Hothar's Folly (Coletti Warlords series Book 9)

by Gail Koger

“Birdie!” Thor cried and vanished from Hothar’s arms.

  “Holy crap!” I looked around frantically. “Where’d he go?”

  Hothar glanced down at his bracelet and groaned.

  “What? Rodan soldiers? Legionnaires? Earth First?”

  “No.” Hothar pointed to a soaring pterosaur with a twenty-four-foot wing span gliding from one side of the room to the other.

  My heart began to pound in fear. Thor was sitting on its back and the pterosaur was a good thirty feet off the ground. “No! No! No! Bad baby.”

  “Wheeee! Ride birdie,” Thor chortled.

  “Me ride. Me ride.” Haki shot webbing at the pterosaur. Thwipth! Splat!

  Before I could grab the baby Tabor, he had zipped up the strand of spider silk and was sitting on pterosaur’s wing. “We are so dead.”

  Using his best mean warrior’s voice, Hothar commanded, “Teleport down here. Now!”

  “No wanna.” Thor and Haki said in unison.

  Parenthood sucked. I flashed Thor an image of the triceratops. “See, it looks like your stuffed toy, only bigger.”

  “Where?” Thor surveyed the room.

  Haki bounced up and down. “Me see. Me see.”

  “There’s a T-Rex too. Come on down and we’ll take you to see them,” I promised.

  Poof! Thor was gone.

  “Oh, crap! Where is he now?”

  “In there.” Hothar gestured to the display of animatronic dinosaurs in the next room.

  “Haki come here,” I called.

  Thwipth! Splat! A string of webbing hit the doorway. Wheeee! The little brat swung into the other room and smacked into an elderly woman’s forehead.

  Haki clung to her head.

  Granny’s screams of horror rose over the dinosaurs’ hoots, roars and bellows. “Spider! Get it off! Get it off! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Get it off! Help! It’s a big fucking spider! Someone please help me!”

  “Dung duty is started to look pretty damn good,” I groused.

  Hothar nodded. “Yes, and on a remote space station where no children are allowed.”

  A young, skinny security guard darted into the room.

  “Kill it! Kill it!” The woman demanded, smacking at her head with her purse.

  Haki easily dodged her blows. “Why she make silly noise?”

  “Because she’s afraid of spiders. Now get off her,” I ordered.

  “Kay.” Haki skittered down the elderly woman’s back.

  The guard tried to stomp on him.

  With a pretty scary battle cry, Thor teleported in front of his friend and jabbed at the security guard’s legs with his sword. “No hurt Haki.”

  “Go! I’ll circle around them.”

  Hothar vanished and popped in behind the guard. I ran like my life depended on it. And it did. Talree would kill us if anything happened to Thor.

  Haki spat web balls at granny and the security guard. Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! The force of the impact knocked them back into Hothar. They fell to the floor in a tangle of arms, legs and webbing.

  “Get your hand off my breast, you little pervert,” the elderly woman shouted.

  The security guard squeaked, “My balls! Your knee is squashing my balls.”

  “Holy crap!” Before I could pull out Shrek’s pam spray, a jerk in a velociraptor costume jumped out at me. Grrraaawr! Grrraaawr! Grrraaawr!

  My temper flared to life. “Get out of my way!”

  Grrraaawr! Grrraaawr! Grrraaawr! The velociraptor blocked me repeatedly.

  “You were warned.” I hurled the moron out of the way. To my astonishment, his costume caught on the T-Rex’s fanged lined mouth as it opened to roar. Huh? What were the odds of that happening? The actor shrieked as the mouth started to close. The dinosaur’s muffled roar blended with velociraptor’s grrraaawr.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a bunch of security guards and cops were heading our way. We were so screwed. I sprayed the hell out of Hothar, the struggling old woman and crying guard. I exhaled a long breath as the webbing melted away. “How do we explain this to the cops?”

  Hothar jumped to his feet. “We don’t. We get the children and leave.”

  “Works for me. Where are the little darlings?”

  “Riding the triceratops. I will collect them,” Hothar said and vanished.

  The security guard rolled around on the floor clutching his private parts.

