by Nicole Hall
“That should be fine.” All she wanted was to get back to Ryan’s apartment, but humans spent so much time saying goodbye. Jake and Sera walked them to the door and waved as they climbed into the car. Once they were on the road and moving, Zee sank back into the seat and closed her eyes. Finally.
“I didn’t think it was that bad.”
Zee peeked at him from beneath her lashes. He’d lost the playful look in his eyes, and his jaw was tight. Had she done something wrong? “It wasn’t. I’ve been on edge since we arrived. I like Jake and Sera, and the conversation was surprisingly helpful.”
Ryan snuck a quick glance at her. “On edge, huh?”
She smiled. “Because of the Wood.”
He scoffed.
“And because of you.”
“Are we talking about this now?”
Zee shrugged as they pulled into Ryan’s parking lot. “Why not? We want each other, and neither of us is in a relationship. The problem is that I think we may have bound ourselves together accidentally.”
Ryan stopped the car too fast, but the seatbelt caught Zee. He slammed it into park and faced her. “We did what now?”
“I think your magic bound us when we made the bargain.” She got out of the car and walked across the short stretch of pavement toward his apartment. He needed a moment to react, and she was more than happy to oblige.
Zee knew better than most that when two people are bound, it doesn’t necessarily translate into sexual attraction. The magic enhanced what was already present, but it didn’t make anything new manifest. She’d never seen it done without Fae magic and a specific intent though.
Ryan caught up to her on the stairwell. He grabbed her wrist gently and pulled her to a stop. Zee remembered the last time they were this close in the stairwell and braced herself to turn. Blue fire blazed in his eyes. Not calm yet, then.
“Why would the magic bind us? We’ve made bargains before and were free to go our separate ways. Why this time?”
Zee was tired of people constantly demanding answers from her. She wasn’t an oracle; she couldn’t pull answers out of her ass. “I don’t know.”
Ryan was still holding her, but he’d loosened his grip so his thumb was resting on the inside of her wrist. He had to feel her pulse racing. More, he had to know she was as frustrated by the bond as he was. Didn’t he? The longer they spent in each other’s company, the clearer she could read him. She’d assumed that went both ways.
“It’s not supposed to work this way. I’ve been saying that too much lately for it to be coincidence. The magic is shifting, and it’s beyond my experience or my knowledge.”
Ryan’s thumb swiped across her sensitive skin, then he released her. “I want you. So much that I have trouble thinking of anything else. I want to back you against the wall and taste you again. I want to see if your skin is that soft everywhere. I want to bury my hands in your braids.”
Zee lifted a hand to touch her hair. “My braids?”
“I’ve never seen your hair down. The point is do I want all that for myself or because magic arbitrarily decided we’d make a good match?”
Her hand dropped back to her side. “Magic can’t make you want.”
“Right. It’s not supposed to work that way.”
He brushed past her and went into the apartment. Zee stayed where she was. She needed a second to process. There was a chance Ryan was correct, but her reactions to him didn’t feel like magic. They felt like long-repressed needs. If she was honest, he’d always affected her in a strange way, but there’d been no point in courting a relationship that couldn’t go anywhere.
That hadn’t changed. She intended to reclaim her magic and her position among her people. It was what she’d been groomed for, and it was a responsibility she took seriously. Ryan wanted nothing to do with magic, and there’d been plenty of other, less intense, options in the Glade.
But she wasn’t in the Glade anymore.
She was in Ryan’s world, and he wanted her too. What would be the harm in testing that intensity? The image of them in bed together flashed across her mind again, and this time she let it linger. Maybe it would release some of the pressure, and then they could focus on something besides each other.
Ryan had left the door open for her at the top of the stairs. Like the first night, water was running in his bedroom. She probed with her senses and knew that if she joined him, he’d welcome her but he’d be angry with himself for giving in. He’d lumped the attraction and the magic together, so fighting one meant he fought both. Zee went as far as putting her hand on the knob, but she backed away before turning it. He wanted a lot of things, but he wasn’t fighting for any of them.
