by Emilia Loft
Damnit, they were gonna find Garth’s body in a shallow grave.
Evan wanted to scream, he tried to let go, back off, but he just couldn’t. Both men were pulling unsteady breaths, panic setting their heartbeats even faster. He could hear Garth’s steps getting closer from the other side of the coach, yet his stupid arms wouldn’t release Cas, the man was tense and shaking like a snared rabbit and Evan just pushed closer, holding him, trapping him. Fuck, why couldn’t he just let go?
“Havin’ a private word with the preacher, just be a minute!” Every molecule in their orbit stopped, frozen in the anticipation of what Garth would do next. It took an eternity. One step, then two, then the succession as Garth heeded the dismissal and turned back to the camp.
Both men sighed, deflating in unison. All except Evan’s hands which refused to give up their claim in Cas’ hair.
“Evan!”
“Yeah…..yeah.” He let his arms fall. “I’m sorry, Cas. I’m…..sorry.”
Casper was burning through him with that look. He felt so ashamed, so terrified, so fucking alive with want. Jesus he was a monster. What had he just done?
Casper slipped past him, twisting away to hurry back to the camp. Evan just stood there, leaning into the vacant space, pressing his forehead against the rough exterior of the door.
What the fuck had he just done?
* * *
Coming into Tully was a relief to everyone. The mood had been strange to say the least. Meg and Casper hadn’t shared a single word the whole way. He could guess at the nature of her thoughts, he didn’t expect she’d ever had direct contact with either the natives or the gruesome realities of birth. But she didn’t seem unsettled, just contemplative, he might even call it serene and it was one more reason he didn’t think he’d ever have this woman figured out.
His own thoughts took on a shape exactly opposite to serene. What was he to do? This attraction to the Sheriff Parker had moved beyond impure thoughts that jostledParkerrp corners in his mind. He didn’t just have to watch his breathing around the man, didn’t just have to keep his need to stare in check lest the man find the thread into his own unholy desires.
It had happened so fast, one moment it was all fantasy and dream, and the next the man was standing there, real and potent and wanting him back. How had that even happened? That he might find a man attractive was nothing new, he’d created the tools to manage these feelings. But to be so laid bare by a desire this forceful, and to have that sentiment returned, to find terror in your own body knowing you no longer possess control, it was more than he could handle. He would have kissed Evan, he knew that with the same clarity that told him the interruption had saved him and he should be grateful for it.
He was not grateful.
As Evan had said, Tully was small, barely a handful of buildings at the center with homesteads scattered out at the fringes. But there was a saloon that doubled as the hotel and it was here that they were deposited. Garth took the bags down and followed Casper and Meg inside to retain rooms, Evan taking the coach and horses around to the stable. He refused to look at Casper, his body hunched, muscles drawn tight as Casper watched him drive down the street.
He hurried to his room, determined to stay there until tomorrow. Maybe then it would all be forgotten. Or sorted out. A little separation was best, this was still salvageable. They could take a moment, realize the folly of whatever this….infatuation was, and commit to themselves that it would never move beyond what it already had. They were men with lives that did not need such a complication. He would tell Evan as much tomorrow, after they’d all got a good night’s rest. The sheriff was a reasonable man, he was certain they could come to some neutral ground.
The room was simple but comfortable, and clean at least. Casper could hear the voices in the bar downstairs, there was nothing else to do in this town so it seemed everyone in the vicinity gathered here. He sat, he stood, he looked out the window, sat again. An hour was filled with such broken activity, a few pages read, clothes put away, then returned for it was only one night after all. Pacing, standing still, pushing out his thoughts then letting them flood. Prayer, silent then out loud. His faith was ragged enough he doubted anyone was listening. By nightfall the room had become a prison, he couldn’t eat, couldn’t rest, every thought kept going over and over that bright hot moment in Evan’s arms. It was impossible to think of it as anything other than miraculous.
