“Your parents,” she said flatly. “You have to tell your parents.”
Bethany dropped her head. “I’m having the first grandchild of the king and queen of El Bahar. My brothers are still kids, so it’s going to be years before any of them gets married, let alone has a kid. My mom will be excited, but my father is going to ruin everything.”
She looked at Renee. “He’ll fly over and wrap me in bubble wrap himself. He’ll want me monitored and protected and life as I know it will never be the same.” Tears filled her eyes. “What if he orders me back to El Bahar?”
“Can he do that?”
“He’s the king. He can do anything he wants when it comes to his family. I wasn’t born in the country, so I’m not in succession to the throne and neither is my child, but that won’t matter to him. He’s going to want to make sure his first grandchild is taken care of from conception, or from the second he knows I’m pregnant.”
Renee grinned. “He’s going to be a grandfather. Of course he’ll be excited.”
“He’s a grandfather with superpowers. There’s a difference.”
Renee glanced at Carol. “Am I here to offer advice?”
Carol nodded. “You’re the most honest, sensible, pragmatic person we know.” Her mouth curved up. “I mean that in a good way.”
“Then I’ll take it that way.” Renee touched Bethany’s hand. “Tell your parents. This is their first grandchild and they deserve to know. Plus, you’re making yourself miserable keeping it from them and that’s not fun.”
Bethany scowled. “That’s it? That’s your advice?”
“Not quite. Before you call, take some time to come up with a phrase that defines how you feel and how you want to be treated. For example, something like, ‘Dad, I appreciate that you’re worried about me, but right now I need to focus on taking care of myself and our baby. I need to stay calm and centered and the best way for me to do that is to be with Cade in Happily Inc.’”
Renee shrugged. “Or whatever your version of that is. Then you write it down and keep repeating it until he gets the message. Oh, and have a point of compromise ready. Let him fly over a doctor or invite him to listen to the baby’s heartbeat or something. Ask for what you want, then offer him something he wants that you can live with.”
Bethany stared at her. “That could work. I like what you said.” She turned to Carol. “Can I have a piece of paper and a pen? I want to write that down. It was perfect. And you’re right about offering him something. I’ll say no to everything first, then compromise later. That way he feels as if he’s winning.”
“I told you she’d be good,” Carol said as she handed over a pad and pen.
“It comes from years of working with feuding wedding parties,” Renee said, her voice teasing. “Sometimes what Mom wants and what her daughter wants are not the same thing.” She smiled at Bethany. “I think I forgot to say congratulations. I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks. We’re both thrilled. There’s just the big royal thing to get over and then we’ll be fine. Now tell me again what you said.”
Renee worked with Bethany to get the statement how she wanted it. They talked for another thirty minutes or so, then Renee drove back to her office. On the way, she thought about how lucky Carol and Pallas were to have their babies. Now Bethany was pregnant. She would guess it was just a matter of time until Natalie and Silver were pregnant, too. She and Wynn were the only ones not married and Wynn had her son, Hunter, so she wasn’t totally alone.
It was hard to be left behind, Renee thought sadly as she waited at a light. She wanted it all—husband, kids, a normal life—and she couldn’t have it. She’d thought just sex might be enough but even that had gone spectacularly wrong. The universe was trying to tell her something and she should probably listen. When it came to a happily-ever-after, she was doomed to nothing but disappointment.
* * *
JASPER WAS WILLING to admit that he’d reached the virtual bottom of guydom. He wasn’t sorry about what he’d done, but he was sorry Renee was upset with him. The moral equivalent of not regretting the crime while disliking the consequences.
In the three days since it had all gone to hell with Renee, he’d emailed with Hanna three times, getting more details about their wedding, along with several stories about how they met and two pictures of their cat. They were a cute couple and he knew they would be a great resource and he should have been happy only he wasn’t. He felt guilty and possibly ashamed, although he wasn’t ready to admit the latter. Not yet. And if all the emotional angst wasn’t punishment enough, he couldn’t write.
This wasn’t the I don’t understand women so Mandy is a one-dimensional cliché. Nope, he actually couldn’t put words to paper.
He’d been trying. He had lots of ideas. He’d worked on the plot, had developed Mandy’s character a little more, all of which went fine, but when it came to writing the story, he sat in front of his computer and thought about how he’d screwed up with Renee.
Not that he was going to take it back. He wasn’t. He needed Hanna and Graham to help him. Plus, he wasn’t going to mess with their wedding. Not in a serious way. They were excited to be a part of his book, so it was possible he’d added to the wedding. They were special and didn’t everyone want to be special?
None of which helped with the lack of writing, so he finally gave up and drove to town. He went up and down the main streets, circling closer to Weddings Out of the Box but never actually getting there. At the last minute, he made a left turn and found his way to Wynn’s print shop. He parked and went inside.
He had no idea what he was going to say to her or why he was even here, which turned out not to be a problem. She took one look at him and called for one of her workers to man the front desk, then motioned for him to follow her into her office.
