by R. A. Boyd
Moving his eyes away from the clan, he looked down at Lily and smiled inside. As far as he knew, the Ghosts had never had a child of their own in the group. Well, none of them could father or bare children as long as they were cursed, but none of the significant others of the ones they’d been with over the centuries had children either. Ronin knew in his heart that they would protect her at all costs. Even the snarky, red-headed teenager who asked him if he was finished being psychotic was still considered their cub.
“Sing a song,” Lily repeated. Her doe brown eyes sparkled with something akin to a dare. Two large, tightly coiled ponytails sat on top of her head, and her little round nose was scrunched up. Her eyes kept going from his bacon to the baster as if she couldn’t decide which one to focus on more.
Lifting the slice of bacon as an offering, Ronin smiled as her little fingers gently plucked the meat from his hand.
“I don’t know any songs you might like,” Ronin muttered, lips still damp from whoever the hell had put their mouth literally on the baster.
Missing two teeth, she bit the bacon and smiled at him. “I’ll teach you. I’m Lily.”
“I’m Ronin. I’ll learn whatever song you want me to learn.”
Taking her time and still watching him, Lily ate the rest of the bacon and then shrugged. “Thanks for the bacon. When I get out of school, I’m going to teach you a song about ants marching.”
Relief flooded his chest when she smiled. Great. She was giving him a pass, and he would gladly take it.
“I will learn it and then sing it to you,” Ronin replied, using his napkin to wipe whatever was on his lips off.
Jace walked up behind Lily and grabbed her by the waist, snatching her and that godawful turkey baster up into the air.
An eruption of tiny giggles filled the room as her short legs kicked helplessly. “DJ,” she laughed, “put me down! Put me down!”
Jace looked at Ronin and winked. Maybe it had been a test just to see what he would do when faced with a little girl who invaded your personal space and insisted he sing a song. Fighting Simon to the death would probably have been easier. And less disgusting.
Jace walked over and sat Lily down next to her mother. “That’s enough bacon. Eat a few apple slices, and then it’s time for school.”
That was oddly fun, Ronin thought to himself. It was weird, but fun. He’d have to ask Jace why Lily called him DJ.
“It stands for Daddy Jace,” Cass said from the far end of the table. She sipped her coffee as she watched him and leaned into Damon as he kissed the side of her head.
Damn. He’d heard about her way of getting into their heads, but he’d never been on the receiving end of it. Saying it was unnerving would be an understatement.
Could she read all of his thoughts? There were things he didn’t want everyone to know just yet. Nothing severe. Ronin just didn’t want anyone to know how much shame and disgust for himself he carried around every damned day. He worked on bottling it up and hiding it away deep inside his mind, but having someone be able to read him like that made him insecure.
Maybe Cass could help him? For some reason, talking to Damon about the shit roaming around in his mind put him on edge. But the idea of talking to Cass about it put him at ease.
Cass smiled at him and nodded, silently letting him know he could talk to her when he felt it was right. At least, that’s how he took it.
Shit. What if she could tell everything he was thinking? Like what he wanted to do to Willow once he was himself again. All at once, every dirty thought he’d had about Willow slammed into his head.
Cass’s eyes went wide. She sputtered through a mouthful of coffee, choking and pointing at him. “Ew, barf, gross, and stop,” she whispered, grabbing a napkin to wipe the coffee away from her navy blue shirt.
A weird noise made its way through Ronin’s mouth, sounding like a creaky door in need of oil. Embarrassment clouded his thoughts as he waved his hands in front of him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. The idea of not thinking that stuff made me think of it.”
“I’m working on it,” Cass said, face still frozen in a frown. “It’s not even eight in the morning and I need alcohol already.”
As if ignoring the both of them, Willow leaned over and whispered into Ronin’s ear, “I’ll teach you the song,” she said, a playful tone to her voice. “I sang Lily my favorite song, but she told me the marching ants song was better.”
The warmth of her breath sent a rush through his body, and he had to force himself to calm down. Apologetically, he looked over at Cass.
