by Untamed
“Don’t tell me you believe them,” I said to Ryan.
“What I believe is neither here nor there, but we have to face this together, Charice. There is a possibility that Charity isn’t coming back—”
“She’ll come out of the coma. You’ll see. You’ll all see,” I wailed as I rocked back and forth.
Ryan nodded. “Okay, baby. She will,” he said and kissed my forehead. “I’m going to talk to our parents and friends.”
* * *
It’d been a week since the surgery, and I was sitting at Charity’s bed, holding her lifeless hand and praying for a miracle. I hadn’t eaten solid foods because everything came back up. The only thing that I’d taken for sustenance was broth and water to keep me going. But I stayed right there, only moving to use the bathroom or shower.
Jesus, if you rose Lazarus, why can’t you wake up my daughter? Even though she was on life support, her other organs were beginning to fail. The doctors said she had very little brain function, and with her failing organs, they said she was most likely not going to wake up. I refused to believe that, though. Everyone had given up hope on Charity. My parents had made their peace with it. Ryan’s parents, our kids, our friends, and even our reverend had said a prayer giving her spirit back to the Lord, but not me. She had to wake up. If she didn’t wake up, then I’d surely die right behind her.
I looked up as Ryan came into the hospital room immediately following an interview he’d done. Despite the obvious stress on his face, he looked good in his crisp Tom Ford suit. His Rolex and Super Bowl ring gleamed as he approached me, taking off his suit jacket.
“Hey, baby. I’m just sitting here waiting to see some kind of movement or something. It’s going to happen. Just look at our miracle. We’re together.” Finally focusing in on him, I complimented him. “You look good. Did the interview go well?”
He smiled and kissed my forehead. “The interview was fine, and yes, our rekindling was indeed a miracle.”
“Pull up a chair and sit with us. Maybe telling her stories will stir her so she can wake up and prove these airheaded doctors wrong,” I said to Ryan, and he pulled up a chair.
He rubbed my hand between his. “You know I love you, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I replied confidently.
“And I hope you know how much I love Charity,” he added.
I looked over at him. “Of course I do.”
Ryan got quiet for a moment as he reached for and rubbed Charity’s hand. He leaned back, and tears began to form in his eyes. “Maybe God is punishing me for being absent so my years by doing this. I don’t know.”
I hugged him for what seemed like forever. “No, God isn’t that cruel. He sees the change in you.”
Ryan was quiet for an extremely long time as he shed silent tears, gripping Charity’s hand while holding me in his other arm. Afterward, he pulled away and wiped his eyes. “I guess you’re right. Whatever He does, He does for a reason. He doesn’t make mistakes.”
“That’s right,” I concurred.
Ryan turned to face me and palmed my cheek. “If you believe that, if you truly do, then do you believe that He didn’t make a mistake by taking Charity home to live with Him?” Ryan asked me. “I mean, she suffered so much in this world—”
“Don’t say that to me.” I snatched my hand away and pushed his other hand from my face. “I refuse to believe that.”
“Ricey—”
I jumped up. “Don’t Ricey me! How dare you! You’re her father! You’re supposed to fight for her until the end!”
Ryan jumped up. “And I did,” he boomed and clasped my shoulders with his powerful hands. “This is the end—”
“No, it’s not!”
He leaned over to her and pointed. “Look at her, Charice! Look!” he yelled tearfully, but I refused. By now, tears poured down both of our faces. “All of her organs have shut down. Is this what you want for her? To be sustained by a machine? Tubes hanging all over her body instead of letting her rest in peace?”
“I just want her to wake up,” I yelled, beating against his chest repeatedly. “Just wake up,” I cried.
Ryan held me, and I slid down into his arms, crying hysterically. He patiently rubbed my back while rocking me back and forth to comfort me. Once I’d finally calmed down and our tears were no more than whimpers, Ryan sat and placed me on his lap, cradling me in his arms as if I were a baby.
“She did wake up . . . in heaven,” he whispered, his voice drenched in pain. “Our princess is now our angel, and we have to let her go, Charice. We have to let her go to her heavenly home.”
