. He’d fucked up. He reminded me that humans occasionally did so. But his fuck-ups were life altering, so I had a hard time forgiving him each time he played Russian roulette with his life. Jade and my brother had grown close, and he got her to broker the deal for us to finally talk it out. Walker was a piece of shit. He’d woken Lennon up that night claiming our father wanted to see him. It was a shitty thing to do—but, at the same time, Lennon needed to grow the fuck up and stand his ground. He couldn’t blame everyone else every time he slipped. And neither could I. Didn’t mean I didn’t think Walker was a piece of shit, but I couldn’t control everyone who came into contact with my brother. I’d agreed to forgive him, and he was trying to get back on track and he’d even stopped drinking since New Year’s. I didn’t know how long it would last, but I was letting Lennon take the reins of his own life.
“Fuck off. If you two weren’t complete douchebags, I wouldn’t have to be an asshole,” I said.
“As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right.” Adam tipped his head back and guzzled his water.
My best friend always had my back, especially where the band was concerned. Adam knew more than anyone that going on tour was not something I dreamed of doing. He was as concerned as I was about my brother and Dex spiraling if we were to take Exiled the whole way.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, we’ve cleaned our asses up, stop bitching,” Dex said, leading us out the door.
“See you in thirty minutes?” Adam asked as he got in his car. He’d started seeing Tory a few weeks ago, and Jade and I were meeting them for dinner.
“Yep. I’ll go pick her up and head over.”
“Cruz.” My brother jogged over to my car.
“What’s up?”
“I know you’re surprising Jade for spring break. When are you leaving?”
“Sunday morning. Why?”
“I was going to see if I could fly with you guys. Ben and Seth are going to be in France for spring break, and they asked me to meet them there,” he said.
There were times that I looked at my brother and my chest squeezed because he looked like a broken little kid. Hell, maybe he still was. I hated him for making me soft. For making me care about his untrustworthy ass.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Fuck. I spoke to him like I was his father and I knew it annoyed him because it bugged the shit out of me.
But I didn’t know how to stop doing it. Ben and Seth weren’t bad kids. They’d been friends of Lennon’s since we were kids. But they partied like normal college kids, and that was dangerous for my brother. He didn’t know when to stop.
“Jesus, dude. I’m not five years old. Yeah, I’ve had some issues, I’m more than aware. Hell, I’m reminded every time I look at you and I see the disappointment. But I need to find balance in my life. I can’t be all in or all out. The most I’m going to do is have a couple beers with them. Nothing hard. And no drugs. Hell, they don’t mess around with that shit anyway.”
But you do.
I bit my tongue. Lennon knew who he was, he didn’t need his asshole brother reminding him of his mistakes every day. The thing about Lennon that sucked the most—he was one of my favorite people in the world. His heart was huge. He was talented as shit, and funny as hell when he wasn’t being a fuck up.
“All right. Yeah, of course you can fly with us. But I’m not babysitting your ass when we’re there. Jade’s never been, and I don’t want this trip to turn into another shit show.”
He smiled, and fuck if I didn’t want to hug him. But I didn’t. I’d taken a much-needed step back from my brother for the first time in my life after his slip in Park City, and it had forced him to make decisions for himself.
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