Theresa, the girl who had kindly allowed her to sleep in her attic room, pushed open the door. “I've just had a call from Maggie. Digger's been rushed to hospital with a suspected heart attack. Rod is on his way over, he'll give you a ride into Bath.”
“Shit. Will he...? Is he...?”
Theresa shrugged. “I think they were still waiting for the doctor, but Maggie said he's conscious.” She handed Mouse her jeans. “Get dressed, you'll have time for a quick cuppa before Rod gets here.”
“What about the shop?” Rod ran a small surf shop near the beach.
“He's got it covered. And Digger is an old friend. He's going to want to be there.”
~oOo~
Hospitals freaked Mouse the fuck out. Even before they'd walked through the doors, she could feel her throat constrict. She wasn't sure why, but there was something about the smell and the way her footsteps echoed through the corridor that triggered something that was buried so deep that she was afraid to reach down to find it. Despite this, she didn't hesitate as she followed Rod inside.
She didn't know Rod well. He'd been around for years, but she had never really talked to him. Even on the drive up country, they'd hardly said more than a few words, and as he marched to the reception desk, he barely acknowledged her. Mouse wasn't the most tactile of people—she knew people considered her cold—but right now, she really needed the reassurance of a touch... anything, to quell the churning inside her.
“He's on the second floor.” Rod looked around before heading towards the stairs. “C'mon.”
If he didn't grab hold of her hand, she was going to turn tail and run. “I... Tell Maggie... I can't.”
She had to get out, or she was going to puke, or pass out, or... Mouse turned, and ran for the doors.
~oOo~
Pathetic.
That's what she was. Pathetic and cowardly. Mouse slid down the wall and hugged her knees. Too fucking scared to face a stupid irrational fear for her oldest friend.
“What's going on, punk?”
“Nitro?” Mouse opened her eyes as he hunkered down next to her and rested his hand on her knee. “What are you doing here?”
“Maggie called, looking for you.” He smiled. “Figured you might need a friend.”
“You gave Maggie your number?” Just his touch was enough to calm her. “Why?”
“It's what people do, Mouse. Y'know, so's they can stay in touch.” He squeezed her knee. “What you doing out here?”
“Freaking out.”
“Wanna hug?” She nodded, and he stood up with his arms outstretched. “C'mere.”
As his arms wrapped around her, it was as if all her fears, all the self-hatred, every last negative emotion had coalesced and forced themselves out of her. Unable to control this sudden wave of emotion, Mouse sobbed against his chest while he held her and stroked her hair.
It was only when her tears had run dry and the sobbing had ceased that he relinquished his hold and wiped her cheeks with his thumb. “Digger's gonna be okay, Mouse. Reckon he's more worried about you than anything. He's being well looked after, an' he'll understand if you wanna split.”
“Why would he be worried about me?”
“Same reason as me.” He kissed her forehead. “He loves you.”
“I should go back in.” She looked past him to the doors and swallowed the knot of fear in her throat.
“Whenever you're ready.” He grinned. “Although you might wanna clean yourself up a bit. You're pretty snotty.”
~oOo~
He was so fucking proud of her.
When Maggie had told him that Mouse had a phobia of hospitals, he'd not really understood. No one liked hospitals—hell, he'd spent way more than his fair share in one, and the memories weren't good— but he'd just figured that it'd make his little punk more irritable and spiky than usual. What he hadn't expected was a complete meltdown.
He'd been so angry with her. Her complete disregard for her own safety had freaked him out. Nitro would be the first to admit that he didn't always look before he leaped, but he would never recklessly endanger his, or anyone else's, life. It had been as if Mouse didn't care about herself at all, and he didn't think he could be with someone like that. But as soon as he'd got the call, he'd dropped everything to be at her side.
Denny would be pissed, and no doubt Carter would be stirring the shit again. But Nitro hadn't even given it a second thought. Mouse's oldest friend was sick, and she'd needed him.
