“Raising the bed would be good,” I say.
She presses a button and my head raises. She’s right; I feel the blood flowing through my body. I take another easy breath.
“I wanted to start ultrasound and laser therapy today. It doesn’t involve much. The ultrasound is basically using sound waves to ease the inflammation and the laser does the same thing for the same purpose. The ultrasound machine requires a gel and may feel warm on your skin. If you feel any discomfort, please let me know right away and we can stop,” she explains.
I nod. If it will help with the pain, it’s worth a try.
“I’m going to put a sheet on your lower end to keep you covered. I need to have the back of your hospital gown open so I can access the injured area,” she says.
“Okay.”
She places a sheet on my ass and opens my hospital gown. I can’t see her, but I hear her pushing buttons on a machine because it makes a beeping noise.
“Okay, I hope the gel isn’t too cold. It takes a few minutes to warm,” she explains as she puts the machine to my back. “How does that feel?”
“Tender. Still painful.” But also good because I really like your hands on me. Geez. I’ve turned into a slime bucket.
“It should be getting warm now. It will increase blood flow and reduce inflammation,” she says.
Yup, blood flow is definitely increasing, but inflammation is not reduced. It’s the first time in weeks I’ve thought of something other than my pain.
The machine warms, like she says, and it feels good. I close my eyes and enjoy her touch as she moves the machine along the aching muscles in my back. Twenty minutes or so passes.
“Okay, now we can move on to your knee. Is it okay if I wipe the lubricant from your back?” she asks. My eyes move to her lips and my thoughts run away with me. Damn, I need to stop this now.
“Yes, thank you,” I say politely, realizing I’ve been acting like an ass to everyone around me. They don’t deserve it and I know better, but I am tired of the pain. I’m tired from not sleeping and feeling so damn useless all the time. Most of all, I’m scared of what my life will be like now as an injured, jobless vet.
“Of course. Did you find it helped with the pain?” she asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“A little, yes,” I say. My body isn’t so tense and it doesn’t hurt to breathe.
“Now for your knee. I can just lift the blanket and press the laser on your knee from an angle. I don’t want to ask you to move again. I know it takes a lot of energy. Pain can get really tiring but honestly, once we get you moving, you’re going to feel so much better,” she says.
“What’s the point of trying? My life is meaningless now,” I say quietly.
She pauses and watches me like she truly hears me. It’s unsettling.
“Ignore me. I don’t know what I’m saying. I want morphine. I want to feel like I’m floating. I don’t want to feel at all.”
“Your feelings are common around here. I see a lot of patients that have been through some terrible things. With effort and perseverance you’d be surprised with how far you can come,” she says.
“The navy sure isn’t taking a guy with a metal rod in his back and a leg that doesn’t work. I’m out of a job. I’ve been yanked out of the only life I know,” I answer, rubbing my head. I feel a headache coming on.
“Let me grab you a cool cloth,” she says.
She walks over to the sink in my room and opens the cabinet above it, taking out a face cloth. She wets it and returns to me, placing it on my forehead.
“Thank you,” I sigh, my eyes pinched shut.
“You’re welcome. I know the Naproxen isn’t as helpful as morphine but getting addicted to the morphine will lead to a lot of other problems. The hospital likes to remain cautious,” she says.
“This sucks. Everything just sucks right now,” I say.
“If there is anything I can do to help you let me know. I’m around quite a bit.” She smiles sadly. I see the pity party floating in her gaze. Fucking great. “Are you up for some laser therapy on your knee? You can say no.”
“If it will take away any pain, then I’ll try it.”
She cleans off the wand she was using and covers my back then moves to the other side of my bed and lifts the blanket up to my thigh. My knee has a crisscross of scars all over it but at least the stitches are out. “Make sure to tell me if I’m pressing too hard. I need to apply some pressure to reach the inflamed tissue behind the kneecap,” she explains.
I nod. I can’t be affected by this woman. Even though I would let her touch me any way she wanted.
