Standing there, watching Ben, knowing that in a couple of weeks she’d be leaving England and marrying someone she’d never even met, Natalia knew that her mother’s words of caution were useless.
Knew that despite her best efforts, she was very likely going to be leaving her heart in England, whether she wished to or not.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Ben danced dutifully with Lady Cybil, then with some other young ladies, before he grabbed hold of his cousin and dragged her into a quadrille.
“Where is she?” he whispered whilst the other dancers took their places.
Bea didn’t have to ask whom he meant.
Natalia had disappeared before the first set, and she hadn’t reappeared since. Ben would have known if she had, for he’d spent most of the evening looking for her.
“I don’t know,” Bea admitted uneasily. “This isn’t like her. She loves parties.”
“I know,” he muttered before bowing to her and starting the dance.
He had to wait while they circled and pranced about ridiculously before Beatrice was in front of him once more and they could continue their muted conversation.
“She was quite adamant that we should dance at least twice together, to ensure tongues were wagging,” Ben said now, trying to ignore the uneasiness in his gut.
But he was worried.
Surely Natalia wouldn’t cry off something so important for no good reason?
Her future depended on this working, as did Ben’s.
Beyond that, though, he was worried because he’d stupidly come to care more about Natalia than anyone or anything else in his life, and he didn’t like that she wasn’t where she was supposed to be.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Ben,” Beatrice said, but her hazel eyes were filled with the same concern Ben was feeling. “I saw her come in, but before I even got a chance to greet her properly, she was gone.”
The dance came to an end, and Ben turned to dutifully return Beatrice to his aunt’s side.
He saw with some dismay that there was yet another unattached young lady standing by Aunt Elizabeth awaiting his arrival.
All evening she’d been parading these women in front of him. Another good reason why he’d have liked Natalia to be there.
None of the ladies here could hold a candle to her, and it would be no hardship giving all of his attention to her.
“Right, that’s it.”
Ben stopped, accidentally dragging Beatrice to a stop, too.
“I’m going to find her,” he said.
“You can’t leave,” Bea gasped. “Mama will have your head!”
“I don’t care,” he argued mutinously.
“Well I do since I shall have to listen to her despairing of you. Besides,” Beatrice continued when Ben wanted to just leave. “It’s one thing for you and Natalia to pretend to be falling in love in the right way.”
His little cousin looked up and fixed him with a gimlet stare.
“It is quite another for you both to go missing together at a party. Now, I’ve already warned Natalia of the impropriety of this plan of hers. But running off alone together? That is ruinous, as you well know.”
Yes, he did bloody well know. He didn’t care, though.
Something was wrong. And he wasn’t going to stand here paying court to other ladies and do nothing about it.
“Ben.” Beatrice’s voice was as firm as he’d ever heard it. “I’m going to tell you what I told Talia — your actions have consequences.”
“I know,” he assured her. Then, he turned on his heel and swept from the room in search of Natalia.
The only consequence for these actions he could think of would be a forced marriage.
And whilst he might not admit it to anyone else, to himself at least he could be honest. As far as consequences went, a real marriage, instead of a fake one, didn’t seem all that bad.
***
Natalia shivered, wishing that she’d run off in the direction of the cloakroom. At least then she could have grabbed her heavy winter coat and been warm.
Instead, she’d come into the freezing conservatory at the back of the house.
Not her best idea.
But then, none of her ideas seemed to be working out very well.
Mama’s warning was ringing in her ears, over and over again.
It was all over before it had even begun.
Father would brook no argument.
Betrothal or not, he was bringing his daughter home.
The worst part of it all wasn’t that she’d be forced to wed a stranger, or that she’d miss Beatrice more than she could imagine.
No, the worst part was that she’d never see Ben again. And that thought was crushing. It hurt so much she felt as though she couldn’t even breathe properly.
It was that simple then. She’d gone and fallen in love with the man. And now she had to leave.
Not only that, but she had to renege on their deal. There was no point to it now. Papa would never allow them to announce a betrothal, and Ben needed one.
The best thing to do, the only thing to do, was to break off their doomed arrangement and allow Ben to spend the rest of the house party convincing another girl to marry him.
And if the mere idea of that made Natalia feel as though her heart were breaking in two, then she would just have to deal with it.
The tears fell freely now, and Natalia didn’t try to stop them.
She would cry it out, curse her fate, then gather her spirits and return to the ballroom before anyone realised she was missing.
“You went missing.”
Natalia screamed in fright at the sound of a voice behind her, and she spun around to see Ben standing only feet from her.
“What are you doing here?” she sniffed.
“Looking for my missing fiancé,” he quipped.
And that did it. His innocent attempt at humour broke her, and Natalia put her head in her hands and sobbed.
“Natalia.”
Ben’s horrified exclamation would have amused her at any other time, but not now. Now she was facing the shambles she’d made of her life and how she’d let Ben down. And how she’d gone and fallen for him like a complete dolt.