She was worth more than that.
Zee stared at the door and willed her body to calm down. Ryan was most likely taking a cold shower again, and it didn’t seem like a terrible idea at the moment. She returned to the living room and the second bathroom. It had a small shower stall that she’d been avoiding all week. There were tubs in the Glade for soaking, but no showers. Why bother when they could magic themselves clean? The whole process of showering was foreign to her.
The mirror over the sink caught her attention. Zee knew what she looked like. It was a form she’d chosen after all, but she’d never been so disheveled. Her hand came up to her braids again, once intricate and tight, but now hair was pulled loose and sticking out in frizzy loops. She ran her hands over the mess and tried to called on her magic. Nothing. All that happened was her hand snagged one of the floppy portions.
Zee sighed. They’d have to be redone. This was why she’d been avoiding the bathroom mirror. So many parts of her had been left behind when she’d stepped out of the trod, but she’d held tight to this tradition. I earned those braids, dammit. Though she knew how to fix them, the act of unbraiding her hair made her feel like she was losing herself all over again.
If there was nothing left of the Zee she was before, what power did she have to reclaim her life?
She closed her eyes against the shell of the warrior staring back at her and pulled the band free from the tail. Her head dropped along with her hand. With her eyes squeezed shut, she pulled the hair over her shoulder and began unplaiting it.
“What are you doing?”
Zee’s head popped up, and she opened her eyes. Ryan was leaning against the doorframe watching her. His dark hair was wet and hung past his ears. It was longer than she remembered, but she liked it better that way. A slow burn started, and she was glad he’d put on loose pants and a shirt with what she assumed was another superhero symbol.
Part of her had known he was there, but she’d been completely focused on the other parts that were hurting. His close proximity made it harder to care about those other parts.
“I need to take a shower, wash my hair,” she finally answered him.
“Then why do you look like you’re about to sacrifice someone?”
Zee searched his face. “Why do you care?”
He pushed off the wall and crowded past her into the tiny bathroom. “Good question. I’m not sure I know the answer. I do care, though, for whatever reason. Tell me about your braids.”
He stood behind her, not touching, but she could feel his heat. She met his eyes in the mirror. The only harm in telling him was in baring a part of herself she didn’t normally share, but she’d been learning that he wanted to know because he wanted to help. It was his way of offering support.
“I’m surprised you don’t already know. You have access to most of our knowledge.”
His lips curled into a half-smile. “Yeah, and I’m definitely going to use that access to search for an explanation of Fae braids.”
“I try not to make assumptions.” She returned his smile as she finished unraveling the main braid and let the hair spread out behind her. “The braids serve two tasks. One is to maintain an unobstructed line of sight when in battle. The other is a visual demonstration of our roles in the community.” She broke eye contact to start workin
g through the tangles on one side. Ryan surprised her by threading his fingers through the strands and gently separating the other.
“We were a warrior people once. It was necessary for our way of life because there have always been bigger and stronger creatures who correlate size with strength. Our best warriors, both physical and magical, became what you would consider tribal leaders. Some chose to train for that role, and when a skill was mastered, they were taught the appropriate binding as a mark of honor. Most chose to use it in their hair, I know of a few that wear cords instead.”
The gentle tugging on her scalp was calming, and telling the story helped distract her from grieving for what she’d lost.
“Your hair is so soft. I always thought warriors had rough hair from all the time spent outside killing people.”
Zee snorted out a laugh. “It’s more ceremonial at this point. My people have a tendency to cling to traditions even when they’re no longer useful.”
“Does that mean you can’t kill someone with one finger?”
She met his eyes briefly and let him read the truth there. “Before, I could kill someone without touching them. Now, I suspect it will take more effort, but I’m not powerless. I’ve earned my braids through more than magic.”
