by Sandra Raine
As before Dominic leaves the engine idling. I then wait a full minute before stepping off his Hummer just in case he wanted to say something to me but he doesn't, and so I open the passenger's door and slowly step off and head up the street.
My house was a consoling quiet as I walked in. And it smelled like Evergreen and Cinnamon and suddenly I felt warmth by the scents; it reminded me of my childhood, of past Christmas's, and the joy of once being innocent when coming home from school. A bitter tear grazed my eye as I strolled past the formal living room to head upstairs. The 9 ft. live Noble Fir Christmas tree was beaming in color while the soft fiery glow of Redwood burning in the fireplace added to the comfort of all the Christmas décor. I sighed out and headed upstairs, undressed and bathed.
After the shower, I slipped into a pair of flannel pajamas and headed back downstairs to gaze into the fire before it burnt out but something caught my eye toward one of the darkened corners in the living room. It looked like a shadow which halted me suddenly in my footsteps as I slapped a hand over my heart to keep it from beating so fast. Once my eyes adjusted to the darkness, the shadow of Dominic unexpectedly emerged, and my heart just about dropped to the floor.
I quickly and unnervingly crossed to Dominic in hastened steps, whispering, and quite valiantly, "What are you doing here?" as my eyes anxiously glanced over both my shoulders. I was scared about the possibility of my parents walking into the living room and finding a guy in the house in the middle of the night.
Dominic dimmed an eye. I figured he was slightly offended by my bravado 'cause I had addressed him roughly. I didn't mean to anger him it was just that I had honestly forgotten my place in front of him. After all I was in my house, feeling unarguably safe and dominant within the comforts of my surroundings to say whatever I wanted to say and to whomever I wanted to say it to. But with Dominic I realized it was a different story.
"I'm sorry," I mustered apologetically and quickly changed the subject. "Um. . .how'd you get in here? I mean, I did lock the door, didn't I?" I then questioned indirectly.
"You forgot your present." Dominic said ignoring my babbling.
"My what?" Dominic opened the palm of his right hand and there sat a tiny box wrapped in red paper with a gold ribbon. I looked up and straight into Dominic's eyes in a state of confusion. I mean, I was completely dumbfounded by the gift. My eyes then searched Dominic's for any given sign of a joke but I found nothing except for a sincerity; a sincerity I cared not to be touched by.
For a minute there I actually thought I was dreaming, that the "present Dominic" was actually the "past Dominic" who was grooming me to be his one and only. I mean, never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect a gift from him, and not particularly from a pimp like him. I mean, the thought literally scared me to death!
"Go on, open it." Dominic urged, casually slipping the tiny box into my trembling hand.
"Christmas is tomorrow." My voice cracked the least bit festive. I mean, and not that Dominic would notice, but I was on the verge of tears.
"I'm not going to be around tomorrow," he then stated, and quite glumly. Suddenly I lit up inside like a Christmas tree. And instead of celebrating with Egg Nog, I nodded and unwrapped my gift.
The gift was a black jewelry box with fine monogrammed gold lettering on the box's lid which I figured to be the jewelry company's logo. I opened the box, and to my disbelief, a heart shaped necklace screamed at me: It was embedded in onyx and ruby stones. And not only did it scream 'Surprise!' it brought a distraught tear to my eye and more grief, particularly when Dominic took the necklace out of the box and clasped it around my neck without my consent.
I immediately despised Dominic's gift. I saw his "kind" gesture no more than an insult to my morale rather than a "gift" 'cause the colors represented more than what met the average eye - with black representing Dominic's heart, and red, my blood. 'Cause Dominic was the Devil, and he owned my soul. I could've easily ripped the necklace from my neck and shoved it down his fucking throat. . .but. . .
Dominic gently lifted my chin. "You like your gift?" he then asked with a certain amount of jubilation in his tone. I nodded again but it was far from sincere. "Good." He whispered kissing my lips. Right then and there a wave of emotions cascaded over and around me, choking me to the very pulp of that heart shaped necklace draped around my neck. 'Cause the last time Dominic kissed me like that was right before I became everyone's whore; my heart broke again.
