by Evans, A. K.
I was shocked. “He can’t do that.”
Cruz laughed. “He owns the company; I think he can.”
I knew I’d see Levi this weekend at Elle’s meet-and-greet event, so I would have to talk to him about it when I saw him. I figured it was best to talk to Cruz about his compensation.
“Ok, I’ll talk to Levi about the equipment then. What about your labor?”
He didn’t respond. That is to say, he didn’t respond with words. Instead, he gave me a look that told me I was crazy to even mention his labor.
“I’m serious,” I went on. “Between the time you’ve put in at my office and then here at my apartment, it’s been a lot of hours. You need to be paid for your work.”
“Lexi, I’d never accept a single penny to keep you safe.”
I felt my belly flutter at his words.
“Are you sure?” I confirmed.
He brought his hand up to cup the side of my face. As his thumb stroked back and forth across my cheek, he answered softly, “Absolutely.”
I liked the feel of his hand on my skin, so I tilted my head and leaned into his palm as I closed my eyes. Before I could open them, I felt his breath hit my lips as he whispered, “Can I kiss you again, Lexi?”
I really wanted to kiss him again so I nodded.
Cruz closed the distance between our lips and kissed me. The moment his mouth was on mine, my hands went to his hair and my body shifted so that my head was on the armrest of the couch. Without disconnecting his mouth from mine, Cruz managed to shift his body on the couch so that he was lying beside me. Suddenly, our bodies were pressed together, his front to mine, as we continued to kiss each other. Warmth spread through me.
For the first time in a very long time, I felt desire.
Desire for a man.
One that made me feel safe.
As our tongues continued to explore, I couldn’t seem to control what I was feeling. Cruz separated his mouth from mine, only so he could nibble at my lip and kiss along my jaw. I let out a moan. That’s when Cruz pressed his hand to my belly so that I’d fall to my back. He buried his face in my neck, shifting his body halfway onto mine, while my fingers ran through his hair. Cruz’s hand that had been at my belly slid to my side. His lips were pressed to the skin at the side of my throat, his hand beginning to glide up the side of my body.
When his hand reached my underarm, his mouth moved from neck back up along my jaw to my mouth again. His tongue dipped inside, tasting me again.
I was so consumed, so caught up in the lust I had for him, that by the time I realized what was happening, it was already too late. Cruz’s hands had both continued to slid up the underside of my arms until my arms were pinned underneath his above my head. The heat that had been running through my body only seconds ago was doused immediately and I felt nothing but ice-cold terror.
Not again.
This couldn’t happen again.
I panicked.
Even though his mouth was on mine, a muffled sound escaped me. I pressed as hard as I could against his arms. Cruz pulled his head back and that’s when it came out.
“No!” I screamed. “No, no!”
He was frozen. I was freaked.
“Get off me!” I shouted as I began frantically trying to free my body.
In an instant, Cruz lifted his body off mine. I was free. I bolted up off the couch and moved to the middle of the room, free from the danger.
“Lexi?” I heard. “Honey, what’s wrong?”
My head snapped in the direction of his voice and I saw Cruz standing a few feet away looking at me, terrified.
I couldn’t say anything. I was trying to catch my breath and my heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears.
“Are you ok?” he worried.
I shook my head because I couldn’t find my voice. I began feeling dizzy and I knew my legs weren’t going to hold me up much longer.
“Hold on to me, Lex,” I heard Cruz order, his voice inches from me.
I didn’t move.
“I’m not going to touch you, Princess. Just wrap your arms around me wherever is comfortable for you and lean into me.”
I couldn’t hold myself up any more, so I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my cheek to his chest.
“Just breathe, honey. Nice and slow. Deep breaths.”
I tried to regain control of my breathing. I wasn’t having much luck.
“I’m going to lower us to the ground so you don’t fall,” he said, gently. “Keep holding on to me and slowly bend your legs. Ok?”
I slid my cheek up and down on his chest.
Cruz carefully lowered us to the ground and he did it without putting a finger on me.
I was hanging on to Cruz, trying to calm myself and catch my breath. I wanted the warm comfort back, something Cruz always managed to give me whenever I was around him.
“Please…” I struggled to get out through my quick, shallow breaths. “Please hold me.”
Cruz engulfed me in his arms and held on tight. There was no concept of time in that moment, but I knew that it wasn’t until his arms were around me that I was able to start finding peace and security. I don’t know how much time passed before I finally steadied my breathing and dropped my arms from around his neck. When I pulled away, I not only lost the comfort of his arms, but also fought against every urge to bury my face in my hands so I wouldn’t have to face him. As embarrassed as I felt, I knew I couldn’t stay quiet about what had just happened. Cruz deserved to know the truth and I wanted him to have it.
I lifted my head and looked at Cruz. There was nothing but genuine concern and worry in his face.
“I’m sorry,” I croaked.
His face went soft. “Lexi, what just happened?”
“I should have told you sooner. They told me not to wait, but I was scared.”
“Who?” he asked. “Told me what?”
I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. After I let it out, I opened them and gave it to him. “My brothers. They told me the other day not to wait to tell you the truth.”
