by Merry Farmer
Juliana felt a pang of jealousy. Her own sister Lilian had been her best friend and constant companion in life up until the point where Ryan Stanford from the colonies showed up and swept her off her feet. The entire Stanford family seemed to have disrupted her well-ordered life.
After a rather rushed marriage, Lilian had boarded a boat for America. It couldn’t have come at a more inopportune time. While the war with the colonies was over, it still terrified Juliana to even think of Lillian in such a violent place. It was perhaps twice a year that a missive was able to make the journey and actually get to Juliana. She always waited in fear that Lillian’s next letter would be her last.
“I do apologize, I have simply gone on and on. Here let me refresh your cup,” Vivian said taking Juliana’s empty teacup and refilling it. “Now, enough about me. I have to admit that I feel you will quite outshine me at the country assemblies now that you have arrived in town.”
Juliana had no desire to dance at any assemblies, in Sussex or in London. But she smiled and did the pretty, “You are too kind. Can I expect to find you here for a long stay?”
Vivian evaded Juliana’s gaze and fumbled with her handkerchief.
Juliana had merely wished to take the attention off herself. She had no desire to embarrass the other woman. She opened her mouth to apologize but Vivian waved her off.
“Yes, well you see, I reside here now. I have set up house and am quite happy here. We are but two miles from the sea. When I am out in the garden, I can smell the salt in the air. I know what you must be thinking.”
Juliana would be astounded to hear that, seeing as how she hardly knew what she was thinking. “I didn’t mean to pry.”
“You didn’t,” Vivian assured her. “It was me who imposed upon our short acquaintance. I had such a brilliant plan. But now that I have you here, I find that I am worried about sharing it with you.”
A sense of uneasiness came over Juliana. “What type of plan?”
“I wanted to sail for America.”
Chapter 2
Juliana’s eyes widened. “I have heard the voyage is horrible. Besides the fact that it hasn’t been that long ago that we were at war with them. Vivian, I fear it is far too dangerous.”
Vivian set her jaw. “I don’t care about the danger. There are things… situations that need to be resolved.”
“Can you send your solicitor? Surely your man of business can take care of what you need?”
“This is something of a personal matter,” Vivian said tightly, wringing her hands.
Juliana could hardly fathom what could be so important that one would sail directly into danger. It was true that she had thought about sailing to her sister. Her mind chastised her. It wasn’t that she was afraid of the danger. Juliana was more afraid that she wouldn’t be welcomed there. Lilian was head over heels for her husband, Ryan, and that was as it should be.
But in her heart, Juliana had felt somewhat betrayed. Whilst growing up, Lillian and Juliana’s mother had suffered a severe case of the dismals. It was almost as if she had withdrawn from life completely. Their father was a philanderer, and their elder brother left them behind. Juliana didn’t blame any of them for how they handled a difficult situation. She had simply known that it was her responsibility to make sure that Lillian had a happy childhood.
Perhaps that is why it was so hard when Lillian married and went away. Was this what mother’s felt like when their children left the nest?
“I see,” Juliana replied, even though she didn’t know the particulars. Juliana knew that sometimes, one simply had to do certain things. It may not make sense to anyone else, but one must be true to their heart. Kindly she added, “What will you do?”
“I was hoping to send someone that could take my message for me.” Juliana swallowed before continuing. “I have saved a fair amount. I can send them in style.”
Juliana nodded. “I can see how that could work. Who are you going to send if you can’t trust this matter with your man of business?”
Vivian bit her bottom lip and looked hesitant. “I was hoping you would go.”
Juliana balked. Looking at her with a horrified expression she blurted out, “Me? Surely you are jesting.”
Vivian shook her head. “I knew when I hear that you had come into the neighborhood that this was the answer to my prayers. I’ve never been more serious in my life.”
“Vivian, you can’t be serious. I don’t even travel to the country well, let alone cross the ocean. I am unmarried, unfamiliar with the circumstances, and completely unsuited for the task at hand. Truly, what could you have been thinking? Why me?”
Vivian seemed to deflate a little. “It’s a terrible breach of manners and I know it. Truly, I can’t even begin to surmise what you must think of me. You must know that I am desperate. I wouldn’t have come to you otherwise.”
“But Vivian, what about your sister, Lucy? Surely she would be willing to help out.”
Vivian’s lip trembled. “No, I cannot involve my sister. This is something that I have worked hard to keep away from my family.”
Juliana was beginning to get intrigued. She honestly couldn’t help herself. What could be so important that Vivian would approach a near stranger and ask such a favor?
“Perhaps you could tell me what you require,” Juliana asked.
Vivian nodded and began to explain, “I was hoping that you would go to America under the guise of visiting your sister. Once you were there, I have a letter that must be delivered. If that fails, I would want you to tell the individual yourself. I knew it was a long shot, but I had to try. I am sorry, Lady Juliana. I should never have bothered you.”
Juliana felt sorry for the girl. It was clear that despite the incredulous task, she truly was upset. “Can you explain it to me further? Please help me to understand.”
Vivian’s eyes glittered with tears, but she didn’t let them fall. Reaching over, she pulled the bell. When the servant arrived, Vivian asked that Amelia join them.