Pinching the bridge of her nose and shaking her head, she muttered something he couldn’t hear. When she looked up at him, she smiled. “Everyone is blocked. For now. I’m getting better.”
The various conversations around the table never even stopped. They must be used to Cass getting into their heads. Or they were good at keeping her out. He’d have to find a way. Talking to Cass about what troubled him was acceptable, but having her know how much he wanted to fuck and taste Willow wasn’t.
“She really is getting better,” Willow said right before she poured maple syrup onto her entire plate.
Willow had no idea how she affected him. Sleeping next to her had been one of the most wonderful and hardest things he’d ever done in his life. He wanted to touch her, taste her, make her shiver from the passion in his words. But not like this. He wanted to be in complete control of his body when they were together for the first time, and not by the aid of a binding bracelet.
Fuck Samiyah.
Uncertain for just a moment, he dropped his gaze to her lips, then kissed her. A gentle meeting of lips to let her know that he appreciated her voluntary closeness to him. She leaned into their kiss, and a soft moan sounded in her throat. He wanted to drink in that sound and memorize it, but there were too many people around.
As he pulled away, she nibbled his bottom lip and then kissed his chin. “I liked that,” Willow said, voice low and warm as she smiled.
“Me too,” he muttered, wanting to go back in for another kiss.
Someone cleared their throat, and when Ronin shifted his gaze, he noticed Liv watching them, her face scrunched up in disgust. Riley’s daughter fluffed her red hair and closed her bright green eyes. “Gross. There are children here. Come on, Lily Pad,” Liv said, holding her hand out to Lily. “Time to go to school.”
Damn. He’d messed up. Ronin didn’t want anyone in the clan to have the wrong impression of him, especially the children. He didn’t think a simple kiss would be his downfall, but damn-it, it was fucking worth it.
As Liv and Lily walked hand and hand from the room, Riley put her hands on Ronin’s shoulders and bent down to look at him. “She’s fucking with you,” she said, motioning her head toward her daughter. Or was she talking about Lily? “You will get more shit from those two than you will the adults. Well, maybe not Simon. Have a good day, Bro.”
She kissed his cheek and walked away, and right before Teague slapped her on the ass, he pushed Ronin’s shoulder and smiled. “It’s good to have you back.”
He watched as Teague, Riley, Jace, and Emma followed Liv and Lily from the community hall, and an air of completeness began to seep into his bones. This was a family. For the first time in God knew how long, Ronin had his family.
“This is what you’re going to fight your demons for, Ronin,” Cass said, standing up from between her mates. “Samiyah and your crazy beast are nothing compared to what you have here. You see it, don’t you? I know you do.”
Ronin nodded and looked over into Willow’s lovely amber eyes. Her full lips were lifted on one side, giving him a lopsided grin as she put a slice of bacon on his plate to replace the one he’d given to Lily.
“Yeah,” he said. Some of the shame that had become his constant friend fled from his body in the face of the support he felt from his people. His people. “I do.”
“Good,” Cass said. “I needed to know that before I put myself out there for you. Accord
ing to what Zeke told us about the spell, you’re going to need all the support you can get. Especially Willow. We need to come up with a way to keep her safe during the spell.”
Not that Ronin was well-versed in magic, but he didn’t know of many spells where the caster would be in danger. Even as he stared at Willow, he could see some of the light leave her eyes. She averted her gaze from his and turned to face the table. She was hiding something from him.
“What do you mean?” he asked, reaching out to take Willow’s hand. “I’m not going to go through with any of this if it hurts you.”
“It might kill her,” Audra said.
With a soft growl in her throat, Willow threw her hands in the air. “Damn-it, Audra. Great way to be subtle.”
What the entire fuck were they talking about? To hell with that. He’d rather be put down in the ground for the rest of all time than risk Willow’s life.
“Tell me.” Ronin could hear the beast in his voice. There was no malice to its presence, but it damned sure didn’t like the idea of Willow getting hurt. “Why does it put you at risk?”
