by Nicole Hall
She remembered those nights. Those dreams. She’d been reliving her last night in town, what she remembered of it. The night with Maddie that she’d never told him about. All these years he’d thought she was afraid of him, but he was only partly right. The dreams had terrified her, not because she was afraid of him, but because they’d all ended with Jake dead.
“I was never afraid of you.” Jake looked away but she gripped his fingers until he met her eyes. “Never.”
“Then what? What happened, Sera?”
She took a deep breath, but the kitchen was closing in on her, so she got up to pace the length of the room. “I can’t talk about it because I don’t remember most of it. Every time I try, I panic. My mom thought something was wrong with me since I was having panic attacks about nothing as far as she could tell. She convinced me I was sick. That I couldn’t handle things myself, and I needed her to help me.” Tears choked her. “I tried college, but Mom never let me get far away, then Will…”
Sera sank back into her chair, all her muscles tensing up. “Evie took my side. She said it didn’t matter if I remembered anything, and she didn’t care what I did or didn’t see. She believed I wasn’t delusional. But I wasn’t here with her, I was stuck there. I owe Evie every scrap of confidence and love in me.”
Her shoulders dropped. “And now in the end, it looks like my mom was right. Will was right. I can’t handle this myself. I have no idea how to help her. I don’t even know where to start.”
Jake leaned forward again and grabbed her hand. “You don’t have to handle this yourself. I know we’ll find a way to get her out.”
“How could you possibly know?” Sera’s breath was coming in quick gasps. “You don’t know what I’m capable of, even Zee said I wouldn’t be able to use my magic on my own. How useless is that? What if Evie’s stuck in that horrible tree until he kills her for real?” Sera couldn’t get enough air. Her heart was pounding and black spots danced in front of her eyes.
Jake scooped her out of her chair and carried her into the living room. Tears started to fall as she tried to calm down. He settled them on the couch with her in his lap and leaned back until she was mostly laying on top of him.
“Breathe,” he said. “I’ve got you. Breathe.”
He took a deep breath, and she followed. Some of the tightness in her chest receded. Another breath and the black spots went away. They continued to breathe deeply in sync together for long moments.
She hadn’t always had panic attacks. They’d started after she’d left Mulligan, then as time passed, they’d stopped happening. After her marriage, they returned. She’d try to take initiative with a work function or a dinner, and Will would intercede. He’d take over, and she’d be relegated to arm candy. Even something as simple as picking out her clothes became a battle. Nothing she chose was ever good enough. Then the pills.
After that, it had been easy to let him take control of everything. She’d floated along for months before she’d realized she couldn’t remember what she’d done the day before. The week before. Her whole life was a blur. She was embarrassed it had taken her so long to realize he was drugging her. Then she’d wanted nothing but out.
Her body calmed, pressed against Jake’s, taking deep breaths together. She’d forgotten the strength he offered. Not to take over, but to support and give her a place to rest when she needed it. The freedom was a balm to her soul.
Her cheek rested against his shoulder. Tucked into his lap, she let her body relax and her eyes close. His hand rubbed up and down her back, but never ventured into more interesting territory. Sera was both grateful and disappointed. She breathed him in. Warmth and wood and cotton. There it was again. Home.
“Just like old times, huh?” he said.
“Yeah, except your parents aren’t pretending to sleep upstairs, my grandmother isn’t peeking out the window, and Maddie isn’t in her room watching tv way too loud to cover for us.”
“And I’m wearing a shirt.”
“That is weird.”
His chest moved under her cheek as he chuckled. “I can take it off if it makes you feel better.”
“Mm-hmm, because you know I always feel better when you’re naked.”
“Half-naked.”
“I think the distinction is unnecessary.”
“Maybe, but I didn’t hear you denying it. You want me half-naked.”
“And that’s my cue to get off the couch, away from you and your wandering hands.”
Jake squeezed her gently, holding her in place. “Stay. I promise to keep my hands G-rated.”
“Not to yourself?”
“If you’re lying on me, my hands are going to be on you.” His fingers flicked her shirt up so he could trail them up her bare back. “Where is up to you.”
Her skin burned where he touched her. She’d never realized her back was so sensitive. Elbow, back, maybe it was just him. He stopped before reaching her bra and splayed his hand. She didn’t move. Didn’t breathe.
Warmth rushed up her neck into her face. She wanted him to keep going. Wanted to take the easy road and follow where he led. His hand moved, but away from where she wanted it. A whimper escaped, and he pulled her shirt back into place and settled his hand at the small of her back. Completely G-rated.
Frustrated and defiant, she turned her head, brushing her lips against his collarbone. It was his turn to suck in a breath. It was probably a terrible mistake, but Sera wasn’t ready to stop yet. He wanted her to decide? Done.
Another brush and his arm tightened around her. She pressed a kiss to his neck and felt his racing pulse. It had always been this way with Jake. One touch and she was lost.
Or maybe found.
Sera levered herself up to see his face, seating herself more firmly in his lap. His eyes blazed, but he waited. It was her choice to leave or stay, and he’d been almost right.
She didn’t want him half-naked, she wanted him whole-naked.
