Like Dominic. He has more courage in his little finger than I’ll ever possess. I don’t know why, but he stuck by me even after I told him the truth, that Hannah had no idea who I was. I really wanted to harm her. I think he helped me find the better part of myself that I’d buried away. We live together in a two-bedroom apartment in Greenwood, a lovely small neighborhood in Brooklyn. He’s busier than ever with his photo work. Me, when I’m not studying, I work part-time in a childcare center as an office assistant. I volunteer also, at a place near here that supports youth at risk. My job is to help them with homework and writing. I’ve never been so busy in my life, ever.
Hannah was awarded a lot of money. She could live anywhere, but for now they still live with April. They even started a business together: One Petal at a Time. I told them, no, you can’t. That’s a terrible name. But they just laughed, and I guess they had every reason to because they’re doing really well. It’s a gardening center in the West Village with a focus on kids’ education. I see Mia most days because, of course, she comes to the childcare center. Where else would she go? Hannah or April will drop her off and I will be there, waiting at the gate, always. I pick her up and I lift her in my arms and she laughs, her little hands opening and closing, her fingers grabbing my cheeks. I am in love with her and she is the purest joy of my life.
Dominic and I are having a baby, and April will be its godmother. Well, not right now; we’ve only just found out and we’re not even telling anyone yet, although I did tell my brother. We speak often now, John and I. It wasn’t easy to reconnect; we had to get to know each other again. He told me things I didn’t even remember, like all the times I’d call him late at night, drunk, shouting like a lunatic. “I don’t need to know, thanks all the same,” I said. He lives in Colorado in a charming house, with his partner and their baby boy.
Dominic is going to be a wonderful father. He’s already mapped out his schedule for the first two years of our child’s existence, which made me laugh. He’s starting to tell his clients he won’t have much time then, because I’ll be studying still and he’ll need to take care of a very important person.
Professor Caldwell ends the class and I gather my books, but the question still remains. What does it take for a person to persist from one time to another—to continue existing rather than cease to exist? Once upon a time I would have said loathing. That’s how you keep someone alive. You keep them in your head and you hate them till you can’t stand it anymore and still you gnaw at them and watch them grow. But now I don’t know, and I don’t care. I’m done with all that. I’m blessed with the people I love. I’m one of the lucky ones.
A note from Natalie
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Acknowledgments
As always, there are a number of people who generously help me produce a better book, and this one is no exception.
Thank you to Traci Finlay, my wonderful editor whose brilliant suggestions always send me on the right track.
Thank you also to the very patient Mark Freyberg, for answering my many questions on all things legal.
Thank you to Eliza Dee for her fabulous proofreading.
Thank you to my wonderful friends and family who always cheer me on, and to my husband, who is always there for me and reads all my books and never blinks at how many husbands get killed off in them.
Thank you, dear reader, for getting this far, it means the world.
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