“I’m sorry,” she sniffed. “I just – I’ve made a mess of everything.”
She couldn’t look at him, couldn’t face him.
“Don’t cry.”
Natalia felt herself wrapped in Ben’s warm, strong embrace. But that just made her cry harder still.
“Shh.”
He pressed her against his chest, and Natalia turned her head, hearing the unsteady thump of his heart, feeling it pulse against her.
She felt Ben’s lips press against the top of her head, and it was an exquisite sort of torture, being held in his arms, knowing she had to set him free.
“Shh,” he repeated. “Please, love. Don’t cry. I can’t bear it.”
Natalia knew the endearment meant nothing, yet her foolish heart flipped at the word ‘love.’
“I’m sorry”, she mumbled, desperately trying to get her tears under control.
“Tell me what’s wrong, and I’ll fix it,” he said against her hair.
Natalia laughed, but the sound was harsh and humourless.
“You can’t fix it,” she sniffed.
Despite the hole she’d dug for herself, Ben’s embrace was calming and soothing her in a way she wouldn’t have thought possible.
“I can try,” he answered back. “I’ll do anything and everything in my power to fix it,” he said softly, sincerely.
Was it any wonder that she’d fallen in love with him when he was so impossibly wonderful?
“Who’s upset you?” he pressed.
Natalia pulled back to gaze up at him.
It was no use. He wasn’t going to give up until she talked to him. She could tell by the set of his jaw, the determination in his eyes.
He seemed to be exuding power just then, a man who never accepted no for an answer, a Peer powerful enou
gh to get what he wanted.
She could almost believe that if anyone could stand up to her father, it would be this man in front of her.
And despite everything, her body reacted to it in a way that was positively wanton.
Natalia shivered in response to what she saw in his gaze.
She watched as he frowned down at her then stepped back, breaking the contact between them, and Natalia had to stop herself from moving back into his arms.
He removed his dinner jacket, and she swallowed loudly as her eyes raked over the muscles of his arms, visible now through the thin material of his lawn shirt.
It was probably a good thing that his silver waistcoat remained in place, she thought a little hysterically, or the plants and shrubberies in the conservatory would get quite the show.
Natalia could feel a scalding heat in her cheeks as she realised where her wanton thoughts were headed.
Ben leaned over her, swamping her with the jacket that he now placed around her shoulders.
“Keep your mind out of the gutter,” he said with a wink.
“I beg your pardon?” Natalia hissed, problems forgotten in the face of her embarrassed outrage.
Ben seemed marvellously unconcerned with her anger, however.
“I said, keep your mind out of the gutter,” he repeated then a slow, devastating grin spread across his face. “One of us has to.”
Oh lord.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Natalia was surrounded by the scent of him, intoxicated by the sandalwood and citrus that seemed uniquely Ben.
The coat was still warm from the heat of his body.
She felt overwhelmed by him.
“Now.” He moved back two deliberate paces. “I’m putting some much-needed distance between me and the temptation that you present.”
His words caused her poor, overworked heart to stutter.
“And you’re going to tell me what’s going on. Then I’m going to find a way to fix it.”
Natalia shook her head sadly.
“There’s no fixing this, Ben,” she said. “Not for either of us.”
She saw his frown, and coward that she was, she couldn’t meet his gaze as she broke the news.
“Our plan isn’t going to work,” she said to her satin slippers. “My father won’t agree to an engagement between us,” she said dully. “My mother made that quite clear. And – and you’re almost out of time now. You could have spent these past couple of weeks finding someone to marry. You could have solved – well, whatever your problem with your aunt is.”
Ben was so silent, Natalia could almost believe he wasn’t even there anymore.
But she could still feel his presence.
Taking a deep breath, she ploughed on.
“Instead, you wasted your time on this idiotic scheme of mine. A scheme that won’t work.”
Natalia felt a lone tear fall down her cheek. She could have sworn she’d cried herself out.
“I’m so sorry, Ben. All I can do is tell you now, before it’s too late. There’s still a week until the ball. Still a week until your aunt’s guests leave.”
Finally, she found the courage to look up at him. His expression was unreadable as he gazed down at her.
“You’re really very charming when you’re not trying to be irritating, you know.” She smiled, attempting to inject some humour into what had become an unbearably tense situation. “I’m sure any one of the ladies out there would consider herself lucky to be your countess. Although, you would actually have to marry one of them. I’m quite sure there isn’t another woman in Christendom mad enough to fake it.”
He didn’t respond to her feeble attempt at humour. Didn’t answer her brittle smile with one of his own.
“I really am sorry,” she repeated. “I don’t know why you needed to be engaged, but I hope that this doesn’t get in the way of your plans.”
She shrugged helplessly.
“At least I won’t be around to annoy you for much longer.” She tried once more for light-heartedness and failed, again.
Feeling suddenly exhausted, Natalia moved to sit on the cold bench at the edge of the conservatory. From here she could look out at the vegetable gardens, bathed in moonlight, covered in frost.