As they'd re-entered the hospital, Nitro's instinct had been to reassure her that Digger really was okay. He was awake, not in pain, and already playing the crazy old man card to get himself a single room. He was scheduled to have relatively routine surgery in the morning, but was in no imminent danger, and should be back on his feet in a matter of days. Mouse didn't need to be there, and the old hippie really did understand. No one would blame her if she couldn't face going inside. But Mouse needed to see him for herself, and while he was no shrink, Nitro figured that if she was ever going to deal with her fears, she was going to have to face them head on, so he'd just taken her hand and said nothing.
As they reached the top stair, Mouse was in full flight or fight mode as the adrenalin coursed through her body. Her face was pale, and her whole body was so tense he could feel it, but his brave girl was still keeping it together... just. Nitro gritted his teeth as her short nails dug into the back of his hand. “He's just around the corner, Mouse. You're nearly there.”
She didn't respond. She stood as if rooted to the spot, staring down the long corridor. Nitro squeezed her hand. “You can do this.”
“I...” She took a deep breath. “Stay with me.”
“Not going anywhere, punk.” He kissed her head, and led her to where Digger was waiting.
~oOo~
“Only one visitor at a time.” The nurse looked up from her desk. “And only a few minutes. Mr Delaney needs to rest.”
Digger was on the other side of that door. All she had to do was let go of Nitro's hand and walk through it. But if she let go, she'd bolt. Mouse shook her head as she tried to formulate the words to explain her predicament. She was going to puke, and her vision began to narrow as everything in the periphery darkened until all she could see was the door. “Can't.”
“It's okay, Mouse. I'll stay with you.” He turned his attention to the nurse. “My ol' lady is having real trouble with this. We'll be quick, but I'm gonna stay with her, okay?”
Mouse wasn't sure if the nurse answered; she was only aware of two things: the overwhelming need to run, and the hand that was keeping her anchored where she was.
Nitro pushed open the door. “You've got this, punk.”
As soon as they crossed the threshold, Maggie vacated her chair. “Come and sit down, Mouse. You'll be okay here with Digger while me and Nitro grab a quick coffee.”
No she wouldn't. Mouse's eyes met Digger's and he grinned. “I'm okay, Mouse. Come an' sit down.”
He looked okay. He was attached to some sort of monitor, but apart from that and the hospital gown, he looked exactly as he always did. Nitro loosened his hold on her hand. “I'll stay if you want me to, but I reckon Digger'll take good care of you, an' I'll just be outside.”
Mouse took a deep breath, and let go. Digger's grin got even wider as he held out his arms. “Get your arse over here.”
Nitro gently pushed her towards the chair. “I'll be right on the other side of the door.”
Mouse was trapped, but as she sat next to the bed and took her friend's hand, it dawned on her that she wasn't afraid anymore—or at least, she wasn't on the brink of a major freak-out. These three people loved her, and would keep her safe. She was okay. She looked up and smiled. “You don't have to stay. I'll be okay.”
“So are you two off or on?” The door had hardly closed before Digger started his interrogation.
“Dunno.” Mouse shrugged. “I thought we were off.”
“Gonna tell me why?”
“Can't we talk ab
out you? You had a fucking heart attack, pretty sure that's more important than what's going on with me and Nitro.”
“Nah. It wasn't a proper heart attack. Soon as they unblock whatever's blocked, I'll be as right as rain. Your love life is far more interesting than my dodgy ticker. What's goin' on with you two?”
Mouse was pretty sure if she told him what had happened, Digger would yell at her. “Doesn't matter. It just didn't work out between us.”
“An' yet, he's hovering outside that door waiting for you.” Digger squeezed her hand. “He's wearing his cut, Mouse.”
Mouse didn't really see what that had to do with anything. “He was the one throwing around ultimatums, Digs.”
“What did you do?”
“Why are you assuming I did anything?”
“Because I know you.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “You might as well tell me, Mouse. I'll only ask Nitro if you don't.”
“Or you could mind your own business. That might be an idea. Dunno why you care so much, in any case.” Mouse stood and kissed him on the forehead. “I'm gonna go, cos I've got a feeling we're going to fall out, and I don't want the machine that goes 'ping' to start pinging faster. I'll send Mags back in. I'm going for a smoke.”
