“There are tunnels carved under the Colosseum to house us. It feels endless. There’s very little light because they don’t bother to relight the torches every day. The rooms range from large group areas to tight little holes where barely one person may fit in them. Some of the halls are so small, even a female Andinna would need to crouch and squeeze through. The best gladiators got to live in a private hallway with a guard posted. We were the money makers. We even had a private bathing room for each of us.” She sighed. “It took me a long time to earn one of those rooms. Before that, sleep was a dangerous endeavor.”
“Really? Certainly the males there with you would keep the Elvasi from taking advantage of you.”
The bitter laugh that came out of her mouth surprised both of them.
“Oh no, Jesvena. The male Andinna were the very ones who made sleep so dangerous. You think I have a reputation here? Imagine putting a young female in a dark world where the males are broken and devoid of their people, their traditions, even their language. Imagine her being the very reason the War was lost. The infamous daughter of General Lorren.” Mave grinned, but it felt like she was threatening the other female.
“It started out perverse. When I asked one to teach me to read, he only would if I let him fuck me. He hadn’t been with a female since before the War, and at that point, it was more than a century past. I refused because it was the very reason I was in the pits. One of the palace guards tried to rape me, and I killed him for it. But don’t worry, the Elvasi didn’t get to be my first time. The Andinna, saying I was a stuck-up little bitch, gang-raped me later.”
Jesvena turned pale.
“I have a reputation for killing my own people,” Mave continued softly. “A well-earned reputation. I never lost. But I promise, every horror you might have heard about me was purely in reaction to the horrors I was forced to suffer through. I gained a reputation because it kept me alive. I had to be the scariest, most dominant Andinna because it put fear in them before they had the idea to hurt me anymore.” She closed her eyes, thinking about the rest.
“Even then, my reputation made some things worse for me. For everything I did to stay safe from my own people, I gained attention from the Elvasi. Did you know you could buy a night with an Andinna gladiator? We didn’t just make money killing. I was the Empress’ Champion and the Colosseum whore for the nobles who wanted a piece of a legend.”
For the first time in a long time, she thought of her life and tears pricked her eyes. Maybe it was because she now knew how grand and great life could be. Maybe it was thinking about how her future would always be shaped by her past. Maybe it was regret.
“I’ve been beaten, raped, and abused by not only our enemy but our own people. I’ve had to drag my bleeding body across the floor to find shelter before someone could take advantage of it. I’ve been kicked and punched. Stabbed and sliced. I’ve experienced nearly every torture invented, and some were designed specifically for me.” When she opened her eyes again, she found herself staring directly at the horrified old female. “Some habits, like my sleep schedule, will never change because of everything I saw and went through. You’re right. The pits shaped me into who I am, and for the Andinna, they are hell on earth.”
“By the Skies,” someone whispered. Mave spun to find Allaina standing in a doorway to the back kitchens of the dining hall.
“Then I would be taken out of the pits and trotted across the city at the Empress’ side.” Mave didn’t understand why she was still talking. “To keep from being beaten, I had to keep my eyes down like a good slave.”
Allaina stared at her, her face giving away everything—shock, horror, pain. The most surprising thing she saw in the other female?
Understanding.
“I was the most powerful and most dominant Andinna in the entire Empire, and I had to force myself to stare at the ground. The pits shaped me, all right—I refuse to look at the ground for anyone…ever again.”
When Mave turned back to Jesvena, the old female was holding her abdomen as if she were going to be sick.
“I’m so sorry, Mave,” she whispered. “I had no idea.”
“No one really does until they see it, experience it. When the Company rescued Mat, Rain, and me, they were all similarly shocked by the lives the gladiators live. Mat and Rain were so…unprepared for what they found themselves in. The only reason I ever worked with them was…” This time, Mave’s smile was nostalgic. She could remember the first time Rain sat down at her table. “Rain wouldn’t leave me alone. Mat followed him without a choice in the matter, I think. It was the first time in my life I put myself to the task of helping anyone else survive. They were jumped once. It’s how his horn was broken. I never felt so…scared in my entire life. A lot of Andinna die down there like that.”
“He was jumped?” Allaina’s voice broke. “By other Andinna? Our own people?”
“The guards don’t break the products, and those who try learn their lesson when the product fights back,” Mave explained. “Andinna are what makes the pits dangerous.”
“We should have had this talk a long time ago,” Jesvena whispered sadly. “Now, we can look to the future with a better understanding of each other. For example, I was an old mativa during the war. I remember when you were born, a little girl with such promise. We all wondered what future the daughter of our two favorite military leaders in history would have. The royal family even made a congratulatory announcement for your birth, an honor they had never done before. I remember when the news spread that you had been captured by the Empire. I remember praying to the gods for you to come home. Then we were defeated.” She reached out and took Mave’s hand. Mave didn’t understand what she was going for. “And I guess, after much trial and tribulation, you have. I’m sorry I didn’t look more deeply into the life you’ve had.”
“I’m sorry I’ve made life difficult for you. None of what I’ve been through is your fault.” She couldn’t offer any more. “I’ll tell you something more normal. I’m nervous about today. I’ve never done anything like this.”
