by Kaylee Ryan
“Agreed,” the four of us reply.
We compose ourselves, go back to the living room, and talk like one of our best friends didn’t just tell us that her time here on earth is limited. We act as though everything is normal as it should be. We don’t talk about cancer or tests or treatments. We pretend for our old friend that everything is how it should be.
Chapter Twelve
Mara 12
* * *
On Seth’s couch, I grip my phone in my hand as I wait for Amelia to call and tell me that she needs me. We all offered to go with her to tell her parents, but she insisted that she do it alone. Reluctantly, we all agreed with the understanding that if she needed us, she would call. That was two hours ago. Not a word from her since.
“Hello,” Seth says, and I turn to look at him, wondering if it’s Amelia or news about her. “Hey, Dad,” he says, and I sigh.
His parents taking Finley today was a blessing. They’ve sent us a few pictures and videos of their day, and my girl looks like she’s being spoiled rotten. I love that for her, and I’m so grateful they are wanting and willing to spend time with her. They’re giving her something I never had, something I haven’t been able to give her. Not until Seth came into our lives.
Seth chuckles, once again drawing my attention. “Sounds like you’ve had a good day, Finny. Thanks, Dad. Sure, we’ll be here.” He ends the call and looks over at me. “They had me on speakerphone. Finny was going on and on about the fishes.” He smiles. “They’re taking her to get ice cream, then they’ll bring her home.”
“Okay.”
“How are you?” he asks.
“I’m hanging in there. I just hate this for her, you know? She’s never going to experience falling in love with a man who deserves her. She’s never going to be a mom, to experience her child growing inside her.” My voice cracks. “She was there for me when I found out I was pregnant. She was in the delivery room when Finley was born. I don’t— I don’t know how to be okay with this.”
“Come here.” He takes a seat next to me on the couch and pulls me into his arms. “I know, babe. It’s hard for me, hell, for all of us to wrap our heads around it. All we can do is be there for her. If she wants to get drunk, we get her drunk. If she wants to jump out of a fucking airplane, we make that shit happen. That’s all we can do. Respect her decision and make these final days the best for her. For all of us.”
“I hate this,” I say, tears forming. “I hate that I’m losing my best friend. I hate that I can’t make her fight to stay with us. Miracles happen every day. What if they come up with a cure, and—” I break off on a sob.
“Baby, if they were close to any kind of breakthrough, the doctors would know about it. I hate it too, but it’s not our decision. We can try and convince her, but in the end, we have to respect her choice.”
“I do, but I don’t,” I say, wiping at my tears. “I know I’m being selfish, but she was my rock. Life after foster care was scary, and I met Amelia, my new roommate, and suddenly it wasn’t. I know it’s hard to explain, but she guided me through life, through pregnancy, delivery, and I was going to do the same for her.”
“We’ll get through this. We’ll get her through this. All of us will.” He holds me close to his chest, and I let myself relax into his warm embrace. “You’re not alone, Mara. Not now, not ever. As long as I have breath in my lungs, you and Finley will never be alone.”
I lift my head to look at him and my heart bursts with love for this man. Sliding my hand behind his neck, I pull his lips to mine and kiss him. He kisses me back, slowly, softly, but I want more. Suddenly, I need all of him. I can’t get close enough. Moving, I straddle his hips and kiss him again. This time he takes control. He tenderly holds my face in his hands and slides his tongue past my lips. I rock my hips and he moans, a sound ripping from deep in his chest. Dropping his hands to my hips, he guides me over his erection.
“More,” I say, kissing across his stubbled cheek and down his neck. My tongue traces the column to his collarbone. He grips my ass.
“Mara,” he warns.
“Make love to me, Seth.”
“Finley.”
“She’s with your parents.”
“They’ll be back soon.”
“Then you better get with it.”
“I need to take my time with you.” He brushes my hair out of my eyes.
“Next time. I need you. I need to feel you. I just need… to be connected to you.”
“You are connected to me.” He places my hand on his chest over his heart.
Something happens. My insides feel like mush as his words and their meaning wash over me. “Make love to me,” I say again. I can see the indecision in his eyes, so I take matters into my own hands.
Literally.
Sliding my hands under the waistband of his sweatpants, I grip his hard length. “You’re ready. I’m ready.”
“Jesus,” he pants, letting his head fall back against the couch.
Pulling his pants back a little further, I stroke him. “Make love to me.”
“Not here.” I yelp when he stands from the couch with me in his arms. “Hold on, Mara.” With long strides and a firm grip on my ass, he carries me down the hall to his room. He kicks the door shut with his foot. “Lock it.” He steps close so I can reach out and turn the lock on the door. “This is going to be fast. I didn’t want it to be this way. Not the first time I feel you.”
“If all we have is now, I want this. I want you.” I can see it in his eyes he’s thinking about Amelia, and that none of us really know how much time we have left. “Even more reason,” I say, I’m sure reading his mind. “I don’t want to wait another minute not sharing this connection with you. The intimacy. I need it. I need you, Seth.”