“Sit down.” Digger sat up a little straighter as she did as she was told. “Nitro didn't hesitate when Maggie called. He dropped everything to be here with you. Don't you see it? He really cares about you, Mouse. If he lost his rag, it wasn't without good reason. What did you do?”
~oOo~
Nitro turned off his tablet and slipped his glasses into his inside pocket as Mouse opened the door. “You done?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“Wanna get out of here?” He stood and held out his hand. “Your lid's still strapped to the pussy bar. How about we hit the road an' see where we wind up.”
“Can we go back to yours?” She slipped her hand into his and gave him a shaky smile. “Digger says I have to grovel, and I'd rather do it in private.”
17
“Did you have a party?” Mouse wrinkled her nose as she looked at the detritus that had accumulated in the sink. She pulled a roll of garbage bags from the top of the microwave and began collecting the cartons and half-eaten pizzas. “Shit, Nitro. Open a window, it stinks in here.”
“Only a pity party, baby.” He kissed her neck and took the bag from her. “Spent a week trying to drink you outta my head.”
“Did it work?”
“Nope.” Nitro tapped his forehead. “I'm an outta sight, outta mind kinda guy, but you, punk... you just won’t leave. So if you could just grovel like a good little girl, we can pick up where we left off.”
Mouse grinned a little shakily. “Can we just pretend I grovelled? I am sorry I put you in that position, but I can't promise it'll never happen again.”
“I'm prepared to accept a blowjob by way of an apology.” Ignoring the buzzing from his cell, Nitro led her to the bedroom and pushed her back onto the bed. “Get naked, punk. I've missed that body of yours.”
Mouse did as she was told, but she seemed—he searched for the word—flat. Nitro sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her onto his lap. He recognised the signs: she'd had a panic attack—a huge adrenalin rush—and now she was coming down fast. “You gotta say if this isn't what you want, Mouse.”
“It is.” She rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. “But could we just have a cuddle for a bit? I'm feeling sort of wobbly.”
“Sure.” He kissed her hair and pushed her off his lap before pulling back the duvet. “Get in.” Mouse's eyebrow raised as he pulled down his jeans. Nitro looked down at his cock, which, if he said so himself, looked fucking impressive, and laughed. “Ignore it. It has a mind of its own.”
As his little Anarchist snuggled against his chest, Nitro waged war with his dick, which couldn't understand why they weren't fucking the naked girl pressed up against him. Pretty much most of his body, and a good proportion of his brain, was in full accordance with this, but the tiny portion that was reminding him that he was a good guy was still, so far, shouting the loudest.
Mouse traced the outline of the viper on his chest with her forefinger. “You were wearing your cut.”
“Yeah.” He tried desperately to think of anything other than her warm skin against his, and that any second now her finger was going to get tantalisingly close to where he wanted it.
“Were you at the clubhouse?”
“Almost.” He'd got as far as The Drip when Maggie had called.
“Will you get into trouble?”
He'd get another fine and Carter would give him shit. “It ain't school, Mouse.” Oh shit, her hand was almost there.
He almost wept as her finger stopped moving. “Thank you.”
“Nothing to thank me for.” He lifted her chin and kissed her. “I wanted to be with you.”
Mouse yawned. “God, I'm tired.” She rolled over. “I just need to have a little nap.”
~oOo~
“Ain't nothing wrong with my priorities, brother. Tell Denny I'll swing by his place tomorrow.”
Mouse blinked and sat up. “Nitro?”
“Out here, punk. You wanna coffee?”
“Tea.” Mouse climbed out of bed and padded into the living room. “How long have I been asleep?”
Nitro dropped the phone onto the worktop and switched on the kettle. “Not long. You okay?”
“Yeah.” She ran her hand across the ink on his back. “Do you always wander around naked?”
“Had to take a call, an' I didn't wanna disturb you.” He grinned and her stomach flipped. “An' in case you hadn't noticed, you're naked too.”
Mouse had never given much thought about the way she looked. She was okay, she guessed, but nothing special. But when he kissed her—when he ran his hands down her body—she felt beautiful.