The fire in the fireplace died out. The luminosity then faded to black. I then sobbed in silent spools of degradation especially when Dominic took my hand and slowly lead me up to my bedroom. I knew exactly what he was wanting from me. And for the life of me I still couldn't tell him 'No,' even after my bedroom door closed and locked both of us in.
Chapter 25
March -
I was two months shy of my fifteenth birthday, and I was pregnant.
I didn't know when I had become pregnant but according to the readings off the EPT pregnancy test stick Tanya was holding in her hand, confirmed that I was.
"What am I going to do?" I asked Tanya fretfully; Tanya who was staring down at me exceptionally confused like if she had never in her life encountered this problem before.
"I. . .I don't know?" she then uttered in an accompanying manner of confusion. I buried my face into the palm of my hands and cried. . .Then. . .Tanya's bedroom door opened suddenly startling both Tanya and me.
"Goddamn it, Tanya, I told you and Jane to be downstairs five minutes a - " then Dominic's voice suddenly trailed off as soon as his eyes meet both mine and Tanya's troubling expressions only I was in tears of distraught. Dominic pursed his lips and demanded. "What is it?" in a tone that didn't care to know even though he knew the answer was inevitable.
Tanya then held up the EPT test stick. "Jane's pregnant." she retorted distressed.
Dominic's jaw clenched, and his demeanor dove way down south as he stared at me and I stared at him with both of us already knowing who the father was.
"FUCK!" Dominic fitted beneath his trying breath. "Fuck!" he then mustered dreadfully.
Downstairs in the Ray's kitchen however, wasn't any better for Dominic, or for me.
"Are you fuckin' shittin' us, Dom?!" Justin appallingly exclaimed. He looked like he was about to shit himself a brick while Josh remained neutral, dragging long and hard on his cigarette to ease the bitter taste of the unconventional news that settled around the kitchen.
"So now what?" Josh chastised after a minute, and after a heavy plume of smoke escaped his lips.
"I'm thinking," Dominic retorted as he paced his space then stopped to look at me, then paced his space again, then stopped again to look at me as if my getting pregnant was all my fucking fault!
"Well you need to think a little fucking faster, cuz, 'cause for every fucking minute that fucking goes by that fucking baby of yours isn't getting any fucking smaller!"
Dominic abruptly stopped pacing and glared at Justin. "Are you done, asshole?"
Justin laughed. "Are you fucking kidding me, man?" Then he laughed again only this laugh was more insulting than condescending. "I mean, where in the fuck should I fucking start?" Justin then paused for a sec before he exclaimed. "Oh, yeah!" like a giant fucking light bulb just went off in his big head. "Let's start to when you got her pregnant? I mean," and he laughed again, "since when did we pimps start fucking our whores like girlfriends, hmm, Dom?"
I had never seen Dominic move so quickly from one side of the kitchen to the other, nor so livid. Maybe it was that unexpected dive over the kitchen's table that gave him the advantage of slugging Justin first coercing Tanya and me to jump up from our seats to avoid getting hit especially when Dominic and Justin began slugging it out all around the kitchen, hitting walls, knocking over chairs, bar stools and a rather expensive vase of fresh cut Lily's sitting innocently on the kitchen's island block. It took Josh a couple of minutes just to pry them apart.
"STOP!" Josh shouted. "Stop, goddamn it! N
ow's not the fucking time!" He seethed.
Justin shoved Dominic back and the two just stood there for a minute staring intently at one another. Justin broke Dominic's stare-down gaze after a minute and stepped around Josh and casually picked up an overturned chair and Josh's still lit cigarette from off the floor. He then took a long drag to ease his unrelenting anger that he was trying desperately hard to contain.
"Got anything to say, cuz?" Justin at last pried Dominic after another minute had passed between them. Dominic shook his head and looked down at the kitchen's floor and lost himself in thought, probably thinking, perhaps admitting how he fucked up in both Justin and Josh's eyes.
"I understand your point, cuz," Dominic sucked back his pride to admit leaving me to stare upon him questionably. I mean, was Dominic actually expressing regret for all those nights he laid up in my bedroom like we were lovers? I mean, was I fucking missing something here?
