by Kay Maree
“Good morning.”
They both turn to me and smile. That is one hell of a sight to wake up to.
“Good morning.”
“Bathroom?”
“Down the hall on the right.”
I make my escape and address my needs. I find toothpaste on the counter and use my finger to reduce my morning breath. I can’t believe I fell asleep.
“Tommy? Are you almost done?”
I laugh as I open the door to see Lina dancing around in the hall. I step out of the way as she rushes in and closes the door behind me. I walk to the kitchen and the smell of waffles makes my mouth water.
“Something smells really good.”
“I made waffles. Are you hungry?”
“Yeah. Thank you. I am really sorry I fell asleep.”
“You were really out. I tried shaking you and everything.”
“Really?”
Ella laughs and the sound fills my ears and brings a smile to my face. “No not really. I came out and you were snoring, and I didn’t even try. I just put a blanket on you and went to bed.”
“I haven’t slept that good in a very long time.”
Ella puts a plate of waffles in front of me and one cut into pieces at the seat I am guessing will be Lina’s.
“Have you been having a hard time being home?”
“It’s been different.”
“Do you miss it?”
Ella brings her plate over to the table and adds butter and syrup to her own plate. She fills every nook and cranny with butter before pouring syrup over it.
“Miss what?” Lina takes her seat at the table and immediately starts shoveling waffles bites into her mouth.
“I was asking Tommy if he misses being in the military.”
“Oh, you worked with my Daddy. I forgot.” The words are muffled and syrup drips on her chin. Her enthusiasm is wonderful to watch. Ella reaches over and wipes her mouth lovingly.
“I don’t know if I would say I miss it but being home hasn’t been quite as easy as I thought it would be. These waffles are helping though.”
Lina adds a “mmmm” to the conversation.
“Well let’s finish up and get you dressed little miss. We need to drop off Tommy at work this morning.”
Lina shoves the last bites of waffle in her mouth, takes her plate to the sink and scurries out of the room still chewing.
“If you guys are in a hurry I can see if anyone can pick me up and save you time.”
“Please. It’s the least I can do. You’re letting us use your car for goodness sake. Plus we are going to have to reschedule that conversation you missed.”
“I am sorry about that. I haven’t been that relaxed and comfortable in a long time.”
Ella reaches across the table and puts her hand over mine. She doesn’t say anything just connects with me and I can see tears forming in the crease of her beautiful eyes. I lift my thumb and rub it over the back of her hand. When the pad of my finger connects with her skin electricity flows into me. If I thought the moments the night before were ones to remember I hadn’t yet considered what the future might hold.
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay. I am sorry. I will make it up to you.”
The words weren’t meant to have double meaning, but a blush appears on her cheeks regardless. I feel my own cheeks heat watching her reaction.
“I’m sure you will.”
Lina returns to the kitchen dressed for school complete with her backpack. “I’m ready!”
Ella leans back pulling her hand away from mine and the cool feel of the air without her touch is almost painful but there is no time to dwell on that.
“Let’s load up and get a move on then.” Ella grabs her purse from the back of the chair and is slipping it onto her shoulder as soon as she finishes the statement.
Present
I ask Ella to drive me to the shop. There is a locker room and a shower there so I should be able to get showered and changed before the rush of the day starts. It’s only when we are halfway there, I consider the possibility the shop won’t be empty when we arrive, but I hope I can manage to get inside without anyone noticing Ella and Lina. With my special project going on the last thing I need is a slip up before I can even really start it.
Lina sings along to the radio in the backseat which gives Ella and me a chance to speak.
“When can we reschedule our conversation?” Ella looks at me in the passenger seat and shrugs.
“Do you have any plans for the weekend?” She looks back at the road after asking me.
“No, I have to work tomorrow but we are closed on Sunday.”
“On Sunday we go to church but after I can have her stay at a friend’s house.”
“Okay. Can I take you for lunch after church?”
“Yes, I would like that.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For letting me reschedule. The shop is ahead on the right.”
“No problem.”
Ella eases the car into the drive up and there are lights on inside.
“Is this where you work Tommy?”
Lina leans towards the front seat so she can see out the front window.
“Yes. This is where I work. I fix cars.”
“Is this where our truck is?”
“Yes ma’am. It’s inside that door.” I point to the bay I put the truck in.
“Cool.”
Lina leans back into her seat and starts singing again. I turn to Ella just in time to see Butch opening the bay door in front of us. I’m sure he expected it to be an early customer drop off but the smile on his face lets me know he’s realized his mistake.
“That’s Butch. He owns the shop. I’ll let him know we aren’t dropping a car off.”
Ella rolls down the window and waves to Butch. He seems to transform from my grumpy boss into a different man before my eyes.
“Good morning ma’am. How can we help you today?”
I could have sworn Butch saw me in the passenger seat when he walked out but one look at Ella and he’s acting like I am invisible!
“Hey Butch, this is Ella. She’s just dropping me off.”