  I helped the shaken old woman to her feet. “If you have any cooking spray at home, it’ll clean off the rest of the spider silk.”

  “Does that creature belong to you?” Her voice was full of rage.

  It took everything I had not to laugh at the piece of webbing dangling from her nose. “No ma’am, he doesn’t.”

  “You’re lying.” She turned to the guard who was still holding his man parts. “I want her arrested.”

  The guard groaned, “For what?”

  “Assault.”

  “I didn’t assault you,” I retorted.

  “Your pet spider did.”

  I plastered a polite smile on my face when all I wanted to do was smack her a good one. “He’s a Tabor, not a spider and if he had bitten you, you would be dead.”

  “Ah ha! He does belong to you,” she exclaimed.

  “No. He doesn’t. He has a mother and father and a whole slew of siblings. If you have a problem, take it up with Central Command.”

  “I most certainly will!” The elderly woman stormed off.

  The guard’s Adam’s apple bobbed nervously. “Sorry ma’am, but I need a doctor.” He hobbled from the room.

  I glanced around. Thankfully, the other security guards and cops were working on freeing the idiot in the velociraptor costume.

  Hothar linked with me. “I have them.”

  “Thank God.” Prickles shot up my back. “Incoming hostiles. Get the kids back to the base.”

  “I will not leave without you,” Hothar countered.

  “Go! I’m a weapon, remember? Our first duty is to protect the children.”

  “Do not engage the enemy until I return,” Hothar instructed and teleported.

  Easier said than done.

  “Casey Jones! I know you’re here. This time there is no escape,” the Supreme One’s horror movie voice reverberated around the museum.

  I took a quick peek. The Supreme One in all her storm trooper glory stood in the middle of the Ancient Dinosaur Hall. I flashed Hothar the image. “How in the hell did General Douglas escape?”

  “I will ask,” Hothar replied.

  The murdering harpy screeched, “You destroyed my life. Now I destroy yours.”

  “Yada. Yada. Yada,” I mumbled under my breath.

  The cops ran past me with their guns drawn.

  Slipping behind a replica of an ancient palm tree, I noticed the Supreme One was posed dramatically between the tyrannosaurus and camarasaurus skeletons. Standing at attention behind her were Legionnaires and Earth First soldiers.

  “Drop your weapons,” a cop shouted.

  The Legionnaires went into their dance routine. “Waewae tama-nur-ra. Waewae tama-nur-ra. Waewae tama-nur-ra.”

  “Drop your weapons,” the cop shouted again.

  Yeah, like that was going to work.

  The Legionnaires kept dancing.

  The Earth First soldiers raised their weapons.

  Summoning my telekinesis, I blasted the fossils and smiled as thousands of pounds of bone fell on top of the Supreme One and her minions.

  “We appreciate your help, Siren Jones,” the cop said with a relieved grin.

  “Oh, it was my pleasure. Let’s disarm these idiots, before they do something stupid.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” The cops began confiscating weapons.

  I scooped up a laser pistol and walked over to the Supreme One. A jagged bone protruded through her shoulder. “T-boned by a Jurassic cow. How fitting. Like my cousin Ethan likes to say: ‘Mess with the best, die like the rest’.”

  “No matter how long it t
akes, I will kill you,” General Douglas rasped.

  “Nah, the dead don’t present much of a challenge. Zarek promised Adan he could eat you. A fitting death for a traitor.”

  The museum curator ran into the room, took one look at the jumble of bones and fainted.

  That wasn’t good.

  Immense power crashed through the museum as Zarek, Voss, Hothar and a shitload of warriors teleported in.

  I smiled at them. “Relax, guys. I have the Supreme One in custody.”

  Zarek’s gaze slowly surveyed the carnage and settled on the Supreme One buried beneath a mound of fossils. “This was not one of my better decisions. Hothar take your mate back to the base and try not to destroy it.”

  “Yes, my lord,” Hothar scooped me up and teleported.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Over breakfast Hothar and I glumly contemplated our future. I pushed the scrambled eggs around my plate. “Think they’ll split us up?”

  Hothar’s face hardened. “I will not allow it.”

  “How are you planning on stopping them?”