Wrong, it was wrong. This statement was made silently then out loud as well, but it just wouldn’t stick. Maybe….maybe he had imagined some part of it. Maybe it was his own inexperience in such
matters that was coloring the moment so vividly now. Evan could have just been overcome with his concern, sometimes strong emotion could get confused in a man. That had to be it, he could be satisfied with that. But then the urge to see Evan came on so strong he gasped out loud. He had to look him in the eye, just once, and measure whatever it was he found there with his own turmoil.
Casper tore open the door and took the short steps to the bannister. From here he could see the whole layout of the saloon floor, it was very crowded for such a small town. There was music and card games and so many voices they crashed over and around each other, pierced through at times with women’s laughter. It took him a moment to find Evan, he was there, slouched at the bar, fingers toying with what appeared to be the most recent in a series of drinks. Casper couldn’t move, all intention to walk up, look the man in the eye and spell out just how foolish they’d be to let desires of the flesh overtake them, bled out in an instant. He just stood there.
Until Evan, maybe with a set of senses imparted to all men who lived by the gun, lifted his head and looked up, caught sight of Casper’s figure in the mirror over the bar and turned sharply to fix narrowing eyes upon him.
The sheriff stood abruptly and just held him in his gaze. Casper was rendered stupidly immobile, panting for no reason he could understand, senses trilling at him to flee or be a man already and meet him face to face on equal ground to settle this. But Evan was the one moving, striding fast and determined over the floorboards, up the stairs. There was such a look of fierce resolve on Evan’s face that Casper was suddenly overcome with the thought that he’d broken some law and the sheriff was here to seize him.
Which is exactly what he did.
Didn’t pause once in his stride as he put both hands solidly on Casper’s hips and drove him backwards into the open door of his room. The door was kicked closed and still he was driven back until there was nowhere else to go, pinned against the armoire and then taken. Evan kissed him soundly, and Casper met him with equal force. To speak would mean they had to justify, apologize, and neither of them was in any mood for that.
Evan kissed the same way he approached everything else, direct, forceful, assured. Casper held on and opened himself to the assault, momentarily self-conscious about his own lack of experience. But that tongue delving hot and slick into his mouth, snaking in to taste and then retreating to trace wet lines along his lips, creating trails for teeth to follow, those sensations sent his head swimming until he forgot everything. He clutched at Evan everywhere, knocking his hat to the floor, leaning back into the armoire so he could leverage up his hips to meet the other man’s. He was matching Evan’s fervor now, the timidity of a moment before gone in the wake of his hunger. It was not the most skillful of kisses, but suddenly Evan was moaning into Casper’s mouth and he knew this thing between them had nothing to do with talent.
Somehow, in this wide world, they had found each other, their shared secret dug from the mire and somehow, by some unnamable grace, made alive and returned to one another. The way they grabbed at each other, tore at the criminal excess of clothing, tumbled and fell to the hard floor without feeling it, without caring, this all spoke to their complete wonder at feeling something this strongly and for once not feeling it alone.
The cold floorboards were rough and unforgiving but Casper praised them, for their hard press felt grounding
. He could not imagine why he wasn’t flying off, shaking apart, melting under this touch. He did not think his body was made to withstand this. Evan’s hands had made short work of opening his shirt, stroking and exploring quickly as he mouthed at Casper’s neck, collarbone, chest. He arched under that mouth, made sounds he never knew he could make, it felt so wanton and good. God forgive him it felt so fucking good.
“Cas you make me insane, you – fucking hell – ahh! Let me touch you, please Cas let me…” Evan was staring down at him with such a wild plea in his eyes, but wasn’t he already touching him? Casper couldn’t quite understand, but knew there was a permission that was being requested. Yes anything, anything if it’s like this. He noded, wide-eyed and Evan shuddered hard as he looked at him, groaned and then shifted his weight to free up a hand that tore at the fastening of his pants. Casper was so hard that it took a moment for Evan to maneuver his cock free, but once he did he wasted no time gripping him rough and perfect and stroking him slow. The cry it ripped from him was nearly a scream, and Casper knew it was considered an embarrassment to come as quickly as he’s about to but he can’t help it.
