I don’t believe deep down that Lydia kissing me made him act this way, I just think it made him realize that he doesn’t love me the way he thought he did. It’s cruel for him to hold onto me like this when he could just let me go now so that I can begin to heal.
Toby’s arms hold me tighter against his body, and his lips touch my forehead softly. “I’m sorry I’ve made you feel like this. I’m not going anywhere, Ember.”
I close my eyes and breathe him in. “But you can’t forgive me for what happened, Toby. You hate being near me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive, Ember. I promise.” I simply nod my head, even though I don’t believe the words he’s speaking. He kisses my head again and pulls away from me. I expected nothing less. “I best be getting home. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Then he kisses my cheek and walks away from me.
I cross my arms over my now freezing body and turn to look at Lydia. She feels sorry for me, it’s written all over her face. I sigh and sniff hard. “I’m going to bed.”
“Try and get some sleep, babe, things will look better in the morning.”
Sure they will.
I just nod my head and take myself to my room, where I cry myself to sleep. At least I fall asleep, that’s something, right?
No, Ember, it isn’t. You deserve better than this. Toby has no right to treat you so badly, and you know it. He’s the one who promised that he’d never hurt you, but look what he’s doing, he is hurting you. Don’t put up with, girl. You know deep in your heart that it’s over between you. Don’t be his doormat.
* * *
I can’t say as I’ve been wallowing about things the past couple of days, I haven’t. I’ve pulled myself out of my sadness and guilt, and I’m carving a life for myself. If Toby doesn’t want me, then fine, I’ll move on. He and I need to have a talk and soon.
I’m also going to be speaking with my Dad and Jett to find out if they would be okay with me joining Dun’s Dungeon. I really want to go. I know my relationship is over, I just need to pluck up the courage to tell Toby.
I’ve also been busy writing a song for Dun’s Dungeon. Even if I don’t join the band, I wanted to write for them as promised.
Spending time with the guys as a band the past few days has been amazing. I get on with every one of them, and they make me feel part of the group. Marco seems to be able to wrap me around his little finger because five minutes, talking privately with him, and I could feel my heart beating faster.
It’s so wrong, but Marco makes me hot, and yes, I mean sexually. I’m scared that I’m growing feelings for Marco, and I don’t know what to do about them.
How can I be falling for a man who sleeps with everything that moves?
How can I be such a hypocrite?
You’re not a hypocrite, Ember. You know that Toby doesn’t want you anymore, so end things and move on. It’s not wrong to want Marco, what’s wrong is if you act on your feelings while you’re still with Toby.
I feel like crap about myself, and I need something in my life that makes me feel good. I’m not talking about sex, or the fact Marco wants to get into my panties, I’m talking about my music. Music is the one thing that will always be mine - the one thing that will never desert me.
Dun’s dungeon is where I need to be right now. It means so much to me that the boys love my songs. The band is about to hit the big time. There’s just no getting away from that because everyone is talking about them. The fact they want me to join them is scary, but a good scary.
Colin told me that I have nothing to worry about. He knows that I don’t want people finding out about Snakes Henchmen MC, and that we could make up a background of my life that the band’s management could make sound accurate to the world.
I realized how badly Colin wanted me to join him and the others if he was willing to go to such lengths to convince me. He knows how much music means to me, and if I go on tour with them, I’ll be able to get a taste for what it’s like on the road.
Marco said that I should take the chance and go with them. Now is my time to be happy, and why would I deny myself happiness?
I don’t know; maybe they had a point. Perhaps I should put myself and what I want first. I know my parents would understand, and I’d make Jett see that I’d never put the club in danger. If I do, maybe they’ll be okay with me leaving.
I told Colin and Marco that I would think about their offer and let them know as soon as possible. I don’t have long to make a decision, and I have to let them know by the end of play today.
I had so many doubts and reservations swimming through my mind. Leaving my family for months was a big one, not to mention the club, and my friends, and, of course, Toby. I don’t know anymore. I guess if I look deep inside, I know there’s nothing stopping me from leaving.
Be brave, Ember. Take a leap and go for it.
Chapter Six
Marco
“You’ve all lost your damn minds! This is the biggest thing to happen to Dun’s Dungeon, and now you want to bring someone else in?”
Colin sighs, Saint shakes his head, Bob says nothing, and I roll my neck. I didn’t expect Matt to take the possibility of Ember joining the band well. I didn’t expect him to bang on and on about what a mistake it is either.
“It’s really not up to you, Matt.”
“You think?” He raises an eyebrow at me. “I am the manager of this band, and I’ll say who joins and who doesn’t.”
Fuck it!
I get out of my seat, ready to punch the smug prick out. I won’t have Matt telling any of us what to do. Yes, he is our manager, but we have complete creative control. It helps to have a lawyer in the family. Any contracts presented to us as a band, my brother-in-law looks over before we sign. This asshole knows full well that Dun’s Dungeon makes the decisions when it comes to band members, new and old.
Colin lays his hand on my chest, stopping me from charging Matt. “Must we play this game every damn time we as a band make a decision, Matt?”