Butch leans down next to the car and peers across the front seat at me.
“Gable, damn, I didn’t see you there. You better hurry up. You are going to be late.”
“Hey, that’s a bad word you said.” Lina is leaned between the front passenger seats scolding my boss on his language. Butch turns his attention to the tiny voice and transforms even further.
“I am very sorry. I didn’t see you their young lady. Just how many people are in this car?”
Lina laughs along with Ella and I try not to slide into the floor boards as he continues his charming routine.
“Is that your truck Gable brought in yesterday?”
“Yes sir. He said it will be ready in a few days so he’s letting me use his car in the meantime so I can get to work and take Lina to school.”
“Well, he’s a great mechanic so I am sure he’ll have it done in no time. It was very nice to meet you ladies, but I have to get back inside. See you inside Gable.”
I unbuckle my seatbelt and turn to Lina. I know I have to get out of the car, but I am struggling to say goodbye to either of them. Twenty-four hours earlier I didn’t know Lina existed and had no intention of seeing Ella. It’s amazing how much a day can change so much.
“Have a good day at school.”
“Ok Tommy. See ya.”
I turn to Ella and find it even more difficult to say goodbye even with our plans to meet on Sunday.
“I’ll text you to confirm for Sunday.”
“Ok. I’ll see you then.” She is having a hard time meeting my eyes and I wonder if she’s having the same difficulty, I am but find that hard to fathom.
I put my handle on the door and realize I am moving in slow motion to get out of the
car. I feel a squeeze on my left arm, still resting on the center console. When I look at the hand, I see it is Ella’s.
I look at her face and see her eyes are watery and slightly red. She connects her eyes with mine and squeezes a little harder. I move my hand from the door to cover hers.
“Please don’t disappear again, Tommy.” The words are low and gravelly.
“I promise.” We stay suspended in that moment until Lina interrupts us and brings us back to the present.
“Mama! I’m going to be late!”
“Okay, we’re going now.”
“I’ll talk to you later.” I get out of the car and walk backwards into the shop waiting for the car to back out. All the while bracing for the comments from Butch. When I turn around, he’s nowhere to be found which is good because I am having a hard time thinking of anything but Ella as I walk straight to the back of the shop where the lockers and showers are.
Past
“Hey man, you almost done?”
“Yeah I’m just finishing up.” I’m still pissed about the argument we had at breakfast, but we have a mission today and we are scheduled to arrive at the airfield in thirty minutes, so I have to get my head right.
“I’m sorry Tommy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know you’re right.”
“Listen man, we don’t have to do this now. Let’s just focus on what we have to do today.” I don’t know why but our argument this morning felt different than the ones we had before. It cut me deeper than any argument we had before.
I haven’t spent my time in the military as a saint. I’ve become a man in every sense and definition of the word but below the surface of it all I knew that there was truth to what Mike had said. I was still jealous he married Ella. I still felt that I could be a better husband to her than he was but had chosen my path when I pledged to stand by them both as they vowed to each other.
I walk to the sinks and Mike is still there. He is leaning back against the countertop with his arms crossed over his chest. He’s already dressed and looks determined for us to continue our conversation. I am equally firm that I don’t.
“Tommy, I know you think I’m a dick.”
“I don’t think you’re a dick, I just think that’s what you use to make all your decisions. Not the same thing.” I try to smile through the last part as I look at him in the mirror. I don’t want either of us going into the mission with this shit on our minds.
“You know what I mean. I know you’re the better man Tommy. If things had been different, I would have understood. Hell, I would understand if she picked you now.”
I drop my toothbrush into the holder with more force than required and spin to face him.
“Enough. I am sorry we fought. I don’t have the right to tell you what to do. That’s got to be your choice. I will stay out of it, just do me a favor and keep your extracurricular activities away from me.”
“Deal. Although you won’t have to worry about that. You are right. I have been an idiot.”
“Let’s just get to the airfield and get this mission over and we can hash this out over some beers later. How’s that for a deal?”
Mike slaps my shoulder as he walks out of the room. We have all the time in the world to argue and hash things out. We’ve been friends a long time and I can’t imagine anything changing that. If I could stand next to him marrying Ella, I can stand next to him doing anything.
We arrive at the airfield and gather with the other members of our unit. Today we’ll be taking an Apache to an area that has been overtaken by insurgents. This is our job. We plan and prepare for missions like this one. We put everything else aside so we can serve our country.
Our captain steps in the front of the situation room to brief us on the plan for the day and I put everything else that has happened today behind me.
Present
“Gable, you okay in here?” Butch calls to me through the door to the bathroom.
“Yeah, Butch, I’ll be right out.”
“I wasn’t rushing you; I just want to make sure you are okay.”
I turn off the water and grab the towel I have hanging right outside of the shower. Even though the shower is clean and private it still reminds me of boot camp. It is very different from the bathroom at Ella’s house. No decorative soaps at Butch’s. I laugh to myself thinking about Butch buying seashell shaped soaps.
