Harry beamed at me, “Good boy.” He said, “You know it makes sense. Good luck with your exam.”
I smiled and thanked him and then headed back up to my room.
Ten minutes later I was on my way. José was driving me to uni. He was Harry’s partner and had been working for Arthur for as long as I could remember.
“Good luck sweetheart.” José blew me a kiss as I got out of the car. He was by far, the more flamboyant of the couple. I grinned and blew him one back.
“Thanks for the lift.” I said, “See you later.”
There was no way I was going to tell them what time I was going to be finished. Bad enough to be taken to uni. To be collected as well… It was a wonder I had any friends at all.
But I did have friends – and one friend was closer than the rest. Franz Krämer.
He was stood on the steps and as soon as he spotted me, he was jumping up and down on the spot and waving to me.
I grinned and waved back, and then I made my way over to him.
“So,” He said, “I hear you were in Studs last night?”
I sighed and nodded, “Yeah.” I said, “I shouldn’t have gone.”
He shook his head and sighed dramatically. Franz was all about the drama, “Yes,” he said, “You should.”
I rolled my eyes, “Arthur is sick.” I reminded him, “He’s dying – I should not be gallivanting around with other guys behind his back…”
Franz grimaced, “It’s not gallivanting.” He said, “Arthur would be happy for you and you know that.”
I bit my lip. It was true but I couldn’t help the way I felt. “It’s complicated.” I snapped.
He nodded, “Hey, it’s your business, not mine.” He said, “Let’s just get this exam over with and then we can go for a coffee or something.”
I nodded, “Thanks, man.” We headed up to the building where the exam was taking place.
“Confident?” Franz asked as we waited outside.
I shrugged, So-so. What about you?”
He grinned, “I think I’ll do okay – I’ve been cramming all night – well, until Buzz got home, anyway.”
I chuckled, “Yeah. I’ll bet you soon stopped when he got home.”
He winked, “Well, all work and no play, makes Franz a dull boy.”
I laughed, “Heaven forbid.” I joked.
We were let in at that point and took our seats.
The exam started a few minutes later; once all of the regulatory bits had been explained. I scanned through and found to my relief that I actually knew exactly what the exam was on about. Thank God.
The hours slipped by until there was only fifteen minutes left. The invigilator had reminded us only seconds before the fire alarm started, of the time left.
Everyone started looking around.
The invigilator told us to remain calm, stay in our seats and that he would check on the situation.
I’d finished my paper. I couldn’t add anything new to it and I just wanted to leave.
Suddenly the door burst back open and the invigilator was stood there, visibly shaken. “Okay, guys. Everyone out! Leave everything and let’s just leave by the fire exit at the back of the room.”
Franz and I were both sat on the front row… We all gaped at him, “What?”
“The library is on fire,” he said, slightly hysterically, “it’s spreading this way. We have to get out now.”
I wasn’t sure if things would have turned out differently had he have called for calm but the truth of the matter was that everyone immediately went bananas. It was a free-for-all with everyone rushing for the exit.
I was trying my best not to panic like so many of the others were and looked for another way out. I knew if we went to the door leading to the library, we could probably get to the other fire exit near to the main office. It was a little further – but probably clear of crowds.
Franz rushed over to me, “Come on, Quentin.” He urged, “We have to get out of here.”
I nodded, “I know – but we have to go that way.” I pointed to the other doors.
He blinked, “No way.” He said, “That’s going towards the fire.”
I shrugged, “Better that than staying here and suffocating. No one’s moving. Look.”
Everyone was pushing and shoving and people were being trampled.
Franz swallowed and nodded, “You’re right.” He said, “Let’s go.”
The heat was intense and there was so much smoke it was hard to see, never mind try to breathe. “This way.” I pulled Franz along with me and finally, finally, we got to the main exit doors and were out in the fresh air.
We collapsed onto the grass where other students were already sprawled all over the place, coughing and spluttering.
“The emergency services are on their way.” I heard someone say before another coughing fit took over me. My chest hurt with the amount of smoke I’d breathed in. I turned to see what Franz looked like – he looked pretty bad. He was leaning over and puking on the grass next to him. I closed my eyes and Thai’s beautiful face came to mind. I wished I could see him again but he wouldn’t have the faintest idea that I was in trouble. I didn’t deserve for him to care anyway. That was the last thing I remembered...
Chapter 13 – Fire!
Thai
I spent most of my time at Studs during our time apart. It made it easier to focus on something than spend too much time dwelling on what might have been.
I was chatting with Buzz and Seth one lunchtime when a local news report nearly had me losing my shit completely.
I’d been feeling uneasy all morning for no apparent reason and Buzz and Seth were laughing about something which was annoying me no end, since I wanted to catch the news. My attention was suddenly taken by the massive TV screen. A breaking news report about a fire at the university was dominating the headlines. There was no sound on so I was reading the headlines. “Holy fucking shit!” I stood up, pushing my stool out with a massive screech as I did so.
Buzz looked at me in alarm, “What?” he asked.