“Fuck,” he murmurs before standing me on my feet. “Strip.” Not needing to be told twice, I peel off my clothes. Seth kicks off his sweats and boxer briefs. I watch as he reaches behind his neck and pulls off his T-shirt. “Mara,” he growls, and I smile then jump back into action by removing my bra and panties. He reaches into the nightstand and grabs an unopened box of condoms. He tears into it, and condoms fly everywhere, but he manages to snap one. Bringing the small foil packet to his mouth, he tears it open and makes quick work of sliding it along his hard length. He surprises me when he sits on the bed, moving back. “Take what you need from me.”
Stepping between his legs, I run my hands through his hair. One leg then the other, I climb onto the bed, straddling him. Reaching between us, I fist his cock and lower myself onto him. “Ooh,” I say. It’s been too long and he feels so good.
“Fuck,” he whispers harshly.
Opening my eyes, I see him biting down on his bottom lip. His eyes are glued to where our bodies are connected in the most intimate of ways. I lift off him slowly, then slam back down. “There,” I say, repeating the process over and over again.
“Mara,” he grits out.
“I need more. I’m so close, I just… mmm.” I can’t even finish a sentence from the electric current rolling through my veins.
His grip on me tightens, and the next thing I know, I’m flipped over with Seth pistoning in and out of me. Never missing a beat. Over and over he’s relentless, and it’s perfect. My hands grip his biceps as I hold on, enjoying every thrust, every inch he’s willing to give.
“D-Don’t stop. P-Please don’t stop.” I clench down on him just as my orgasm steamrolls through me. Wave after wave of pure ecstasy courses through my veins.
Seth stills suddenly and throws his head back as his own orgasm washes over him. He leans down and presses his sweaty forehead against mine. “That’s not how I imagined it would happen, but fuck if I would change it.”
“Seth?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“I love you.” Life is too short to not tell the ones you love just how much every single day.
Pulling back, he stares into my eyes. “I’m madly in love with you, Mara Reyes. You and your daughter.”<
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I hear a noise that sounds like a car door and freak. “Shit! We have to clean up.” I push at his chest, making him laugh.
“Way to ruin the moment.”
I stop and pull him back to me, kissing his lips. “I heard every word you said, but this is not how I want your parents or my daughter to find us.”
“Hey, this was your idea.” He kisses the end of my nose then pulls out, taking care of the condom.
Quickly, we clean up in between kisses and get dressed. Seth grabs us both a bottle of water and is just sitting on the couch when there’s a knock at the door. “Come in!” he calls out. “They’re only knocking because they probably assume we were up to something.” He winks.
“That was close,” I whisper. He leans over and kisses me.
“Mommy, Sef!” Finley races into the house. “I saw fishes and yummy ice cweam.”
“You did?” I ask, catching her when she jumps on my lap.
She nods.
“Tell them about the stingray you got to pet.”
“Papaw pet stinwray,” she repeats.
I pause at her calling him papaw. I look over at Seth, who just grins.
“Did Mamaw pet one too?” he asks. It doesn’t even faze him.
“Sorry about that,” Shannon says. “Papaw and Mamaw are easier for her to say than Steve and Shannon. Not to mention, we adore this little angel.”
“Did you tell S—” I trip over my words. “Did you say thank you?” These amazing people have accepted us into their lives, into their son’s life, and it trips me up. The love and support they offer, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever known.
“Anks,” she says, climbing off my lap and rushing to Steve. He lifts her in his arms and gives her a hug.
“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” He kisses her cheek and she returns the favor—only a lot more sloppy.
“We’ll have to go again soon,” Shannon tells her.
I watch as my daughter reaches out for her and effortlessly moves from Steve’s arms into Shannon’s. “Anks,” she says again, wrapping her arms around Shannon’s neck and giving her a big hug before wiggling to be let down. She reaches into a bag that I didn’t notice before and pulls out a stuffed shark. “Sef.” Her little legs carry her back to the couch, and she crawls up on Seth’s lap. “Sark,” she says, holding up the stuffed animal.
“That’s pretty cool, Finny. Did you get to see some sharks?”
“Big sarks.” She holds her arms out wide to demonstrate.
“Thanks for taking her,” he tells his parents.
“How did it go?” Shannon asks.
“It went… not like we hoped.” He glances over at me. “She’s saying she’s not going to get treatment.”
“Why on earth?” his mom replies.
“There’s no cure for what she has.” He goes on to tell them about the statistics of her making it five years.
“You know, I’ve oftentimes wondered what I’d do in that situation. I’ve seen far too many succumb to that disease and its treatments. It’s her decision and you have to respect that,” Steve says.
“Yeah, we know that. It’s just hard,” he tells them.
“No less difficult for her I’m sure. She may be putting on a strong front, but think about it from her perspective. I can’t imagine having to make that choice,” Shannon says sadly.
“I’m going to her appointment with her this week. Maybe there will be some new information that will change her mind,” I say, hopeful. I know it’s selfish of me, but I can’t seem to stop it. I’m not ready to lose her. I want her to fight, and maybe, just maybe, there will be a miracle. They happen every day, and if anyone deserves one, it’s her. It’s Amelia. I won’t push her, but deep in my heart, I will her to fight, to kick cancer’s ass. Then I’m reminded that there is no cure for small cell carcinoma. Grief hits me deep in my gut as I accept that reality.
