Her perfect world had been burned to the ground. Her first real home was destroyed. Everywhere in front of her was evidence of the monster she knew Shadra was. Even here in Olost, even in their protected mountains, far away from other civilization, they weren’t safe. Oh, she’d known from last summer, even Olost wasn’t perfect, but she never thought her new home wouldn’t be safe. She never thought the mountains wouldn’t be safe.
One day didn’t calm her nerves, not even a full day. Not even the return of males like Zayden made her feel better.
She knew when Alchan and Luykas had started their flight back to the village. She knew when they landed at Alchan’s home. She knew because of the blood bond, always beating underneath her chest. She assumed Alchan was with Luykas out of habit.
She also knew exactly when Luykas decided to come find her.
She stood up slowly as he made his way in her direction. Her hand tightened on the hilt of her sword, a growl passing from her lips. She wasn’t enraged at him—she was enraged at everything. He would have been smart enough to save everyone, but he wasn’t here when it happened. For some reason, she was mad about that. She was mad at Alchan, and Mat, and Bryn. She was mad at Nevyn and Varon. She was furious with Kian, who wasn’t here to help save his female, her best friend. She was angry Rain hadn’t been around to turn into a wyvern and fight with her.
She was enraged at all of it.
He quietly landed behind her.
“Mave.”
“Luykas,” she snarled back in greeting. “Get away from me.”
“You’re angry,” he whispered, taking a step closer to her.
“Yes.”
“At?” He took another step.
“Everything,” she answered in a hiss. “Everyone.” She turned on him slowly, her teeth bared in warning. He was even closer than she figured he would be. “Get. Away. From. Me.” She enunciated, so he heard it perfectly.
“No. As one of your commanding officers—”
She roared and raised her sword, diving for him. He didn’t jump back from her in time, the tip of her sword making a thin line over his chest. He recovered fast enough, though, his blade drawn in seconds. The singing of steel meeting steel filled the air as he blocked her next attack and locked them into place.
“There’s a lot to be angry about. Tell me in detail. Talk to me, Mave.” He searched her face, but she had nothing to show him. She schooled her features to blankness, bottling up her rage, condensing it to fit in her chest. It felt too big. It felt like the night Mat and Rain had been attacked. The night she proceeded to cut her way through gladiators to get to them and save them.
“You could have helped me save them,” she started, pushing him back. He stumbled, surprised by her move. He didn’t recover in time as she dragged her sword over his thigh. “Alchan could have helped me save them. You all could have been here and helped me save them.”
“I’m sorry we weren’t.” Luykas limped away from her, but she didn’t let him get any more distance than she wanted. She wanted blood and was going to have it now. “Mave, I’m sorry we weren’t here.”
“I trusted you!” she roared, lunging for him again.
He didn’t dodge her or block her. One moment she was flying through the air, ready to gut him, and the next, her sword was out of her hand and he had her from behind, an arm wrapped around her throat. She struggled, trying to shove her wings out, but he held on. He didn’t squeeze and deprive her of air. He just held her.
“I trusted all of you,” she growled. “I thought being here was safe. I thought the Company watched out for each other. I was here, and they took everything, and none of you were here.”
“I know,” he whispered. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“I failed them.” The words came out of her like an admission of guilt, broken by emotions she didn’t want to have anymore. “I couldn’t save them, and none of you were here to help.”
“You saved so many.”
“Not enough,” she whispered.
Not enough. Never enough. No matter how many I kill, it’s never enough. They’ll never stop. They’ll never leave me alone. They’ll always come back.
“More than anyone could expect,” he said gently. “More than anyone could have asked for.”
Their skin was touching, and she felt the calm waves of his emotions in her blood, bringing her back down. She didn’t want to stop being angry. What was she going to do when the anger was gone? She needed it.
“Let me go,” she begged.
“No. Mat and Bryn aren’t back yet, but I bet they will be soon. You’re angry, and I understand it, but you could hurt them. You could hurt them, then you’ll hate yourself. I won’t let you do that to yourself.” He held on tighter as she tried to pull away. “You could hurt Alchan. Or Rain.”
“I didn’t hurt Zayden,” she growled.
“You hurt me.” He sounded tired and sad, but the bond was still mostly calming, patient in ways she would never be able to channel herself. She caught touches of sadness. “I’ll be limping for a couple of days.”
She winced. She had hurt him. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I knew what I was walking into. I misjudged how fast you would come after me.” He pulled her closer in a different way—less of a stranglehold and more of a hug. “Tell me why you’re angry, Mave. Tell me the real reason.”
“I’m angry at myself,” she admitted softly. “I’m angry at the Elvasi and Shadra.”
“You don’t need to be angry with yourself. You don’t. You did everything you could and—”
“No, I didn’t!” she snarled, taking advantage of his looser hold to break away. She left her back to him, though. She didn’t go for her sword. “I was right there, able to see Senri and Allaina in chains. Able to see so many of them in chains. The numbers were bad. There were so many of them. I think it was an entire battalion. I couldn’t find an opening to get in and free them. I should have tried, though. I should have tried.” Her voice strangled at the end. “Senri told me to go, and I went. Leshaun told me to leave with him, so I did.” She covered her face. “But I should have tried.”