“Evan! Oh oh oh! Evan you have to – uuuugh – let me touch you, too. I can’t….last…I..I..” It’s
possible he’s going blind, there’s only green eyes and full lips and all other senses are somehow both heightened and muted at the same time.
“Yeah Cas…come on…” Evan shifts up, not releasing the slow burn piston of his right hand, to come to his knees and free his own erection with his left. It springs heavy and flushed from his pants and Casper has never seen anything more delicious. He bats Evan’s hand away, almost angry that the man might withhold it from him any longer. It’s burning in his palms, he uses both, showing them equal favor as they try to mimic what Evan is doing to him now. It’s very hard to concentrate on so many things, relating whatever strokes and pressure Evan is using to his own technique, but something isn’t quite enough like this. He pulls Evan down roughly on top of him, he’d use his legs but they’re still tangled in his trousers. Their naked cocks meet and Casper grinds up and yes…right there…right…
“Jesus fuck Cas just like that!” Evan tries to free his hand from where it had gotten trapped between them, and once he does he gathers Casper into his arms and takes over. Rocks down hard, collides into a kiss, too shaky and riddled with their soft moans to be considered complete. A flint is touching off white sparks behind Casper’s eyelids, his ribs are crushed painfully beneath the weight of the man on top of him, his tailbone drilling into the wood floor, but it’s incredible.
Evan whimpers his name, pained and pitiful and that’s all it takes. Cas is clenching and gasping, he can feel himself spilling hot between them, feel it go from dry to slick and oh that’s even better. He’s growing too sensitive but next time….next time. Evan is shaking with his own release now, too, strangled little sound slotted in the space of Casper’s throat. It’s so wet between them, come and sweat pooling on his stomach and trickling over his sides. Evan doesn’t move, and Casper doesn’t think he can either but it’s getting hard to breath.
“Evan.”
He rolls off, head lolling to the side with quiet huff of breath. After a moment, Evan sits up suddenly, eyes raking over the twisted folds of Casper’s clothes, still mostly on, the pink flushed skin, red patches on his collarbone from the scruff of Evan’s chin, drags down to the fluid dripping from his stomach and sides and groans again. Casper feels suddenly shy and exposed, sticky and horribly unappealing like this but Evan is kissing him again, soft and eager, lips, cheeks, eyelids and Casper can’t keep up or completely understand why.
“Stay there.” Evan whispers, sitting up to tug at his boots, pants, coat. It had felt like enough skin at the time, but watching Evan undress fully leaves Casper feeling a bit cheated. There’s so much lush golden skin, there’s freckles he hadn’t seen before, a whole galaxy of sun browned flecks that he could have mapped the taste of. Evan moves to the washbasin and wets a rag, coming back to kneel beside Casper and clean the mess from his torso. Some of it had gotten on his neck as well and the cold water causes him to shiver and Evan to suck in a breath for some reason. Evan cleans himself as well then turns back to Casper, still lying on the floor, not knowing what else to do. With gentle hands he undresses the preacher and helps him to standing, tugging him over to the bed where he lies back, pulling Casper in after him.
It’s a good sized bed, more than enough room for two people to recline side by side with their share of space but that’s not what Evan had planned. Casper found himself tucked into the sheriff’s arms, head resting on his chest. It’s still early yet, but Casper feels so suddenly tired and Evan is so warm and wrapped so securely around him, he can’t help but sigh and allow sleep to overtake him.
Thoughts, regrets, concerns….those are for another day. He knows they will come, but not tonight.
4
Chapter 4
It’s the dark of pre-dawn, downstairs has been silent for some time, outside there are only animals and the keepers of such ungodly hours that shuffle past the half open window. It will be day soon, bright golden daylight that was made for such terrible things as examining what you’ve got up to in the dark. Casper doesn’t move much when he sleeps, but every little twist or shift Evan followed. He never found sleep last night, wracked with panic and guilt, just held onto the preacher in the darkness, made sure they were always intertwined securely together, safe.
A false safety.