There is no cure.
“Well, you let us know what we can do. If you need us to keep an eye on Finley, we’d be more than happy to.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that. She’s never had… grandparents in her life. Then again, neither have I,” I say absentmindedly. I immediately hold my hand over my mouth. I didn’t mean to say that.
“Well, now she does. And you, you have us too. All three of you,” Steve says. He places his arm around Shannon and she leans into him. “We’re going to go. You let us know what we can do.” He turns his attention to Finley. “Finley girl, how about giving Papaw a hug goodbye.” He looks at me and winks and I feel tears start to well.
She races to him and hugs him and then Shannon. She tells them thank-you again, which is prompted by Seth, and with a big wave, they’re off. “I wike sarks,” she says as soon as the door is shut.
“Me too,” Seth tells her. “In fact, I have something for you.” He stands and makes his way to the shelf underneath the TV. He pulls out a DVD and shows it to her. “How about we watch Shark Tale?” he asks.
“Yay!” Finley cheers.
She has no idea what it is, but it has shark in the title so she’s all-in.
“When did you get that?” I inquire.
“The other day. We stopped at Subway for lunch, which was inside the Walmart. Mark was picking up a princess movie for Daisy, and this one stood out. I thought she might like it after her adventure to the aquarium.”
“You’re a good man, Seth Jennings.”
“Just spoiling my girl,” he says fondly, running his hand over her dark curls.
Finley snuggles up to his chest, making my heart skip a beat. He puts his arm around her and pulls her close. Just like a father would do. Her eyes are already heavy as the movie starts to play. She’s had a big day and will be out in no time. My phone vibrates in my hand.
* * *
Amelia: It went okay. Lots of tears from all three of us.
* * *
Me: Do you need me to come over?
* * *
Amelia: No. Thank you. I’m exhausted.
* * *
Me: Did they change your mind?
* * *
Amelia: No.
* * *
Me: Love you.
* * *
Amelia: Love you too. We’ll talk tomorrow.
* * *
“Amelia?” Seth asks.
“Yeah. She said there were lots of tears. I asked her if they changed her mind. No,” I say, shaking my head while fighting off another round of tears.
“There’s still time. Maybe the doctors can change her mind at the appointment.”
“Maybe.” Although I don’t think so. Amelia has always been strong-willed. She makes up her mind, and that’s that.
Seth and I watch the movie even though Finley has long since passed out. Just as the credits start to roll, his phone rings. “Hello.” He pauses. “Hey, man. Really? Okay. Yeah. That works. Sounds good. Let me know if anything changes.” He waits and then laughs. “Could be worse, could be snow.” Another laugh. “Talk to ya later,” he says, ending the call.
“That was Ridge. I guess it’s going to rain all day tomorrow. We were supposed to start a demo for a new roof, but we can’t be sliding around the roof in the rain, so I get a rain day tomorrow.”
“That does sound dangerous. What are you going to do with yourself all day?”
“I don’t know. I can keep Finley with me.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to. Maybe she and I can go to your old place and start packing up her room?”
“You can’t move in the rain.”
“Dad has an enclosed trailer I can use. He used to be into show cars and hauled them around. He sold the car but kept the trailer. It’s come in handy several times.”
“I hate for you to use your day off for me and Finley. Go do something fun with the guys.”
“Do you not think that getting you both here under this roof, with all of your stuff is going to be a fun day for me?”
“You can’t move
us on your own in a day, Seth.” I know exactly what he’s thinking.
“Is that a challenge?”
“No.” I laugh. The look in his eyes tells me he would fight to make it happen.
“How about I just bring her bed, some toys, her dresser? Things to start getting her room set up?”
“I’m sure she would love that.”
He glances down at my daughter asleep on his lap. “I just want you both here.” He gazes up at me, his eyes soft and full of love. “I never want to know what a day of my future looks like without the two of you in it.”
That feeling, the want that makes my insides feel like mush returns. It’s beginning to be a constant when Seth is around. He makes me feel loved. Wanted. Cherished. I never want this feeling to end.
“Okay. But maybe we should take her to Sonia, so you can get some work done?”
“Nah, she’ll be fine with me. This way, I’ll be sure to grab what she really loves so I can bring it home first.”
Home. I repeat the word in my head as I try to wrap my head around the fact that I agreed to move in with him. Me and my daughter. I’ve never lived with a man, and the only person other than Finley I’ve lived with from my choosing is Amelia. I’m excited we’re moving forward. If I’ve learned anything in my life, it’s that nothing is guaranteed. Not even how much time we have on this earth. We have to live without fear or regret.
Chapter Thirteen
Seth 13
* * *
Today has been an adventure to say the least. I’ve watched my friends’ kids before, but always with help. Today, I was flying solo with Finley, and let me tell you, little miss thang can wear a man out. However, I enjoyed the day more than I thought I would. We started out by going to Mom and Dad’s and getting the trailer. Of course, Mom had us come in for some cookies and milk and then sent some home with us for a snack.