She fell to her knees. Luykas kneeled next to her, rubbed her back slowly, slowly wrapping his arms around her again.
“You did everything you could. Dying wouldn’t help us. Getting captured wouldn’t help us. You saved as many as you could.”
“I failed,” she whispered again.
“No. No…” He buried his face in her hair, shaking his head at the same time. “You didn’t fail. I promise, and I’m so sorry we weren’t here with you. I’m so sorry, Mave.”
They sat silently after that, Luykas rubbing her arms as he held her. Her rage weakened, loosening its grasp on her chest.
“Thank you,” she finally whispered. “For coming here. For making sure Mat and Bryn didn’t see me like this.” She kept her eyes closed, thinking about how she attacked Luykas as quickly as she did. “I don’t want to hurt them.”
“I know. You would rather you slice open the male you hate, not the ones you love.”
“I don’t hate you.” She sighed. “Stopped hating you a long time ago. Haven’t always agreed with you, but I don’t hate you.”
“Are you saying…” He sounded lighter for a moment.
“Yeah, you’re my friend,” she mumbled. “Don’t be so excited about it.” She looked up at him, searching his golden eyes. “How did my parents do it? How did they fight a war and lose people?”
“It was their job,” he answered. “It was what they excelled at. They knew the line—how to care but stay somewhat detached. They couldn’t be everyone’s friend. They couldn’t save a grunt who made the decision to fight. They had to lead so many, and everyone knew the risks.”
“I don’t understand it,” she said, wrapping her arms around herself. “I don’t like losing people.”
“No one does.” He pulled away, letting her go. “Are you ready to head back? Nevyn and Varon were there when I left
.”
“Dawn. I’m going to stay here until dawn.”
“Then I’ll stay with you.”
She walked back to her cliffside and sat down again, her feet hanging over the edge. Luykas settled a few feet from her, watching over the village with her. They didn’t touch anymore, so she didn’t know what was going through his head or what he was feeling. He was good at pushing certain things through the bond when they touched but always hid anything underneath. She never knew everything he felt while he always knew everything she did. She would find it dishonest of him, but she was a bit jealous of it. He used it when they trained to keep her focused, so Nevyn and Varon couldn’t get her angry and force her into mistakes.
She wanted to hate how good they were together as friends and fighting partners, but she couldn’t, not after he had just put himself at risk to help her.
She checked her pockets and found something she had picked up from her home much earlier in the evening, the flute Senri gave her. Her hands shook, but she started to play the little song from the spring festival. Luykas said nothing, but she felt calmer playing than she did sitting in silence. It reminded her of her friend and the other females. She would hold on to it until they could teach her another song. She would get them back. For everything, she had to get them back.
When dawn came, she stood up first, stretching out her weary muscles. She hadn’t slept since the attack, wouldn’t allow herself to until she saw everyone from the Company and they had a plan. She didn’t care if that took another day or more. She wasn’t going to close her eyes until that moment.
“They burned it all,” Luykas said softly. “Everything.”
“Yes.” She looked out on the destruction, an overwhelming sadness filling her. Only days ago, the Andinna had been celebrating, eating the rest of their winter stores, dancing and playing music. Lovers were together, and life was beautiful. The world rejoiced at the end of the cold winter and the new birth of spring.
And they had burned all of it.
My world…No.
They reduced our world to ashes.
“The horses were freed. Some were killed. I wouldn’t doubt if they stole the rest.” Luykas stood up slowly, frowning. “Anything that couldn’t be burned was ruined. We can’t see the homes below us, but I bet any in reach are destroyed.”
“Probably. They broke through the door of mine. I fought six in my family room.”
“I’m so sorry, Mave.” He rubbed his face as he sighed. “We should have been here.”
“No…My anger said that. You were all doing what you do every year, following old traditions that are important to you. To everyone. No one saw this coming.” She had to admit that, so her anger didn’t come back. She needed to show him and herself she understood this wasn’t his or anyone’s fault except the Elvasi’s. “But Luykas…we’re killing them for this. If you and Alchan decide otherwise, I’ll go alone and do it myself. Is that clear?”
“We’re going to fix this,” he promised. “Trust me. Alchan and I won’t let this stand.”
“Good.”
They took off at the same time, leaving the ruined village behind them, heading back to Alchan’s home on his private cliffside. She could see several Andinna bathing in his pool, male and female alike. No one was foolish enough to fool around in his space. He stood on the steps outside his door, overseeing everything. She could see different members of the Company wandering around, talking to different Andinna, probably asking how they could help.
She found Mat and Bryn side-by-side. Ignoring Alchan waving at her and Luykas, she dove down to her males who hadn’t seen her yet.
“Mat?” she called softly. “Bryn?”
The speed they turned around was faster than anything she could muster, thanks to her lack of sleep. The next moment, they were both reaching for her, and she had her arms around their necks, being lifted off her feet.
“Beloved,” Mat sighed out. “We were so worried.”
“I love you both,” she said quickly. It was the first thing to come to mind, the first thing she could get out of her mouth, all she felt the need to say.
