Hawk

by Zoe Hart

  My brow furrowed. “Wait. What?”

  “Long story. Don’t feel guilty about the pregnancy. I found out weeks ago that the condom I borrowed had a hole. We both messed up. Not just you.” He cupped my face. “Can I make love to you, Taryn? I’ve imagined it for five years. Can we truly be together?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  Slowly, he undressed me, like he was trying to remember every bit of me. He had already removed my shirt and was about to unhook my bra when I stopped him. “Light?” I pointed to the overhead that he’d flicked on as we entered the room.

  “Right. Good thinking.” He turned on the nightstand light, then took three steps to cross the room and turn off the overhead. Then he returned to me and reached for my bra.

  “Light?” I whimpered.

  “I did. Soft light.” He took one look at my face and pulled me into his arms. “Last time, I made the mistake of no lights. I swore if I ever had the opportunity to be with you again, there would be light. I want to see everything, every bit of you.” Hawk kissed my lips and noticed I was trembling. “You’re not scared, are you?”

  I bit my lip and looked up at him. “You don’t understand. I don’t look like I did. I’ve had a baby.” My hands covered my stomach, so he unbuttoned my shorts and pulled them down.

  “You had our baby. And I missed it. I didn’t get to see your belly grow. I didn’t get to talk to Lark in your tummy. I never felt her kick.” He shook his head.

  “She still kicks plenty now,” I joked.

  Hawk grinned. “Not the same.” He reached around and unhooked my bra. “You’re not the same. You were a girl back then. You’re a woman now. You’ve had our baby. And I couldn’t find your body more attractive, more amazing, more beautiful.” He kissed each breast as he freed it. “I love you, Taryn. Not just your gorgeous face. Not just your glorious ass. I love all of you. Even the bits you hate.”

  Dammit. I was falling for him so hard. This man wasn’t just trying to make love to my body. He seduced my heart and my mind as well. I could never let him go now. Not after that. No one would ever compare. No one could even compete.

  Soon, before I’d noticed, my panties were off. We were under the covers and he had rolled on a condom. We couldn’t stop touching each other. I marveled over the way he brought me to life every time he grazed my skin. And his kisses seared me straight to my soul.

  Like before, I climbed on top. He was expecting it. This time, I was sober. This time, I felt everything so much more intensely than I had while numbed by alcohol. Somehow, I’d tricked myself into thinking that Hawk was a fling, when he had shown in one night together that he could be my everything.

  I rode him, knowing what he would do, that he would suck and nibble on my nipples until I was on fire inside, aching to orgasm, while trying to hold off and savor our time together as long as possible. I could feel him growing inside me, noted the way his breathing changed.

  “Are you trying to make me come?” he asked, his words escaping in tiny puffs of breath.

  I grinned. “A little…”

  “Nope.” He shook his head. “I’m a gentleman. You’re first. Every time. You’re first.”

  I rolled us over, eager to feel him thrust more deeply inside me. “Together?”

  “You think we’re that good?” he joked, as his pelvis pressed against mine.

  “I am.” I snickered.

  A second later, what was between us had grown more intense, so much that we stopped talking and focused on being together. One arm was under me, gripping my shoulder, forcing me to meet him. The other was around my hips, tilting them to perfectly meet his.

  “Nice trick,” I whispered.

  “I learned it from playing with you,” he grunted.

  I was going to smile, but all I could do was feel. Inside, I clamped down on his cock. My orgasm came in waves. And by the way he jerked inside me and pressed deeper, I knew he’d finished too. We lay there wrapped together for all of thirty seconds before he pulled out, leaving me feeling empty and cold. I curled up under the blankets, waiting for him to return.

  Hawk cleaned me up. I felt self-conscious, but he laughed. “I did it last time. You slept through it.” He planted a kiss on my stomach and tossed the dirty washcloth and towel in the hamper. Then returned to bed to curl around me.