Nitro lifted her up and sat her on the worktop. “You're killin' me, punk.” His voice was so low, almost a growl. “Can't fuckin' think straight anymore.”
Even if he had given her the chance to respond, Mouse wouldn't have known what to say. Being with him scared her; the power he had over her, the way he made everything else in her life pale into insignificance, freaked her out. But when she'd thought she'd lost him... She heard herself moan as he pushed her thighs apart. “I...”
“Shhh.” Nitro's thumb brushed her clit, sending shock waves through her body. “It's good, Mouse.” He began to kiss and bite her throat. “Better'n good.”
Her skin was tingling at his touch and her head was spinning. Mouse didn't know whether she wanted to laugh out loud or burst into tears as his mouth found a nipple. It was so good, so unbelievably, amazingly, fucking good, that it felt as though her head would explode. She grabbed a handful of his hair and forced his head down between her thighs, surrendering to her need for him, as his tongue worked its magic.
~oOo~
One day, maybe he'd figure out whether he loved Mouse because she was an amazing fuck, or if she was an amazing fuck because he loved her. Either way, Nitro had had an amazing fuck with the woman he loved. Several fucks, actually. Twelve hours of almost non-stop sex. And now he was hungry.
Mouse tightened her hold on him as he tried to extricate himself from her arms. “Gimme a minute.”
“Go back to sleep.” He kissed her temple, and gently lifted her arm. “Gotta eat.”
“Wan' toast an' jam.” She rolled onto her back and spread her limbs like a starfish. “An' a cuppa.”
“You got it.” He grinned. “But you'll have to get up. I ain't having crumbs in my bed.”
He'd expected her to go back to sleep; it was barely light, and even the birds had yet to wake up, but before the toast had even popped out of the toaster, she padded into the kitchen wearing another of his tee shirts. Nitro raised an eyebrow, and she grinned sheepishly. “I might keep this one. I like Motörhead.”
He had to admit, it looked better on her. He shook his head and opened the cupboard. “No ja
m.”
“Marmite?”
“Don't be disgusting.” He searched some more. “Peanut butter?”
She shook her head. “Just butter will be fine.” Mouse wandered over to the sofa. “What time is it?”
He shrugged. “Too early to be up. You're fucking with my sleep patterns, punk.”
Mouse pulled a face. “Will you come to the hospital with me tomorrow...today...whatever?”
“Sure, but I need to swing by my President's place before we go.” He began to butter the toast and risked a glance over his shoulder. “We're having a few drinks at the clubhouse for a fallen brother tonight. It'd be nice if you came along.”
“I dunno...”
“I'll let you wear my tee shirt.” Nitro carried the plate over to her and sat down. “It's a week night, Mouse. Most of the guys will have work in the morning so it won’t be crazy. Just think about it, okay?”
“Will you get pissed off if I say no?” Mouse took a bite of her toast. “I'm not saying I'll never come out with you. But if it's for a friend who has died... I don't want to impose.”
“No one here was close to him. In fact I'm the only one who knew him. It's just something we do to when a brother passes.”
“If...”
“If you hate it, we can leave.”
Mouse took another bite of her toast and chewed silently. She swallowed and took a deep breath. “Okay.”
Well, that was easier than he’d thought.
She took another deep breath and Nitro braced himself for what was coming next. “Do you think we should talk?”
He shrugged. “I'd rather fuck.”
“Is that all this is?” Mouse put the plate onto the coffee table and leaned back.
Was it? Nitro took her hand and pressed her fingers against his lips. “I dunno what this is, Mouse. I thought...” He shook his head and chuckled. “Didn't think, to be honest. Think it's more than fucking, though.”
“Then we really have to talk.” She grinned. “You first.”
“C'mon, punk. How is that fair? Why do I have to go first?”
“Because you freaked out.”
“I freaked out because what you did was stupid. I don't give a shit if you wanna wave a banner, I can even deal if you put yourself on the front line, as long as you have your family at your side. But you can't jump in like that. You coulda gotten hurt, and you didn't even care.” He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “That's what freaked me out.”
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