The finality in his words pushed my heart and head into a reality that I’d struggled hard not to accept. An ugly cry unleashed from me and racked my body. Ryan held me tightly, rocking me back and forth in his powerful arms until my tears subsided. Once I finally removed my tearstained face from his chest and looked up at him, he kissed me all about my face and head to comfort me as his eyes leaked tears and his lip quivered.
I could tell that this was shredding him into pieces. He’d been there for me, the boys, our family, and no one had been here for him. He’d had to suffer in silence while being the pillar for us all. All the while doing the one thing that I’d finally had to come to terms with. I moved out of his lap and sat down in the chair beside him, then looked at Charity. He was right. She was gone, and this was no life for her to live. The reality was that if Ryan was having this conversation with me, then he’d also been forced to have it. There was no way that he’d agree to broach this subject with me otherwise.
The time had come to let her go.
“How long do we have before we have to say goodbye?”
Ryan leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, his fingers pressed together, and his head bowed. He released a deep sigh as he wiped his tears. “I met with Dr. Wellington yesterday. Since Charity hasn’t shown any signs of improvement and continues to get worse, they are giving us until midnight tonight to voluntarily remove the life support.”
Hearing that our last day was tonight caused my eyes to drip again. There was no choice but to accept reality. It was time to say goodbye. “Did you gather the family? Is everyone outside?” I asked him. Unable to speak, he could only respond with a nod. “Then let them all come in and say goodbye,” I permitted.
One by one, each family member and friend came in and hugged Charity. My girls had come with their kids. Even a few of Ryan’s teammates and Lincoln had come down to say goodbye to her. Each one had tears in their eyes. They gave us hugs and condolences as they left to wait in the waiting area for that time.
“Sweetheart, do you want us to stay with you and Ryan when it’s time?” my mom asked in tears.
“No, we need to do this alone.”
After everyone cleared out, Dr. Wellington, Dr. Nichols, some nurses, and the reverend came in with Ryan and me. The reverend said a prayer first, and then Ryan and I said our goodbyes.
“You’ll always be my princess warrior,” Ryan said to her and kissed her forehead. “I’m so sorry I haven’t always been there for you the way I should’ve been. That will forever be my greatest regret. But I thank God for the moments we had. I want you to know they are forever priceless to me. You’re the light of my world, and I love you more than words can express. Baby, Daddy needs you to rest for a while until I can be with you again. Have a tea party and play with Barbie all day in the sun. And remember you’re golden. And please put in a good word for your old man with the Man Upstairs. I love you for eternity and even past then.” He kissed her again before turning away.
Before he walked to the side, I pulled him into an embrace to replenish a little of the strength that he’d given to me. His shoulders slumped, but he held it together just like the real man he was. He refused not to be strong in this moment for us.
Once we released each other, he moved to the side, and I made my way over to our baby girl. “Charity, please don’t think you disappointed anyone. You fought so hard. Having
you as my daughter was the greatest blessing that God ever gave me. You made me better, baby girl. Because of you, I’m a better mother and woman, and I thank you so much for all you added to me and to this world. But your time on this earth has come and gone, and you made every moment your best. I will always love you, and I will never forget you. You’re always and forever my baby girl. Make sure you keep a spot in heaven open for me, your daddy, and your brothers. One day we’ll be together again. I put that on everything I love. So, little Miss Charity McKenzie Westmore, I release you back to heaven, my angel, because God loves you best,” I said full of tears as I hugged her.
Dr. Nichols went to move toward the machine to prepare to disconnect the life support as the nurse moved to escort Ryan and me out of the room, but Ryan stopped him. “Dr. Nichols, can we stay to observe? I mean, that’s if you want to, Charice.”
I agreed because I understood why he asked. Deep inside both of our hearts, we hoped she’d just pull through once it was removed. They granted us permission to stay, and with our consent, Dr. Nichols began shutting down the machines that kept our daughter alive. Soon the constant beep turned into a flatline tone.