Matt grits his teeth. “The band has been sold as a male foursome. You have offers from record companies wanting to buy this male foursome. The merchandise, interviews, ticket sales, the damn EP do not include a woman!”
“You sexist bastard,” Bob hisses. “This has nothing to do with us, bringing in a new member. It has everything to do with the fact she’s a woman, though, doesn’t it?”
Sounds about right for that prick. Why we ever agreed to Matt being our manager is beyond me. He’s sexist, racist, homophobic, and everything in between. I’d fire him right now if I thought I could get away with it. Matt’s only with us because he’s a friend of Colin’s father.
I try to block out the bickering as I think about what to do next. Of course, we could tell Ember that we’ve changed our minds about her joining. All the things we’ve done ‘just in case’ can be trashed.
However, if Ember tells us that she wants to join the band, then join, she will. Colin and I have already photoshopped Ember’s picture onto new merchandise, posters, flyer’s for the tour, the EP cover, and even our damn website.
We’ve incorporated Ember’s voice into the songs we’ve chosen for the EP. The guys and I played back the songs last night, and we sound amazing. Sure, it was hard work trying to get it done in time and even harder, making sure nothing had technically gone wrong. But everything is perfect and ready to go live the moment we get word from Ember.
This motherfucker is not ruining this for us!
“This girl,” Matt taps the new poster featuring Ember. Colin did a fantastic job because you’d never know Ember wasn’t there the day we took the picture. “Does not have the right look.”
I narrow my eyes because I have a feeling that Matt isn’t talking about the way Ember is dressed in the picture. He’s saying without words that she’s not good-looking enough.
My eyes widen as anger fills my veins. “You have to be fuckin’ kidding me! Ember is beautiful!”
“I might have known you wanted to fu
ck her,” Matt huffs and folds his arms around his chest. “What happens to the band when Marco talks the little slut into bed?”
I can’t stop myself, I grab his shirtfront and pin him to my basement wall. Matt swallows hard, his eyes wide - fucking pissant is all mouth. “I don’t care who you think you are, but if you ever talk about Ember like that again, you’re done!”
“You can’t threaten to fire me!” He counters back.
“Yes, he can,” Matt looks at Colin with defiance in his eyes. “We haven’t signed with a record company yet. We’re not even out there as an established band.”
“But this tour will put you on the map,” Colin nods at Matt. We all know what this tour will do for us. “You have two major record labels interested in signing you as a foursome. If you bring this girl in, they could pull their offers. Are you willing to risk that? After everything you’ve worked for?”
Colin, Saint, Bob, and I have worked hard for this opportunity. We wouldn’t do anything to risk that, and that’s why we called up both record labels and told them about Ember. Both record label bosses were intrigued to hear the new member is female. We even played them a song featuring Ember’s vocals. Both couldn’t express enough what having Ember with us could do for our careers.
As Colin tells Matt all of this, his nostrils flare in anger. He yanks on my wrists, and I let go of his shirt with a chuckle. He’s pissed that Colin and I have gone behind his back with all of this. I don’t answer to this prick, and I never will.
“So,” Matt brushes down his shirt front. “Y’all want this girl in the band?” Each one of us nods our heads. “Don’t come crying to me when this one,” Matt points at me. “Talks her into bed and then drops her the next day. He’ll break her heart, and you all know that he will. All of this will have been for nothing because she’ll leave no sooner has she joined. When she tells the world her story, this band will be finished, and you know it.”
I clench my teeth in anger as Matt walks out the door, slamming it behind him. He doesn’t have a damn clue what he’s talking about. I’ll admit that once upon a time, I would have talked Ember into bed. If she were any other woman, then I wouldn’t have given a damn about the consequences. But Ember isn’t just another woman, she’s my friend, and I won’t do anything to jeopardize that.
“He’s got a point,” I throw daggers at Saint. “Don’t look at me like that, Marco. We all know what you’re like with women. Hell, we’ve all seen the way you look at Ember.”
I run my fingers through my long hair in frustration. I get what Saint is saying, but it won’t happen. Ember is happy with her boyfriend, and I won’t do anything to mess this chance up for any of us.
“I’m not about to chase after a taken woman. You should all know me better than that by now. Besides, I like Ember, and the friendship we’re building is not something I want to ruin.”
I’m offended that they would think I’d chase after Ember merely for sex. All three of my bandmates know what I went through with my ex. They know I’d never inflict that kind of pain on another person. No matter how badly I want Ember, and even if I think her boyfriend is a dick, I wouldn’t cause him that pain.
“We all want Ember to join the band, Marco,” Bob gets out of his seat and stands his full height. “Regardless of what Matt just said, I know you have more respect for Ember than to try and get her into bed. She’s gonna help us skyrocket with that voice of hers,”
He’s right, she is.
“We’re trusting you, Marco,”
I want to tell Colin to go fuck himself. Instead, I nod my head. I’m not going to argue with my bandmates over something that will never happen.
We talk no more about it and get on with practice. We leave the day after tomorrow, and we need to get as much practice in as possible before then.