Jesvena’s face brightened a little. “Well, why don’t you run through it with Allaina and me first? How were you doing with Senri?”
“I was able to run through it with her keeping the beat,” Mave answered. She pulled her flute up. “Can someone do the beat for me?”
“I’ve got it.” Allaina jumped into action, grabbing a set of drums from the far side of the room. “Whenever you’re ready,” she said as she sat down with them. Mave wondered what was going through the other female’s mind—she was shut down, focused on the drums.
“Give me a count.”
Allaina started the beat and counted to three. The beat after she was done, Mave started playing. She loved the song as much now as she did the first time she heard it. After weeks of practice, she had the muscle memory for the song, falling into it with ease. For the first time in her life, she felt truly graceful as she made something beautiful.
It ended all too quickly.
“That was lovely. You’ll be fine. You should be happy with how far you’ve come,” Jesvena said quickly.
“Thank you. Senri didn’t teach me notes or anything. She and I just committed to my learning this one song for now and getting into the technical stuff later.”
“It was the right decision, I think. Would you mind helping Allaina and me finish setting up?”
“I can help. I am here early, after all.”
And with that, Mave felt something shift in the air around them. For the first time in months, she stood in the same room with Jesvena and Allaina and didn’t feel like an outcast. She helped move cushions and drums around for others to use. When Senri arrived, also earlier than any of the other females, she cornered Mave.
“What’s going on?” she asked softly.
“I got here early and…well, we talked. Bridges were built, I guess. I’ll tell you all about it later.”
“Good.” Her friend patted her shoulder.
Senri fell in and helped them. It happened fast. Suddenly every female in the village was in the dining hall, and they were all stripping down. Mave joined in, staying close to her friend. Senri whistled at one point.
“I’ve seen them before, but it’s always a sight.”
“My scars?” she asked softly.
Senri only hummed her confirmation. Mave wasn’t bothered. She knew it was always a sight. She caught one person staring she didn’t think would—Allaina. What surprised Mave, though, was Allaina had a few scars of her own. Their origins were unknown to her, but one across her ribs caught Mave’s eye. When Allaina turned away, Mave did as well.
Now naked, Mave tried to keep her eyes up. A lot of the females were giggling as they took their places. Senri pointed to Mave’s spot next to her. There was no rhyme or reason to the seating. The drums took one half of the room, and the flutes took the other, no set order for them. Senri actually put them on the back row.
“We can sit closer next time if you want,” she whispered. “I figured you would like the back for now.”
“You thought right.”
“All right, everyone! From the top! Drums start the beat, then flutes come in. Remember, flutes take center stage through the first song. When they finish up, drum players should be right into the second song.”
“There’s a second song?” Mave hissed.
“Drums,” Senri explained. “Pay attention. Allaina is about to start the count.”
Right on cue, the beat began. Mave started when she normally did, on the fourth beat. Thankfully, everyone started there. Together, they all played, and Mave was hit with the full effect of the music. It relaxed her, put her at ease as the music practically washed away the horrors of her life for a moment.
And just like earlier, it was over too soon. The drums started a hard song with demanding beats. Something about it made her excited, made her sit up higher. For how calm the flute made her, the drums made her want to move.
Senri chuckled beside her, noticing her mood shift.
“The drums make the males excited too. I can’t wait for the look on your face when you see them.”
Mave felt her face heat up and wasn’t sure if it was the hearths or realizing what Senri meant. Sex normally didn’t embarrass her, but finally realizing what this really meant did.
“Are they going to be…”
“Oh, Mave.” Senri just patted her thigh.
She felt like a child.
It felt like hours later, they had gone through the entire performance several times. Mave’s fingers were beginning to ache when Jesvena told them they could leave. She threw on her clothes faster than everyone else, not stopping to talk to anyone. Senri was nearly as fast, but she was pulled aside to talk about something to do with who would be on patrol during the festival.
Mave was nearly out the door when someone touched her arm. She found a female she didn’t know standing behind her.
“You did really well today. I just wanted to tell you that.” The female’s voice was as sweet as sugar.
“Thanks.” Mave tried her best to smile. She hoped she didn’t scare the thin little female. Instead, the female gave her a bright returning smile.
“Hold on, Mave!” Allaina called as she tried to make it out the door again.
“We’ll talk outside,” Mave told her as she drew closer. She left, taking a deep breath of the cold mountain air. It was getting much too hot in the dining hall. Allaina followed her out, stepping in front of her before Mave could move further away. Mave didn’t even get a chance to ask what she needed. Allaina was nothing if not direct.
“I haven’t been particularly welcoming to you,” Allaina started.
“No, but I didn’t like you before I even met you, so…” Mave shrugged. It was the honest truth.
“Really?”
“What female likes the previous lover?” Mave smirked. “I also hate that you call him Matty.”
Allaina had the balls to laugh. “And I’m not one to like any female who takes what I think of as mine. The truth is, I had already lost him, and that’s not your fault. I’ve always known I lost him because I asked him to change.” The female sighed, sobering. “I just wanted to say thank you. You saved him. And Rain. Even if he’s not mine, at least he’s alive, and they both came home.”
