by Stan Kirby
Table of Contents
1. The Summer Vacation of Doom
2. Suurrrpprriiise!
3. Let’s Take a Trip into Danger!
4. Underwear Saves the Day
5. A Robotic Black Hole Transporter!
6. The Suspicious Pepperoni Slice
7. Delayed by the Fun E. Racer!
8. Two Captains Are Better Than One
9. The Best Place on Earth
About the Author and Illustrator
RING! It was the final bell of the final day of school! Summer vacation was about to begin!
“So long, Ms. Beasley!” Eugene McGillicudy cried. He leaped up from his desk at Sunnyview Elementary and raced to clean out his cubby. The whole class was already talking about their summer plans.
“We’re going to Wet Wally’s Waterworld,” said Gil Ditko.
“We’re going to Bobby Orwell’s Insect and Animal Farm!” Evan Mason said.
“My family’s going to the Mystery Pit in Kalamazoo,” said Marlo Craven. “It’s . . . mysteriously pitty.”
“Well, I’m going to take surfing lessons,” said Meredith Mooney, the pinkest girl at Sunnyview Elementary. She wore a pink ribbon in her hair that matched her pink skirt, pink socks, and even pinker shoes.
“You’re going surfing?” Eugene asked, surprised.
“Yes, Pukegene,” Meredith said. “My surfboard is the brightest pink ever, and so is my wet suit.”
Eugene was joined by his friends Sally Williams and Charlie Thomas Jones. “No superhero camp this summer, Eugene?” Sally asked.
“Not this summer,” Eugene replied. “I guess I’m going to stay in plain, old Sunnyview.”
“My parents are sending me to music camp for a whole month,” Charlie said. “I’m going to learn to play the clarinet. Or the tuba. Or the drums, even!”
“And I’m going to soccer camp for a month too!” Sally said. She pulled a soccer ball out of her cubby and attempted to spin it on her finger. It bounced to the ground.
Eugene was about to hand the ball back to Sally, but he stopped himself. “Wait a minute . . . ,” he said. “So you’re gone for a month and you’re gone for the same month?!”
This was going to be just like that time in Super Dude’s Summer Dude Annual No. 1 when the Dude team split up because of the diabolical summer weather plans of the Heat Waver.
What’s that you say? You’ve never heard of Super Dude? Have you been living under the largest rock on the planet? Or are you just dizzy from running laps on one of the spinning rings of Saturn? Super Dude is simply the greatest superhero ever and the star of hundreds of just as great comic books. Eugene, Sally, and Charlie were such big fans that they created their own secret superhero identities: Captain Awesome, Supersonic Sal, and Nacho Cheese Man. Together, they formed the Sunnyview Superhero Squad.
But with two-thirds of the Squad on summer vacation, could this be—GASP! CHOKE! GASP!—the end of the Sunnyview Superhero Squad?!
“We’ll be back in a month, Eugene,” Charlie said.
“But evil never takes a break in Sunnyview!” Eugene replied. “There’s Mr. Drools from the Howling Paw Nebula! Dr. Yuck Spinach will be free of the school cafeteria any second now. Queen Stinkypants lives in my house! Who will protect the zoo? Or the comic book store at the mall?”
“Don’t worry,” Charlie said. “We have one last end-of-the-school-year meeting at the clubhouse tonight!”
“And you’ll be fine,” Sally assured Eugene. “After all, you are Captain Awesome.”
Eugene stood in his heroic superhero pose, fist pointed toward the sky. “You’re right. I am just one superhero, but I am Captain Awesome! And I will find a way to protect Sunnyview until your return!” he proclaimed.
I have some news for you, Eugene!” Eugene’s mom said excitedly. She was waiting at the front door when Eugene and his dad arrived home.
“Is summer canceled?” Eugene guessed. “Are aliens coming to finally take Queen Stinkypants back to her home planet?” He pointed to his baby sister, who drooled and shook her rattle. “Maybe a volcano—BOOM!—has destroyed both soccer camp and music camp, and Sally and Charlie get to stay in Sunnyview?”