  “I will challenge Zarek to combat.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Seriously? Zarek would beat you senseless and then banish us to that remote space station.”

  “As long as we are together, nothing else matters. You are my heart. My soul.”

  “Right back at ya, big guy.” I gave Hothar a smooch. “They’re all acting like we did something wrong. If I hadn’t stopped the General, she would have destroyed the entire museum and a lot of people would have died.”

  “They know that.” Hothar buttered a piece of toast and put it on my plate.

  “Then why are we under house arrest?”

  “They are afraid we will hump like bunnies,” Hothar said and took a bite of eggs.

  “We have more control than that.”

  Hothar raised an eyebrow.

  Okay, he had a point. I changed the subject. “There wasn’t any reason for Talree and Kaylee to cut their vacation short. We had the situation under control.”

  “The Supreme One’s attacks put their children in danger. They reacted as any good parents would,” Hothar replied.

  “If Uncle Saul had kept it in his pants, none of this would have happened. Every time I get near Talree, he bares his fangs and growls like a rabid bear.”

  “And Kaylee?”

  “We’re good. She actually thanked me for keeping her kids safe.” I sagged back in my chair. “We’re an awesome team. It would be stupid to break us up.”

  Zarek strolled in, filled a plate with a mound of scrambled eggs and sat down next to me.

  “Good morning, sir,” I said politely. Praise the Lord! He wasn’t wearing his scary predator’s face. “Did you find out how General Douglas escaped?”

  “Major Dick Morris freed her. He has been dealt with.”

  “Oh. Good.” Adan must be stuffed to the gills.

  Hothar held up the pot of coffee. “Coffee, my lord.”

  “Yes.”

  Why did I have this awful feeling the other shoe was about to drop. I watched Hothar pour him a cup and waited for the bad news. Zarek ate an amazing amount of eggs, finished his coffee and smiled at us.

  The hair on the back of my neck literally stood up. Oh crap!

  “I am allowing Hothar and you to go out on a date that includes dinner and dancing.

  I eyed him suspiciously. Was there a punch line? “Dinner and dancing?”

  Hothar stared at him in stunned surprise.

  “Magnus has invited us to their Gans Mountain Spirit Ceremony. I believe there is dancing and food.”

  I nodded. “Apache warriors in elaborate costumes do dance and the food is traditional.”

  “I accepted his generous offer,” Zarek said.

  Hothar queried, “Us?”

  “Myself, Talree, Kaylee and the children.”

  “Isn’t that sweet of him.” I was going to kill Magnus.

  Zarek continued, “Hothar, Thor, Haki and you are banned for life from the Natural History Museum.”

  “That seems a bit unfair.”

  Hothar kicked me under the table. “Do not speak until the Overlord has finished talking.”

  Totally ignoring my interruption, Zarek added, “The museum sent Central Command a bill for ten million credits for damages they claimed you are responsible for.”

  “That’s nuts! It was just a few old bones.”

  Hothar kicked me again. Ouch!

  “One Betsy Miller sued the Coletti Empire for a whopping one hundred million credits for emotional distress and assault by a big, fucking spider. I had the Battle Commander pay her a visit and she quickly dropped her claim.”

  Hothar hastily stuffed a piece of toast in my mouth.

  “Voss, Sariel and Adan are now destroying all of the Earth First bases,” Zarek advised.

  I spit the toast out. “And General Douglas?”

  “General Douglas will stand trial for treason and murder.”

  “Thank you, sir.” I jumped to my feet.

  ‘Sit.” Zarek pointed at my chair.

  I sat back down. “Something else, sir?”

  “Magnus has an armored Humvee waiting for you in front of the Butterfield Stage Coach office in Tombstone. He thought the children would enjoy a stage coach ride and watching a shoot-out at the original O.K. Corral before driving out to his headquarters at Jicarilla.”

  Hothar replied, “I am sure they will enjoy it.”

  “One more thing,” Zarek drawled ominously.

  Hothar wrapped a protective arm around me.

  “The two of you will continue to serve General Jones as his investigators. But, one mis-step and you will be assigned babysitting duties until you are both twenty-one. Is that clear?”