  I wanted to stay like that forever. Then I remembered that I had to plug in my phone. And while I was holding it in my hands anyway, I might as well send him a surprise. He’d commented on how much he’d missed out on, but he hadn’t. He didn’t know it yet, but I’d written to him too. I had countless emails in draft that I wrote during the pregnancy about how my body was changing, how it felt when Lark kicked. I was convinced she was going to be a soccer player, which would make me a soccer mom. I wrote how I wasn’t ready to pull off a minivan. Most of all, I wrote about how it made me feel so close to him, growing his baby, even though he was so far away. At the time, I thought I was foolish for giving him so much of my heart, sharing so much that he’d probably never even read. Now, I felt like all of those hard times were making moments like these feel sweeter. And I couldn’t wait for his reaction once he’d read them.

  17

  Hawk

  Our next weekend off together felt different and I couldn’t be happier. At breakfast, we had a conversation with Lark. Taryn had asked that we wait until Saturday morning, in case Lark had questions so we would have more time to answer them.

  I woke up early, even if it meant leaving Taryn alone in our bed. I kissed her temple and murmured, “Pancakes or French toast?”

  She rolled toward me. “Stay,” she whispered.

  “We’re telling Lark this morning. I want the day to be special. I’ll even bring you breakfast in bed if you want.” I was damn near giddy.

  Taryn sat up. “You’re like a kid at Christmas,” she noted. Then she shook her head. “Fine. I’ll get up with you.” She rolled out of bed and sighed. “I can’t believe you don’t want to sleep in and snuggle.” Taryn winked and I knew if I stayed, there was a good chance I’d get more than a snuggle.

  I was torn.

  “You’re thinking about it.” She grinned and started to climb back into bed, shaking her behind seductively.

  “My God, woman. You’re going to be the death of me.” I shook my head then grinned. “Race you!”

  I bolted from the room, and based on the groan followed by the patter of tiny bare feet on the hardwoods, Taryn was following me. Since I reached the kitchen first, I picked the pods for our coffees and started hers first. By the time she reached my side, I was already pouring water into the top of the machine.

  “I took those stairs way slower than you did,” she commented, then covered her mouth while she yawned.

  “Well, I’m more excited. Lark has always known you’re her mom. Today, she gets to find out I’m her dad. And everything will be different.” I pulled Taryn into my arms and turned her enough so that she could see the lake. I found it so soothing, even more so while I was holding the woman I loved.

  “So, do I get to call you Daddy now?” Lark asked quietly.

  We whipped around. “How long have you been standing there?” I asked.

  She frowned. “I followed Mommy. I thought we were sneaking up on you, Hawk. I mean Daddy.” She walked over to us. “Are you really my daddy?”

  Taryn nodded and I murmured, “Yes, I am.”

  Lark gave us a hug. And I waited, imagining that she might want to talk about this huge new development. Then she released us and smiled.

  “Do you have any questions?” I asked quietly.

  She nodded. “Yes. Can we have pancakes?”

  That wasn’t the question I expected, but Taryn shook her head to silence me. “Roll with it,” she responded.

  “Yes, we can have pancakes.” I immediately moved into chef mode and pulled out the mix. “Want to help me, Lark?”

  She pointed to the hook in the pantry where my father’s apron hung. He wore it
every time he manned the grill. “Can I wear that?”

  “Definitely.” I took a few steps, grabbed the apron, and then hung it around her neck and tied the back after rolling it up a good six inches. “Perfect.”

  And just like that, everything was out in the open. No more secrets between us. I thought my heart would absolutely burst. Family. That’s what we were, bound by blood. And one day soon, I hoped, by marriage.

  After eating and cleaning up, we took Bishop for a walk. Lark announced that Bishop needed a new toy. “Do you want to pick it out?” I asked.

  She nodded. “I think that would be best. I know what he likes.”

  Taryn and I exchanged a look. Soon we were loaded into the truck. Braxton and I took turns with the booster seat. I thought it was time for me to have a permanent one. “What if we go to Target? I can get my own booster for Lark and she can pick a toy for Bishop. Hell, she can pick a new doll, too, if she wants.”