Eugene’s mom laughed. “Those are good guesses, but no. It has something to do with our family. . . .”
“Oh, I get it,” Eugene realized. “Dad has permanent brain freeze from all the chocolate peanut butter ice cream he’s been eating for dessert? And now I have to take over his job at work?”
“Not quite,” said Eugene’s dad. “The surprise is . . .”
“We’re going on vacation!” Eugene’s mom said. “We will be leaving for the airport first thing in the morning!”
EEP!
EEK!
AAH!
Eugene was speechless. Airport? Airport? Airport? His mind raced.
Eugene had never been to the airport! He’d never flown on a plane! All he could think about was Super Dude No. 19, when Super Dude fought the Sky Pirates and had them walk the cloud plank at 35,000 feet!
Later that day Eugene, Charlie, and Sally were in the clubhouse.
“I’m going to fly!” Eugene burst out. “In the sky! In an airplane!”
“That’s so cool!” Charlie said.
“Where are you going?” Sally asked.
Eugene thought for a minute. “I—I forgot to ask! I don’t know!”
“Maybe they’re taking you to the moon, to fight the Moon King and win back Earth’s greatest cheese!” Charlie suggested.
“Or you could be going to the center of the Earth to rescue Prince Crybaby from the evil Mole Master!” Sally replied.
“Wait a minute,” Eugene said. “Those are all places from Super Dude’s comic books!
“Well, sure!” Sally said. “But that would make your trip soooo awesome!”
“I was worried about fighting evil here in Sunnyview, but this is our big chance!” Eugene said. “We can all fight evil in new places around the world!”
“If any villain tries to ruin my music camp, I can take care of them with the power of canned cheese,” Charlie said.
“And if a villain tries to spoil my soccer camp, I’ll run around them so fast with my super speed that they’ll get dizzy and fall over,” Sally said.
Eugene thought for a moment, then had a realization. “How can I be ready to fight evil if I don’t even know where I’m going?”
“A superhero should always be prepared,” Sally said.
Charlie took out a can of jalapeño cheese and blasted a squirt of it into his mouth. “Mmmhmm!”
“Right!” Eugene agreed. “I’ll take my brain, my superhero suit, and my Awesome-Sense. That way I’ll be ready for anything!”
Super Dude escaped from the lava pit of the not-so-fantastic Dr. Fantastic and raced to his private jet, Super Dude One. Super Dude revved the engine for takeoff. It coughed and sputtered like Super Cat with a super hairball. The engine started, but before Super Dude could take off, there was a knock on the door. That’s right. A knock. Then another one.
KNOCK!
KNOCK!
“It’s Dr. Fantastic!” Super Dude cried. “He’s trying to get in the old-fashioned way—with a terrible knock-knock joke! Maybe he’s not so fantastic after all!”
KNOCK!
KNOCK!
The knocks got louder and louder until . . .
“Eugene? Wake up!”
Eugene jumped out of his bed and rubbed his eyes.
“Go away, Dr. Fantastic! And take your evil pit of lava with you!” Eugene cried.
“Dr. Fantastic? I like that much better than plain old ‘Dad’!” said a voice outside the door.
/> “Dad?” Eugene said as he opened the bedroom door in surprise. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s almost time to go to the airport!” his dad replied cheerfully. “Grab your stuff and come downstairs!”
Eugene checked his Super Dude suitcase one last time to make sure his Captain Awesome suit and gear were safely packed. He zipped up the suitcase and got dressed. Then, with his secret superhuman strength, he carried his suitcase down the stairs.
Once the car was loaded, the McGillicudy family piled in. Eugene’s mom and dad were in the front. Queen Stinkypants was in her car seat next to Eugene.
It’s only a matter of time before she blasts me with a double-diaper attack, Eugene thought.
