And when she confirmed that yes, she did eat and drink a little “normal” food but didn’t actually need it, they’d bought her a huge basket full of “treats” and shown her the communal kitchen on the top floor that was stocked with more food and drinks for her to use any time she liked.
Luna didn’t know what it was about these females, but when she was with them, she found herself smiling a lot as well.
Grace had also given her access to some books the knights owned containing information on different demon breeds. She’d learned a lot. She’d known that dhampir spent most of their life emotionally and physically numb if they were taken from their mothers at a young age, but perhaps their humanity was never truly stamped out completely? It was sitting dormant just waiting to be awakened again?
“So Gunner’s taking you somewhere tonight?” Grace said, pulling her from her thoughts.
At the mention of the massive knight, Luna’s belly erupted into flutters. The same kind that fired to life when he fed her. They stayed the whole time he held her afterward as well. God, they grew stronger every day.
“Yep.” She chewed her lip and glanced up at Grace. “Do you think we’ll go outside? Maybe I’ll need a sweater.”
Grace grinned. “You like him?”
Luna nodded as she looked through the clothes that had arrived today. “He’s kind.”
Every night, after he’d been out hunting, he knocked on her door, freshly showered and smelling delicious. As soon as she laid eyes on him, she couldn’t stop herself from moving closer. He let her hug him, then he’d lead her to the bed and hold her while she fed.
Last night, after he’d lain with her a while, she’d almost asked him to stay. She liked being with him.
Who was she kidding? She more than liked it. When he went back to his own room, she wanted him to come back.
Maybe you’re transferring your dependency on Sir, and his blood, to Gunner.
Was that all it was, this…this need to be near him?
She ran her fingers over the softness of the black sweater she’d chosen. No, that wasn’t it. It couldn’t be. She’d never missed Sir when he was gone.
But you didn’t feel emotion then either.
Even without emotion, she knew she didn’t want to be around Sir. He caused pain. Gunner gave her the opposite.
She ran her hand over the sweater again, then brought it up to her face to rub on her cheek. She’d never felt anything so soft in her life.
“I know you’re used to doing everything yourself, but if you need anything, if you want to talk or ask me something…anything, I’m here for you,” Grace said.
Luna smiled at the other female, but it was hard to meet Grace’s eyes. “You’re so kind to me Grace…you have…god, every reason to hate me. Now that I’m starting to understand emotions, feelings, the reality of what I did…” Her throat tightened, cutting her off, and her eyes stung.
Grace closed the space between them. “I don’t blame you, Luna. I would have done the same in your shoes. I’d do anything to keep my family safe. Anything. I think we’re more alike than you think. I want us to be friends, okay? We look out for each other here. All of us, especially the females in this room. We’re here for you, whatever it is. We have your back.”
Mia, Eve, and Meredith all moved closer as well.
“We’re glad you’re here, Luna,” Mia said.
Eve smiled at her gently. “We’re your sisters now.” She chuckled softly. “Mia’s the sweet one, Merri’s the mother hen, and Grace is the big sister who will kick ass for you.”
Meredith scowled. “Mother hen? Gee, thanks.” Her gaze came to Luna. “Well, Eve’s the quiet one who secretly leads everyone astray. That female is a bad influence.”
Eve nudged her. “I am not! I’m the friendly one.”
Grace cackled. “Since I’ve been here, it’s always you that comes up with the secret plans to get the guys to do what we want. You are an evil genius.”
They all laughed, and instead of crying, Luna found herself joining them. She’d been doing that more often as well. It was exhilarating. She’d been using the internet a lot to help her identify her emotions. Putting names to the way she felt. Exhilarating was the best she could find for laughter.
Grace’s words moved through her, warm and comforting. She didn’t deserve their forgiveness. But right then, she really wished she could be part of their family. She wasn’t, though, and eventually, she’d have to leave. Spencer was somewhere in this city. He was alone, and he was all she had left. She needed to find him.
“Thank you…for everything. Coming here, meeting all of you, you showed me what kindness truly means, that it exists,” Luna said, grinning, that tight feeling in her throat trying to sneak back. “I hope we’ll still be friends, even when I’m gone.”
Grace frowned. “Gone?”
Yep, now her eyes were stinging again as well. “I can’t stay forever. I’ll have to leave eventually, like all the other demi who come here,” she said as she sat on the end of the bed to pull on her boots, taking an extra moment to get it together.
When she glanced back up, the females were all watching her, eyes soft.
“What is it?”
Grace cleared her throat. “Sorry, nothing. And no, we won’t be friends, we’ll be sisters, always.”
Luna felt warmth gather behind her ribs as she stood. “I’d…I’d like that. More than you know.”
Someone knocked at the door, and her smile widened.
Gunner.
She strode over and pulled the door open. “Hi,” she said as those now familiar but still so new flutters and swirls exploded to life in her belly.
Gunner’s gaze moved over her black jeans and T-shirt. The muscle in his jaw jumped. “You look nice.”
“So do you,” she said and stepped closer. He immediately opened his beautiful tattooed arms for her to fill the space. The first Gunner hug of the day might just be her favorite. She breathed in his scent greedily. “You feel nice, too.”