“What?” she demanded when she’d closed the door behind him. “What did you do?”
“Maybe I didn’t do anything.”
She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. “Really? Then why are you here?”
She had the whole mom-stare down cold—no doubt due to years of practice. She looked good in black pants and a multicolored short-sleeved sweater. Her hair was long and curly, her eyes were dark and thickly fringed with lashes.
Funny how he’d never noticed her lashes before. Should he talk about Mandy’s lashes in the book? Did guys notice lashes? He hadn’t until just now, so probably not, although—
“Jasper!”
He returned to the present moment. “What?”
“Tell me what’s going on.” Her gaze narrowed. “It’s Renee, isn’t it? Do not tell me you’ve messed that up already.”
“What? No. How did you know about Renee?”
“She told me you two had gotten together and wanted to make sure I was fine with it.”
Damn—women really did talk about everything. Renee had told Wynn about their night together? He hadn’t said a word to anyone. Not that he was keeping a secret—it simply hadn’t occurred to him to say anything.
Wynn’s sharp expression softened. “I told her it was okay. You and I were over months ago.”
There was something in her tone. At least he thought there was. “What aren’t you telling me?”
She smiled. “Nothing.”
He didn’t believe her but wasn’t sure he really wanted to know. The whole woman thing was so much more complicated than he’d ever realized.
“I’m sorry about before,” she told him. “When we were going out. I was wrong to be so arbitrary about Hunter.”
“You mean telling me he and I couldn’t be friends? You were wrong.”
She laughed. “Yes, I was. I was scared of you becoming too important to him and then us breaking up. I should have seen that you would stay friends with him no matter what.”
He didn’t know what to do with that. While
the apology was nice, he had a feeling it wasn’t free. There was something else coming—he was sure of it.
“So you don’t mind Hunter and I hang out now?”
“It’s good for him. You were right. He needs a man in his life. As much as I want to be everything to him, that’s not realistic.”
“Maybe you’ll meet someone and get married.”
She rolled her eyes. “No, thank you. I’m not interested in anything permanent.”
They’d had that in common, he thought. He knew his reasons—he’d been damaged in the war and would never be healed enough to fall in love—but what about Wynn? What were her demons?
Before he could ask, she said, “This conversation is not about me. You’re the one who showed up on my doorstep.”
“I didn’t know where else to go. Do you really think you’re going to be alone for the rest of your life?” Did Mandy? Did she want more? And if she didn’t, why not?
“Sometimes love isn’t practical,” she told him. “It’s not about wanting or not wanting, it’s about what can be. You assume you can’t fall in love because you’re too broken from what happened in Afghanistan.”
“I was warned it was a likely outcome.”
“Maybe then, but you’ve changed a lot. When you first moved to town, you kept to yourself. We barely saw you. Then you started making friends. We got together. It was nearly a year, Jasper. That’s a big deal.”
“It didn’t work out.”
“It was the best we could do at the time. My point is you’ve come a long way. Hunter said you even have a dog.”
“I didn’t plan on getting a dog.”
“You still have one, even without a plan. You’re getting better by the week. I think you’re a lot closer to normal than you want to believe. Now tell me what happened with Renee.”
He wanted to say that she was wrong, that he hadn’t healed as much as she claimed, that he would never be right and he was okay with that. Only he didn’t want to fight with her and suddenly the need to know what to do about Renee seemed more important than anything else.
“I told her I wanted to be involved with one of her weddings. Sit in on the meetings, understand why the bride and groom were making the decisions they were, listen to them pick out stuff.”
Wynn frowned. “Why on earth would you want to do that?”
“In the book I’m writing Vidar’s love interest is a wedding planner and the serial killer is somehow involved with the weddings.”
“Oh dear God, you’re not subtle, are you?” She rubbed her temple. “Let me guess. Renee said no way, no how because she would never agree to that.” She looked up at him, her eyes wide. “Tell me you didn’t go behind her back and charm some couple into letting you get involved.”
He shifted his weight, then shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. “Maybe.”
“You are the dumbest of the dumb. She must be furious with you. Personally I’d hire someone to beat you up and then set you on fire. How could you? And don’t tell me you needed it for the book. Yes, it’s how you make your living, blah, blah, blah. We’re talking about the woman you were sleeping with. We’re talking about a friend. You dismissed her feelings and violated everything she cared about. She let you into her world, she trusted you, and you betrayed that trust and her.”
He opened his mouth to say it wasn’t like that at all, only before he could speak, he realized it was exactly that. He’d done those things and more. He’d acted as if what she thought didn’t matter. He’d treated her badly, then he’d rubbed her nose in it.
“I see the light bulb,” Wynn said.
“I was terrible,” he breathed. “I messed up everything.”
“Yes, you did.”
She opened the door and pushed him into the hallway.
“What are you doing?” he demanded. “We have to talk. You need to tell me what to do to fix this.”