Then Eugene had an even more terrible thought. What if his parents were taking them to the world’s largest knitting and yarn festival? Or some place where they didn’t serve macaroni and cheese? Or Stinktown, the place for evil babies like the Diaper Dinosaur and the Chunky Barf Brothers and Queen Stinkypants?!
But before long, the motion of the car was rocking Eugene gently to sleep. Even superheroes need a nap when they wake up early in the morning to drive to the airport and fly to a secret location they hope isn’t filled with evil and badness!
We’re here!” Eugene’s dad said. “Sunnyview International Airport!” He pulled the car over to the curb just as an airplane flew down the runway.
Eugene pressed his face against the car window to watch the plane take off and disappear into the clouds.
“I’ll go park the car and meet you at security,” Eugene’s dad said to the rest of the family. He unloaded the suitcases from the car and set them on the sidewalk. Eugene reached for his, but someone else was already grabbing the handle.
WHOA!
WHAT?!
“UNHAND MY SUITCASE, VILLAIN!” Eugene cried out, then tried to grab his suitcase from the baggage handler. The baggage handler grabbed back. Eugene pulled again. The suitcase flew from the baggage handler’s hands. Eugene fell backward, tripped on the curb, and bounced right into the open trunk of his car.
A flight attendant walked past and saw Eugene sitting in the trunk. She giggled. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all day,” she said. “Are you okay?”
Eugene nodded as he climbed out of the car.
“Hope you have a nice trip,” the flight attendant said as she went inside the airport.
“Your suitcase will be okay, Eugene,” his mom said. We’re just checking our luggage here so they can load it onto the plane. We’ll pick it up again when the plane lands.”
“But . . . but . . .” Eugene had to think fast. All his Captain Awesome gear was in his suitcase, including his suit. Eugene looked at the baggage handler, then his mother. His mother looked at the baggage handler and then at Eugene. The baggage handler didn’t know where to look.
“You know what, Eugene? If you promise to carry your suitcase by yourself, you can take it on the plane with us,” his mom said with a wink. “How does that sound?”
Like a victory for justice! Eugene thought. He smiled at his mom and picked up his suitcase.
A little while later, Eugene’s dad met them at the security check. He put his suitcase on the conveyor belt that led to the X-ray machine. “You’re up, Eugene.”
Eugene watched his dad’s suitcase disappear into the metal machine.
“But what if this machine doesn’t give me my suitcase back, Dad?” he asked. Or worse, Eugene thought, what if the machine is a power-sucking device that sucks all the power from my Awesome suit?!
“It comes out at the other end,” Eugene’s dad replied. “We’ll pick it up again after we go through the metal detector.”
Slowly, carefully, Eugene lifted his suitcase onto the conveyor belt. Eugene watched the conveyor belt carry away the suitcase. It was going . . . going . . . gone. Eugene noticed that the security guards were smiling.
They know something! Eugene thought.
He leaped for his suitcase. “Come back!” he cried. But he was too late.
“It’ll be okay, Eugene,” his dad said. “Now it’s our turn to go through the metal detector.” He pointed to the steel archway with a blinking light on top. Eugene gasped.
“I have to go through . . . THAT?” he asked.
“Of course,” Eugene’s mom replied. “It’s the only way we can pick up our suitcases and get on the plane.”
So that’s their plan, Eugene thought. I knew it! That evil in the form of a metal detector would rob him of his Captain Awesome powers and that would be it. The end.
Eugene’s dad nudged him. “Go on. We’re holding up the line.”
Eugene gulped. He inched his way through the metal detector, turning sideways to try to avoid as many of its evil rays as possible.
Once he was through, he saw his suitcase at the end of the conveyor belt, just like his dad said. He rushed to it and reached for it.
But the big hand of a security guard got there first.
NOT AGAIN!
“Is this your bag, buddy?” he asked. “Random security check.”
Random?! In the world of superheroes traveling in secret, nothing is ever random. Except . . . when it’s evil. Evil can be very random.
UNZIP!
UNZIP!
MORE UNZIP!
