“I’m calling bullshit on that, Mother. I lived in that house. You didn’t give a good hot damn about Daddy—or me, for that matter,” Emma said.
“Don’t you use that kind of language with me,” Victoria growled.
Usually, when her mother lowered her voice, it meant that she was really angry, and Emma went into a panic mode. That was when she tried to fix whatever she’d done wrong, and as usual, she felt her chest begin to tighten. She made herself breathe and remember that she was strong, and she had a good future ahead of her like Filly said.
“It’s the truth, Mother. I’ve been a bother to you from the day I was born, maybe even before, so why would you want me to come back to Dallas now?” Emma asked.
“It’s where you belong,” Victoria said. “My daughter doesn’t live in a hovel like this. What would I ever tell my friends? And you can tell Sophie to call off that damned lawyer. My name was on those accounts, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“You can tell your friends that I’m alive and happy and starting to make a name for myself in the art world. I sold two paintings last week, and that should pay the rent on this trailer after July and buy whatever food I need. And, Mother, I’ll face you in court if I have to over the money that is mine. I don’t give a damn about the company, but the money that my grandmother left me is mine. I’m just not afraid of you anymore.” She was stretching the truth. Those two paintings might not sell for months, but Victoria didn’t need to know that. “I really don’t care what people think of me anymore, Mother. Not even you. Sophie has shown me that I can make my own decisions and my own way now. And I got far enough away from your control to remember those repressed memories. I’m dealing with them without institutions or therapists, and I’m getting stronger every day.”
“You should have been smarter than to go with that kid to the apartment of someone I didn’t know. You’ve always been gullible, just like Wyatt. Sophie has bewitched you, just like Rebel did Wyatt all those years ago.”
“Why are you like this?” Emma asked. She could hear her mother tapping her foot on the hardwood floor of her office.
“Like what?” Victoria tapped her foot.
The tapping of the foot was one of her last resorts to bend Emma to her will. It meant time was running out, and Emma had better agree to do whatever Victoria wanted her to do.
“Like controlling. Like so cold. Like you hate me.” Emma asked, “What happened to you that you didn’t want kids and made you give me to the nanny to raise? You must have a demon in your past, too.”
“I raised you like my mother raised me,” she said. “I grew up to be the businesswoman that Mother was, and she was proud of me. I might have had some pride in you if you hadn’t turned out to be so much like your father.”
“Daddy has worked for you all these years and has done a good job. He’s stood beside you at whatever you wanted—dinners, trips, all of it,” Emma reminded her.
“But he wasn’t the one I loved,” Victoria said. “The man who should have been your father was strong, and I loved him. Your father was just a means to an end.”
Emma was the speechless one now. Her mother had been in love? Was that why she was so bitter?
“Why didn’t you marry that man?” Emma whispered.
There was a long silence.
“You didn’t mean to say that, did you, Mother?” Emma said. “You’ve always been so closemouthed about everything that I don’t even know you. What happened that the love of your life didn’t marry you?”
“My mother happened,” Victoria answered. “She said he wasn’t good enough for me, but she said I had to have a child to leave the family business to, so I married the worst guy I could find. Every time I looked at you, I thought of what I should have had, and I hated you. At least you were too backward to ever run the business, so I can sell it instead of passing it down to you.”
“I’m sorry you’ve had such a miserable life,” Emma said, “but you are not controlling mine anymore. Why don’t you just do what’s right and unfreeze my bank accounts? For once have a heart.”
“I’m not having this conversation with you. My company will never be in your hands, or any of the money from it. I have a buyer for it, and since you aren’t mentally stable, you don’t get a dime of that money, and I’m not giving you a dime of that money that my mother left you. Time’s up. If you come home, I might let you live in a decent permanent-care facility.”
“Mother, I wish you all the best in your retirement, but I don’t give a damn about the company, and there’s no way you can put me in an institution. I’m an adult, remember? That’s why you always made me sign myself into those places. If I’ve got enough to make rent and put food on the table for myself, that’s all I need,” Emma said. “And maybe a fancy new flowery skirt every so often. I do like the way I dress these days.”
“Why couldn’t you have had a backbone when you were a little girl?” Victoria sighed.
“I was afraid of you back then, but I’m not anymore. I’ve come to realize what is important,” Emma said.
“And what’s that?” Victoria’s tone went icy cold.
“I woke up after a horrible nightmare about that rape, Mother, and Sophie was here for me. She has helped me get past the guilt and the pain. After that night, something just clicked, and I realized that I care less about what other folks think of me and more about what I think of myself. I have come a long way in these past few weeks. I thought my life was such a mess that I would never recover, but this little family I have here supports me with love and kindness. I can smile again and put all those horrible memories behind me, and I’m proud of my strength and the person I’m becoming,” Emma said.
“That sounds like a bunch of psychobabble,” Victoria said.
“You should know the sound—it’s from all those institutions you sent me to. I’m sorry you feel the way you do. I’m sorry you couldn’t hang on to the love of your life. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the person you wanted me to be, but I’m not sorry that I am the person I am right now. If you ever change your mind, you know where I am,” Emma said.