He made a kind of choking sound and tightened his arms around her. It was kick-ass, as Grace would say.
“Mmm, and you smell nice,” she muttered.
His mouth went to her ear. “You as well.”
Little tingles danced all over her skin. That was new, and it was just as nice as the belly flutters. Together they were, yeah, wonderful. Exhilarating, like laughter, but better.
Someone cleared their throat.
“We’ll just head off, then,” Grace said.
“Have a nice night, you two,” Mia added.
The other females left, and Gunner loosened his hold on her. “You ready?”
“Let me just grab my sweater.” She rushed to the bed and grabbed it, then moved back to him. “Where are we going?”
“Not far.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “It’s still too dangerous to stray far from the compound, but I hope you’ll still enjoy it.”
She pulled the door shut and took the hand he was holding out for her. “I know I will.”
He chuckled, and the tingles and belly flips grew even stronger.
“Your faith in me is humbling,” he said and led her to the elevator.
She squeezed his hand. “I enjoy everything we do together.”
He glanced at her, and his expression grew intense. “Being with you is the very best part of my day.”
Her knees actually wobbled at those words, and heat washed her skin.
Did he really mean it?
They walked on, and he hit the button for the control room.
“How do you feel about flying?” His gaze searched hers.
“Flying? Like in a plane?”
“I do fly a plane, actually, not that I’ve needed to use it in a while, but I meant flying…with me.”
Holy shit. “Really?”
“Do you remember me bringing you here?”
“Not really.”
He squeezed her hand lightly. “All the more reason to give it a
go.”
She couldn’t contain her grin. “I’d love that.”
“Good,” he muttered, his eyes glittering.
The doors slid open and he led her from the elevator into the control room and out to the balcony.
He tugged off his shirt and tucked it into the back of his jeans, and Luna struggled to keep her hands to herself and not to run them all over his bare chest. That was something else she was enjoying. Touch. Like her sweater and Gunner’s skin.
Before she came here, her world had been all about the hunger she lived with. She barely noticed the texture of something, the temperature.
Everything was so much brighter now. Clearer.
“You okay with me carrying you, love?” Gunner asked.
She was. It was shocking how much her feelings had changed in such a short time. “Yes.”
He closed the space between them, and with a grin he scooped her into his arms. “Hold on tight.”
She flung her arms around his neck as his wings sprang from his back, instantly moving, catching the air, and lifting them off the balcony.
“Okay?” Gunner asked as they went higher.
She nodded, smiling, but knowing her eyes must have been as round as saucers.
Gunner shot higher, and she clung tighter to him, burying her face in the crook of his neck, and laughed like crazy. She heard and felt Gunner chuckle, and she loved it. Loved the deep, raspy sound. It gave her those same tingles across her skin.
“Look down,” he said gruffly.
She laughed again and shook her head. “You’re trying to scare me.”
“Are you scared?” he asked against her ear.
She breathed in his scent, the fragrant skin of his throat, and everything in her calmed. She shook her head. “No.” I’m never scared when I’m with you.
“Then look, love.”
Lifting her head, she looked down at the compound, at the area around it, and gasped. “We’re so high.” She looked up. “And the stars seem so close, like I could reach out and touch one.”
“Do you like it?” he asked, pressing his lips to her hair.
What would they feel like on her lips? Warm or cool? Were they soft or firm? That scar through the upper one intrigued her. “Like it? I love it.”
They flew around for a while longer. Zooming high and then plummeting, making her belly flip in a different way. Luna laughed and screamed and begged him to stop, then begged him to do it again. And Gunner laughed as well. His was deep and low, and she loved it all so much she couldn’t wipe the smile from her face.
Eventually, though, he lowered them to the roof of the compound. His large hand sliding to the back of her neck and squeezing gently before he released her. If she still breathed, that touch alone would have stolen the wind right out of her lungs. Now she was aware of how different things felt against her skin. She was hungry for it, for touch, for the sensation of different textures, greedy for the warmth of Gunner’s skin, the coolness of his hands, like now, after he’d been flying.
He reached back for his shirt.
“Wait,” she said, the words flying from her mouth before she knew they were coming.
He paused, brow scrunching. “What is it?”
She bit her lip.
“You can ask me anything, you know that, love,” he said, watching her carefully.
She did, he’d made sure of it, and right then she wanted this more than anything. Her fingers actually tingled from wanting it so bad. “Can I…will you let me touch your wings?”
Chapter 15
Maybe Luna shouldn’t have asked? Gunner’s expression had shifted. And she’d never seen that look on his face before.
His wide chest expanded sharply, and he nodded. Just that.
She didn’t understand his reaction or the look in his eyes, but she couldn’t resist moving closer so she could touch either. His cheeks had darkened, and each exhale sounded rougher. As much as she wanted to know how his beautiful wings felt, she didn’t want him to do something he wouldn’t like.
“Are you sure? You’re breathing faster. You don’t like them being touched?”
“It’s not that,” he said, his voice tight. “No one’s ever…touched them before.”
“Why?”