The security guard unzipped Eugene’s suitcase. And his Captain Awesome suit was sitting RIGHT. ON. TOP.
Was the security guard about to discover that Eugene was the world’s second-greatest superhero? Would his secret identity be a secret no more?!
But Eugene didn’t have a chance to cover up his suit. A pair of underwear had stuck to the top of the suitcase. It dropped to the floor.
“What do we have here? Looks like underwear.” The security guard picked it up and placed it back in the suitcase. “Can’t travel on an airplane without clean underwear!” He closed the suitcase and zipped it. “Have a safe trip.”
Eugene breathed a sigh of relief. He was safe . . . for now.
Suitcase in hand, Eugene followed his parents toward the gate.
He looked around as they walked. A woman standing in line to get coffee was dressed in a parka as if it were snowing in the airport, but behind her was a man in shorts wearing a Hawaiian T-shirt. Some people ran toward their planes. Some people walked. Others rode in beeping carts.
Airports, Eugene realized, are like a pile of crayons melted into one giant, colorful glob of people, languages, shops, food, lines, and strange announcements.
This place is just like the Outer Dimensional Space Port from Super Dude’s Outer Dimensional Space Port Adventure No. 4, Eugene thought.
“Hop on, Eugene. You’re blocking the people behind you,” Eugene’s dad said.
Eugene looked around. “Hop on what?” he asked.
His dad pointed to the floor.
Eugene looked down.
SHOCK!
The ground was moving!
Eugene wrapped his arms around his dad’s leg and held him back. “Don’t step on that thing, Dad! It’s a Robotic Black Hole Transporter! It’ll suck you into a black hole and we’ll never get on our plane!”
“I’ve gotta go change Molly,” said Eugene’s mom. “I’ll be back.”
“It’s not a black hole-whatever-you-said,” Eugene’s dad began. “It just moves people through the airport.”
“And into a black hole?” Eugene asked, peering past his dad to see if his mom had been sucked into this black hole yet.
“No black holes. I promise,” Eugene’s dad replied.
There was no way Eugene was going to ride on some crazy moving walkway without going into full superhero mode. Eugene put his suitcase on the ground, ready to pull out his Captain Awesome outfit. But he accidentally placed the suitcase at the edge of the moving walkway. And it was now moving away from him!
Eugene gasped. “I knew this thing was evil!”
He jumped onto the moving sidewalk to grab his suitcase, but something more unexpected
than actually enjoying a plate of asparagus happened . . .
The moving walkway was kind of fun!
A few minutes later, Eugene’s mom returned with Molly in a fresh diaper.
“Where’s Eugene?” she asked Eugene’s dad.
Eugene’s dad replied by pointing his thumb back over his shoulder.
“MI-TEEE!” Eugene shouted as he ran back and forth on the moving sidewalk as if it were the greatest amusement park ride in the world.
The airport . . . is . . . awesome! What . . . ride . . . are . . . we going on . . . next?” Eugene asked, breathless from running up and down the moving sidewalk.
“Next,” his mom said, “is lunch.”
Eugene gave her a thumbs-up. “Good plan, Mom. All that super running has given me a super-hungry tummy.”
“So do you guys want salads, or maybe some veggie burgers?” Eugene’s mom asked, scanning the available restaurants.
“Salads?! Veggie burgers?!” Eugene gasped. “Did I run so fast that I teleported to some crazy backward dimension where all the good food was destroyed by a giant volcano and the only thing left to eat is yucky stuff like salads?”
“I thought we’d eat something healthy,” Eugene’s mom explained.
“There is nothing healthy about vegetables smashed into hamburger form, Mom!” Eugene frantically explained. “It is one of the five biggest crimes against the yumminess of hamburgers, hot dogs, and cheese fries.”
“We could go get pizza,” Eugene’s dad said, also hoping to avoid the awfulness of lettuce in a bowl for lunch. “That has vegetables and fruit on it,” he said, giving Eugene a wink.