“I’m never leaving you again. Never. Not even for a night.” Mat pulled back, looking over her. “Never.”
“What he said,” Bryn agreed in his quiet way. Her rogue was never one for a lot of words. She kissed them each before stepping back.
“I think Alchan wants me…” She frowned. “Come with me?”
“Of course, little lady.” Bryn wrapped an arm around her waist. “Are you injured?”
“I got hit, but I’m already healing.” She hadn’t slept yet, but she kept pushing magic into her injuries, trying to keep them closing and to stop any infection.
“Have you slept at all? Where were you?” Mat sounded downright frantic as he took the side opposite of Bryn, looping one of her arms in his as if he was escorting her.
“I haven’t slept. I needed to…calm down for the night and watch the village to make sure the Elvasi didn’t come back.” She didn’t want Matesh to know the rage she had had in the pits had come back. She didn’t want him to worry like that.
“Okay.” He kissed the top of her head.
They walked together to Alchan, who was listening to whatever Luykas was telling him. When he noticed they were coming, he started walking down the steps.
“How are you?” he asked with a softness she didn’t expect.
“Getting better. What’s our move?”
“We need to regroup. Now that everyone from the Company is back, we need to sit down and have a strategy meeting. I’m going to send the villagers back to the village now that you and Luykas have cleared it.”
“It still might not be safe,” she cut in.
“Luykas said the same thing, but we can’t work under these conditions. Don’t worry, they won’t be there long. A couple of days.”
“What does that mean?” Mat asked.
“This village is lost. The location isn’t secure anymore. Its leadership is gone. Females with families need to decide which of our other villages they want to move to. Single males aren’t getting a choice, I’m bringing them on the rescue mission. We need swords, a lot of them. Males with families will have a choice to come with us or stay with their families unless they have children. If they have children, they have to stay. I won’t leave behind orphans.” Alchan crossed his arms behind his back. “Have any thoughts?”
“We’re going after them?” She went back to that point. “We’re doing a rescue?”
“Of course. We can’t let this go unchallenged. I’m hopeful we catch the Elvasi before they make it out of Olost. We’ll set up new homes in a different village after that and stay on high alert.”
“Tell us where to be,” Bryn said.
“Get inside. I’ve already got the young ones waking up, and their mothers know my plans. You’ll find Leshaun in my room. If you haven’t yet, sleep.” His stare lingered on her longer than she wanted or was comfortable with. Baring her teeth in a small challenge, she stepped around him. She could hear him sigh as she climbed the steps.
“Females.”
“I heard that,” she growled.
“Oh, I know. Maybe you should take care of yourself and get some sleep before I need to order you to.”
She would have snapped at him, but exhaustion was trying to claim her now that she had permission to find a place to rest. Mat and Bryn followed her quietly. Before she reached the top, Alchan snapped his fingers.
“And no sex in my damn room,” he ordered.
She cracked a smile.
Restless, Mave didn’t sleep much. She got some, though, because when she woke up, there were no Andinna she didn’t know wandering around Alchan’s home. No young were holding onto their mothers, no males grateful to see their children. Instead, she found the brothers and the lovers sitting together, looking over a large map.
“Good morning,” she greeted. “Evening?”
“Afternoon. We just finished lu
nch,” Nevyn corrected, standing up along with all of the males at the table. “How are you?” Varon started walking to her.
“Better than yesterday,” she answered. “Varon—”
The priest shoved a hand over her mouth, muffling everything else she tried to say. When he was certain she wouldn’t speak again, he removed his hand. She waited impatiently for him to sign whatever he wanted to sign.
“Thank the Skies for your safety. I am grateful to Lariana and Krisanya for your safety, your leadership of those who needed it, and your victory in battle. Blessings to you, warrior of the Andinna.”
She swallowed, looking over Varon’s shoulder to anyone for help, but they couldn’t see what Varon had just signed to her.
“Varon…”
“I am a priest, and I know when our gods have a hand in things. Tell me the truth, how are you?”
She flexed her fingers, curling and uncurling them as she considered how to answer him. She knew the basics of signing now but didn’t have the skill to tell him everything. She went with something simple.
“Angry at me.”
He touched her cheek, nodding slowly. He turned away after he let her go and signed something to the other males she couldn’t see.
“Eat something, please,” Luykas said, picking up a plate. It had little bites of some type of meat. She didn’t question it. He’d been polite, giving her the option of refusing, instead of trying to order her. He wasn’t her commander right now. That’s what he was telling her. She took one and popped it into her mouth. The spiciness of Andinna food bothered her less now, and the flavors were welcome. The type of meat, though, she couldn’t guess.
“What is this?” she asked, pointing at the plate after she swallowed.
“Cave bear. Rainev brought it back. Apparently, he and Zayden had a very good hunt. He went back out for it after he found everyone he could.”
“Oh. I should…” She hadn’t seen her little brother yet. Looking around, she couldn’t find evidence of anyone else being there.
“You’re the first person to wake up. Rain and Zayden helped people back to the village and should be sleeping in my home. Kian…” Nevyn trailed off.
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