She applies a little too much pressure, but I don’t say a word. It’s crazy but I just want her in here a little longer.
There’s a knock at the door. I want to scream to whoever it is to fuck off and not come back, but I have to tame the beast that’s taken residence inside me since the accident. There’s another knock.
“Yeah,” I shout. A nurse wouldn’t knock twice.
“Hey man.” Quinn sticks his head in the door. “Nurse said you were getting PT; that’s great news. Said I could probably come in because you’re about done.”
“Yup. We’re all done.” Avery stands from the stool she was sitting on and I give Quinn the stink eye. Talk about bad timing. “I’ll check on you in a couple hours to see how you’re feeling and then we can decide together if you would like more ultrasound therapy tomorrow. Have yourself a good rest of the day, Mr. Sheridan.” She gives me a curt nod, collects her machines, gives Quinn a clipped smile and walks out of the room.
Quinn stands off to the side until she leaves and then a shit-eating grin takes over his face faster than I can tell him to fuck off.
“Nice-looking PT you got there, bud.” He winks and takes a seat by my bed.
“Fuck. Who told you to come back?” I mutter.
He laughs and shakes his head, giving me an I-know-you look.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you have something in your eye?” I ask giving him a wry smile.
“No, but something definitely caught yours. I know you better than the back of my hand,” he says.
That part is true. We were on the same team for years. You learn a lot about a person when serving side by side and facing death together.
“She’s a hot woman. So what? She’s my PT and I’m . . .” My voice cracks. I’m broken.
“You’re what? A SEAL who got injured. That’s all. You’re still the same man, Bennett, honorable and loyal. Your injuries and that accident didn’t change who you are. You’re a stand-up guy that jumped into the line of fire before any of us saw it coming and for that, I am grateful,” he says.
“I just wish I wouldn’t have survived. I have nothing. No job. No family,” I say. Did I really say those words out loud? Fuck me. For some reason my head feels clearer now than it has in weeks. The pain is easing a bit.
“You’ve got family. I’m your family. Jackson, Trev, Liam, Mark—we are all your family,” he says adamantly.
“The other guys are part of Cole Security. I barely see them, and Trev isn’t doing well, and you’re going back in. I can never do that. I’ve been given a medical discharge. I’m a fucking invalid,” I splutter.
“Stop talking shit. You’re not. I’m not going back either. I got my discharge papers. Ashton is pregnant, man,” he says and his lower lip quivers.
Emotions I haven’t felt in a long time hit me hard right in the center of my chest. “Fuck, man, I’m happy for you, bro.” I extend my hand to him but I lift it too high and my back spasms. I scream out from pain and Quinn flinches.
I try to laugh it off. “I’m a fucking mess.”
“You’ll get there,” he says. I want to believe him but it’s too damn hard to picture.
“Anyways, I’ve taken a job at Cole Security. I wanted you to know. I’ll be staying here in Jersey so expect to see my face,” he says with a bastard smile.
“If I don’t have a choice then f
ine,” I say sarcastically.
“And Bennett, the guys at Cole are good men. I know we haven’t spent a lot of time around them but now that I am a part of the team, they’ve taken me in. It’s been good for me,” he says.
The guys at Cole are all ex-SEALS. Some of them were active duty at the same time as me but on different teams so we have come across each other quite a bit over the years, but I don’t share the same bond with them that I do with Quinn.
“I’ll see you soon,” he says. He doesn’t try to shake my hand, considering my reaction last time.
“See you.”
He walks out of my room and I’m alone again.
Chapter Five
Avery
I can’t get out of the room fast enough. It was important that I do my job right. That I help this man with his pain—that isn’t a question. So why the hell is my heart beating so fast? It feels like it will pump right out of my chest. My hands are shaking. What is wrong with me?
You know what’s wrong with you. You thought that man was hot.
No, it was more than that. Something in the depth of his molten eyes called to me. His beauty is hidden behind a wild beard growing all over his face, but it’s there, nonetheless. His sculpted cheekbones and full lips are still visible. Damn, his lips make me think about kissing them.