Her smile grew as she slid her hands up his chest, taking his shirt with them. He leaned forward, flexing those glorious abs, and reached back to help pull his shirt over his head.
“Told you,” he said.
Sera laughed and smacked his bare shoulder. “Keep talking and I’ll take my toys – I mean cheesecake – and go home.”
He tossed his shirt somewhere, and made better use of his hands by sliding them into her hair. She leaned forward to kiss him, but he stopped her. “Be sure, Sera.”
For once, everything in her was in agreement. He was taut underneath her, muscles hard from holding himself still, but his hands were gentle on her face. There was no more panic or fear, only scorching anticipation for a man that should always have been hers.
Sera covered his hands in hers and met his lips.
One moment, she was dragging her hands down his chest to his pants, the next he’d rolled her beneath him. His weight settled between her thighs and she moaned. There were too many clothes between them. She tried to unsnap his jeans, but he gathered both of her hands in his and lifted them above her head. His mouth left hot streaks down her neck where he lingered.
“Jake…” She didn’t know what she was asking for.
His mouth immediately came back to hers. She arched up, pressing against his hardness, and tried to tug her hands free. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to see if what she remembered lived up to reality.
Jake groaned.
In the back of her mind, Sera heard a jingling noise and thought she should probably focus on it, but Jake had let go of her hands and there were much more interesting things to focus on. She curled a leg around Jake’s hip, and the front door slammed open.
Sera yelped and shoved Jake off of her, sitting up. He hit the rug as Maddie flounced in and kicked the door closed behind her.
“Hey bro. Sorry, didn’t think you’d be busy.” She hadn’t changed much. Her dark hair was longer and her style more boho, but she was still a big, brash personality in a tiny, little body.
Jake
rubbed his elbow from the floor. “You could call next time. Maybe send an email.”
Maddie ignored him and swung her gaze to the couch. “Sera. I heard you were back. Didn’t take you long, did it?”
Sera’s mouth dropped open. “It’s not what you think.”
“Last week he had Chelle pinned to that couch, but I guess you do you—”
“Maddie.” Jake’s growled a warning.
“What? I’m not the one horn-dogging it all over town.”
“Don’t be mean. You know I’m not with Chelle anymore.”
“Does she know that?” Maddie didn’t wait for an answer before she breezed into the kitchen. “Ooo, pizza.”
Jake heaved himself up to standing and pointed at Sera. “Don’t move. I’m going to deal with this real quick.”
He followed Maddie into the kitchen, and Sera’s head flopped back against the cushions. Chelle? She wasn’t surprised Jake was seeing someone. It was a little more concerning that Maddie hadn’t been surprised to see him with someone else. What was I thinking?
It had been two days – two days – since she’d driven in from California, and it seemed like she’d spent every moment of that time with Jake. Sure, they’d talked some, but it didn’t make up for seven years of silence. Had she really gone through all that to regain her independence only to toss it away again at the first opportunity?
Sera scooted over on the couch until she could see partway into the kitchen. Jake had his arms crossed and was watching Maddie inhale pizza. She hadn’t seen Maddie since that night, though Evie had told her Maddie’s broken wrist had healed nicely. Sera wondered what she remembered.
Jake disappeared from view, and Sera got up off the couch. She should thank Maddie for interrupting them. Things were moving way too fast, and though Sera had been all about it in the moment, she realized she didn’t know the grown-up Jake. Teen Jake, yes, but people change.
The nostalgia of the house, of someone who believed her, the relief of knowing once and for all that she wasn’t crazy, it was all making her soft. She’s forgotten that the only person she could count on was herself.
It was time to armor up.
JAKE
Jake was going to strangle his sister.
“I need to borrow your truck,” said Maddie.
“No. Go away.” She wasn’t going to leave, but it was worth a try. Maddie never did anything that wasn’t Maddie’s idea. It reminded him of another stubborn female.
“Is that any way to treat your favorite sister?”
“Who says you’re my favorite sister? You didn’t even knock. We talked about that.”
“I have no memory of that conversation.”
“Of course you don’t. Go away.” She was finishing off the last of the pizza, but it was a small price to pay if it meant she’d leave him alone the rest of the night.
“Well give me your keys and I’ll let you get back to not cheating on your girlfriend.”
Jake ran a hand through his hair and admitted defeat. “I told you. Chelle and I broke up over two weeks ago and we were never serious anyway. You know that. Why do you always have to be a brat?”
“If I promise to be nice can I borrow your truck?” She looked so hopeful with her big puppy dog eyes, but he knew her tricks.
“What happened to your car?”
“It stopped working and I’m broke-ass.”
“Stopped working how?”
She wouldn’t meet his eyes. “It may have had something to do with the yield sign I hit, but in my defense, it jumped out in front of me.”
Jake sighed. “Were you drinking again?”
“I’m twenty-three. I’m allowed to drink. It’s legal in all fifty states and everything.”
“Yes, but it’s not legal to drive after. Maddie, I’m worried about you. How am I supposed to lend you my truck when you won’t even take this seriously? It’s my work truck.”