Justin sighed out undoubtedly and only shook his head. It was painfully clear that he wasn't buying into Dominic's admittance. "No, man, I don't think you get the fucking point." he then rationalized suddenly, finishing off his cigarette and tossing it to the floor and stomping down on it hard. "So I'm going to show you."
Justin unexpectedly left his stance and stomped toward my direction. I quickly shifted an anxious glance at Dominic. I opened my mouth to ask what was up but Justin already had a firm hold on my arm. He abruptly spun me around to face him. I meant to defend myself from his brutal handle on me but his backhanding me across the face caught me totally off guard. I mean, the blow landed me over the table, forcing me to grasp the edges for support, to keep from falling to the floor. As my head spun and my eyes saw flickers of white stars, Justin then seized the opportunity of shoving my head down onto the table. And before I could even begin to grasp his actions, Justin viciously hiked up my skirt over my hips and tore my panties from my body. Then as I attempted to scream out for help, Justin kicked both my legs apart and roughly entered me from behind while I was left whimpering and struggling beneath him.
Dominic, to my dismay, did not make an attempt to intervene as Justin continued to brutally rape me over the Ray's kitchen table; it was like he was forced to stand there and watch. Tanya, too, was also forced to watch - compliments of Josh who grabbed her arm when she tried to walk out of the kitchen. And the ordeal suddenly began to feel like the epitome of all my past humiliations particularly when Justin yanked my head up by my hair, forcing me to face Dominic, Tanya and Josh.
Tears clung heavy to my eyes but I don't cry. I honestly didn't see the point. I mean, nothing was being done on my behalf like Dominic rescuing me from Justin's ever constant abuse, or Tanya trying to defend my dignity - I was just slumped there over the kitchen table like some cheap piece of ass as Justin once claimed me to be, fucking me with his valiant ruthless cock with me taking it and taking it, thrust after violent thrust that very early on I began to wonder who my oppressor truly was and who I truly slaved for?. . .Dominic, or Justin only 'cause Josh showed minimal interest in me.
Justin shoved my head back down onto the table in his last seconds of fucking me. He then let out a contemplating moan and came. And when he came, he curtly pulled out his cock and shot his filth all across my back side leaving me bare and vulnerable to either Dominic or Josh's perversities.
Justin stepped back from me, picked up his jeans and zipped up his zipper all the while coaching his fellow pimps.
"Now that's the way you fuck a whore! And don't you ever forget that! You go that, Josh? You hear that, Dom?!"
While I was collecting the very little of my dignity beneath trembling hands fumbling to pull my skirt back down over my bruised hips in which Justin used as leverage to bang himself against me, Dominic was busy collecting the huge embarrassment he bestowed onto those who worked opposite him, and I knew and Dominic knew he had to fix our situation, fast!
"Look, cuz," Justin started to say but cut himself short. He instead crossed to Dominic to face him more intimately as opposed to distantly. Lowering his voice he then continued. "We all know you're fallin' in love with Jane, and this is not good, bro, especially to the organization. And you know this because you've been doing this shit for far too long now. If they find out you got her pregnant there's a good chance we'll all end up buried somewhere in the middle of the fuckin' desert and that's not fair. You need to wake the hell up, cuz, and start thinkin' with that business head of yours instead of that sentimental head, understand, I mean, before you and her bring down this entire organization and us with it."
"It's not what you think, Justin - " Dominic attempted to counter but Justin quickly tossed up a hand thus halting Dominic mid-sentence.
"She hasn't worked in a month, Dom. We know about the money you been fronting and the nights spent at her house and about the gifts you've been giving her - "
"You fuckin' spying on me, cuz?"
"Maybe?"
"Oh, that's bullshit, Justin! I can't fucking believe this shit!"
"Well believe it, cuz. I mean, all we're tryin' to do is cover our asses here."
"How?" Dominic chastised. "By letting me front Diamond's money. . .Is that how you're "covering our asses" here 'cause God knows both you and Josh aren't doing shit! Having said that, what I do and don't do with her is none of you all's goddamn business!"
"I thought we were all partners here?" Josh fortified. "I thought "business" was everybody's business? I mean, since when did the fucking rules change?"
"Nothin's changed, man," Justin asserted.