Willow looked up at Audra, eyes burning as if her mere gaze would cause her pain. “I can do it. I will do it. I just have to be careful.”
Jax cleared his throat, drawing everyone’s attention to him. He shook his head. “That’s not how shit works in here, Willow. You decided you wanted to be part of this clan, and when you did, you became one of us. That means full fucking discloser. You can’t risk yourself and think that none of us would feel your pain.”
No. Ronin didn’t like this. Having his Alpha, Jax, get involved meant something was seriously wrong. If Jax was the same as he was years ago, then Ronin knew the Alpha of the Ghost shifters didn’t interfere unless one of them was in danger, or if the exposure of their clan was at stake. And since everyone knew that shifters existed now, their exposure didn’t matter.
Willow was going to try to do something really stupid. Over his dead, rotting carcass.
Ronin pushed his plate away and turned to face Willow. “I don’t know what you have planned, but it’s not happening. You’re not going to risk yourself for me. Hell, I’ll wear this bracelet for the rest of my life if I have to.”
“I have to do it!” Willow yelled. She licked her lips and reached out to grab her cup of coffee as if that somehow would take the attention off of her. “I have to do it. I’m strong. I’ll be fine.”
Cass walked around the table toward Willow. “Fine from what?”
“I have to swathe myself in Heaven’s Flame to purge Samiyah from Ronin.”
A rush of breaths and low curses sounded from the table. They all knew what could happen if Willow went through with this.
Willow stood so fast, her chair nearly toppled over. “It’s the only way. Yes, Ronin, will experience the burn of the Flame, but I have to cover myself in it to prevent Samiyah from entering me and to purge him. It’s the only way. It has to be someone bound to the clan, and none of the other Ghost shifters wield magic. The only witches who are bound to you by blood are other angels, and the Flame is toxic to them. To us. There is no one else. But I’m strong. I can do this.”
Helplessness curled around Ronin’s gut as he watched Willow. Shuddering breaths wracked her body as she grabbed her chair and sat back down. She was out of her mind if she thought for one moment Ronin would let her go through with the spell to free him. He would die before he let Willow cover herself in Heaven’s Flame. It didn’t matter how strong she was. Too much of the Flame on an angel was a death sentence.
“Um, can I do it?” Paige asked. She sat forward in her chair and linked her fingers in front of her on the table. “I’m not an angel, but I’m bound to the clan. And you can teach me. Right?”
All eyes fell on Willow. One eyebrow shot up as she considered Paige’s words. “Why didn’t I think of that? Why the hell didn’t I think of that?” she repeated.
“Because,” Audra said, voice low and just shy of rude. “You think you know every damned thing. Don’t let your pride be your downfall.”
Relief flooded Ronin’s veins as he watched Willow collapse back into her chair and scrub her hands down her face. This had been weighing down on her. She didn’t owe him anything. Mate or not, there was no reason for her to put her safety on the line for him.
Willow bit her top lip and made a sound deep in her chest as her eyes filled with tears. “There isn’t enough time to teach you. The runes are already disappearing from the bracelet. Samiyah is fighting.”
Ronin looked down at his bracelet. Yesterday, the entire circle around his wrist had been filled with Enochian runes. He hadn’t noticed this morning, but now the runes were just barely touching.
“He’s strong,” Paige breathed as if some distant memory had taken her voice. “You know what he did to me. What he stole from me. I owe him this. Maybe this was the way it was supposed to happen. He took my mother, my father, my grandfather. Heck, he took away my powers of premonition, my ability to shift, and the memory of who I was for over a decade. You may not have faith in me as a witch, Willow, but I can do this.”
Those words seemed to break Willow from the self-pitying she’d taken onto herself. Her eyes shot up, and she shook her head fast. “What? I don’t doubt your powers, Paige. I do have faith in you. I just… I thought it was me who should suffer for what I did. Karma has a way of getting you when you least expect it, and I thought it was my time.” Willow turned to Ronin. She reached her hand toward his and then brought it back as if her touch would hurt him. “I thought it was my time to pay for what I did to you, Ronin. You don’t remember me. You don’t remember what I did.”