I nodded to the screen and then remembering that he didn’t read words so well, I explained, “Fire at the uni!”
Buzz jumped to his feet, “I’ve gotta go.” He said.
I grabbed my arm, “I’ll come with you.” I said.
We both ran outside, Buzz went to get on his bike but I shook my head, “No,” I said, “We’ll go in my Jeep – the roads have been icy – we don’t want anyone else getting hurt.” I wasn’t in my Porsche today. The weather was fucking dreadful at the moment, which was just adding to the overall misery I was living through.
“You’re worried about Quentin.” Buzz said.
There was no point in lying about it. If I wasn’t worried about him I wouldn’t be desperately trying to go and find him, “Yes.” I answered.
Buzz bit his lip, “You can tell me to fuck off and mind my own business...” he started.
I grinned, “Fuck off and mind your own business,” I joked.
Buzz just smiled. He was a cool guy, “I just don’t want you getting hurt – it sounds like a bit of a strange set-up that Quentin’s got at home.”
Strange didn’t even begin to cover what was going down. “I know all about Arthur.” I said, in case he was trying to break the news of Quentin being involved with an older guy to me gently. “And I’m not trying to compete for his affections or anything, I just... I like him, okay – he’s a really lovely guy and....”
“And you’re in love with him.” He finished my sentence.
We were getting close to the uni campus, but just like us there were loads of other people turning up in their droves, worried about their loved ones. We were stuck.
I thumped the steering wheel, “Fuck!” I hissed, “Let’s just go straight to the hospital.”
Buzz looked at me, “But we don’t even know if they’re in there, yet.”
I swallowed. How was I supposed to explain my strange gift of knowing stuff before it h
appened? “I have a terrible feeling.” I muttered, “And I’m usually right about terrible feelings.”
Buzz blinked, “Are you serious?” he asked.
“Deadly serious,” I growled as I manoeuvred the Jeep in the road and roared back off down the way we’d just come.
*
I parked up and we both ran to the reception desk.
I leaned on the desk, breathing hard, “Excuse me,” I panted, “I’m here looking for my boyfriend. I believe he was brought in about half an hour ago with minor burns and possible smoke inhalation.”
Buzz stared at me. Obviously, he had no idea that Quentin and I were so close.
The woman on the desk nodded, “His name?”
“Quentin Peel,” I said urgently, “I have to see him.”
She looked down the list of names of admissions, her finger stopped and she looked up at me, “He’s being seen by a doctor at the moment.” She said, “Nothing too serious, I don’t think – he has some minor burns and you’re right – he did have mild smoke inhalation irritation and so he’s being kept in overnight for observation. He’ll be on the ward in about an hour – you’re welcome to stay.”
I nodded, relief flooding through me that he was actually going to be okay. “Uh, my friend here – he has someone special that may have been brought in, too.”
The woman looked up at Buzz. I held my breath. I wasn’t so sure about him… “Um, Franz Krämer?” Buzz said, sounding upset and dazed.
She nodded, “I’ve seen that name,” she murmured, going down her list of names again, “Ah, yes,” she looked up at him, “He’s in a bit of a worse condition, I’m afraid. He’s currently in intensive care. He suffered quite bad smoke inhalation. No serious burns though.”
I could see that Buzz was shocked. I went to sit down to wait to see Quentin. Buzz followed me after a couple of minutes. He was shaking. I didn’t really know what to say to him so I decided it was better to say nothing in particular. I patted his shoulder, “It’ll be okay.” I said. He nodded, his face set.
Minutes later I was called by a nurse to go and visit Quentin…
Chapter 14 – Hospital visit…
Quentin
I looked up. I was feeling a whole lot better since I’d been on oxygen all afternoon and I’d been told that I could go home in the morning. They just needed to keep me in for observation overnight. I was happy enough to do that. I felt closer to Arthur being here anyway.
“You have a visitor.” The nurse who was taking my temperature smiled at me, “And boy, oh boy, he’s a keeper.” She added with a wink.
I frowned. Who was here to see me? I looked up and I could have died from shock when Thai’s dark eyes met with mine.
He came over to the bed, his face grave, “How are you feeling?” he asked, sitting down in the chair at the side of my bed.
I nodded, “Feeling a lot better.” I said, “I have a couple of minor burns but they don’t even need dressing – and I had a bit of smoke inhalation, but that’s been sorted out now, too.”
He nodded, “Well that’s good.”
I smiled at him. I had no idea what to say to him. He shouldn’t be here and I shouldn’t be so damned delighted that he was…
“Why did you come?” I asked.
He looked at me, “How could I not?” he whispered, “Knowing you could have been seriously hurt?”
I sighed. I had to make him understand that there was no future for us as a couple. I couldn’t do it. “But I’ve already explained…”
He nodded, “I know.” He said, “I know you don’t want to see me in any sort of romantic way – but regardless of that – I’m your friend. Whenever you need me, whatever the circumstances, I want you to know that I’ll be there for you.”