This time Maddie sighed. “You ruin all my fun. No, I wasn’t drinking. It was late and the road had gravel all over it. I took the turn too fast and the yield sign stopped the car from sliding into the ditch.”
“Where’s your car now?”
“At the auto shop in Kilgore. Danny said he couldn’t get to it for a few days.”
“Is he going to let you work off the cost again?”
She shrugged. “Probably. I’ll deal with it after he fixes my car.”
Jake shook his head. “You can’t take my truck, but you can borrow the Corolla.”
“Ugh, the Corolla is in worse shape than my shitty car.”
“No, it’s not. It’s just older. I wouldn’t let you drive a car that wasn’t safe.”
She glared at him, and he noticed she was wearing more eye makeup than usual. “It doesn’t even have power windows. I have to manually roll the windows down like a peasant.”
“You are a peasant.”
“You’re a peasant.”
Jake tuned her out. It wasn’t the first time they’d bickered in the kitchen, so he could do it asleep if he needed to. His mind wandered to the makeup and where she might have been going on that road. There wasn’t much out there between Mulligan and Kilgore, but he supposed it was possible she had friends he didn’t know about. It was even probable, considering how busy he’d been at work lately.
She’d been rattling on while she dug in the refrigerator for more food, but Jake stopped her when she reached for the cheesecake. “No. That’s Sera’s. Touch it and I’ll let her shank you herself.”
Maddie lifted her hands in surrender and grabbed a banana from the bowl on the counter instead. “I’ll take pity on you and accept your shitty Corolla.”
“Why is that taking pity on me?”
“Because you’re clearly hoping to get back in there and lose some more clothes and I’m in the way.”
Jake rolled his eyes. “I’ve been saying that for the last five minutes.”
“Yeah, but by now she’s come to her senses. Good luck with the deflowering. There’s probably some condoms in my old room on the off chance you still end up getting lucky.”
Maddie ducked out the kitchen door before he could throw something at her. It slammed closed and he shook his head. Maddie liked to announce her presence coming and going. Although, she used to at least say goodbye.
Jake decided to clean up the mess before heading back to Sera. As much as he was hoping she hadn’t come to her senses, he thought maybe he’d come to his. They’d been through a lot in the last couple of days, and there was all that history between them they should probably work through before starting something new. The part of him that was panting at the little bit of skin he’d gotten to taste wanted him to forget though. Whatever they’d done to each other when they were younger, Sera wanted him now. But how long would it last this time?
5
SERA
Sera was standing by the fireplace on the other side of the room from the couch when Jake walked back into the living room. He grabbed his shirt from the floor, pulled it on, and sank back down.
“Sometimes I hate my sister,” he said.
“She loves you, even when she’s tormenting you.” Maddie had always been friendly before, so the undertone of meanness was new.
Jake was quiet for a moment. “She was rude to you. I don’t know what that was about, but I’m sorry.”
Sera could guess what it was about, but she wasn’t ready to share that with Jake so she shrugged. “No biggie. Besides, I have more questions. For you and Ryan. Magic stuff this time.”
Jake glanced at the clock over her shoulder. “He’s usually messing around on his computer at this time of night. If he has his headset on, he won’t hear a damn thing, but I can try calling him if you want.”
It wasn’t what she wanted, but her wants were proving to be dangerous. Talking was way safer than sexy time on the couch.
She nodded.
Jake got up to pull his phone from his pocket and gestured for her to follow him back into the kitchen.
Ryan answered on the first ring. “If this is about Fae crap, I told you I don’t want to be involved. They already own my ass.”
“Hey buddy, you’re on speaker. Sera is here,” said Jake.
“Awesome. A little more warning next time?”
“It’s not my fault you answer the phone like a dumbass.”
“If Sera is there, I assume you’re either calling about a three-way or you need help with Fae crap, despite my wishes.”
“C’mon man, a three-way?” Jake scolded.
“Right. Well then why don’t I come over and you can ply me with beer to make me talk. You guys are at your place, right?”
Jake agreed, and they ended the call.
“How long before he gets here?” Sera asked.
Jake looked at his watch. “Five minutes or less? He can be fast when he wants to be.”
“About earlier…” Sera fiddled with a jagged nail on her thumb. “I’m sorry I lost it. And I’m sorry I keep giving you mixed signals.”
“You don’t have to apologize.” Jake reached for her, but she side-stepped him.
“I’m not entirely sure what’s happening here.” She gestured back and forth between them. “But it’s for sure outside my comfort zone. I’ve only been divorced for a few weeks, but it was a long time before that…” Sera trailed off and shook her head. “I can’t seem to decide if I want to jump you or run from you.”
Jake’s jaw tensed. Sera had been trying to lighten the mood, but remembered too late how that would sound given their history. He nodded. “Sounds like a tough choice. Let me know what you decide.”
She wanted to say something to fix it, but her brain stubbornly refused to help. Jake pulled a couple of beers from the fridge and took the seat furthest from where she’d dropped into a chair at the table. He could have been giving her space, but it felt like a snub. Still, he slid one of the beers down the table to her.
It seemed like time slowed to a crawl, but it must have been only a few minutes of heavy silence before Ryan came in through the back door.
“Took you long enough,” Jake muttered.