No matter what she thought she’d done to him, it didn’t matter. They were mates, and nothing short of death would keep them apart.
Ronin reached over and took Willow’s small hand in his. Tracing the lines of her palm with the tip of his finger, be bent down and kissed the center of her hand. That made her cry even harder.
He lifted her hand to his face and rested his cheek against her touch. “I remember, Willow. You did what you had to, and I don’t blame you for one second. You were strong, and you fought to keep everyone safe. I will never fault you for that. Never.”
Chapter 9
Oh, God. He remembered.
Disgrace overtook Willow’s soul as she stared at Ronin. He smiled at her with a forgiveness she didn’t deserve. He’d known this whole time what she’d done to him, what she was capable of, and he still wanted to be with her.
Willow swallowed down the shame that heated her face and looked over to the spot where their skin met. Hers dark, his light. The rough stubble of his cheek resting against the soft flesh of her hand.
He knew, and he didn’t care.
“Why didn’t you tell me you remembered?” she questioned. She needed to know how he could bear to be her mate.
He had been gentle with her this entire time. Never once had he looked upon her with malice. That she could have expected. She’d never even managed to forgive herself, yet here Ronin was, looking at her as if she could never do anything wrong in his sight. His brown eyes were bright, and laugh lines accompanied his beautiful smile.
Ronin shrugged and grabbed the bottom of her chair. He pulled her closer and said, “I didn’t know you thought I didn’t know.”
“And you forgive me?”
He scoffed and shook his head. “Willow, there’s nothing to forgive. I don’t understand why you thought you needed to pay for what you did. You acted out of the greater good for everyone around us. We both know what would have happened if you didn’t step in.”
Of course she knew. More people would have died. Hell, Ronin may have even killed her or left her bloody and beaten like Gabe and Audra.
“Okay,” Audra said, slapping her hands on the table and startling Willow. “What did you do?”
Willow didn’t want to talk about this. Not in front of everyone. But, maybe this was a step in the right direction. Jax and Audra had t
alked about full-disclosure. They were all a part of this. They needed to know who she was and what she would do to protect the people around her, especially innocent people.
Willow’s eyes roamed around the table, taking in all of the faces of the people she called her own. She felt like she was falling. Like everything she’d witnessed the night the Coven took Ronin down was happening all over again.
“I was visiting the Manchester sect of the Coven of the Fallen,” Willow said. She grit her teeth against the flood of hurt and humiliation that tried to burst through. “We got a message that a Ghost shifter in Ireland had gone on a rampage. That he’d almost killed two of his brethren. That he’d demolished the local human coven, and that he’d killed some of the town’s people who got too close. Sariel and I got there first. Ronin, you were…” She sniffed and used her shoulder to wipe away the tears that escaped the would-be prison of her eyes. “Your beast was tearing at your skin. It was rippling just beneath the surface of your flesh, just slashing at you. We could see the way your beast fought to rip through you. I’d never seen anything like it before. And your eyes were so dark. So empty.”
She closed her eyes and could see the scene as if she were back by the River Lee. Audra and Gabe’s broken bodies were there. Gabe was floating in the water, face up as if he were watching the night sky. Audra was curled into a ball, hand reaching out for Gabe.
Willow knew that everyone here had to know what really happened, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. “Ronin. I’d never met you before that night, but when you spoke, I just knew it wasn’t you. God, your eyes were so empty and dark. You kept going back and forth when you spoke: Babylonian, Devine Speech, Latin, Enochian. And you kept saying the same thing over and over: The darkness would consume you no more. That you would snuff out the light with your darkness. It was like listening to two entities speak through one mouth, and it was horrible.” She licked her bottom lip and glanced at Ronin. “Even more so now, since I know you. Care for you. Anyway, Tobin, a member of the Coven, got too close and you went after him. He didn’t even have a chance to defend himself. You broke his arms and neck before he could do anything.”