“Sorry. That’s not my problem. I suggest you go home and think about everything you did wrong. Revel in your wrongness and when you feel you understand it fully, wallow just a little more. Only then can you go and apologize to Renee.”
Before he knew what was happening, she’d pushed him out onto the sidewalk and turned and walked away. Jasper stood there, the self-loathing growing by the second. He felt awful and he had no idea what he was supposed to do now.
CHAPTER EIGHT
RENEE HADN’T SEEN Jasper in nearly a week. She’d passed through the stages of grief at least three times and then kept circling back to anger. Probably because it was such an energizing emotion. She was dealing with all her weddings, enjoying her work with only occasional flashes of how much she really disliked him when he surprised her by walking into her office at two in the afternoon.
She glared at him, ignoring the huge bouquet of flowers he placed on her desk. Flowers didn’t come close to making up for what he’d done.
They stared at each other. Renee was determined not to speak first. She might have to deal with him on the Scottish wedding, but she wasn’t going to make it easy. She wondered if it was still possible to have someone tarred and feathered and if so, what that entailed. Could you buy feathers in bulk and did they have to be a certain kind?
“I’m sorry.”
Renee allowed her face to shift from unreadable to disbelieving.
Jasper sat across from her. “Renee, I mean it. I apologize for what I did. I was wrong. You told me you didn’t want me involved in a specific wedding and instead of listening, I went behind your back. I betrayed your trust. I get that.”
“Do you? Or is this where you tell me it was worth it because you have a book to write?”
He drew in a breath. “You told me these are people’s lives. That they’ll remember their weddings forever and I have no right to get involved in that. You were right and I was wrong and I’m sorry.”
“But?”
His gaze locked with hers. “I was wrong.”
She felt the first crack in the emotional wall she’d erected, followed by a second crack and a few bricks tumbling down.
“I’m going to contact Hanna and Graham and tell them I won’t be bothering them anymore.”
“It’s too late to do that. They’re both excited. If you back out now, you’ll disappoint them so I’m stuck and you get what you want.”
He looked a lot more miserable than triumphant, which almost made her feel better. Almost.
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” he said.
“You didn’t care about hurting me.”
“I didn’t, but I do now.” He put his hands on her desk. “For me, writing is capturing the movie I see in my head. It has to be clear to me before I can get it on to the page. When it’s not going well, I’m constantly scrambling to solve the problem and when I get into problem-solving mode—”
“You don’t give up.”
“I don’t.”
“We need a safe word.”
His eyebrows shot up. “We do?”
She did her best to keep from smiling. “Not for that. For when you get too involved in your story. I need a word or a phrase that will remind you to stop being a crazy writer and start being a human being again. I can’t work with you if I can’t get through to you.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
There were more cracks and more tumbling bricks until the wall was pretty much gone and she was left with wanting to tell him everything would be fine. Only she didn’t because while she believed him, she wasn’t totally sure she could trust him.
As if reading her mind, he asked, “Am I forgiven?”
She wanted to say he was, only she wasn’t all the way there yet. “That’s going to take some time and work on your part.”
“Fair enough. Are you sure about keeping me on the Scottish wedding?”
“Yes. Just don’t try to influence them. Le
t them do what they want to do.” Her voice was sharper than she meant it to be and she sighed. “Let them have their wedding.”
“I will. You have my word.”
“Are you sure you want to offer that?” she asked. “If you break your word, you’re leaving me with nothing.”
She tried to keep her tone light so he wouldn’t guess how close her statement was to the very heart of the problem. She liked Jasper, she wanted to keep liking him, but if he broke his word again, she couldn’t. And there wouldn’t be a third chance. She just didn’t have that in her.
“I give you my word I will not knowingly influence Hanna and Graham. What I ask in return is if I accidentally start down that path that you kick me in the shins to help me remember.”
One corner of her mouth turned up. “You’ve seen my shoes. You sure you want to risk that?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Kicking it is.” She pulled a file out of a stack on her desk. “The apple wedding is this weekend. By now I assume Silver’s been in touch about that.”
He frowned. “You’re going to let me help at the apple wedding?”
“I was always going to do that, Jasper. I was pissed but I’d said you could.”
He grimaced. “You’re saying you don’t go back on your word.”
“Something like that.” She opened the folder. “You know what to wear. You’ll be walking around with a tray of premade drinks and that’s all. Respect the wedding and the participants. Don’t initiate conversation with anyone. You’ve been to fancy parties and events before. The servers are invisible. Observe all you want but don’t engage. Agreed?”
“I’ll be a ghost,” he told her. “I really am sorry.”
“I believe you.”
She did believe him. But trusting him—that was something else entirely.
* * *
JASPER ARRIVED AT the apple wedding a full two hours before the ceremony started. He was still feeling guilty about his behavior, which he didn’t like, and figured the only way to make things better was to let his actions show Renee he wasn’t a total loser.
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