“Honestly, I didn’t do much,” Mave said softly. “He saved me, really. They both did.”
“I hate what I’m about to say…but you’re perfect for him. I hope you know that. And Karyl was right. You did great today. I should have believed in you more.” Allaina reached out and touched her shoulder. Mave put out a hand, which surprised the other female. The grip of Allaina’s handshake was firmer than Mave expected. “Here’s to a new season of change and rebirth.”
“I look forward to the future.” For the first time since she met the female, she didn’t feel stung or angry when in her presence. Mave met her eyes, and Allaina dropped hers respectfully, without a major fight. “See you tomorrow.”
“Of course.” They released each other, and Mave walked away, leaving Allaina to go back inside and deal with the clean-up. She looked over her shoulder once, and for the first time, she felt good about spending time with the other females.
She felt like she was one of them, just with a rougher upbringing than most.
13
Brynec
Brynec walked silently behind Matesh as they met their patrol unit for their final night. A dozen young males waited in formation at the guardhouse away from the village. Some yawned, rubbing their eyes. Some were fiddling with their armor. They seemed bored, but Bryn was done fighting with them. He just wanted to get this over with and go home to his lover.
Just the thought of Mave made him want to smile. The winter months had been good to them. She was everything he’d expected and more. Normally, the first year after a male joins a mayara can be rough as things are settled in the household, but he and Mat worked well together, and she just let them do what they thought was right. She was too busy enjoying her new life to be bogged down in the small details of running the household.
Enjoying life—he thought he had before he met her. He thought being with the Company was the best he would ever get. The strange family the group of males made around Luykas and Alchan as their leaders—he thought that had been perfect.
I was so wrong.
He woke up beside her when he was home. He watched her leave and explore the woods around the village. He watched her learn to fly, and every day, her Andena improved. The Skies had truly blessed him to watch her flourish the way she was.
And he lost three nights a week, away from her and the furs they made love on, dealing with bored young males.
“Is everyone ready?” Mat called out. Bryn found Matesh a changed man from the male he had known for years. He and Mat had never been close. He’d always been too much for Bryn—too popular, too wanted, too perfect. He also had his own family in Leshaun, Zayden, and Rain. Bryn had gravitated toward Varon and Nevyn.
But since they rescued Mat, Rain, and Mave, he’d watched the noncommittal male grow up, mature in ways none of the Company had ever expected him to. He had a lot of potential for leadership. He was the hardest on the bored young males in front of them. He thought they were worthless and wasn’t afraid to say so. He hadn’t lost all of his good nature, but it was reserved for fewer people than it once was.
“Yes sir!” the unit called back in unison. Bryn chuckled. When they had started their time with this group, the males couldn’t be bothered to respect age and experience, fighting hard against the new authority they had to answer to. Now, they at least paid common courtesies.
“Let’s move out!” Matesh jumped into the air, Bryn followed, and the younger males fell in behind them.
They soared over the tops of the trees and between mountains, using the same route for every patrol, the one Senri assigned them at the beginning of winter. She had a schedule for training and patrols and which ro
utes each unit took. While Bryn thought her system was too consistent, he also wasn’t stupid enough to tell her that. She did what worked for her people, and it wasn’t his place to comment on it.
He gave his wings a strong flap and propelled himself to fly beside Mat.
“Are ya excited to finally be done with this?” he called out.
“Of course!” Mat grinned at him.
Together, they angled down and began a drop toward the earth. Bryn tucked his wings in, streamlining his body like a hawk diving. He picked up speed, overtaking Matesh. The earth raced up to meet him and right before he hit the trees, he spread his wings, letting them catch the air. It was a stupid thing to do, but with it being their last night on patrol, he was in a good mood. The dive was exhilarating, one of his favorite things to do.
He landed softly, years of practice making him graceful. He hadn’t always been. Whenever Mave got flustered about her own flying, he’d remind her he was once in her shoes. He used to stumble and fall when he landed. He used to have a hard time taking off.
“Show off,” Mat accused, landing next to him, the rest of the guards landing around them. Without saying anything to them, Mat and Bryn started the long hike. “You know, with this finished, we can start wondering what the Company has planned for the end of winter.”
“I don’t want to start thinking about it,” Bryn admitted. “I think after the last year we’ve had, with the capture, the rescue, Mave…the Company needs a year off. Maybe a little more.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve gone inactive for a couple of years,” Mat said softly, nodding. “It would be nice to spend a few quiet years with our amanra.”
“That’s what I’m thinkin’, but if I said that to Luykas or, Skies forbid, Alchan, they would try to kill me.” Bryn smiled. “Ya know ‘em. They would think we’re just lovesick fools.”
“We are lovesick fools,” Mat reminded him, laughing. “She’s been so happy recently. This morning worries me.”
“Aye. She’s getting along with Luykas. She has a good friend in Senri and her family, which is good because Kian only likes who his wife likes.” Bryn sighed. “Then she dropped that revelation on us.”
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