Geez! What in the hell is wrong with me? This is not me. I don’t melt over a man. I see a handsome man and move on. Getting affected by good looks is not how I operate, that’s for damn sure. That was something teenage Avery did.
The problem is the man in there was more than good looks. His dark eyes were filled with despair. He’s broken. He’s hurting. He’s lonely, and I can relate.
I can hear him talking to his friend through the door. I should not be eavesdropping on a patient, but I can’t seem to move either. He just looked so lonely. I know that feeling all too well. Even though Liam my deceased husband and I weren’t in love, he was there for me. We became family. He had my back. Well, at least he did when he was around. When he was deployed it was me and Jessy. I learned how to become a mom the hard way—by making mistakes. I was lucky to have other SEAL wives around who offered advice and cooked meals. It was nice to be a part of a community in that sense.
Cindy stops in front of me, her head tilted to the side. “Avery, darling, are you okay?”
I jump like I’ve been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. Getting seriously attracted to a patient is seriously against hospital rules.
“Me? Yeah, totally. Why do you . . . uh . . . ask?” I stutter. I fucking stutter. Shit, Avery, get a grip. It’s like I’ve digressed into a teenage girl version of myself.
Cindy’s brows draw together, and she taps her chin with her pointer finger. “You’ve met Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome,” she says. “Huh! I knew it. Not even you’re immune to him,” she says, sounding proud of herself.
I take a deep breath and straighten my shoulders. “You’re seriously nuts. There’s nothing wrong with me.” I attach the wand to the side of the ultrasound machine and put the laser pen back in the pack. “I need to get going. I have another patient in the gym in five minutes.”
It’s a lie. My next patient isn’t for about a quarter of an hour but there is no way I will stand here and let her grill me. I need to figure myself out first. This isn’t me. I’m just having an off day.
I begin to push the ultrasound cart toward the elevator without another word. Why is my heart still beating fast? Dammit.
“Yeah, sure, right. You keep telling yourself that Avery Malone,” Cindy shouts behind my back.
I wave goodbye. I take a right and press the elevator button. When I’m in the elevator, my phone vibrates. Since I’m not with a patient, I take a quick peek. It’s Jessy.
Jessy: Is it okay if I go over to Rory’s house tonight? We are going to study together.
I sigh. My baby is growing up and she is out of the house more and more lately.
Me: Sure, have fun.
I send Cindy a quick text.
Me: I can do drinks tonight. Looks like I’m flying solo.
Cindy: Yay! We’re gonna have so much fun.
After a long day I head home and prepare some roasted chicken and potatoes for dinner. I leave the cooked food on the counter and head upstairs to take a shower. Aunt Bee and Uncle Jim are probably on their daily evening walk. They walk rain or shine, which suits me fine because I get the house to myself.
After my shower I put on a pair of skinny jegging jeans and a simple heather grey cotton shirt. I brush my hair and let it air-dry despite the dropping temperatures outside. I don’t go out very often, so I’ve never invested in going out clothes. There isn’t a sexy thing in my closet. Most of my paycheck goes into savings every month except of course for any necessities Jessy and I need, and the food I buy for the household.
I look in the mirror feeling very plain. I head into Jessy’s room and borrow a new pink lip gloss she just bought. I pucker my lips and look in the mirror. I’m still not excited about what I see.
The drive to the bar isn’t far. I figure it’s better I take my car because I don’t plan on drinking more than one beer and this way I can leave whenever I want. Cindy is at a table with some of our co-workers. I spot Kathy, my boss, a nurse named Beth, another named Tina and a couple of the doctors. Whoa! I’m not the social type. This is going to take a lot of effort from my end.
I walk up to the table with nerves in my stomach. Everyone looks laidback, happy, and maybe a little tipsy. The women look sexy and the men look GQ chic.
