by Peyton Banks
“What’s up, Te? How’ve you been?”
“A lot better than my cousin. Thanks for your help. I’ll make sure she’s alright.”
Just as she finished her statement, our bus arrived, much to my relief. I would rather have been anywhere but there. I already knew our ride back to the apartment was going to be full of questions to which I had no answers.
Three days had passed since my shocking reunion with the love of my life. I had to admit, I was beginning to enjoy seeing him all day every day. Shante was on my ass about giving him another chance, but I was still a little gun shy. My heart just couldn’t open up to him, no matter how sexy, sweet and alluring he was. We were having trouble choosing a topic for our project. Leon kept insisting that we needed to focus on the romantic part of the class, where I wanted to do something more technical.
I took my seat next to Leon as Tomi stated her lecture portion of the class. After lunch she always gave us time to work on our project together. Her suggested deadline for a subject had come and gone, and we were still no closer to making a decision. That’s why I was so shocked when she mentioned our project by name.
“Astrid and Leon, I am so happy you two have finally settled on a title for your project! You were the last couple to turn in your proposal, and I have to say, I am looking forward to seeing what you two do with it. A Dozen Kisses is a great title, by the way. I am intrigued to say the least.”
Confusion wracked my mind until I realized that Leon had taken it upon himself to write the proposal for our project and had the unmitigated gall to turn it in without consulting me. My anger built through the rest of the morning, so when lunch came around and I had the chance to talk to Benedict Leon, it was not a pretty sight.
“Leon, what the hell were you thinking turning in that proposal without consulting me? You know what this project means to me. I can’t believe you would do this. Are you trying to make me fail?”
“Ash, I know you’re upset, but remember who you are talking to. Keep your voice down. Now, I wrote the proposal for us because we were getting nowhere going back and forth every day. We have a limited amount of time to get this done. We are already three days in, and it would be four, five and six before we agreed on anything. A decision had to be made, so I made it.”
“Yeah, but why this topic? I told you I don’t believe in love like that anymore. How am I supposed to do well on this project when I don’t believe in the subject?”
“That’s the whole point. Astrid, you are too young to have given up on love. Let me prove it to you. Agree to do this project with me. We will re-enact the twelve most romantic kisses in cinema through your eyes. We’ll write it together and you direct the film. We’ll get some actors if need be and bring your vision to life. At the end of the film, I guarantee you will feel differently about love.”
“Fine, Leon. Whatever, but this is going to take long hours and dedication. I don’t want to turn in a half ass project.”
“With you at the helm, there is no way it will be lacking.”
“Well, we’re already behind. Let’s get started. The first thing we need to figure out is what kisses we are shooting.”
“Why don’t we do this, you pick your top six and I’ll choose mine.”
“Sounds good to me.”
We spent the next few days figuring out which movie scenes were epic enough to reenact. There were so many movies to choose from, but my list was easy. Their Eyes Were Watching God, Lady Sings the Blues, Love and Basketball, Jason’s Lyric, Coming to America and, of course my favorite, Mahogany.
Leon’s was a little different from mine, but still excellent choices. Brown Sugar, Carmen Jones, If Beale Street Could Talk, Claudine, Mo’ Better Blues, and Something Good. The last one was a great choice because it was the first time a black couple was seen on film kissing. It was a silent movie released in 1898. A few years back it was restored and had made a re-appearance online.
We worked together day and night trying to get actors, costumes and permits to shoot in certain locations. We came to the conclusion that since we were broke and the actors wanted to be paid, we would do the acting. I was able to talk this guy I found through one of Shante’s friends into doing the camerawork for the experience. Leon thought he was slick. Each time we did a shoot, he was sure to really kiss me. He was trying his hardest to break through my shell, but there was no getting through. At least that’s what I made him believe. In truth, my feelings were all over the place. I wanted him to touch me and kiss me. I looked forward to going to the studio to shoot every day.
Since it was so freakin’ cold outside, we decided to use the studio Tomi provided to us. It had a green screen available for our use. Thanks to modern technology, we were able to make it look authentic with the help of an intern named Angel. I think she had a crush on Leon, so she hung around and watched us filming. Afterwards, she volunteered to help edit and make sure the background was like we wanted it. She always tried her best to get rid of me, but Leon was insistent that I stay close at all times. He was funny, afraid of a little woman like Angel.
The studio session went like that for weeks. We worked well together, and I must say, the film was turning out better than I initially expected. Time was closing in on us, and we had just finished filming the eleventh kissing scene. It was the scene from Love and Basketball where Monica plays him a game of one on one for his heart. The scene brought back so many memories for me.
Leon and I first met while playing basketball. During the seven years we dated, we must have played over a hundred games of one on one. But never for anything as important as his heart. I really meant that line when I said it. I was so emotional that my voice cracked, and I teared up. The sexual tension in the room was palpable. I wanted to look anywhere but into Leon’s eyes, but the scene called for me to stare directly at him. The look in his eyes told me he felt it too.