  The knot in my stomach loosen. “Very clear, sir.”

  Hothar clamped an arm to his chest. “It is an honor to serve, my lord.”

  “There is a shuttle waiting to take you to Tombstone. Do not keep Talree waiting.”

  Hothar teleported us to the spaceport.

  Chapter Nineteen

  To my relief, the tour of Tombstone by stage coach went off without a hitch. The gunfight at the O. K. Corral was an utter disaster. Haki decided to visit the horsie the Marshall Earp actor was riding. The minute the horse spotted a huge ass spider crawling up his back leg, the rodeo started. “Whoa! Whoa!”

  “Off Haki,” Talree growled, trying to grab the frightened horse’s bridle.

  Haki scurried up the Marshall’s chest.

  He hollered, “What the fuck?”

  The horse bucked wildly. Haki and the Marshall flew off and landed in the middle of the street. The horse high-tailed it out of town.

  A big man in the audience tried to stomp on Haki and everything went to hell. Kaylee jumped on his back and punched him repeatedly in the face. “No one hurts my children. No one.”

  “Me kill.” Thor whacked the big guy’s leg with his sword.

  Talree grabbed the idiot by his throat. “Do you have a death wish?”

  The idiot promptly pissed his pants.

  Two city police officers ran up, took one look at Talree in full predator mode and drew their guns. “Put your hands up.”

  The crowd applauded loudly.

  “We have diplomatic immunity,” Kaylee yelled and hopped off the poor guy’s back. “Let him go, babe.”

  Talree released the idiot, who promptly ran off.

  The older cop, not being a dummy, lowered his gun. “You need to leave Tombstone. Now. If you don’t, I will arrest you, Coletti or not.”

  Hothar shook his head in disbelief. “It is like all of you are cursed.”

  “I told ya. Shit happens no matter where we go. You up for the challenge?”

  He gave me a long, hot kiss. “Life with you will never be boring.”

  “Good answer.”

  “We are leaving,” Talree snarled and ushered his family over to the Humvee.

  The men climbed in the front, whi
le Kaylee, the kids and I got into the backseat.

  “And good times were had by all,” I said.

  Kaylee got the giggles which started me off. We laughed and laughed and laughed. The guys shook their heads in disbelief and started talking about warp engines as we drove out of town. All the excitement had tired the kids out and they fell asleep on Kaylee’s lap.

  As we drove through a forest of hoodoo volcanic rock formations, Kaylee asked, “Tell me about Annie?”

  “She went toe-to-toe with Uncle Saul and took him down. It was awesome.”

  “And how did Uncle Saul react?”

  “Let’s just say our calm and in-control uncle totally wigged out.”

  Kaylee’s eyes widened. “Full on predator?”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  “I feel sorry for her.”

  “Don’t. Annie can take care of herself.”

  “I’ll say.” Kaylee pointed.

  I looked out the windshield and my jaw literally dropped. Uncle Saul stood in the middle of the road. It looked like he had gone ten rounds with Godzilla and lost. His battle suit was covered in mud, red welts decorated his face and hands. His usually perfectly groomed hair stood up in wild spikes.

  Talree stopped the Humvee. “The General’s prey has teeth.”

  “I’ll say.” I rolled the window down and called, “You tangle with a grizzly?”

  Uncle Saul opened the door and slid in. “No, Annie.”

  “Come to get reinforcements?” Kaylee’s Debbie Sunshine smile was absolute perfection. “Talree would be happy to help you capture her.”

  “Not funny and I don’t need help.”

  “Kinda looks like you do. Don’t you agree Casey?”

  “Yep.”

  Uncle Saul growled deep in his chest.

  Talree snarled, “Do not growl at my mate.”

  “Where sword?” Thor patted Uncle Saul’s leg.

  Haki peered at him. “Why arm funny?”

  The kids had some good questions. “Is your arm broken and didn’t you have a shuttle?”

  “It is, and I did.”

  Holy hell. I clamped a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing.

  Hothar eyed Uncle Saul in disbelief. “You allowed the female to disarm you?”

  “I didn’t allow anything,” Uncle Saul roared. “I walked into a fucking trap. Happy now?”