“Goodbye,” Victoria said, and hung up.
Emma’s head pounded so hard that it would take more than two aspirin to make it better. She just wanted to be alone—no, she needed to be by herself for a little while so she could cry or throw things or just scream to get out the rage that she felt. Her time was her own.
She pointed at the door. “You can leave now, Jeffrey. I’m not going with you.”
“Please come home with me.” He’d resorted to begging. “I simply can’t go back there without you.”
“Like I said, I liked you, but I’m not leaving this place,” Emma told him.
Jeffrey’s face looked like he had eaten green persimmons, but he gently closed the door when he left.
“Well, that went well,” she told Coco. “And poor old Jeffrey is still a gentleman, even though he’s been in Mother’s presence so much that he has a little mean streak. He didn’t even slam the door even though I know he was so mad he was humming.”
The cat opened one eye and meowed.
“Don’t take it personal. Jeffrey is just like Mother. Neither of them likes kids or animals.” Emma picked up the phone and called Sophie.
“Hey, girl, how’s it going? Are you all right there by yourself?” Sophie answered.
“Jeffrey just left, and I called Mother,” Emma answered.
“Holy crap!” Sophie gasped. “What happened?”
“I’m fine, and I mean it this time,” Emma said. “I love you, Sophie. You are my best friend, but I’ve just figured out that I can stand on my own two feet. I can make it on my own, so I. Am. Fine. I’m not just saying that this time. She spoke her mind. I spoke mine. I may be poor the rest of my life, but in a lot of ways I’m richer than I’ve ever been.” She told Sophie the rest of what had happened.
“I’m proud of you and so sorry that you can’t have a relationship with her l
ike I have with my mama,” Sophie said. “And I’m so glad you called because I just talked to my lawyer. He had your mother served with papers. We are suing her for what is rightfully yours. I’ll testify for you, and I bet Arty and Filly will, too. And Josh will even come out of the park if we need him to, I just know he will.”
“It wasn’t easy, Sophie, but I feel stronger for having told her about the rape.” Emma’s voice almost broke, but she got it under control. “You told me I was strong and that I can make my own decisions. I leaned on that thought pretty heavy while I was talking to her. Now tell me about the showings. How are they going? Are you going to come home with a million dollars in your pockets?”
“I just might if we have another sale like this when we get to Rome,” Sophie laughed. “This has been an amazing experience, but I’m so ready to be home.”
“I’m so proud of you and for you,” Emma said. “You’re carving out a place in the world. But for now, you should go enjoy being with Teddy. We’ll see you in a few days.”
When the call ended, Emma got out her brushes, paints, and a canvas and carried them to the table behind Filly’s house. Hummingbirds were fluttering around the feeders, their long bills acting like straws to suck up the sweet red water.
She painted in a blue sky and then added some fluffy white clouds. After that, she laid in just enough of the edge of a feeder to catch a little of one of the yellow plastic daisies around the glass.
“And now the bird.” She smiled. “No darkness anywhere today, just a bright picture. Hello, Coco!” she said when the cat walked across the table. “What do you think, girl? Shall we defy all logic here and dress the hummingbird in bright colors? It’s not a purple lizard, but we can give it some extra help.”
Coco gave her a pitiful meow.
“Does that mean you want me to paint it as I see it or as I see the hope of a brighter future?” she asked.
Coco yawned and curled up on the end of the table.
She laid in the general outline of the bird with his wings outstretched. “I feel like I opened up my own wings today, and now I can fly.”
She painted his chest bright red, added a bit of turquoise to his tail and back, and, as a final touch, put just a hint of purple on his bill. With a few strokes, she made him come alive with yellow in his wings, and with the smallest detail brush she had, she wrote the word hope into the lines of his tiny feet and signed the work in the bottom right-hand corner.
“An artist can make the hummingbird any color they want, just like a lizard,” she whispered to Coco.
“Yes, they can,” Josh said from behind her.
“Sweet Lord!” She gasped and almost dropped her paintbrush in the dirt. She’d been so involved with reliving the phone call with her mother that she hadn’t even heard a vehicle drive up in the front courtyard. “You startled me. I wasn’t looking for you to get home for a couple more hours.” She held up the painting. “What do you think?”
“It’s my favorite ever. If I can have it, I’ll give you free rent for the month of August on the trailer,” he said. “I see happiness, and I love the color.”
“It’s yours.” Emma extended her work toward him. It was hard to believe that one little painting had netted her another month in the trailer. Maybe by the time that month was up, this thing with her mother and the money would be settled.
He’s a sweetheart for doing this, she thought as she stole a long look at him while he was studying the picture in his hands.
“Thank you,” Josh said. “We brought sub sandwiches. Come on around to the table and have one with us.”
Emma nodded. “I’m starving, and I’ve got a lot to tell you all about what happened today.” She was so happy that the family was home and she could share everything that had happened that day with them. The news wasn’t as big a thing as when she got to tell them about Sophie’s engagement and the new gallery. But just knowing that she was getting stronger every day made her feel closer to Josh—closer to them all.
