Wish You Were Here

by Renee Carlino

  “Good lord, his forearms,” I said as he walked toward me. He had this goofy smile that made him completely approachable even though he was a god. It belied his boyish innocence; he was unself-conscious. His hair was longer on top and messy and going in a bunch of different directions.

  He high-fived a couple of people on his way over. Roddy got held up at the bar behind Seth. Helen leaned into my ear and whispered, “He’s kind of geeky.”

  “There’s nothing geeky about that body.”

  “You have a point. Where’s the other guy?”

  “At the bar.”

  Helen looked over to where Roddy was grabbing two beers. “Oh, he’s not so bad.”

  Roddy had a beard and a very serious hard-part hairdo.

  “He’s like a giant hipster,” I said.

  Finally, Seth made it to our table. When I stood up, he immediately leaned in and hugged me. “Hey, kid.”

  “I should be calling you that. I’m older,” I said.

  He let go and stuck his hand out to Helen. They introduced themselves and shook hands. Roddy came over with two beers and handed one to Seth. “Ladies.”

  We all sat down and toasted. “To a great game,” Helen said.

  “Cheers!”

  After conversation picked up among the four of us and the drinks were flowing, Helen and Roddy were warming up to each other, and Seth and I were hitting it off, too. We agreed to come back that Saturday for a day game and then we would go out afterward.

  At the end of the night, the guys walked us out to my little Honda Civic.

  “You okay to drive?” Seth asked.

  “Yeah, I only had a couple of drinks.” I looked back over my shoulder at Helen and Roddy, who were laughing at something near the restaurant entrance. Helen had matched tequila shots with her three-hundred-pound counterpart. After betting she could outdrink him, he finally made her stop after four shots. He was basically unfazed by the alcohol, but Helen was in goofy mode.

  “She’s pretty hammered, huh?”

  “Yeah, she’s okay, though.” We watched as Roddy bent and threw her over his shoulder like he was carrying a tiny sack of flour.

  “They like each other,” Seth said as we watched them.

  “Yeah, she’s great.”

  Turning toward me, he said, “I had a good time.”

  “Same here.”

  He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “So, Saturday?”

  “Yeah, I’ll see you Saturday.”

  Roddy came strutting over while Helen hung upside down behind him and punched his butt. “Let me go, you big oaf!”

  “You like it, Tinkerbell.” He chuckled from his chest, and it sounded like thunder.

  When he set her down, she leaned up on her toes and kissed him on the mouth. Then they started making out right in front of us. Oh god, Helen’s in love.

  I whistled “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay,” while Seth stared at the ground with his hands in his pockets.

  “Come on, Helen, wrap it up,” I said.

  Finally, they pulled away. “Okay, boys,” she slurred. She walked to the passenger side and pointed at Roddy accusingly. “You’re like a ginger Thor! That’s who you remind me of.” She was hysterical.

  Roddy and Seth laughed. “See you later, ladies.”

  I got into the car and started it, then saw Seth running back toward my window. I rolled it down. “Hey.” He took a deep breath. “Can I call you tomorrow, just to chat?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  “Cool.” He smiled.

  My hands were gripping the steering wheel as I watched him jog away. “Go,” Helen said.

  I didn’t move. “Go!” She repeated and then looked over at me as I watched Seth. “Ooh, you’ve got it bad,” she teased.

  “Me? You were the one twisting tongues with Roddy.”

  “I like that big bear. He’s brawny.”

  “Brawny! Ha! You amaze me.”

  Helen could love. Yes, she had a type but she found something intriguing in everyone she met, no matter what they did, how they acted, or what they looked like. She took all of these people that entered her life and she let each one touch her heart in some way. It made her beautiful because she was able to see the beauty in others. She took chances, she loved hard, and sometimes she fought hard and cried hard in the end. I had never been willing to let anyone see the real me until Adam, in that one night, under false pretenses. The one night I was just me. Maybe because I knew how that would end. But Helen was living her life and having fun, and I was just watching mine pass by from a safe distance.