I’m not powerless. The phrase echoed through her head. It was the truth, but at the same time, it felt false. Brute force, useful in certain situations, did no good against her increasing need to lean back against Ryan and let go. Power, though, wasn’t what she was trying to maintain. At this point, she wasn’t even sure what she was clinging to. She’d already lost everything she cared about, what more could she lose? What more, indeed?
Ryan’s hand spread over her scalp and pulled, unraveling her past along with the knots in her hair. “What if you didn’t go back?”
She’d grappled with the same question all week. “Then most likely Lana would take over leadership, unless she was challenged, but I trained her myself and I have faith in her abilities.” His fingers trailed over the nape of her neck, and Zee shivered. “The Glade would survive without me, but what would I be?” She hadn’t meant to ask that question, didn’t really expect a response from him.
“You’d be Zee, warrior princess, trainer of magics, binder of braids …eater of donuts.” She elbowed him in the stomach lightly and he laughed. “You’d keep what you value about yourself and find new things to braid into your hair.”
Tears threatened. Ryan believed in his image of her, and she wanted to believe too.
“This side is free.” He moved back as far as the confines of the bathroom would allow. Zee still had a few inches of braids to work through.
She’d never put much thought into her appearance, form was fluid after all, but sharing a tiny space with Ryan made her acutely aware of the details. His eyes traced her arms, her back, her loose hair, and stopped on her face. He clearly liked this strong, capable form, and so did she, but she’d miss her wings. Flight was a thrill all its own.
Zee ran her fingers through the last of her hair. Without the braids holding it back, it was long and wild with waves. She faced Ryan and spread her hands at her sides. “Now what?”
“Now you shower. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve limited yourself to sponge baths all week.” He reached over and closed the shower curtain, then turned on the water full-blast. The steam started gathering quickly, but Ryan didn’t seem to be in a hurry to leave.
“I think I can handle the rest myself. I promise not to drown my sorrows in your bathroom.”
He smiled. “That’s not what drown your sorrows means. There’s extra soap and stuff under the counter. We can talk more when you’re done.”
When he brushed by her this time, he had promises in his eyes. She lifted her hand and let it trail across his stomach because she wanted to touch him. The bond flared, and she got a rush of need he’d been holding back behind his shields. He wanted his hands in her hair, wanted her naked and writhing under the hot water. Like his shower earlier, Zee would have welcomed him. The bond went both ways. He knew, but he didn’t pause. The door closed behind him, and she was left in the steam alone.
Zee knew it wouldn’t have taken much to convince him. Despite the fire in her body, she told herself they both deserved more than a couple of hours of pleasure. She tossed her clothes in the corner by the door, but it offered little relief. Her senses remained heightened, and she could feel Ryan in the other room. The bond kept them connected, and Zee knew he was as aware of her as she was of him.
She found the soaps easily enough, and cleaning herself wasn’t hard. The pulse of the hot water loosened her muscles, but she wanted a different kind of touch. She opened herself to the bond and with the image of Ryan locked in her mind, Zee let one hand slide down the slick skin of her neck. She let her fingers trail lazily across the curve of her breast and over her nipple. Her breath caught, and she let her eyes close. Ryan’s need joined hers and pooled low in her belly.
She imagined his hand underneath hers, caressing her stomach and slipping lower. One stroke and she couldn’t stop the whimper. He urged her on, urged her to find her pleasure and share it with him. Zee leaned back against the cool tile and tilted her hips forward for a better angle. She felt a kiss beneath her ear, a tongue against her collarbone, a pull against her breast, Ryan’s phantom touch sent shockwaves of pleasure through her. Her breath sped up with her hand, and she approached climax. She bit her lip as she crested and a wave of satisfaction mixed with her pleasure.
Zee hadn’t caught her breath when she sensed Ryan approaching the door, but he stayed firmly on the other side of it.