Chapter Fifteen
Depression was nothing new to Emma, but sheer restlessness was. Her days had been planned from the time she woke up in the morning until she went to bed at night for so long that she loved her newfound freedom. But this antsy feeling down deep inside her was something she had never experienced.
She watched the sunset that evening from her back porch, but it wasn’t nearly as pretty as the sunrise had been that morning—before the showdown with Jeffrey and her mother.
“That’s it!” She snapped her fingers. “I so wanted her to be sympathetic and say that the rape wasn’t my fault, that maybe she shouldn’t have kept me away from the world so much as a child. I could actually have developed some street smarts. Instead, she excused herself. Nothing has ever been her fault.”
Josh rounded the end of the trailer. “Hey, want to listen to some music this evening?”
“I think I’d rather talk,” she said. “Want a beer or a glass of sweet tea?”
“Beer would be great.” He smiled.
“Come on inside,” she said as she stood up and headed for the door.
She took two bottles of beer from the fridge and handed one to Josh, then motioned for him to sit on the sofa. She took a seat on the other end and sat cross-legged. “I can’t decide if I’m jittery or antsy or what the deal is tonight. I already told you about what happened when Mother called, but I just realized that she’s been unhappy for most of her life. And yet she’s never taken any responsibility for her unhappiness. When something was her fault, she blamed someone else every time. It would be good for her to have to go to court and tell them that she’s robbing me,” she blurted out as she twisted the top off her beer and took a sip.
“I’m not sure I could have faced my father in court if he had decided to protest Harry’s will, but if you have to do that, then I’ll be there for you,” Josh said.
Emma smiled. “That means a lot to me. What if she wins?”
“Then I’ll whisk you out of the courtroom and bring you home to the trailer park.” He grinned.
“You’re funny, but, Josh, I’m really kind of scared about it,” she said. “I was pretty brazen on the phone, but facing her in a court of law is another thing.”
“Sometimes you have to fight for what you want, or what is yours,” Josh said. “You can do this, Em. I know you can.”
“Thank you,” she said. “That gives me confidence.”
“I’m sorry your mama said those things to you,” Josh said. “I know what it feels like to be different in a world of really smart people, but my folks did want a child. Of course, they wanted me to grow up to be something like a nuclear physicist. So, there you go. Hearing your mother say that had to sting, but not spending time with you is her loss.”
Emma glanced over at the exact spot where Jeffrey had stood. Could it have really been just this morning? It seemed like the visit had happened years ago. “It did hurt to hear her say it again, but not as much as it did when I was about twelve years old. Down deep I think I knew it even as a toddler. Pretty often, days went by when Mother didn’t even come into the nursery. Daddy popped in every evening, but he only stayed a little while. When I was little, he’d read a book to me. When I got older, he would play a board game with me. He’d grown up in foster care, so he can’t have had many role models when it came to being a dad.”
“What happened to his parents?” Josh asked.
“They died when he was a little boy. He had no living relatives, so he was put into the system, but at least Daddy tried.” She sighed. “I told her something this morning that”—she paused—“I was hoping she’d react differently to. Rebel would have shown sympathy, but Mother . . .”
“Want to talk about it?” Josh asked.
“Yes, I do, but it’s bad,” Emma said. “And I’m afraid it will affect our friendship, and I don’t ever want that to happen.” She began to wring her hands together. I have to stop this, she thought. He needs to know why I am so scared of relatio
nships.
“Can’t happen.” He smiled.
Just those two little words and his smile filled her with the confidence to go on. She took a deep breath and spit out the story of the rape and the nightmares, and even told him how she thought that she’d killed both guys. She kept her eyes on her beer bottle and didn’t look up at him until she finished. When she finally did glance his way, he had taken his glasses off and was wiping away tears with the back of his hand.
Other than Sophie and Rebel, no one had ever shown her that kind of empathy. She could tell that what he felt wasn’t pity but sincere, and it warmed her heart so much that she reached over and took his hand in hers. “Thank you for listening and for not looking at me with disgust right now.”
“I’m so, so sorry that you had to endure that, Em.” He laid his free hand on top of hers. “But most of all, I’m sorry that you had to carry that around with you all those years. I wish I had known you then so you would have had someone to talk to about it.”
“I should have called Sophie, but I just thought if I didn’t admit that it happened, then it would go away.” She liked the feel of his hand on hers. “I wish I had known you then, too, Josh. We’re so much alike that it would have been nice to have had a friend like you.”
“You’ve got me now.” Josh freed his hands from hers.
“Thank you.” One more little obstacle conquered. She liked to be touched by a man, even if it was just holding hands.
He worked on his glasses with the tail of his T-shirt and then put them back on. “Hey, I almost forgot. You told us to get you a pay-as-you-go phone, but I just got you one like mine and put you on my plan.” He pulled the phone out of his shirt pocket and handed it to her. “I took the liberty of setting it up to the Wi-Fi we’ve got here at the park, and”—he ducked his head—“I made a playlist so you can have music while you work.”
When she took the phone from him and his bare fingers touched hers, it excited her. The warmth of his hands on hers, even in a simple gesture like a brush, was so different from anything she’d felt from a man in the past, and she liked it—a lot.
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