by S. K. Lessly
I thought about Paul the entire flight to Philly. I was still thinking about him as I drove to my parents. Maybe he was right. Both of us were clearly having problems in our respective relationships and that was probably why we were reacting to each other the way we were. Maybe when the dust settled things would be different.
About Forty minutes after leaving the airport, I finally pulled up to my parents’ home. There were no parking spaces in front of their house, which forced me to park a few houses up. As I walked down the street, my stomach started to turn. I was dreading seeing my family and dealing with my brother and sister for three days alone, without a buffer. Sebastian had to work so he couldn’t come with me this trip. He was the one that protected me from the wrath that was Brian. Since he couldn’t come with me, I told him he owed me for the Fourth of July weekend. Damn, now that I think about it, would we even survive until then?
As I entered the house, all thoughts fell away as the criticism greeted me with open arms.
“Please tell me you have more bags than that,” my mother said as her greeting. She was sitting in her living room, rummaging through her purse, her head down not even looking at me.
Did I mention my family wasn’t your typical loving family? We didn’t greet each other with warm hugs and smiling faces. It was more like, ‘where have you been?’ Or ‘it’s about time you got here’, or my favorite, ‘did you really walk out of the house wearing that?’.
My brother Mark was the exception. He had no problem telling me that he loved me or missed me. He showed me affection all the time and I did the same to him. But the others, I couldn’t get a hug from them if my life depended on it or theirs.
I looked at the small bag in my hand and grunted. “Mom, what do you mean? I’m only planning on being here for a few days.”
My mom finally looked up at me and scrunched up her face but didn’t respond.
I took this moment to admire my mom. She was a looker, despite the frown on her face. She had smooth caramel skin, high cheekbones and oval shaped brown eyes. She stood taller than me at 5’7,” but she was thinner with very little curves. Her hair was long and still held her color, black; although I doubt she kept her color without assistance in the chemical department.
My father was pretty good-looking too. He was about 5’11” with pepper grey hair, and a full mustache and beard. He was thin as well with a small gut but carried himself with distinction.
My mom was about to say something else to me, probably about my jeans and T-shirt, but my father came down the steps somewhat saving me.
“There you are. We were about to throw a search party.” My father scoffed as he entered the living room.
“Oh, Walt, we aren’t leaving until tomorrow,” my mother told him.
“Where are you going?” I asked completely puzzled.
My mother waved at me dismissively. “Oh, Lauren, please don’t act like you don’t remember our trip to Hawaii.”
“What?!” I exclaimed, completely baffled.
“You want you to lower your voice, young lady,” my father scolded, but I, of course, ignored him.
“What are you talking about, Mother? What trip to Hawaii?”
“The trip we planned weeks ago for my birthday. Janet said she called and told you about it. She confirmed you were coming a few days ago.”
“Oh, Janet asked me if I was coming this weekend. That was all. I knew nothing about Hawaii.”
My sister took this moment to come downstairs and when she saw my frowning face, she brought her hand to her mouth. “Oh crap, I forgot to tell you the change of plans, didn’t I?”
My brows furrowed even deeper with disgust. “Are you kidding me, Janet? Mom said you guys planned this trip weeks ago. Why didn’t you tell me when I talked to you? You didn’t want me to go. Is that it?”
“Oh please, Lauren, don’t be so dramatic,” she grumbled, waving me off dismissively, which wasn’t going over very well with my temper.
The front door opened, temporarily stopping the conversation, and I turned to see my brother, Mark, walk through the door. He came over to greet me with a smile and hug.
“Hey, Lauren, I am so glad to see you.” He stepped back, still smiling, but froze when he saw my face. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong? Oh, I’ll tell you what’s wrong. As always, this family hates me. I had no clue the plans had changed from us taking a drive to Maryland to flying to freaking Hawaii.”
Mark looked at Janet. “You said you told her.”
“I know. I thought I did!” Janet barked back.