"Except for the fronting of my own money." Dominic reminded.
"What the hell does that mean?" Justin argued.
"It means my business within this business is my business."
"Are you fucking insane?" Josh bellowed. "I mean, did your dick get jacked up in Diamond's pussy, too?"
"It means that as long as I'm fronting the money you two have no reason to complain."
"Neither of us is making any fucking money, Dominic!" Josh exasperated, his expression literally on the brink of kicking Dominic's ass, too.
"Well it's not my fucking fault Justin here would rather gamble his earnings than to save. And it's not my fucking fault that you'd rather spend your money on partying and pumping on other pimp's whores than to indulge in your own for free. Am I right, Josh?" Josh smirked and shook his head in absolute bewilderment. He then reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a soft pack of Marlboros. He lights another cigarette to soothe the obvious of his impending anger.
"Ever heard that expression, dude, you know, about never gettin' high on your own supply - "
"Or shittin' in your own backyard?" Justin impetuously added as he and Josh both chuckled insensitively over mine and Dominic's blasphemous indiscretion. Dominic said nothing else in his defense. As a matter-of-fact neither he nor I could find a rock big enough to crawl under.
"You're getting an abortion!" Dominic said to me point blank as if I didn't have a say either way. I guess that was what Dominic considered 'fixing the situation, fast!'.
Chapter 26
The baby was supposed to have been my ticket out of everything. But even I knew I was living in a fantasy.
I was in agreement to meet Tanya at the clinic the next day but I ended up skipping town in the middle of the night instead, and exactly one hour after Dominic had dropped me off. But I didn't get very far. I mean, it was real late, and I was real tired, and so I pulled in to Sunset Pointe which was a rest area not more than an hour north of Phoenix. I didn't know how long I had dozed off for but when I finally awoke it was already mid-morning, and much to my horror, Dominic was already standing at my driver's side window glaring at me in a very bitter and conniving manner that his expression literally froze me in my seat. I then caught my breath the moment I glanced over the steering wheel and glimpsed Justin standing at attention, casually glancing around and dragging on a cigarette. Dominic tapped my window prompting me to flinch. He was motioning me to roll the window down bu
t I was hesitant 'cause the keys were still in the ignition and there were people loitering around the rest area which meant help would be on my side if I dared to make an attempt inside the car or out.
I opted for my car, and sprung forward in my seat and started the engine and threw the gear in reverse and backed out of the parking lot recklessly almost slamming into a passing car behind me. I quickly slammed on the brakes, waited a sec for the car to pass before throwing the gear into drive and speeding out of the rest area with my heart pounding, my blood pumping, my palms sweating and my head spinning sixty miles per second! I felt high, anxious and fearful all at once as I sped down the Interstate. But however fast my car was, my Lexus was obviously no match for Justin's Mercedes as it was hot on my trail.
I shifted my view from the rearview mirror to the speedometer - I was doing a hundred miles plus. And all the while I kept thinking that all I had to do to end my miserable and insignificant life once and for all was to swerve my car just a little, just enough to tip it over and splatter my guts all over the Interstate, but a vision of Bree suddenly appeared in my mind; her innocent body stripped naked and spread eagled in some dingy motel room with a dozen men or so standing around, licking their chops and petting their cocks. It was then that I slowly began to depress the gas pedal. Eventually I pulled off to the right of the Interstate's shoulder, turned off the engine and unlocked my door beneath trembling hands to let the Devil in.
Dominic was fast at my side, and beyond pissed. In no time he opens my door open and yanks me out of the driver's seat and proceeds to beat me despite it being broad daylight, and despite the cars zooming past us. Josh took mercy on me - or maybe he was just trying to protect his ass along with Dominic's - and interceded Dominic's beating on me. And my feet must've given way from beneath me 'cause Josh was now settling my lifeless body onto the backseat of my car. I slowly curled into my fetal position and sobbed quietly for my life, for my baby's life and for Bree's life. As Dominic revved up the engine to my Lexus to take me back home it became apparent to me that I could never escape Dominic and his cousins even if the opportunity presented itself. I also had come to the conclusion that I was going to have to protect Bree and my family as much as I could even if it meant giving up my soul entirely to Dominic.