“Time of death: 7:01 p.m.,” the nurse called out, and all that could be heard was the bloodcurdling sound of my screams as I lost my child . . . my only little girl.
Chapter Nineteen
Trinity
How could you tell the measure of a man? How he acts when faced with adversity is a reaction from his soul. I pondered that a lot lately. It had seemed weird as hell that I went to church with LaMeka and heard Pastor Gaines preach those exact words, and the following week I watched as Ryan proved exactly what the pastor had spoken. No matter what beef any of us might’ve had with Ryan in the past, watching him be such a man for Charice at my little cousin’s funeral was nothing short of amazing. It’s funny that I hated him for the majority of the time I even knew him, but as I watched him hold up Charice and embrace her with such love and support, I had nothing but admiration for him. He not only held her together, but the boys as well. He was truly their rock.
It was the first time I actually felt that she made the right choice in choosing to marry him instead of trying to work it out with Lincoln, but I was shocked to see that Lincoln was also in attendance. He played his role and stayed in the background, never bothering Ryan or Charice but mourning Charity’s life just the same. His face was drenched with tears, and I couldn’t figure for the life of me how a man who claimed not to want this woman was still so dedicated to what was going on in her life.
As I looked around at all of our men when we were at the funeral, I knew exactly what Pastor Gaines meant. Pooch went out of town on “business” the day of Charity’s funeral. How was that for a supposed boyfriend? But it didn’t matter. I didn’t want him to come, and I was sure Charice and Ryan appreciated his absence as well. No need for Ryan’s rep to be ruined by saying he was affiliated with the local drug lords. Of course, Dreads was right beside me, supporting me the way a real man should.
If there was one thing I knew for certain, it was that Charity’s death put a lot into perspective for me, and in a lot of ways, I guessed, it did for all of us. I was completely decided that come hell or high water, I was getting the fuck away from Pooch. This lifestyle was no way to raise a child. Hell, it was no way to live for a decent human being. I just wanted to finish school and raise my babies. I didn’t want to have to worry about whether my man was going to one day end up in prison or, worse, dead.
As a matter of fact, I didn’t want my kids or me to end up being a victim to somebody with a grudge or just trying to come up. Their lives meant more to me than what I gave them, so when Dreads asked me to let the kids stay with him for a little while, I let them. With Dreads, they were safe, and he had their best interest at heart.
He wanted them to visit his great aunt Beatrice in Illinois for the remainder of the summer just to get away. I didn’t mind, because they needed to experience things besides this thug life. I just told Pooch the kids were staying with Terrence, and I didn’t volunteer any further information. He was probably just happy not to have them around the house at all. Truth be told, I wished I were with them. At least I wouldn’t have had to look at this fool and wish I were somewhere else. But what I did know was that if Terrence didn’t make a move quickly, I would, whether or not it meant playing with fire.
I was enjoying one of the rare days when Pooch wasn’t around by lying on the sofa and watching a good movie on Lifetime while Princess played in her playpen. When I thought about it, it was kinda odd that Pooch wasn’t here, especially since on Friday nights he’d usually be at home up under me by now, and if not, he’d always tell me ahead of time why he wasn’t. I wasn’t even gonna question it, and I thanked God for the small favor, because I was having a peaceful time with no kids fighting, no upset stomach and sickness, and no Pooch.
“Aww, girl, go on and kiss him!” I shouted at the Lifetime movie while dabbing my eyes with a tissue. “Damn movies get me so emotional,” I fussed as my cell phone rang. I hit ignore so I could keep watching my movie, but the damn thing rang again.
“Ah,” I huffed. “Who the hell keeps calling?” I looked at the display and saw it was Dreads. “Oh, shoot. Hello?”
“What are you doing?” Dreads asked.
“Watching Lifetime, why?”
“Turn it off. Time to roll.”
“Huh?” I asked in confusion.
“Pack a bag, quickly, Trinity. Enough clothes for a couple of days and fuck the rest. Grab Princess and anything of importance to you, and be by your front door in fifteen minutes,” he instructed. “I have to go now, but I’ll see you soon.”