The rest of my family, Hilary, Brian, and Janet’s dead-beat husband, Karl, took this moment to barrel downstairs. Mary also entered the house and stood behind her husband, but not before throwing a huge smile my way. I wanted to return the gesture, but I was too fired up.
I narrowed my eyes at my hateful-ass brother, Brian, as he stepped up to us. He looked me up and down, frowned, and then took in the room.
“What’s up?” Brian asked.
“Your sister didn’t know about the trip to Hawaii,” my mother announced.
“Aw hell, so what she ain’t going?” Brain's brows creased deeper as he looked at me.
“Oh, don’t sound so disappointed brother.” I rolled my eyes.
“Now calm down, Lauren. I’m sure we can work this out. William, call your travel agent to see how much another ticket would cost,” my father instructed.
Brian rolled his eyes. “Come on, Dad, you don’t need to spend that kind of money.”
I said at the same time. “No need to do that, Dad, really. I’ll just hang out with you guys today. Maybe we can go to dinner or something.”
“Nope, that’s not possible. We have things to do tonight, Lauren. You can’t just expect us to change our plans because of you,” Brian said to me.
I looked at my mom. “Okay, Mom, why don’t we go to dinner. I can give you your gift and we can catch up or something.”
“Nope, she can’t go either,” my brother butted in tersely.
I looked at Brian. “Was I talking to you?”
“You always do this,” he bellowed, ignoring my question. “You think people have time to change their plans because of you.”
“Lauren, I don’t have a problem paying for you ticket if you want to go,” Mark said.
“Oh, you would.” Brian rolled his eyes and folded his arms in front of him.
I sighed and smiled at Mark. “I can’t let you do that. I just won’t go.”
“Well, can’t you pay for the ticket yourself?” my mother asked me.
But before I could answer, my loving older brother replied for me. “She probably can’t unless Sebastian pays for it and if he’s smart, he wouldn’t bother. You need to pay your own way for a change.”
“Well, maybe we can postpone our trip or—"
“No, Mother, we cannot!” my fuck-face brother spat. “Look, I sympathize with her, but we have planned this trip for months. Too bad she can’t afford to go.”
“You’re an asshole,” I said bluntly.
“And you’re a selfish grown-ass woman who thinks the world revolves around you. It’s always something with you. Now, what? You think your parents should still have to pay for you?”
“I don’t want them to do anything,” I replied, getting closer to him.
“Oh please, that’s exactly what you want them to do. You are a piece of work. Do you know that? I’m so sick of your shit. I’m surprised Sebastian hasn’t dumped your ass yet either.”
I squinted at him and got closer, my hands tightening into fists. “What did you just say?”
“All right, Lauren, just calm down,” my father reprimanded as usual.
“Me!” I looked at him, eyes wide. I pointed at my useless brother. “Why do I have to calm down? Why don’t you ask him to calm down and shut his mouth before I shut it for him?”
“Because he knows I’m telling the truth,” Brian added. “You know I’ve been meaning
to say this for a long time and I think this is the time to tell you.”
“William, please,” Mark said, shaking his head.
“Oh, grow a set, little brother. She needs to know this.”
“Oh, it’s okay, Mark,” I spoke up, folding my arms in front of me, preparing myself for a battle. “You were saying?”
Brian walked closer to me and pointed at me, which was a ballsy move on his part, I might add.
“You are the most selfish and ungrateful person I have ever met. These two have broken their backs providing for you and what do you do to show your gratitude? Nothing. You barely fucking call them and you expect someone to always do shit for you. It’s like you don’t even belong in this family. Hell, you don’t fit anyway. Look at you. You have a mediocre job that you can’t even live off of and you’re smooching off of your husband. I bet if he left your sorry ass right now, you’d be back down here living with Mom and Dad.”