“Avery girl, I’m so happy you made it.” Cindy stands to give me a hug. Everyone at the long table stops their conversation and they all focus on me. They say hi and I answer them individually. Doctor Rudgers smiles and waves. “Nice to see you, Avery. Glad you could make it.”
“Thanks,” I answer with a smile.
“What kind of beer do you want?” Cindy asks.
It takes me a moment to answer. I look at the table to see what everyone else is drinking. Dr. Rudgers stands. “You ladies have a seat. I can go over to the bar and get you what you like,” he says to me with a wide smile. He’s a handsome young doctor. He can’t be older than thirty-two.
“That’s okay, Dr. Rudgers. I can go get the drink myself,” I answer, fixing my shirt.
He smiles and raises a brow. “Avery. May I call you Avery?”
“Yes,” I say hesitantly. Gosh, why did I hesitate? I am so awkward. He motions for me to follow him away from the table. I figure he wants me to walk with him to the bar.
“Please call me Colin. We aren’t at work and truth is, I’ve wanted to get to know you outside of the hospital for some time,” he admits and his cheeks flush. Whoa. Is he hitting on me?
“Oh.”
I feel Cindy’s gaze burning a hole into my cheek. I side eye the table because we haven’t gotten too far away. As I suspected her smile is so wide it stretches from cheek to cheek. Her reaction causes a flush to crawl up my skin.
“What did you say you wanted to drink?” he asks me again furrowing his brows. My stomach sinks.
“I didn’t,” I say. Damn now I sound like a bitch. “I can buy my own drink.” It comes out all wrong. I’m so bad at adulting.
He frowns.
When it comes to men I’m weird and difficult. After getting knocked up at the age of sixteen because of a one-night stand, I became cautious.
“I know you can buy your own drink.” Colin smiles like he thinks I’m cute and not testy. “But I would like to buy it for you.”
Cindy walks over and elbows me in the ribs. Okay, fine. “Sure, that would be nice. Let me come with you. I want to see what they have on tap,” I say. As I walk off, Cindy pinches my butt and says, “that a girl.”
Colin looks over to me and laughs. It’s friendly and relatively calming.
I lean on the bar and the bartender walks over. After he gives me a rundown of what’s on tap, I choose the Guinness. Colin clinks his glass with mi
ne. We both drink.
“So what do you do for fun?” he asks cheerfully.
“Not much.” I wince. “I’m boring,” I roll my eyes and try for a more playful approach.
He smiles flashing his perfect white teeth. “I’d love to take you to dinner sometime,” he says.
I don’t have a good comeback. He is a handsome doctor. I’m sure he can get any woman he wants. Why would he want a single mom? Why would he want me? Besides, I think he’s handsome, but he doesn’t get my heart pumping fast.
As soon as I think those words I startle and remember the debacle I became this afternoon inside Mr. Sheridan’s room. It was like someone slipped a crazy pill inside my coffee this morning.
“Say something. I’m guessing your silence means that you’re not interested,” he says, and takes a sip of his beer.
“I’m just . . .” So awkward. “I just . . . I don’t really date. I have a teenage daughter.”
“I know, Avery. I’ve met her. Remember? She does drop by the hospital on occasion. You’ve introduced us,” he says.
“Right. I have.” I didn’t remember that.
“So, what do you say? A friendly meal? We can get to know each other better,” he says with a grin.
“I don’t date,” I blurt out. Gosh, this is just getting worse and worse by the minute.
He chuckles. “I can kind of tell,” he says with a wince. “You seem to spend all your free time with your patients.”
“And my daughter but when she isn’t home, I spend time with my patients.”
“I figured as much,” he says thoughtfully. “But why so much time with the patients? When my shift is done, I can’t wait to get home and relax.”
“My patients are lonely. Some of them don’t have families or friends close by who can visit. Me spending time with them makes them happy. Gives them something to look forward to,” I explain. It gives me something meaningful to do so that I don’t have to go home and hang out with my aunt and uncle who will just pile on my chores. Of course I leave the last part out.
Irresistible: A Salvation Society Novel Page 3