As Leon delivered the now infamous line ‘Double or nothing’ I felt it. The gasp that left my mouth was real, and so was the toe-curling kiss that he delivered. Once the scene was over, I needed to be anywhere but there. I was so turned on, if Angel hadn’t been in the room, we may have made our own little video that would not be safe for work.
“I think I’m going to head out, if you guys don’t mind.”
“Oh, I’ve got it handled. You can feel free to go,” Angel chimed with a smile on her face.
Leon turned to me with this panicked look on his face. “Where do you think you’re going? This is a group project. You have to be present for all aspects.” His eyes pleaded with me not to leave him, so I stayed against my better judgement.
“Fine, Leon. I’ll stay.”
Angel was not too happy, but Leon was grateful to me. When he took me home that night, he made sure to let me know.
“Thank you for staying tonight. I know you probably had something to do, but I appreciate you staying with me. The last thing I wanted was to be alone with Angel. You know, for a small girl, she has quick hands. Always grabbing at me when you’re not looking.”
“Leon, it’s fine if you want to take her up on her offer. It won’t bother me. It’s been five years since we dated, and I’m over it now.”
“Are you really? Because that kiss tonight said differently.”
“Leon, it’s called acting. That’s all it was.”
He looked at me like he did not believe me. I unlocked the door to excuse myself, but he followed me inside before I could react.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“We need to talk. It is long overdue. I know me walking away hurt you badly, but now is the time for you to heal before you allow it to destroy your whole life. It’s time for you to hear why I left, so you can believe in love again. It’s not right that you are this cold and closed off. I know you love me. You’ve just given up on us. On love.”
Well, that was the last thing I wanted to do today, or ever. I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes. Leon seemed sincere in what he was saying,
so I decided to just let it all out once and for all. If he wanted to talk, let’s clear the air, and then we can move on.
“Fine. You want to know why I gave up on love? That’s what happens when the man you loved with everything you had, surprises you with a Dear Jill letter, only it was in person. I’ll give you that. You could have done it via text or a letter, but you had balls enough to do it face to face. What I didn’t get was why you waited until after we made love so passionately.
“I mean, that night it was like we were so in sync. It was almost other worldly. Then I wake up in the morning, and you not only don’t propose like I was expecting, but you break up with me. My heart shattered, fell on the ground and is still there in the ashes somewhere on the asphalt near your old apartment.”
He reached out to touch me, but I moved out of the way. The last thing I needed was the burn of his touch to scorch my skin. It hurt enough to have to recall the greatest pain of my life. I didn’t need his touch reminding me what I no longer had.
“Astrid, I am so sorry that I hurt you like that. I needed to find myself and see if there was anything out there that I was missing. I hated myself for hurting you, but it was something I had to do.”
“I get it. I wasn’t enough. You were looking for that epic love. You were mine, but I wasn’t yours.”
At this point I was crying uncontrollably. All the pain I had pushed deep down in my psyche was now floating on the surface, slashing pieces of flesh with each word.
“That’s where you’re wrong. Astrid, I loved you so much then. I needed to leave to be the man you needed me to be. If I had married you five years ago, I am sure I would have cheated on you and hurt you much worse than I did. I know I would have because I was consumed with thoughts of other women at the time.”
“Oh, and you think I didn’t have offers from other men?” My voice was elevated now to match the level of hurt I was feeling. “I had plenty of offers, but I chose to ignore them because I loved you so much it didn’t matter who was interested in me. You were enough for me, where I was never enough for you, not even now.”
“Astrid, that’s not true. I discovered myself while I was living here in New York on my own. I became my own man, not the man my parents wanted me to be and not the man you wanted me to be. The only thing I regret was hurting you, but I would do it again because it helped me to realize just how much you meant to me. I still love you.”
“Well, I don’t love you anymore, Leon.”
The look he gave me almost stopped my heart. Oh shit, I think I just fucked up. This was one of those things you say in anger that you can’t take back. I had never done that to him before. He turned to leave but stopped and looked back over his shoulder to twist the knife in my already hemorrhaging heart.
“That’s it for me, Astrid. All you had to do was tell me I had no hope, but instead, you lead me on. We’ve spent every day together and shared so many special moments in the last few weeks. I thought for sure the iceberg in your chest had melted, but I see you are determined to be bitter. Call me if it ever defrosts.”
Then my love walked out of the door once again, leaving me broken to the core. Why was I so stupid? I should never have said that. I damn sure didn’t mean it.
8
Leon
My heart caved into its chest cavity as I heard the dreaded words fall from Astrid’s beautiful lips. I actually thought I had gotten through to her. That kiss tonight felt so real. The way she looked at me when she said she would play me one on one for my heart made my spine tingle. I believed her. She was a decent actress, but she wasn’t Angela Bassett by any means. How did she sound so convincing earlier and then turn around and stomp on my heart?
That night I barely slept a wink. We were so close to completing the project, but there was no way I could show up to film one last epic kiss with a woman who I loved, but who no longer loved me. I rolled over in bed and grabbed my phone from the nightstand, dialing the number for Tomi Chambers.