I started to laugh. “Brian you seriously underestimate me. I don’t need anything from anyone in this room, much less Sebastian. I’m doing quite fine on my own and have been for a while now. “
“Oh yeah? So, I guess the house is in both of your names then? No? What about your car?”
“For your information, the car isn’t in both our names. And the house—” I started to explain, but my brother spoke up with his assumptions and bullshit.
“Yeah, I didn’t think so. Don’t you think he’s getting tired of carrying your sorry ass? When are you going to start doing shit for yourself?”
“First of all, no one is carrying me. And second, I have been doing me for twenty-eight years.”
“Yeah, and look at you. You look like shit. You’re overweight and you need to do something with your hair. As I said, I’m surprised Sebastian can stand to look at you.”
I dropped my arms and squared off with Brian. “Why do you keep bringing up me and my husband? Sebastian and I are fine unless there’s something you want to tell me.”
I don’t know why the sound of Sebastian’s name coming from this nimrod was pissing me off, but I could feel rage starting to boil in my gut, getting ready to overflow. If that happened, I couldn’t be held accountable for my actions.
Brian laughed. “Yes, there is actually. Tell me little sister, have you two talked about having kids yet?”
“Alright, William, that’s enough!” Mark cut in, his voice rising in volume. He looked at our father. “Dad, are you going to put a stop to this?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I replied, ignoring my brother’s plea, trying to remain calm. I narrowed my eyes at Brian and Mark.
Something was going on here. Brian looked too happy as if he had a secret that he was dying to tell me. Mark looked like he was about to be sick. Out of pure curiosity more than anything else, I shifted my attention to Brian instead of Mark. I knew Brian wouldn’t hold back anything. He loved to inflict pain and from his satisfied expression, whatever this was, it would definitely hurt.
“Why would you ask me something like that, Brian? What do you know that I don’t? Tell me.”
Mark stepped forward, putting his hand on Brian, “William, don’t. Not like this.”
Brian shrugged off Mark’s hand. “Not like what, Mark? Clearly, she wants to know. It’s obvious Sebastian didn’t tell her, which I have to say is brilliant if you think about it. Either he never planned on telling her or he figured he was the best she would ever find so...” Brian smiled wickedly, which started making me even angrier.
Brian glanced to Janet. “Oh, Sebastian is brilliant.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I barked, my patience now gone.
“Sebastian can’t have kids,” Brian replied and my heart stopped.
“Bullshit!” I blurted, because hell, I didn’t know what else to say.
“No bullshit. Tell her Mark.”
I looked at my brother and he looked at me crestfallen. “I thought you knew, Lauren. I mean he told us as much.”
Brian started laughing even harder. “Oh, this is priceless.”
I stared at him stunned. How could Sebastian do this to me? He knew I wanted kids. I had told him as much on multiple occasions while we dated and he told me he wanted the same. We had names picked out, for goodness sake, but he couldn’t have children. What the fuck?
My brother continued to laugh, pointing at me and praising Sebastian as I felt my entire world crumble underneath me. The rage that threatened to explode in me did just that. I looked around the room and saw the truth. I was a joke to everyone. My whole family thought I was a joke. How could they keep something like this from me? I looked at Mark and his sympathetic eyes did nothing but make me feel worse.
And Brian and his laughter… Why was he still laughing? God, the sound was grating my nerves, making my body shake with fury. Didn’t he see the pain in my eyes, the hurt? Didn’t he have an ounce of sympathy for me?
I just couldn’t take it anymore, any of it actually. So, I reacted. I just needed to shut him up and I only knew one way to do it.
I stepped up to my brother, cocked my arm back and let my fist free. I had aimed for his eye, but instead, my tight fist connected with the soft gristle of my brother’s nose. I heard a satisfying crack that made me smile.
Shit wasn’t funny now was it?