She heard movement and then he was beside her, taking up most of the bench, his rock-solid thigh pressing against her own.
“My aunt told me that she’d give me money, a lot of money, on the day I announced my engagement.”
Natalia’s jaw dropped in shock as she turned to look at him.
“You – I –“ She didn’t know what to say.
Ben smiled, but there was no humour in the expression.
“My father was a wastrel who very nearly bankrupted the earldom,” he continued in a steady, emotionless voice. “Since I inherited, I’ve managed to keep our heads above water, but it hasn’t been easy. Aunt Elizabeth knew the struggles I had. She had funded my father for years, paid for my education. When I took over, I refused to take any more from her.”
He kept his eyes fixed on the winter sky, not looking at Natalia as he spoke.
“This money – it’s my inheritance. Or would be. She knew I could use it to make my holdings thrive once again. More than they ever have. But she worried that I was too focused on my business ventures and estates and not enough on my duty to the title. This, I suppose, was a misguided but well-intentioned way of getting me to settle down.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Natalia asked softly.
Finally, he looked at her, his eyes gleaming in the moonlight.
“I don’t know,” he muttered. “I suppose I was embarrassed. Ashamed. I didn’t want you thinking ill of me.” His lips quirked. “Not that your opinion of me was high beforehand.”
Natalia smiled in spite of all that was going on.
“Hmm. My disdain for you was matched only by yours for me.”
They fell into a pensive silence.
“I wouldn’t have thought ill of you, you know,” she said quietly, barely above a whisper.
Their conversation felt like a confessional in the still, silent night.
“There is no shame in working hard to regain that which was taken from you. And you’ve done it all alone? That is something to be proud of, Ben.”
“I’m glad you think so,” he answered, his gaze intense upon her face. “Still, I can’t lie – the inheritance money would solve all of my problems. I could do truly wonderful things with it.”
Natalia’s heart nearly broke in two as she thought on what she needed to say.
“You still can,” she said, her voice quivering with everything she was trying to keep inside.
She was tempted to blurt out that she loved him. But what good would it do either of them? She still had to leave. He still needed his money.
“You could meet a lady about whom you care a great deal. Like Lady Cybil.” She clenched her teeth over the name of the blonde, English rose. “Someone who will help you rebuild your estate and holdings. Who will support your endeavours to make the earldom a success.”
“And you?” he asked. “What will you do?”
“I’ll go home. Back to Russia,” she said sadly. “I’ll try my very best to hold off on any marriage until I reach my majority.”
She didn’t sound convincing, even to herself. They both knew that if her father wanted her married, she’d be married.
“Perhaps you’ll care a great deal about one of the gentlemen,” Ben repeated her own sentiment to her.
How to tell him that she couldn’t possibly love one of her intended suitors because her entire heart belonged to him?
“I don’t think so,” she responded, as truthfully as she could. “I suppose this is the end then,” she said when he didn’t speak.
She expected some words of encouragement, even of farewell. Yet he remained silent.
After an age, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against her forehead.
Then, still without a word, he got up
and left her alone on the bench.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“I felt sure he would return for the ball this evening. Mama is most put out.”
Natalia tried to ignore the pain twisting her gut as Beatrice spoke about Ben’s absence.
It had been the talk of the week.
The morning after Natalia’s confession, Lady Fortescue had announced that unfortunately Lord Staunton had been called to Town on urgent business.
Nobody knew what could possibly be so urgent that he would need to leave so close to Christmas, and the lady was tight-lipped on the circumstances.
Beatrice, however, had confided in Natalia the very day that Aunt Elizabeth had received the note.
“We got up, and he was already gone. He must have left at first light. A note saying he had not a moment to waste. That his very happiness depended on his leaving. And that was that.”
Beatrice had wondered aloud for hours what could possibly have been so important to him.
She had interrogated Natalia about what had transpired between she and Ben, but Natalia could only tell the truth, which was that nothing at all had happened.
If she’d hoped that Ben would declare his undying love for her, offer to run away and elope so they’d never be parted, then she’d been sorely disappointed.
He’d kissed her forehead, then walked away.
That was it.
She shouldn’t be disappointed.
She had no expectations of him. He’d given her no reason to think their arrangement had been anything other than what they’d first set out.
Yes, they’d shared some kisses. But Natalia wasn’t naïve. Whilst they’d been life-changing, earth-shattering experiences for her, to Ben they were nothing more than a bit of amusement at a dull party.
Oh, but she missed him. Missed his smile, his wit, his scent, even his arrogance.
She missed his arms around her, and his mouth pressed against her own.
And she had no idea how to stop missing him.
“Anyway, I suppose we must make the most of tonight and the next week or so, since you are soon to be leaving?”
Beatrice’s maudlin tone pulled Natalia from her thoughts, and she saw to her horror, Beatrice’s hazel eyes fill with tears.
Her Accidental Groom Page 6