I paused a moment before continuing, “Nearly four years ago, when I was at the end of my freshman year in college, I was raped.”
The air around us became frighteningly thick with a mix of anger and tension. Nearly all of it was radiating from the man in front of me.
“I should have said something before,” I repeated.
“Why didn’t you?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
“I was scared.”
“Of what?”
“You,” I sighed.
“Lexi, I would never hurt you. Ever,” he responded. I was certain I heard a bit of disappointment in his response.
I shook my head, upset that he misunderstood what I was saying. “I know that. Oddly enough, somehow, I know that.”
I paused a minute.
Cruz left me to it. Then, I continued, “I like you a lot, Cruz. You are the first man I’ve been attracted to since it happened.”
“What triggered your panic attack?”
My eyes filled with tears and my voice was shaky when I confessed, “My arms being pinned above my head.”
A tear leaked from my eye. Cruz watched it fall.
“Lexi, I’m so sorry.”
I nodded and agreed, “Me too.”
“You don’t apologize,” he insisted. “Something awful happened to you. You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to be sorry for. I feel horrible for doing something that made this more uncomfortable for you.”
He paused as his eyes darted back and forth, searching for something.
“Ah, Lex. The burns. This is why you broke down that day when I tried to put the aloe on you, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “Other than the hugs and comfort I’ve received in the arms of my brothers or my dad, no other man has touched me since it happened. You were the first and I couldn’t control my reaction.”
“I assume they know?”
“Luke and Logan do. I told them on Wedne
sday. My parents don’t know.”
“Are you getting help?”
“I started seeing a therapist shortly after it happened. She’s been vital to my recovery. Other than her, nobody else knew until last week when I told Elle and Nikki.”
Cruz dropped his head, looking defeated. I didn’t know what was going through his mind and I was too scared of what his answer might be if I asked. So, I stayed silent and let him collect his thoughts.
“Are you ok?” he asked when he lifted his gaze from his lap.
I wasn’t sure how to answer that. I mean, physically I was. My heart and my mind were another story. I just had a panic attack after Cruz and I had been kissing on my couch. He witnessed it and I still didn’t know how he felt about it. I responded with, “I guess that depends on you.”
“Me?”
Could I tell him and not have him pity me? I guess I’d never know unless I said something.
“I should have told you, but I like you. And I was worried that if I told you what happened, you’d walk away from me. I don’t want that to happen.”
“I guess I’ve got some work to do,” he stated firmly.
“What?”
“Warrior, if you think it’s possible that I’m willing to walk out on you because of what you just told me, it’s obvious to me that you don’t know me the way I’d like you to. I’ve got to put in some work to make sure you know that I’m not the kind of man who’d ever walk out on a woman like you.”
“A woman like me?” I repeated.
“Yes, a woman like you. One who is smart, talented, and determined. One who is beautiful and strong. In fact, she’s so strong that she’s not only experienced what she has in life and has come out the other side, but also knows what I do for a living and supports it all while encouraging me. A woman whose laughter is music to my ears, especially after a shitty day at work. Mostly though, you’re a woman who, for the first time in years, has made my heart start beating again for something other than work. So, yeah, Lexi…I’d never walk out on a woman like you.”
I made his heart start beating again?
“Cruz,” I whispered because my heart was in my throat.
At that moment, he stood and held his hands out to me. I placed my hands in his and stood. As I stood there staring up at him, he confirmed, “I like you, Lexi. A lot. And I want to do whatever I’ve got to do to make sure we’ve got a fair shot at whatever we want to see happen between us. I want you to know that you can share any part of what you went through with me, and if that isn’t something you want to share, that’s ok too. If the two of us together is something you want to explore, you should know that I am more than ready and willing to explore it. And, more than anything else, I want you to know that there is zero pressure from me for things to go any faster than you are ready for or can handle.”
“I want to try and see if there could be something between the two of us.”
The smile that spread across his face was breathtaking.
With the difficult task out of the way and the adrenaline no longer pumping, I found myself feeling exhausted.
“Tired?” Cruz asked, as if reading my mind.
I nodded slowly.
“Are you going to be alright by yourself tonight?”
I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know how to communicate that to Cruz without making him feel some sort of obligation to me.
I didn’t have to ponder it too long because he tugged my hand and started guiding me toward my bedroom.
Once inside, he instructed, “Get in your bed and try to sleep, Lexi. I’ll stay here tonight out on the couch in case you need me.”
“Really? You’d do that for me?”
“Will that make you feel better tonight? To know that I’m here just in case you need someone?”
“Yeah,” I rasped, answering him honestly.
He leaned in, pressed a kiss to my forehead, and offered, “Good night, Lexi.”
“Good night, Cruz.”
At that, he turned and walked out of my room, closing the door behind him.
Twenty minutes later, cuddled under the blanket, I was no closer to sleep and I was craving the comfort of Cruz’s arms around me. I threw back the blanket and walked out of the room. As I entered the living room, I caught his attention.
“Everything alright?” he asked.
I walked over by the couch and shook my head. “I can’t sleep.”