Brian’s head snapped back from the blow, his face frozen with shock. He stumbled backwards a little, his hand going straight to his face. Unfortunately, I couldn’t finish him off with my signature move, the blow to the nuts. Someone had grabbed me from behind and started moving me backward, away from my prey.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Brian yelled, holding his nose, trying to stop the blood from gushing on his shirt at the same time he pushed Mark out of the way.
The house erupted in a fit of chaos after that. My father was yelling, telling me I had gone too far and something about violence and not the answer and being disappointed. My mother was yelling for my father to get a hold of something, to calm me down or something. My sister and the rest were just background noise to the sound of my blood pressure raging in my ears. I had argued in the past with my siblings, but I’d never raised my hand in anger, ever. It was his laughter that did it. I was a joke to him, to this entire family and I lost it. It was no excuse for violence, but right now, I didn’t give a shit. Maybe later I would.
“Shit’s not funny now is it, asshole!” I yelled, trying to break free. “How could you keep something like that from me? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t any of you tell me?” Who in the hell had me? They were squeezing the hell out of me.
“Why didn’t you know?” Brian yelled back. Hillary handed him a towel and he positioned it on his nose in a way that still allowed him to glare at me. “It’s not our place to tell you about your man. You’re the dumb one that didn’t ask questions. What? We have to do everything for your ungrateful ass. Well, fuck that and fuck you!”
I pointed my finger at him. “Fuck you too. In fact, fuck everyone in the goddamn room. I never asked anyone to do anything for me. But this… God, I would think you would have pulled me to the side and told me.”
I started to struggle harder to break free from my hold, but two things happened that made my blood run cold. One, I counted the men in the room. Brian was standing in front of me with blood on his face and shirt. Mark was in front of him, preventing him from coming closer to me. And my father was standing there looking white as a sheet, figuratively mind you. That left the one person that I loathed beyond anything, the dirty nasty son of a bitch that…
I instantly became aware of how Karl had one of his thick arms was around my stomach and the other arm was across my chest, touching my breasts. I felt hot breath burning the side of my face. I started to panic for a different reason, especially when I felt something hard against my ass. Oh, hell no!
“Let go of me, you son of a bitch!” I reared back, trying to smash the back of my head into Karl’s face, but he was too
quick and moved his head to the side.
“Calm down,” he roared. I wasn’t listening. I didn’t want his hands on me, his body touching me. This dude was hard from me struggling against him. Ew…
I started throwing punches at his arms, kicking his shins to break free.
“Karl, let my daughter go!” my father boomed.
Karl did what he was told and dropped me to the floor. I started to turn around and kick him in the nuts for that, but I didn’t. Instead, I scrambled to my feet and grabbed my bag.
“I’m done. I’m out of here.”
“Wait, Lauren,” my mother called out to me, finally getting herself together. “Why don’t we all calm down and have a seat. We need to talk about everything rationally.”
I shook my head. “No, Mom. That time has sailed when I said “I do” at my wedding. I can’t believe you guys didn’t tell me he couldn’t have kids. I mean you didn’t think it was important for me to know that. You all know how much I love kids. And just to confirm things to you, he never told me he couldn’t have kids. Ever! It bodes the question what else are you guys keeping from me? Is there anything else I need to know? Is Brian really a girl? Because he sure cries like a b—”
“Lauren that is enough!” my father reprimanded.
“Your right dad, it is enough.” I countered harshly. “It seems all I’ve been is a joke to all of you.”
“That’s not true,” My mother said softly and at first, I took the softness in her voice for love but when I looked in her eyes, I saw something else entirely. It was that pacifying look she’d give to her patients that stared back at me. I growled in frustration and threw open the front door, ready to escape this hell.
See why I don’t come home often?
“Yeah, that’s right, run. That’s what you’re good at doing.” Brian spoke up, his eyes hard as he took me in. “You fight when shit is easy for you, but when it gets hard you run. Go! No one wants you here anyway. You’ve never fit in with this family. Just look at you. You’re a huge fucking disappointment. You don’t belong here.”