  Helen passed out twenty minutes after we left, so I blared the radio all the way home. As I drove, I tried to think of one negative thing about Seth but I couldn’t. Still, I didn’t feel that insane connection to him. I didn’t feel the same as when I was with Adam that night, so many months ago.

  * * *

  IN THE MORNING, Helen dragged her feet into the kitchen. “You look pretty,” I said. She had drool crusted on her face and mascara smeared down her cheek. Her blond hair was matted in the back and she was wearing flowery granny panties I recognized from when we were younger. “Why do you still have that underwear?”

  “I don’t know,” she said through a yawn.

  A minute later Roddy came out of her room, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs.

  “Oh . . . um . . . what the hell?” I said.

  He walked up to Helen standing at the counter, wrapped his arms around her from behind, and rested his chin on her shoulder like they were a comfortable married couple. “Morning,” he said to me.

  “Morning,” I replied, dumbfounded. “When did . . . I’m so confused.”

  Helen smiled. “We were on the phone late last night and I was like, what the heck, come over.”

  “Do you live near here?” I asked him, still in shock.

  “About two hours away.”

  “That’s not near here. You drove two hours in the middle of the night?”

  “Totally worth it,” he said, instantly. Helen giggled.

  “I don’t understand anything anymore,” I said as I walked toward the door to leave for work. “Have fun, you guys.” They didn’t respond because they were already sucking face in the kitchen.

  * * *

  ON MY BREAK at work, I checked my phone and saw a new text from Seth. It was a screen shot of the Lake Elsinore Storm’s game schedule.

  I laughed and then dialed his number.

  He answered by saying, “So you’re coming to every game, right?”

  “Why don’t we start with Saturday?”

  “I have a game tonight, though. What will I do without my talisman?”

  “Keep your eye on the ball.”

  “Good advice. Are you working?”

  “Yes, I work at a restaurant. More like a diner, actually.”

  “Sweet. I’ll have to come in sometime.”

  “So Roddy was at our apartment this morning,” I said.

  “I know. He really likes Helen.”

  “I guess Match.com works in mysterious ways.” I didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that we were supposed to be on a date, and nothing had really happened for us, but he smoothed it out before I could even say anything.

  “I like to take things slow,” he said in a sincere voice.

  “That’s unusual for a guy.”

  “Not when he’s tired of being single,” he said.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I mean, I don’t know how to put this without sounding kind of arrogant but—”

  I got where he was going with the conversation. “Getting laid is easy for you, is that what you were going to say?”

  “Well, there’s this group of women who come to the games.”

  “You have groupies?”

  “Sort of.”

  “They must know you’re on Match.com,” I said.

  “I did some mild Instagram stalking of you to make sure you weren’t one of them. There’
s a necessary screening process before I date anyone.”

  I laughed. “And I passed the screening?”

  “I did question that photo of you at the fair wearing a cow costume.”

  “Oh yeah, that. I worked as a cow at the LA County Fair last year,” I said. I failed to mention that I was also a giant Hello Kitty that stood outside the Sanrio store at the mall. I almost died of a heatstroke because of the costume’s improper ventilation. I’ve had a lot of jobs. Sanrio paid my medical bills, so that was good.

  “Do you still have the cow costume?”

  “No, I had to give it back.”

  “Bummer,” he said.

  “I know.” Jon-Jon was glaring at me from behind the pie case. “Well, I have to get back to work. Not everyone can be a major-league baseball player.”

  He chuckled. “It’s just the minors.”

  “See, I would have known that if I were a groupie.”

  “They’re called Storm Chasers.”

  “Shut up.”

  “I swear to god.” There was a second of silence. “I’ll let you go. Can I call you after my game?”

  “Sure.”