“Come here,” he urged as he held his hand out to me.
I fell beside him on the couch and he quickly curled my body into his. He was on his back, my front was pressed to his side, and my cheek was resting in the crook of his shoulder. I took in his scent and my body melted into him. Cruz pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over us.
Minutes later, I was asleep.
I was incredibly warm wrapped in Cruz’s protective embrace. I hadn’t opened my eyes yet, but I knew exactly where I was. I wasn’t too proud to admit that I might have purposely kept my eyes shut so that I wouldn’t have to leave this spot.
Unfortunately, I had no idea what time it was and I had a meeting this morning. On that thought, I reluctantly opened my eyes and tilted my head back to look at Cruz. He was awake, looking down at me.
“Morning.”
Something changed in Cruz’s face before he returned, “Morning, Lexi. Sleep ok?”
“Yeah,” I answered as I cuddled into him. “What about you?
“Never better.”
I let the happiness I felt in hearing him admit that seep into my mind and heart. The truth was, Cruz wasn’t small. He was easily six one, maybe six two. His body was lean and muscular and while he would have probably managed to do alright if he had been on the couch on his own, adding me to the equation made it a tight fit. Even still, he didn’t seem to mind.
“Thank you for staying here for me last night, Cruz.”
Although we were still on the couch, he managed to shrug his shoulders and share with a bit of nonchalance, “You needed me.”
“You could have run,” I pointed out. “It would have probably been easier than what lies ahead for us.”
“Maybe, but I think we’ll be worth the effort. Besides, I’ve never been one who backs down from a challenge.”
We’ll be worth the effort.
I wanted that. I really wanted that.
“Hey,” I called softly. “Any chance I can talk you into giving me a good morning kiss?”
“Lex…” he trailed off.
Instead of lowering his head to mine, he lifted me clean off the couch and positioned me on top of him.
I stared at him, but made no move. Neither did Cruz.
“I’m not kissing you, Lexi,” he stated.
“Oh,” I responded, feeling disappointed.
“You are going to kiss me.”
I perked up. I dropped my lips to his and kissed him. Cruz kept one arm around my back while the other went to my hair. My tongue dipped inside his mouth, where it intertwined with his. It wasn’t long before my moans filled the air around us and I felt Cruz hard between us. Surprisingly, at the feel of him, I grew more and more turned on and began rocking my hips over the length of him. Cruz growled. I wanted more. I wanted to feel pleasure.
“Cruz,” I rasped, my voice ragged.
“What do you want, Lex?” he returned, his voice just as needy.
“I want to feel good.”
His arm tightened around me. I rolled my hips. Cruz’s eyes dropped to my mouth. I rolled my hips again.
His phone started ringing.
“Fuck,” he muttered as he reached his arm up over his head to the end table. He held the phone to his ear and answered, “Yeah?”
I started to move so that he could have privacy to take his call, but the second I did, Cruz’s arm tightened around me. Three seconds after that, his entire body went alert.
“Did you say seventeen?” he asked the person on the other end of the line.
There was silence as he wai
ted for a response.
“Right. I’m on my way.”
A second later, I watched as Cruz dropped his phone back down to the table.
“I get the sneaking suspicion that you just got some really bad news,” I blurted.
“Yeah, you’d be right.”
I took in a deep breath and explained, “I think I’d rather not know what it is. I can imagine something bad enough and I’m not sure I want to know if it’s worse than that.”
Cruz kissed the top of my head. “Lexi, if I had known what you went through, I’m not sure I would have ever told you any of the details of my case. I would have just done what I needed to do to make sure you stayed safe. As it is, I’m pissed at myself for what I did last night.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” I insisted.
Regret flashed in his eyes before he closed them.
I hated seeing that look on him. I knew, better than most, how easy it was to blame yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. I didn’t want Cruz carrying around that guilt.
“I’m all right now, Cruz,” I insisted. “In fact, I’m better than all right.”
I touched my lips to his again and we kissed. Unfortunately, all too soon, Cruz brought both of his hands up to frame either side of my face. He gently tugged my head back and looked tortured.
“Lexi, I’m sorry. I have to go to work.”
I pulled my bottom lip in between my teeth before I responded, “Ok.”
“Princess, you’ve got to know that if I hadn’t gotten that call just now, I wouldn’t be leaving you like this.”
I nodded. “Are we still having dinner tonight?”
He grinned at me. “I’m not sure what would make you think that we wouldn’t be having dinner tonight.”
“I don’t know. It’s just that…well, we made those plans before last night happened,” I stammered.
In one swift move, Cruz carefully got us both upright on the couch. Then, he stood and held his hand out to me. I placed mine in his and stood opposite of him.
“I wish I had more time now to talk to you about this, but unfortunately, I don’t. The quick and easy? First, last night I thought we decided together that we wanted to try and see if there could be something more between us. Cancelling dinner isn’t going to help us accomplish that. Also, we agreed to dinner before last night. We agreed to it to celebrate your accomplishment in your career and the move into your new office. What happened last night doesn’t affect that. There are, however, some things that last night does affect. We’ll discuss those tonight.”