“Good morning, Miss Chambers. This is Leon Coltrane. I apologize for calling so early, but I wanted to let you know I will be unable to attend class today. Can you please let my partner know to go ahead and proceed without me? I would appreciate it.”
After leaving the message on her voice mail, I shut my phone off and covered my head with the blankets. It would take an act of God to get me out of this bed. By the time I finally woke up, the sun had gone down, and I was starving. With nothing in the house, I grabbed my phone to order some delivery. When I turned on my phone there were several messages waiting for me. Some were from Tomi, but when I heard Astrid’s voice berating me for skipping out on her and leaving her hanging, I got a knot in my stomach.
Tomorrow was the premier of the movies from our workshop. After hearing how disappointed she was, there was no way I would skip out on her. I did something I never wanted to do. I called Angel and asked her to meet me at the studio to do final edits on the project. I jumped into the shower and grabbed a Pop Tart™ from the cabinet to eat on my commute.
Making it to the studio just in time to see Angel unlock the door, I ushered her inside and locked the door from the inside.
“Angel, I really appreciate you meeting me here. I was a bit under the weather earlier today, so I missed class. I need to get the final edits completed on this project because tomorrow is the big reveal.”
“Yeah, its not a problem. Astrid was pissed earlier today. That girl has a temper. I thought for sure she was going to go find you and cut you.”
“I don’t really blame her. She is really banking on this project doing well, and I flaked on her.”
“You really love her, don’t you?”
“It’s that obvious?”
“Oh, for sure. Well, I thought there was a chance for something between us, but I see I never had a chance. I will do what I can to help you fix things with her.”
“Thanks, Angel. Now, I just need to figure out this ending since we don’t have any footage to show.”
After wracking my brain on how to complete the assignment, I came up with the idea to include the footage of the original film for the closing scene. I texted Tomi to see if she had any contacts with Motown Entertainment™. After explaining what I wanted to do, she was able to secure permission from a friend that owed her a favor. I was indebted to her, but it was worth it.
We worked way past midnight to get everything just the way I knew Astrid would want it. When we were finished, I ordered a ride service for Angel because I didn’t want her riding the train so late. Plus, she was doing me a favor by working on my project.
Tomorrow we would premier the film, and I was sure we would get an offer by one of the producers in the audience. We had worked hard on this project, and Astrid deserved most of the credit. I don’t know if she remembered, but this was all her idea. She told me about a dream of hers when we were younger to direct a film like this. I just hope she shows up to see the finished product.
I waited with Angel for her ride, gave her a hug and sent her off. Then I walked home with a smile on my face, confident that I would be back in Astrid’s good graces.
Her…
I couldn’t believe my eyes. There he was hugging up on Angel like I never existed. My intention was to some her to make up for the nasty voice messages I left on his phone earlier. After speaking with Tomi, she informed me Leon was at the studio working on the project. What she didn’t tell me was that Angel was there helping him. I felt like a damn fool once again. Since I never went out at night alone, I had to beg Shante to come along with me. I looked at her with so much pain in my eyes after watching him hug another woman.
“Te, how could he?”
“Hold up! Don’t even go there. Your dumb ass had the man dangling on a string the whole time we’ve been in New York. You told him to date that Angel bitch, so you have no right to be upset. You did this, not him! Not this time.”
She was right. I had pushed him into another woman’s arms, and now I regretted it. There
was only one thing I could do now, if I wanted him back in my life. I had to swallow my pride and confess my true feelings.
“Yea, you’re right. I messed this up, and I am the only one who can make it right.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to get my man back.”
My plan was flawless. It was the most romantic thing I could think to do to both show Leon how I felt and to make our project the best it could be. Tomi had informed me that Leon planned to use the closing scene from Mahogany at the end of our film along with some voiceover. Well, that was just perfect.
I waited in the back of the room until Leon took the stage to introduce our film. I could see him looking around, possibly for me to show up, but that was all in my plan. The film was beautiful and as I watched from my perch in the back of the room, a tear graced my cheek. Dressed in an outfit that Shante and I found at the thrift store earlier in the day, I looked the part of Diana Ross in the movie wearing a black turtleneck, a long skirt, knee length boots and a faux white fur. As the closing scene of Mahogany flashed on the screen, my stomach jumped. This was it.
Right on cue, I delivered the line from the back of the room. The sound guy cut the audio to the film down low so I could be heard. I took a deep breath and yelled, “I’m a single woman from the South. My old man left me and came to New York to find himself. He’s been gone for years.”
Leon’s head shot up, and he searched for me in the audience. I was cleverly hidden behind the crowd of students from our workshop. He couldn’t see me.
“Mr. Coltrane, when you win this prize, what are you gonna go to help me?”
I stepped forward into his view. The sound guy dropped the vocals of the film and allowed the beginning strums of “Do You Know Where You’re Going To” to play in the background as Leon chimed in.
“Do you want me to help you with your career, lady?”