  Helen came in just before her shift started. She walked up to me in the side station and said very nonchalantly, “He asked me to move in with him.”

  “Excuse me. What?”

  “Yeah, he asked me to move in with him.” Her eyes darted to the ceiling and then to the floor before coming to rest on her fidgeting hands.

  “What kind of person asks a woman to move in with him after one night? What did you tell him, Helen?”

  “I told him yes.”

  “Are you out of your mind? You have seriously lost it. You met Roddy less than twenty-four hours ago, you psycho!”

  She finally made eye contact. “I know, but I really like him.”

  “This is wild. Even for you, Helen.”

  “If it doesn’t work out, I’ll just move out.”

  “Well, don’t expect to have a room in my apartment waiting for you if your little experiment blows up in your face.” I started to walk away. I was so pissed.

  “You’re such a great friend, Charlotte,” she snickered. “Just because you wouldn’t do it, it’s impossible for you to be happy for me?”

  I turned around. “I think you’re making a mistake. That’s all. And I can’t afford your half of the rent while you play house with Roddy, whom you met less than twenty-four hours ago!” I glared at her.

  “You said that already.”

  I stomped my foot. “You don’t even like baseball.”

  “I do now,” she said defiantly.

  “Well, I guess we’ll see each other at the games then.” I headed back into the kitchen and into the walk-in refrigerator to look for mayonnaise.

  “Wait, Charlie. I’m not moving out today.” Helen followed me in. I was standing precariously on a keg trying to reach the mayo on the top shelf. Helen was a bit taller than me and had longer arms. “Let me do that,” she said.

  “No! I have to learn to do things without you now.” When I started to lose my balance, she braced my legs. “I got this, Helen!”

  I jumped down with the mayo in hand and headed for the door.

  Why did things have to change?

  “Can we talk,” she said as she blocked the exit.

  “It’s freezing in here. We’re in a refrigerator.”

  “Is that why you’re being so cold to me?”

  Just then Luc, the pie guy, walked in to get something. “Charelette and Huh-leen, hello.”

  “It’s Helen and Charlotte, Luc. You’ve been in this country long enough to know how to pronounce our names.”

  Helen was still very resentful. The walk-in was not a good place for her to be face-to-face with Luc. They had had sex in there, like, fifty times.

  She was glaring at him as he searched for the butter.

  “Let’s get out of here, Helen.”

  “Fine.” Once in the kitchen, she said, “You should go to the game tonight.”

  “Why?”

  “Don’t you want to see Seth?”

  “I can wait,” I said.

  “That’s the thing with you. You’re always waiting. Waiting until something lands in your lap.”

  “I’m not going to stalk him. I don’t want to seem desperate. You do whatever you want, but you have to understand that what’s going on with you is not normal for most people.”

  “It’s because you’re insecure,” Helen said.

  “Quit fucking insulting me! It’s because I don’t even know if I like Seth yet.”

  “You slept with Adam after knowing him for five minutes.”

  “This isn’t about sex. And Adam was different.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Then why don’t you go look for him?”

  “I’m done talking about this, Helen. Go to the game, I’ll cover you. Move in with Roddy, I don’t care. Do whatever you want, but you need to give me a month’s rent to find someone to take your room.”

  “Do you really think I’m crazy, Charlie?”

  Helen still had an adorable sprinkling of freckles on her nose leftover from childhood. I looked at her and thought about how soft and pure and sweet she was. How her innocence and faith made her beautiful. She still believed in fairy tales. And because of that, she would get hers.

  “Honestly, yes, it’s crazy. But I guess it’s also a little brave. I just don’t like to see you get hurt.”

  She looked down and then up again thoughtfully. “It’s worth it to me, though.”

  “I know. I get it. Go, go to the game and see your man.”

  She skipped out of the kitchen and I was stuck slinging fries with Jon-Jon. “Thanks, Charlie,” she called out.