I nodded, fighting back the tears at his words. It was everything I could possibly ask for and I really didn’t deserve him, “Thank you.” I said, “That means a lot.”
“I won’t give up on us – on there being an us one day.” He whispered, “I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s the truth and it’s how I feel. You’ve made me change my mind about a lot of things…”
I blinked back more tears, “I can’t give you any promises.” I said.
“I’m not asking you to make me any promises.” He said. “But you know where to find me.”
He leaned over, kissed me gently on the lips and then he left.
Chapter 15 – Gone…
Quentin
I was allowed out of hospital the next morning. I didn’t go immediately. I had to go and find out what had happened to Franz first.
I found him in the next ward along. He was awake. He had a couple more burns than I did, but I was relieved to learn that he too, was going to be allowed home in a day or two. “I can’t believe we’re gonna have to do that exam again.” He croaked.
I chuckled, “I’d rather do that than have died.” I said. The idea of dying without ever seeing Thai again crossed my mind, making me feel instantly guilty that he was the first person I’d thought of, over Arthur, who I could go and see but couldn’t really face this morning. I told myself that I was too dirty to go and see him – and that telling him that I’d been in a fire would worry him unnecessarily, but the truth was that I just couldn’t face it right now.
I went home and got showered and changed before I was ready to go back to see Arthur.
I walked down to the bus stop and got on the bus into town. From there I walked the rest of the distance to the hospital. I could have asked Harry to arrange a car for me, of course I could but I really needed the alone time to sort out my jumbled thoughts.
I felt like I was walking on a knife edge. I was so conflicted.
For starters, I didn’t like thinking that Arthur was trying to palm me off on Thai. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. I knew Thai cared about me but the idea of Arthur asking to see him – and talking about me to him, well, it was actually kind of mortifying.
And it wasn’t even as if we knew each other all that well. Thai and I didn’t really have what could be called a relationship. We’d had sex with each other – once.
It might have been the best sex I’d ever had. I might have felt in my more fanciful moments that it was the best experience of my life so far and that we’d connected on another level entirely but that didn’t mean he was going to love me forever and be there for me through thick and thin, no matter what he might have said to me at the hospital.
The other thing that was bothering me was that I thought he’d made his feelings about relationships pretty clear. He’d once told me that he didn’t believe in marriage – not that I wanted to get married anytime soon, but eventually I did. He, on the other hand, saw it only as a means of control, which I really didn’t agree with but I wasn’t about to start telling him what he should and shouldn’t believe in any more than he’d try to tell me.
I’d been under the impression that Thai was a free spirit – that was part of his enigmatic charm and I wouldn’t want to change him one little bit.
I did wonder what his experience of relationships was though, for him to be so against marriage.
I wasn’t about to start dwelling on thoughts of Thai though – Arthur’s health was declining rapidly and the days I was spending at the hospital with him were very depressing. He was barely conscious most of the time and the nurses had told me not to expect him to live past the weekend. It was Friday now and I could feel him slipping away. I didn’t want to be alone – but neither did I want to be a burden on anyone else. Arthur had been my rock – my anchor. But now? Well, I was adrift…
*
“Quentin?”
I jumped awake, “What?” I looked around in a bit of a daze before I realised that I was sat in the chair next to Arthur’s hospital bed and Kenneth was stood next to me.
“He’s going now…” Kenneth said gravely.
I leapt to my feet. Oh, God! How could I have fallen to sleep when he was about to die?
&nbs
p; I took his cold, bony hand in mine. “Arthur?”
His eyes flickered at the sound of my voice and I swear he tried to smile.
“I love you, Arthur.” I whispered, “I will always love you.”
His mouth moved. I was certain his mouth formed the words ‘I love you’ back to me but then he was gone.
Just like that, he’d left me. I was completely alone in the world now. I had no family. No one. What the hell was I going to do without him?
I collapsed to my knees and sobbed.
I was vaguely aware of Kenneth’s arms around me, guiding me out of the hospital and into his car and I remembered him walking me to my bedroom and closing the door, after telling me to try to get some sleep.
I was so distraught though, that I honestly don’t recall much of what happened in the first couple of days after his death There were lots of preparations for his funeral and God bless him, Kenneth took charge of the entire thing.
The first I knew that I might have been left something in Arthur’s will, which I had never expected in a million years, was days later, when Kenneth told me I had an appointment with the solicitor…
Chapter 16 – Feelings…
Thai
It was through Kenneth that I learned Arthur had passed away.
I hadn’t seen or heard from Quentin since I went to see him after the fire. I guessed I could understand that he wanted to spend all of his remaining time with Arthur but I couldn’t deny that it hurt – and I couldn’t deny that I was jealous of Quentin’s feelings for Arthur, which made me feel bad about myself. How could I be jealous of a dying man?
Quentin seemed to be labouring under the misconception that he’d somehow done something terribly wrong by falling in love with me.
I wanted to make things right between us but I simply didn’t know if it was even possible. I couldn’t make him feel differently to the way he felt – his feeling were his feelings…
Thai- Troubled Page 7