He cleared his throat. “Letting someone put their hands on my wings, it’s an act of total and complete trust.” He clenched and unclenched his fists. “And they’re…yeah, they’re highly sensitive. Touching someone’s wings is…it can be intimate.”
“Oh.” Now she wished she hadn’t asked. The last thing she wanted was to make him uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. I won’t—”
“Please,” he said suddenly. “Please, Luna, I want you to.”
The belly swirls went crazy. “You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
One word but said so low her knees did that wobbly thing again. “You’re positive?”
He dipped his chin.
Okay. She moved around him slowly until she was at his back. Anyone would feel vulnerable having someone behind them, but even more so for a warrior like Gunner.
“I’m going to touch you now,” she said.
His wings were bronze, flecked with delicate strands of gold. “They’re so incredibly beautiful, Gunner,” she whispered as she lifted her hand to one of the arches that rose high from his back.
The tips of her fingers made contact, dancing gently along the arch, and his head dropped forward.
“Am I…does it hurt?”
“No,” he said, voice strained.
His feathers were incredibly silky, and she slid her hand higher. His big body shuddered. “Gunner?”
“It feels good, love. B-better than I ever imagined.”
The idea that she could make him feel good…yeah, she liked that. So much so her skin flushed hot. And the feel of his smooth wings, delicate and exquisite, made her greedy for more. She brushed over the other arch and down the side, over and over, while Gunner shuddered and moaned softly.
When she moved her hand back to the center of his back to start all over again, he stepped away suddenly. “I think we should…um, stop now.”
When he turned to her, his eyes were dark, his cheeks were pink, and his skin was covered in goose bumps.
“But you liked it?”
“Yeah—" He cleared his throat again. “I liked it a lot.” His wings vanished, and he tugged his shirt on. “I, uh…have a surprise for you. I think we should get to that now.”
A surprise?
He motioned behind her, and she turned.
There was a table with a red cloth over it. Gunner strode over and pulled it away. Several little cakes and what looked like chocolate in different colored wrappers sat in a bowl.
“What’s this?” she asked as she moved toward him. When he was there, she was always drawn into his orbit. Not getting close to him was an impossibility.
“Now that I know you can eat food as well”—he grinned—“that you have a sweet tooth, I thought I’d share a few of my favorites with you for dessert.”
His grin morphed into an uncertain smile that didn’t just make her legs feel funny, it made all of her feel weak and shaky. “Heh, so that’s why you taste so good? Your dessert addiction,” she said, trying to tease him, to not show how his small gesture made her dead heart feel as if it had expanded in her chest.
He didn’t need to do this, any of this. No one ever had before. And as for surprises, she’d only ever had the bad kind.
Yet here they were, on a rooftop, with a table covered in treats for her, after flying through the night sky in his arms.
Gunner had grown still, and when her gaze hit his, his nostrils flared and his amber eyes glowed.
She quickly looked away. “So, uh…what do we have here?”
He came around and pulled a chair out for her. She sat, and he drew the other seat close to her and sat as well. “I thought we’d start with a cream puff.”
He pulled a plate closer. It had a pastry on i
t, covered in powdered sugar and obviously filled with cream.
“Have you had one before?” he asked.
“No. Spencer used to occasionally buy me chocolate bars when he bought food for…” She cleared her throat. She didn’t want to say his name, let alone think about that bastard right now. Her stomach cramped, a craving starting to grow just from having him in her head. How could she want his blood so badly when it hurt her, when it made her sick? Why did she still want it?
She shoved that fucker from her head. “Before, I knew if something was sweet, but my senses were so…narrow that I couldn’t really taste it. That’s changed since I’ve been here, with you.”
“So everything’s new?”
“Yep,” she said, trying to sound okay, to be okay, when the truth of what she’d missed, what she’d been through, hurt like hell.
He shifted in his seat. “So not just taste?”
She licked her lips, forcing herself to look him in the eyes when she wanted to look away, to run away. He must think she was such a freak. “Um, no. Touch and scent, and temperature, too.”
He made a rough sound as his fingers curled into a fist. “Azel, his blood, that fucker messed with you, love, in a lot of ways.”
He had. His blood was poison. He was poison.
Gunner’s big frame shifted again, and he slowly uncurled his fingers, in obvious effort. “So what do you like? Now that you can experience those things?”
She smiled at him, thankful he’d changed the subject, and took the lifeline he’d offered. “I like to be warm, and I like sweets,” she said, motioning to the table. “I like soft things, like this sweater.” She grabbed one of his rough-skinned hands and brought it to her shoulder to feel. “See? So soft.” Gunner ran his hand over it, over her shoulder, and down her arm, then took her hand. He squeezed her fingers. “And I like touch. I’m surprised, honestly. I never did before. It used to make me feel…” Sick to my stomach. Like she wanted to stab someone. She shook her head and forced a smile. “When you touch me, I don’t feel the way I used to. I like it. I like the way it makes me feel, here.” She pressed her hand to her chest. “And here.” Then her stomach. “And I get goose bumps.”
Knight's Absolution (Knights of Hell Book 5) Page 12