  * * *

  I WALKED BY Adam’s loft on the way back home. His car was gone and there was a FOR RENT sign in the front window. I guess that was that.

  11. Oh Brother

  Seth called after the game. “I went four for four again.”

  “Shit, maybe it’s Helen,” I said.

  “I don’t know. She was pretty cute cheering Roddy on. Did you hear?”

  “Yes, of course. She told me right away, but I still can’t believe it. Does Roddy do that?” I felt I needed to do some recon for my friend.

  “No,” Seth said adamantly. “He’s, like, noncommittal. He’s never even introduced a girl to his parents. They came to the game tonight and met Helen.”

  “Wow.” As fast as it was moving, I guess it was real. “Well, it will either be beautiful and amazing or it will go down in flames.”

  “I think it will be beautiful and amazing,” Seth said.

  “Die-hard optimist?”

  He laughed. “You make that sound bad. Oh hey, Obi-Wan wants to meet you,” he said.

  I rolled my eyes, thankful Seth couldn’t see me. “Oh yeah. Well, have him call me and we’ll make a date.” I had an instant flashback to the panty man and his dog obsession.

  When we got off the phone, I got into bed and thought about the current state of my life. It wasn’t that I hadn’t been willing to give any guys a chance. Hell, I stuck it out with Curtis way longer than any normal person would have. Even as he’d bless himself over and over and do his strange rituals after seeing an El Camino, I would sit by and watch him and wait until he was done. I put up with the panty man stealing my most expensive underwear and I had put up with Paul’s unwillingness to commit. I was a saint and I was also very seriously in denial. I knew none of those relationships would pan out, just like I knew none of my other careers would stick. That’s why I was willing to waste my time with them. They were safe. And I feared permanence. No normal person would go home with a guy they found on a Los Angeles street in the middle of the night carrying Chinese food.

  But I think I felt with Adam what Helen was feeling for Roddy. Too bad Adam hadn’t felt the same way. Too bad Adam was gone. That combination of spectacular sex, the way he looked, the
way he talked, the way he thought . . . I was hung up on him and still felt really defeated by him. My self-confidence, or at least the little I’d had, went in the tank after that night. Now Seth was here and I wouldn’t even give him a chance to show me who he was.

  * * *

  SETH CALLED AGAIN a couple of days later but I didn’t call him back. I came home from work on Friday and all of Helen’s things were packed. Roddy was carrying boxes down the stairs. “Hey, Charlie.”

  “It’s Charlotte.” I couldn’t make eye contact with him. I walked by Helen in the living room. “Doesn’t he have a game?”

  “Not tonight. They have a bye.”

  “Did you know what a bye was before this morning?”

  She stood from her spot on the floor where she was packing up the last of her books. “Don’t be an asshole, Charlotte.”

  Roddy came back in and stood at my side. “Can I talk to you outside?” he asked.

  “Me?” I pointed to my chest.

  “Yeah.” He was apprehensive.

  “Oh god, what now?” I mumbled, and then followed him. We walked out the front door onto the landing. A gust of wind kicked up the bottom of my dress, and I tried to smooth it down. “What do you want? It’s windy and I want to go back inside.”

  “I know it feels like I’m taking your best friend away—”

  “Did Helen fill your head with that crap?”

  “No, it’s obvious you feel that way; otherwise you wouldn’t be acting like a five-year-old.” He had a point. Roddy had a rumble to his voice that you could feel on your skin. It was mildly unnerving. “I just want you to know, I’ve never met anyone like her. I’m not gonna hurt her.” He smiled sincerely. I looked into his light-brown eyes and saw someone speaking from the heart.

  “How do you know?” I said.

  “I just know.”

  When will I just know? I wondered. “Well, if you change your mind and decide to hurt Helen, I’ll make it very hard for you to catch a ball ever again.”

  He smiled. “Something tells me I should take that threat seriously, even though I can eat your body weight in food in one day. I’m not going to change my mind.”