He was going to have to tell him, the preacher would find out soon enough anyway. But there was that dark little voice again, rationalizing, forming the case for being selfish and calling it logic. Calling it the best possible outcome. There were arguments going on in his head, hurt words, anger in Casper’s voice and he practiced meeting all of them with these crooked bricks of logic and tried to tell himself they could build something out of them.
This was not the only voice vying for attention inside the space of Evan’s reason, but it was the loudest. The same one that had been begging, clawing, screaming at him from the start to gather up this beautiful angel and kiss him, touch him, pull him down into the dust at their feet and make him come and plead for Evan and come again. And that part had also convinced him that once would be enough.
He’d met another man’s body in the cover of night before, he’d done more than the little sin they’d just got up to, so much more, and all those times it had quieted the needy impulses, though never killed them. That stupid black lie had tried to convince him this might be the same. The preacher was attracted to him as well, no question there, so they could have a tumble, hit the road in the morning with their itch thoroughly scratched, maybe shake hands and never speak of it again.
The other voice sounded, oddly, a lot like Sam when it called him an idiot. And if he wasn’t going through a crisis of conscious, he might want to examine that. The Sam voice said just look at yourself, Evan. The way he had Casper gripped tightly in his arms, his hungry roving eyes that had never stopped taking in the pale stretches of the preacher’s skin all night. It pointed a judgmental finger to the thick burn in his chest that had nothing to do with lust, that did its own begging in a quieter way. An empty hole burned out of him that whispered not enough not enough not enough. That little voice knew better and did it’s best to convince him that the moment Casper woke he needed to tell him the truth about what was waiting in Lawrence.
Not that he would ever lie, but the only way he knew how to break news like this was the way he’d always done, wink and a smirk when whores got too attached or a confused conquest thought there should be something more. There was no kindness in him when he recalled doing this before, but that had always been better for everyone in the long run. But imagining doing the same to Casper, laying out the truth with a shrug and a raised brow and something like what did you think would happen now, preacher? God it stuck in his throat sideways till he felt like he was choking.
Shi
t he wasn’t prepared for any of this. He just wanted to lie in this bed with Casper until the Second Coming. He didn’t want to be a sheriff of a growing town, didn’t want to be responsible for keeping bad people from hurting good, didn’t want to be anything other than the person that got to make the good preacher shake and moan and maybe give up on all this God nonsense so he could find a new religion under these sheets. Evan let his hands trail over Casper’s skin, he breathed in the scent of his hair, smiling into it when he found the man’s soft sleepy cock to play with. He liked the way Casper huffed and pushed his hips into Evan’s hands as he slept, his mind not quite as alert as his body. It gave him wicked ideas.
Sinking down under the covers, Evan trailed kisses over the sleep warmed skin. He wanted to suck little bruises along his hips and down the insides of his thighs, but he wasn’t ready to have the preacher wake just yet. Instead he carefully, slowly pushed Cas’ thighs apart and settled down between them. It was so warm down here under the sheets, the air getting more humid as he mouthed and suckled at the sleeping man’s growing cock. He loved the way it twitched and filled in his mouth, loved the way he could still taste traces of their mingled come from earlier. His goal was to get this angel as close to coming as he could without waking him, so he had to go slow, so achingly slow, but he found that it was the perfect opportunity to commit every single part of Casper’s anatomy to memory. They had nowhere to be, Evan had already made the decision to keep the party in Tully another day, and it was another hour to dawn at least so no outside distractions to throw him off course.
Evan let the wide flat of his tongue feel out the underside of his shaft, roll over the plummy head, let the pointed tip of it dig gently into the slit and trace veins and work out the small details. He couldn’t see Casper’s face, had to use the man’s body to tell him when to pause and how hard he could suck down the whole length. Up and down slowly, spurred by the lovely little sighs and half words mumbled above him. He lifted the covers once to sneak a peek, happy with the parted lips and small crease between Casper’s brow, lashes resting flush against pinking cheeks as the man slept on. Evan wondered at what he must be dreaming of now as he took the whole hard length of him down his throat. Gentle with his hands to pump over the stretch he couldn’t fit in his mouth, he worked steady, enjoying the stutters of breath and the exhale that sounded a lot like Evan.