“The hot water won’t last forever. I’m heading to bed.” His voice was low and rough. Zee could feel he’d been affected, but disappointment cooled her. What had she been hoping? That their shared experience would bring them closer? That he’d pick her over his fear. He’d made his choice on the stairwell.
Zee didn’t respond, and he didn’t linger. She shut off the water and shivered in the rapidly chilling air. Ryan had retreated behind his shields, and she would be better off if she did the same. Too bad she craved his touch more now that she’d had a taste of the possibilities.
7
ZEE
Zee didn’t sleep well that night, and Ryan was gone when she woke up. There were donuts on the counter and a new bottle of orange juice in the fridge. She toyed with the idea of trying to contact him, but after the shower incident, she thought he might need some space. Hell, she needed some space.
She took her breakfast to the table and found a note on top of the computer. It had instructions for how to access the database, along with a warning that the message would self-destruct in five seconds, which made no sense. Zee shook her head, and her loose hair tickled her face. She’d forgotten all about the database and their fight before dinner. A shift had happened with all the events of the past day. Her concern had expanded from herself and the Fae to include the effects on the humans in town, Jake, Sera, and Ryan in particular.
The computer instructions were precise, so Zee had no trouble accessing her supposedly secure database of Fae secrets. Several hours passed with her hunched over the keyboard. Eventually, the sun shifted enough to create an annoying glare on the screen that broke her out of her focus. She got up from the table and stretched. The data was searchable, but she didn’t know what she was looking for. Centuries of information was a lot to sift through.
Zee checked the clock and frowned. Ryan hadn’t been home all day, and it was well past lunch. He was free to avoid her if he liked, but she didn’t think it would make much of a difference in the end. They’d been playing with fire last night, and the heavy usage on the bond strengthened it. She didn’t need to search to feel him any longer. The knowledge was there in her mind. He wasn’t close, but he was content with what he was doing.
Magic or no, they certainly appeared to be rocketing toward something inevitable.
She shook her head. Ryan wasn’t ready yet,
and he may never be. I am not sad about that.
Her focus needed to be putting her energy into an outcome she might be able to shape. She’d found the original pact with the Wood. There were no hidden components beyond what she already knew. Zee wandered to the window to stare out at the park across the street.
There was mention of a sacrifice to demonstrate commitment, a requirement to give as well as receive in the interaction. The Fae gave up their freedom in exchange for the barriers around Torix. She’d been born in the Glade, and she’d assumed she’d die there. That’s why it had been so important to find a way to connect with the outside world. Evie and her family had paved the way, initiating contact, and Zee would be always grateful for her kindness. Without Ryan though, they’d still be wallowing in ignorance.
The Wood didn’t care. It wasn’t sentient as far as anyone could tell, but it was powerful. To use the magic, her ancestors had to offer something up in return. What had she said to Sera all those weeks ago about her bond with Jake? A gilded cage. Without the cage, why wasn’t the town overrun with Fae?
What had replaced it?
The information about the Wood before the pact was sparse. An elemental forest, a conduit of magical power, a nexus. If it didn’t make conscious decisions, why was her magic locked inside her? The worst case scenario should have been them losing the protections, but Zee suspected more had happened. When she’d stuck her hand into the shadows to pull Ryan back, she’d detected something else. Not anger or anything so direct, but a defensiveness. The feeling was too vague to properly search for in the database, so she’d started looking into magical bonds instead.
Mulligan was full of people with some level of power. The Wood drew them. Like calls to like. Unfortunately, the Fae didn’t care much about the humans beyond their connection to the world outside the Wood. Magic was magic, but something about the humans made it act a tad differently.
Zee knew she and Ryan had been bound. She also knew they’d done it to themselves, but she couldn’t figure out how. Her best guess was that without her to guide the magic, his had attempted to follow some convoluted intention between them. Without knowing the specific intention, Zee was uncomfortable removing the bond. Not that I can at the moment anyway.