“Thanks Butch, I am good. Sorry if I am running late. Last night took an unexpected turn.”
“I was a little surprised to see you being dropped off this morning. I figured we had our first customer of the day. I have to say I understand why you are fixing that truck now.”
“I am sure you can. You able to get your eyes back in your head while I was in the shower?” I laugh and Butch does the same.
“A beautiful woman is something special. Then again that’s not why you’re fixing her truck, so why don’t you tell me why you are.”
I finish drying off and get dressed without answering. I pull open the door and find Butch sitting on one of the benches in the locker room area.
“It’s complicated.”
“Ain’t that always the way.”
“Yeah I guess but this one might be more complicated than most.”
“Why don’t you tell me, and I’ll let you know how it rates to the average. I hear a lot. Let’s see how complicated it is.”
“She was married to my best friend who died.”
“Okay, so she’s single. That’s what I am hearing. How is that complicated? You don’t like the kid?”
“Damn, Butch! Yes, I like Lina, she’s amazing. It just isn’t right, okay! After he died, I didn’t talk to her until yesterday.”
“Was it recent that you lost him?”
“He died over six years ago. Lina never got to meet him.”
“Listen, Gable, I know there must be more to this story that you aren’t telling me, but I can also tell when a man has reached his talking limit. Yours is lower than most but when you’re ready I’m here. I will tell you I think the person making this complicated is you. Life goes on. We miss those we lose but we go on. Don’t die before you’re dead.”
With his last sentence still hanging in the air, Butch pushes off the bench and leaves the locker room. It takes me a few minutes to digest what he’s just said. I’ve been so busy beating myself up for being alive I haven’t really enjoyed it. It’s time to change that.
Friday and Saturday are a blur of cars in and out of the shop. After the shop closes on Saturday I eat the dinner I packed and spend a few more hours working on Ella’s truck. Half of the parts I ordered arrived so I was able to redo the brakes and alignment. As I finish my last turn of the wrench my phone buzzes in my pocket.
I have a new text from Ella. “Hi.”
I wipe the grease off my hands before I text back. “Hi.”
I see the three dots appear on my screen and disappear twice before another text comes through.
“I wanted to see if we are still meeting tomorrow?”
“Yes, I am sorry I haven’t confirmed already, I am still at the shop. Can I meet you at one o’clock?”
“Sure, where?”
“How about your house and we’ll go from there.”
“Sounds good.”
I should put the phone down and clean my tools and area, but I am transfixed to the three dots on my screen. After what feels like hours, I finally put the phone down. She must have started to write something and changed her mind. I go back to my area and gather my tools so I can clean up and finish my day.
As I am finishing the last of my tasks my phone buzzes again.
I read and reread the text.
“Looking forward to seeing you again.”
My heart races and I can barely contain my excitement. Afraid I will tarnish the moment by being overly enthusiastic of my interpretation I respond simply, “Me too.”
I wake up at dawn with butterflies beati
ng their wings in my chest. My sleep was plagued with dreams of the past, present and future all mixed together with the phrase Butch laid on me Friday morning; Don’t die before your dead.
I know he’s right, but I don’t know how to make what has happened right between me and Ella. She wants answers and I am sure it’s about more than what happened to Mike. I just can’t figure out how to tell her what happened without betraying either of them even more. I don’t want to taint the memory she has of Mike with his imperfections. That will only give her more pain than she has in her life and I can’t do that to her.
I get out of bed and after taking care of my morning needs; I shower and trim my beard. I have enjoyed living without the regulations of the military determining how much facial hair I have. I use my clippers to trim my hair also. I haven’t managed to break the short hair habit although the top could probably use a trim. I decide to leave the top long. I can always trim that later if it doesn’t look good. Taking control of your life can be decided one decision at a time and I am determined to drag my morning out as long as possible.
I am determined to focus on the tasks for the morning and delay the deep reflection it will take to figure out if I am willing to admit I want more from Ella than her friendship. Butch is right; Mike isn’t standing in the way of that. The thing I am struggling with the most is how she will react when I tell her I am responsible for Mike dying.
It should have been me. I already know how hard it has been living with that knowledge and the idea of giving it to someone else is enough to make me run and never come back. I can’t do that again. This time I know that I have to do the right thing. I don’t know if they need me, but I already know I need Ella and Lina.
Present
My taxi arrives at Ella’s address at twelve fifty-five. I ask the driver to keep the meter running while I sit in the backseat willing myself to get out. At twelve fifty-eight I pay the fare and walk slowly up the driveway to the front door.
I walk slowly and take in everything about the house. It would be better described as a cottage. It is small, cozy and as perfectly beautiful as the two ladies who inhabit it. Purple flowers line the walkway to the front door which is painted navy blue. It pops against the white painted brick of the front porch and white siding that wraps around the sides. I can see in the large front window into the living room and I can see Ella sitting on the couch. The sight of her is enough to almost knock me on my ass.