  “You can try that, but don’t be surprised if she balks. Dolly Mama was her first baby and if I even suggest finding a new baby, she resists,” Taryn warned.

  I grabbed a cart once we were inside. Lark insisted on walking. “I’m not a baby,” she announced. “Carts are for babies.”

  We picked out a new booster. Apparently she was going through a purple phase, because only a purple one would do. And from there, I walked us down the toy aisles. “Do you see anything you like, Lark? You know, you can have more than one baby.”

  “How?” Lark demanded.

  “The same way parents have more than one child.” I shrugged. This logic made perfect sense to me.

  “Mommy only has one child,” she countered.

  I said nothing. After all, in my mind, Lark wouldn’t be an only child forever. Still, she wandered up and down the aisles for a minute considering her options.

  “This one?” she asked, holding up a Baby Stella doll. The baby was completely fabric and had a magnetic pacifier.

  “I think that’s the perfect choice.” I nodded. “Stick her in the cart.”

  From there we moved on to the pet section. That was where Lark truly shined. She proclaimed that she knew exactly what Bishop would like. Then she pounced on a stuffed monkey that was part pull toy, part squeak toy, and wholly annoying.

  “Cool. Let’s get it.” I glanced at Taryn. She seemed to be reading my mind and snickered.

  We ate lunch at McDonald’s, then Lark asked if we could play on the beach with Bishop. So we did.

  We’d been enjoying the mild weather for a couple of hours. Lark was throwing a ball and Bishop was running to fetch it, as if he weren’t a highly trained military dog and was only a common pet. He didn’t seem to mind the indignity of it at all.

  Taryn was monitoring us from the edge of the lake where she was ankle deep in water. The waves would occasionally surprise her and slap against her leg, causing her to giggle. I found her absolutely intoxicating.

  I had never felt so happy, so fulfilled. And yet, I was filled with guilt at the pain I’d caused. She’d been an unwed mother. I hadn’t known, or I’d have married her and given our daughter my name. Hopefully it was something we could change legally on Lark’s birth certificate soon.

  We’d all been laughing at Bishop and Lark’s antics when I saw the expression on Taryn’s face change. She rushed over to me and pulled Lark into her arms while I immediately secured Bishop with one click, his leash now attached to his collar. When I turned to see what made her so tense, I found my father staring down at us while leaning over the railing of the deck.

  “They spend every weekend at the country club. What’s he doing here?” I made my way up toward the deck. Then I glanced over my shoulder. Taryn hadn’t moved. “Aren’t you coming?”

  “Are you sure you want me there for this? Your father wasn’t exactly pleasant the last time he saw me.” She gnawed on her cheek.

  I made a split decision. “Yes. I want you there. We’re a family.” I held out my free hand and she took it. Together, we trudged through the sand back up to the house.

  “What’s all this?” my father asked. He gestured to encompass all of us.

  “You’ve met Taryn,” I noted as I jerked my head toward her. “This is our daughter, Lark. And my dog, Bishop.”

  “Your dog. Your daughter. My, how things change.” He glared at me. “And when were you going to tell me?”

  I started to open my mouth to respond, but he wasn’t finished.

  “How do you know this is your daughter?” He practically spat the words.

  Taryn shrank back and looked at me. I let go of her hand and used both to steady the leash. Bishop was growling low in his throat. He knew a threat when he saw one.

  “She’s my daughter. Leave it at that.” I glanced at Taryn and Lark. Taryn’s face was flushed and tears filled Lark’s eyes. Both were silent and looking to me for direction, so I nodded toward the house. I wanted to be able to talk to my father alone, just for a minute.

  Taryn’s head hung as she moved toward the door. “Who’s that mean man?” Lark asked in a loud whisper.

  My eyes narrowed, never leaving my father’s face.

  “That would be your daddy’s daddy,” Taryn explained. I noticed she hadn’t explained that my father was Lark’s grandfather.

  The door closed behind them and the minute we were alone on the deck, I asked, “What are you doing here?”

  “What am I doing at my lake house that you’re using without even asking permission?” He crossed his arms over his chest.