Without further conversation, he disconnected the line, and I did just what he said. I didn’t ask a single damn question. I went to Princess’s room and grabbed three packs of Pampers, a box of baby wipes, her travel kit, and about ten outfits. Then, I went to Brittany’s and Terry’s rooms but found out all of their favorite things were gone already. I remembered the kids asking me for them before they left, but I didn’t think a thing of it at the time.
I went to my room and grabbed my Louis Vuitton luggage and packed as many of my favorite items as I could. I grabbed all my jewelry and my stash of fifty grand that I’d gathered from Pooch over time. I grabbed my little file box from the back of the closet that had all of my important papers like our birth certificates and my photo albums. Just as I was hauling everything down the stairs, my doorbell rang. Terrence’s cousin, Thomas, stood at my doorstep when I answered.
“You ready?” he asked me.
“Where’s Dreads?”
“Waiting on us.”
“Grab this stuff while I get my baby and her sippy cup.”
“Cool.” He loaded the bags and was back by the time I got back to the door with Princess, along with her snacks and sippy cup.
“I’m ready,” I told him.
“Good. I have a car seat already,” he said.
“What’s going on?” I asked as soon as we got in a Suburban. “Dreads told me this day was coming, but why the hell are we sneaking like thieves in the night?”
Thomas laughed. “That’s a good one.”
“Sure is,” I heard a man’s voice say, and I jumped. I saw Big Cal when I turned around.
“What the hell?” I asked, getting nervous.
“Sorry,” Big Cal said. “Don’t be afraid. I’m not gonna hurt you.”
Thomas looked at me as I sat there, scared shitless. “I know you’ve got a lot of questions, and we’re gonna answer them for you.”
“You two know each other? Where is Terrence?” I asked, my voice full of fear.
Big Cal smiled at me. “Meet my brother, Thomas.”
“Your brother? But I thought he was Dreads’s cousin.”
“I am,” Thomas said.
“And so am I,” Big Cal told me.
Confused, my face held a screw-faced expression. “This don’t make no sense.”
“You were introduced to me as Thomas, but you probably know me as Tot,” Thomas said to me.
All of a sudden, I looked at them, and a slow smile crept onto my face. “Y’all muthasuckas been setting Pooch up!”
“‘Setting up’ is such an ugly phrase. We prefer the phrase ‘serving justice,’” Big Cal laughed.
“I still don’t get all of this,” I said to them.
“You will,” Thomas assured me. “Trust me, you will.”
We drove into this nice neighborhood where the uptown condominiums were being built. Thomas pulled into a parking spot and blew the horn twice, and soon after, Dreads walked out, looking fly as hell with a duffel bag. He got in the back and kissed me.
“What the hell is going on, baby?” I asked him as we pulled off.
He gave Thomas and Big Cal pounds and then wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I know you got a lot of questions, and I’m gon’ answer them all, but first watch this,” he said to me as he pulled up the monitor in the front seat and turned to the news.
A few stories passed on the evening news, and then they got to the major story of the day. “Today, Police Commissioner Bobby Franks, along with Police Chief William Settles, in a joint effort with the drug task force, have arrested thirty-five men in what is being called the biggest drug sting operation of the decade. Alleged members of the infamous drug organization known as DBC or the Dope Boy Clique were arrested and charged. The alleged head of the organization, Vernon ‘Pooch’ Smalls, was arrested and charged with a long list of allegations, including drug possession, distribution, and intent to distribute, and first-degree murder for the deaths of LeVerneus Sims and five others. Several businesses, including Smalls Tires & Rimz and Club Moet, have been shut down and employees detained for questioning. Two police officers, Detective Lee Hines and Sergeant Calvin Rowe, along with one judge, the Honorable Madison Liable, have resigned due to allegations of connections with the Dope Boy Clique. Charges against these three are pending an ongoing investigation. We’ll have more on this story tonight at eleven and updates as this story develops,” the anchor said, and they moved on to the next story.