“I can show you,” Vivian said softly.
A maid entered moments later with a lovely child with blond ringlets and chubby pink cheeks. The moment the child saw Vivian, she reached out her arms, calling, “Mama! Mama!”
Vivian took the child from the maid’s arms. With all the love of an adoring mother, she cuddled her close and blew kisses into her neck until the child squealed with delight. Then with a bravery that Juliana admired, Vivian turned to her and introduced her daughter.
It was obvious that the child couldn’t be more than two or three. Juliana scrambled to do the math. Had this child been the result of the country house party they had attended together?
“I am sure you are connecting the dots but let me give you a full explanation.”
Juliana shook her head. “No, Vivian, you don’t owe me any explanation.”
She smiled sadly. “There is more that I haven’t told you.”
It was then that she started to cough; the sound was horrible. The maid came and took Amelia out of her mother’s arms. When Vivian pressed the handkerchief to her lips, it came away with specks of blood.
“Consumption,” Juliana guessed in a whisper.
Vivian nodded once. “You see, I don’t know how many years or even months I have left. My sister doesn’t know about the child or my illness. I have no wish to spread shame upon her good name. I go by the name of Mrs. Crowley here.”
Juliana impulsively reached her hand out and clasped the younger woman’s in her own. “Tell me what I can do.”
“I can’t ask it of you. It was insanity for me to even approach you with such a task.”
“I don’t know if I can accomplish it if you don’t tell me what it is you would have me do. Please, Vivian, tell me.”
She looked up, the tear that had been threatening to fall finally dropped. “The father of my child left a year and a half ago to visit his brother in America. Nobody will suspect if you go to your sister. It’s there that you will find him.”
<
br /> Juliana frowned, the wheel’s churning. “Are you speaking of Ian Stanford?”
Vivian nodded again.
The Duke of Bilkmore had four younger brothers. His twin Ryan had married Juliana’s sister Lilian. Next in line was Jacob, then Ian, and last was James.
“And there was no official marriage?” Juliana hated herself for asking, but it was important to know.
Vivian closed her eyes as if it pained her to admit the truth. “No.”
“Tell merciful heavens,” Juliana shook her head in unbelief. “He left you with child?”
Vivian’s eyes snapped open. “Ian doesn’t know about Amelia. You are the first person I have shared this with. I would rather he never know. If I had my way, I would raise Amelia here. She could marry a local boy from the village and never be touched by the harshness of illegitimacy. But it seems that God has another plan for me.”
Another round of coughing left Vivian looking quite pale.
Juliana felt sick inside. Regardless of her feelings, it was clear that Vivian was desperate. If Juliana were in her shoes what would she have done? Who could she have trusted?
“I will help you,” Juliana blurted out. “Heaven help us both. But Vivian, what if something happens to you before I am able to get back?”
Vivian’s tears began to fall once again. “That is why I must ask of you to take her with you.”
Chapter 3
“Juliana, this is the most ill-conceived notion you have ever come up with, and that’s saying something!”
Juliana scowled at her elder brother, Lord Phillip Randall, Marquess of Lancaster. “I don’t remember asking for your advice or opinion on the matter.”
Randall ran a hand through his hair and began again. “I am trying to be understanding. I know that things haven’t always been easy for you.”
Juliana snorted. “And what is that supposed to mean?”
“I know that I wasn’t always there,” he broke off, shaking his head. “I just worry that you are trying to help the child out of some misguided sense of honor.”
Juliana gaped at her brother. When she had returned from Sussex several months ago with a child in tow, her family had thought she’d gone ‘round the bend. It hadn’t even been a month later, while Juliana was in the midst of preparations for her trip, that she received word that Vivian had passed peacefully in the night.
Vivian had passed guardianship of Amelia to Juliana. It hadn’t been hard to love the child. Juliana was half in love with her before she ever left Vivian’s small home. Juliana didn’t know how much of her mother Amelia would remember, but she would do her best to keep Vivian’s spirit alive.
“Misguided sense of honor?” Juliana repeated. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Maybe if I hadn’t of abandoned you both when you were children… I don’t know. Mother was so sad all the time and I felt... Dash it all, it doesn’t matter how I felt. I know my selfishness meant that by leaving, I left you to carry the burden.”
Juliana sighed, her anger fading away. “We weren’t babies, Phillip. Lillian and I were managed to muddle along terribly well. While we missed you horribly, you weren’t responsible for our care. You are our brother, not our father.”
“I should have done more,” he said gruffly. “First Lilian marries that American and takes off for the colonies and now you are following her. I don’t like it.”
It dawned on Juliana that her bother was worried about her. The sudden understanding made her heart squeeze in her chest. She placed a gloved hand on his.
“I will come back, I promise. I don’t plan on living there.”
It seemed to Juliana that Randall let out a sigh of relief. He had thought she was abandoning him. Even after all of these years, each of them still held the scars of their youth.
Randall cleared his throat. “Be sure that you do.”