  I swallowed hard. He never failed to remind me that my life was dependent upon his good graces. For the moment. I’d called a few days ago and learned that the lawyer handling the trust had my transcript. Soon it would be released to me and I’d never have this conversation again. Until then, however, I had to play the game. I had to let him win, or lose my job and our only place to stay with Bishop. Last time I heard from Roman, the house wasn’t going to be ready for a few more days.

  Even though I had yet to respond, he continued, “You never told me whether or not to expect you for the Fourth of July. Your mother wanted to get an accurate head count, so I told her I’d ask you in person. Now I’m particularly glad I stopped by.” He glanced at the house. “I see you’ve really made a mess of things.”

  I wanted to say something, anything, to make him understand, but he wasn’t that person. He would never get that I could fall in love with someone like Taryn. Then again, I wasn’t convinced my father loved my mother. Theirs was more of a merger. And I never wanted that. My head hung. “I’m sorry you see it that way.” That’s all I said, all I could say.

  “I trust you’ll be at the office on Monday and that you’ll keep that mutt in a kennel when you’re at work.” My father rocked on his heels. He had won. Oh, but he had to go in for the kill. “And make sure the girl and her brat don’t steal anything.”

  I stood in stunned silence, which meant only Bishop leapt to their defense. He did, barking and growling. My father stormed off, walking through the house and out the front door, leaving me to figure out how to fix things. Minutes ago, I was having the perfect day. By the time I managed to enter the house and lock Bishop in his kennel, Taryn and Lark had their bags packed.

  “Leave it at the door,” Taryn told Lark as she toted a bag of toys down the stairs. “Then sit on the couch and wait for me.”

  Lark dropped the toys at the door like her mother requested, then she moved over to the kennel and seemed to be engrossed in a conversation with Bishop. I was less concerned with her obedience and more interested in convincing Taryn to stay.

  “Can we talk?” I asked Taryn as I stood between her and the front door.

  Taryn sniffled. “Not now.” She glanced behind her. “Lark, couch, please. I’m moving as fast as I can.”

  “I don’t want to go,” Lark whimpered.

  “We have to.” Taryn rubbed at her eyes. “It’s not up for discussion.” Then she set down the suitcase and made her way back up to
the bedroom.

  I followed. I wasn’t going to let her go without a fight. “Why are you leaving?” I asked as I watched her load all of Lark’s clothes into the open suitcase on the bed.

  She paused and stared at me a minute. I realized she was trying desperately not to cry, all while failing miserably. I walked toward her hoping to pull her into my arms, thinking I could soften her stance if she’d just explain why she was so upset, and then give me a chance to answer for my mistakes.

  “Don’t,” she whispered. “Don’t touch me. Don’t hug me. Don’t try to smooth this over.” Taryn shook her head vehemently. “I could hear him, the way he spoke to you. That was awful, but I chalked it up to the family dynamics. Then…to hear the way he spoke about me. He thinks I’m some kind of gold digger, and you didn’t dispute any of it.” Her tears grew bigger, her words harder to understand. She was practically shaking as she wrapped her arms around her body. “How could you? How could you let him say those things to you…about me?”

  “This is his house,” I mumbled. “I work for the family business.”

  “Some family. Some business.” She swiped at her eyes and grabbed a tissue from the box on the dresser. “I want no part of this. And if you can’t stand up for us, then I want no part of you either.”

  I was stunned. “You’d rather be homeless?” I threw my hands in the air.

  “If he’d kick you out for this, then that should tell you everything you need to know. Families help each other. Families don’t control each other.” She had moved closer to me while trying to make her point. “Tell me you see this.”

  I nodded, but not enough. I was searching out my defense. “Your family didn’t help you,” I spluttered, hoping it was a correlation she’d accept.

  Taryn had started to walk away when I wasn’t speaking. Now she whipped around to face me. “Braxton did. My parents did the best they could. My mother had just started a new job. They let me stay with them while I was pregnant. And then I found my own place because my pride wouldn’t let me stay. That was on me. I knew what the expectation was and I met it.”