I also need to see my family before I leave. My mother would never forgive me if I didn’t have dinner with them all. Mom loves to cook, it’s her happy place. She runs her own diner, and everyone loves her famous sweet potato pie. It’s her own recipe, and I’ve never known one person to dislike it.
Mom wants me, my brother and sister, their spouses, my nephew, and of course, my father home for dinner tonight, no exceptions.
Six songs in, and I need a drink. The guys fall about themselves laughing when I choose water over beer. I guess it is funny to them; water never was my first choice of drink.
I’m not going to pretend that I’m changing for Ember. I’m changing for me, though I’ll admit it’s happening because Ember made me step back and take a look at myself. I was ruining not only my life but my very soul. I don’t need drugs, and I don’t need to drink myself into an early grave. What happened with my ex was not my fault. I didn’t push her into the arms of others, and I don’t need to keep punishing myself.
“Let’s get back to it,” I tip my head at the guys. “I’ve got a dinner to get to in three hours.”
“Hold on,” Colin holds his hand up while looking at the screen of his phone. “It’s Ember,” This could be the call we’ve been waiting for. Colin answers the call and puts it on loudspeaker. “Ember, what can I do for you?”
“Hi,” Ember sounds shy all of a sudden. The hairs on the back of my neck instantly stand to attention. Ember has said one word and I can tell she’s upset. “Sorry, I know you’re probably rehearsing,”
“That’s fine. What’s up?”
“Am I on speaker?”
“Yeah,” Colin nods his head, even though Ember can’t see him.
“Good. Well, I’ve made my decision,” My heart is hammering in my chest. I want Ember to join the band for so many reasons. “If you guys still want me, I’d like to take you up on your offer,”
“Fuck, yes!” Colin yells, and Ember laughs as Bob and Saint cheer. “This is gonna be the best thing to happen to the band.” Ember’s chuckle comes down the line loud and clear, and it makes me smile. “Have you spoken to Toby about this?”
“Toby won’t be a problem.”
“Good,” Colin smirks. “I’ll send a car to pick you up Thursday morning.”
“Great! See you guys soon!”
“Bye!” We all yell.
Damn it’s good to be alive right now!
Chapter Seven
Ember
How stupid was I to ever believe that Toby loved me?
The man who loves his woman never cheats on her, but Toby is cheating on me. I wish I could say that it isn’t so, but there’s no denying what I’ve finally seen with my own two eyes.
I’ve been blind, but if I look at things logically, I knew something wasn’t right.
The worst thing? The woman Toby is cheating on me with is Lydia. The two people who should never do such a thing are doing just that. I tried to deny it to myself for a while there, ignoring the little things that would have been so obvious to others. Isn’t that what people do when they don’t want to admit they weren’t enough?
I’ve smelt sex in the air a couple of times after returning from work. I thought it was my imagination, but I’d know Toby’s smell anywhere. It wasn’t hard to figure out whom Toby was sleeping with in my home. Lydia hadn’t brought a man home in months, yet I’ve smelled Toby’s cologne on Lydia’s sex-soaked sheets.
Yes, it hurt so much to realize how stupid I have been. All those times I cried because I thought Toby wouldn’t touch me because of what happened. All the guilt I carried because of that man. All I could think about was how long have they been sleeping with each other behind my back?
I know in my heart that they’ve been cheating on me for months. It also dawned on me that Toby was angry with me about Lydia kissing me because he felt wronged by her, not me.
Why the hell would Toby keep our relationship going when he didn’t have to? He could have told me that it was over, and I would have been able to move on with my life. Instead, I have been living in limbo thanks to a man who didn’t know how to let go.
Does Toby not realize how badly he’s hurt me by
keeping me shackled to him?
None of it makes any sense. If he’d broken up with me before he ever touched Lydia, I would have been happy for them. Knowing they were in love, even though it would have hurt me, would have been easier to take than the fact they’ve cheated on me.
Then I realized, Lydia kissed me only to ease her guilty conscience. She tried to turn me into a cheat when the whole damn time she was the cheat! She had me feeling guilty over nothing, and she calls herself my friend? The thought is laughable at best.
All the shit Toby gave me the night I confessed what I’d done could have been avoidable if he’d just been honest. Hell, I was honest with him, why couldn’t he have given me the same grace?
Toby hasn’t touched me in months because he’s in love with Lydia and didn’t want to cheat on her with me.
What the fuck does that make me, the other woman?
How can they not know how much they’ve hurt me?
It’s evident to me now that neither Lydia or Toby give a damn about me. Toby’s a man, and men come and go, that’s life. Lydia, however, is supposed to be my best friend. How could she do this to me?
I get now why Lydia has been hiding things from me, and why she turned to drugs and alcohol. She was guilt-ridden about what she’d done to me. Though I’ll never understand why she couldn’t have just been honest with me, of course, I would have hit the roof, and I would have told them both how much I hated them at that moment, but I would have had months to calm down and get used to things. I would have been moving on with my life by now.
Okay, our friendship would have been forever altered, but if Lydia told me that she loved Toby, I would have gotten over it in time.
Ember: Next Gen (Snakes Henchmen MC Book 12) Page 5