“Thank you for taking charge of Amelia while I am gone. Hopefully I will be able to reach her father, but if I don’t…”
Juliana broke off trying to arrange her thoughts. She hadn’t told anyone who Amelia’s true parents were. While she trusted her brother, Juliana felt like this wasn’t her secret to tell.
Randall patted her hand with his other one. “You don’t need to worry about it. We will love her like our own. She is already becoming the bossiest puss in the nursery. I have a feeling that Eden is so in love with her that she will soon want another one. I suppose I will have you to thank.”
Juliana laughed. “Well, then, you are very welcome. I adore each and every one of them.”
“When does your ship sail?” Randall asked for what had to be the twentieth time.
“In two days,” she answered just as she had all of the time before. “I am taking the coach tomorrow and will stay at the Inn we discussed. I will be careful.”
“And your maid will be with you the entire time? I would rather it be a footman,” he grumbled.
Juliana sighed. “I have no wish to bring half the staff with me. Connie will be all the assistance I need.”
Randall nodded. “I could go along, you know. Eden would more than understand, she adores you, Juliana, we both do.”
Juliana felt a surge of affection for her older brother. Randall was a reformed rake in every sense of the word. He was quick to smile and faster to defend those he loved. He had a temper that was short but explosive, however, it rarely showed itself unless truly provoked.
One of the things that Randall did best was always remembered the special days like birthdays and holidays. Juliana couldn’t think of a better brother in all of England.
“I don’t know how to explain it,” she said gently. “But this is something I must do on my own.”
He grunted something about stubborn women. Juliana decided that was his agreement to her plan.
“You have ticket’s on The Corrianne?” he asked.
“Randall, you have asked me this a dozen times. Yes, that is the ship I have booked. Why is it so important that I go on that particular ship?”
Randall hedged. “It’s the fastest ship, everyone says as much.”
Juliana wasn’t buying it. “Tell me the truth, Randall!”
He blew out a breath of frustration. “I know the man who owns it. The Capitan’s been charged to look after you. Now, don’t go flying up in anger! I wanted to protect you in any way I can. I needed to. Please, Jules, don’t argue for once in your blasted life.”
The use of her nickname caused Juliana’s ire to fade as quickly as his high handedness had caused it to flare. Randall hadn’t called her Jules in years. She knew that he cared about her, was worried about her.
“You’re right,” she said. “It will be good to have someone watching over. Thank you, that means a lot to me.”
Randall, who was expecting another fight, blinked a little before saying, “Well then. It’s all settled.”
That night, when all the trunks were packed, Juliana felt a surge of excitement for the trip. The few letters she had received from Lillian painted a very different picture of America than what was in Juliana’s mind. Perhaps she would enjoy seeing the sights. What she really wanted to do was see Lillian again. She needed to see that Lillian was indeed happy with Ryan Stanford.
When she got her hands-on Ian Stanford, she intended to wring his neck. How he could have served Vivian such a dastardly trick, Juliana could never know. It pained her that this man was Amelia’s father. When the time came, would she really be able to hand the child over?
A part of her recalled that Ian didn’t know that Amelia existed. But hadn’t he lain with Vivian? Shouldn’t he have made sure that a child wasn’t formed from their union?
Juliana didn’t know everything about the marriage bed. But she knew a fair amount. Not only had she and Lillian snatched up a naughty book and poured over every page, but Juliana had read several naughty poems. Her favorite being one of Sappho of Lesbo’s titled An Ode to Aphrodite.
While she had never felt what it was to lay
with a man. She did know her own body, and she certainly knew when her menses were coming on. Juliana couldn’t have imagined the fear that Vivian must have felt knowing that she was going to be an unwed mother.
She couldn’t imagine how difficult it must have been to seclude herself so far away from everyone she had ever known. How brave she must have been to take on an assumed name and try to make the best life for her baby.
No, Juliana couldn’t fathom it. But she would make sure that Ian knew everything Vivian had went through. She only hoped to do Vivian’s memory justice.
Chapter 4
Oliver Reginald Stanford, Duke of Bilkshore, reread the missive in his hands before crumpling it and tossing it into the fire.
So, it would seem that his life would once again be disrupted by the lovely Lady Juliana Randall. He couldn’t stop his mind from filtering back to the first moment he had held the woman in his arms. It was at one society dance or another, that part faded in his memory.
But the ivory dress, with the pale pink flower embroidery along the bodice, was as clear as if it were yesterday. She had floated in his arms, her body fitting against him as if she were made to be there. Her laughing eyes were shyly peering up at him through dark lashes. Even now, all of these years later, Oliver felt a stirring deep inside. The woman was lovely, daughter of a Marquess and utterly perfect for him in every way.
Like a fool, Oliver had gone and run away from the best thing that had ever happened to him. Having newly just inherited the dukedom, Oliver felt like a sore thumb in English society. He was used to the way things were done in America. When he was informed of the inheritance, he nearly refused it.
It was his twin brother, Ryan, who had talked him into giving this life a chance. Well, it had been a maelstrom of problems learning how to manage all of the properties and sitting in the House of Lords. To his credit, Oliver knew he had impressed even the starchiest of tabbies with his manners and goodwill.