I gasped and slapped a hand over my mouth. My brother no longer looked like me. God had transformed him into… I did not know what sort of creature. His ears elongated and ended in a point, much like the shape of a willow leaf. The hair on his body blew away like the seeds of a dandelion, leaving only the hair on his head, which cascaded to his hips in silvery-white waves. His skin lightened to the color of new snow. He resembled no being I had ever laid eyes upon.
Cain stared at his arms and body, grabbed handfuls of silvery hair, and frowned. He looked up at God’s messenger in disbelief.
“God has marked thee, so that whosoever sees thee shall know thee,” Hashmal said. He began to rise until he disappeared into the shimmer in the sky.
Cain held his head with both hands, wept, and left the area. When the shimmer in the sky vanished, I went after him.
Chapter 5
AFFLICTION
I caught up to him. “Cain, wait!”
Cain dragged his feet and then stopped and looked at me. “My brother, I have lost my way!”
I moved closer to him. His irises appeared white with a tinge of gray-blue. A thin line of gray separated them from the whites of his eyes. I gasped and flinched when our eyes met.
His shoulders slumped. “God has changed me into what you see before you. I presume we are no longer brothers.”
His words gave me chills. “You are wrong! You and I will always be brothers.”
“I have done the unforgivable,” Cain said, extending his bloodied hands. “Abel draws breath no more.” His words made my stomach tighten, although I had witnessed it all. “I killed him with my own hands. God heard the cry of his blood being swallowed by the earth where he lay, and now I am cursed.”
I dropped to my knees. “Why? Why did you do this? We would have been fine without them. Now….”
He deserved pity, yet he looked at me as if I were the pitiful one. He reached out to touch me, and I recoiled. “Do not fear me,” he said.
“I do not fear you. I fear what will become of us now that you are not in God’s favor.”
“I am cursed; you are not. What I have done, I have done alone.”
I got to my feet, took his pale, unfamiliar hand, and gazed into his distraught eyes. “Yes, but I will never leave your side. We are brothers. What you look like does not matter to me. Therefore, what lies ahead for you also awaits me.”
Cain withdrew his hand. He grimaced, wrinkling his nose. “What is that smell?”
I sniffed the air and caught a whiff of nothing. I stared at him.
“The putrid odor is ugly, hopeless—the stench of death.” He muttered the last four words, covering his nose with his forearm.
I shook my head. “I sense no disgusting odor.”
He froze, staring into space. I observed his unblinking stare. He fell to the ground and lost consciousness.
Dropping to my knees beside him, I wondered if God had changed his mind and struck him dead for what he had done.
“Cain, wake up.” I shook him. He shrieked, causing bumps to form on my skin. Rubbing my arms, I backed away from him. My heart was fluttering like the wings that keep bumblebees in flight.
Cain had fits of uncontrollable shaking, his muscles contracted violently, twisting his body in unnatural ways. He banged his head while foaming at the mouth. I shrank against a bush and covered my mouth. What was happening? Is this what dying looks like when you are cursed?
The convulsions finally stopped, and Cain lay still. I feared he was unconscious. I inched my way to him once more.
“Are you well?” I whispered, shamefaced, but he remained unresponsive. “Do not die, I implore you.” I pressed my ear to his chest. His heart quivered as the blood crawled through his veins. He survived, but it would not be for long in this weakened state. If only he healed quickly, as I did.
An idea developed in my head. My mother tried to take my life by draining me of my blood, and she almost succeeded, but I recalled my father and Samael giving me of their blood, and in doing so, they revived me, making me stronger than ever. I will do the same for Cain.
I turned his head to the side to expose the large vessels in his neck. I leaned back, crossed my arms, and stared at him. Part of me did not think this a wise idea, but another side of me—the desperate side—could not bear the thought of losing him and being alone again, so I drew in a long breath and sank my fangs into his flesh. I drew his blood into my mouth and drank it in ravenous guzzles. The throbbing of his arteries slowed. I stopped before his heart ceased to beat, turned his head, and lifted his chin. His mouth fell open.
I transformed into the red fiend and, with one of my sharp claws, opened the lower part of my forearm where it joined my hand. Blood gushed from my wrist. I pressed it against Cain’s opened mouth, allowing my blood to pour down his throat.
He opened his eyes, grabbed my arm with both hands, and drew my blood with vigor, extracting an enormous amount of it. My heart pounded hard against my chest wall in protest. It warned me of impending danger. I looked at his half-open, glazed eyes as they stared ahead. I tried to withdraw my arm, but his grip held me tightly.
“If you do not stop, I will die,” I said as I labored to breathe.
Cain stopped and relinquished my arm. I fell back, gasping for air, but soon the wound in my arm began to close and my pulse stabilized. My ability to heal fast saved me.
Cain rested his head on the ground and stared at the clouds, my blood running along the sides of his mouth. I lay on the soft soil and returned to my human form.
“What did you do to me?” Cain asked, still staring at the sky, his tone accusatory.
I peered at him. “I saved your life.”
“My soul is what needs saving.”
“You were dying.”
“You witnessed another of God’s curses upon me,” he said. “A physical affliction that, when witnessed by others, would turn them away.” He paused for a moment. “You bit my neck and drew blood from me. Why?”
“I thought you were dying. I meant only to help you.”
Cain narrowed his eyes.
I blew out my cheeks. “I took your blood and gave you mine.”
“Why did you do this?”
My shoulders slumped. “When my mother attempted to kill me by draining me of my lifeblood, my father and Samael gave me their blood. They brought me back from the darkness and saved my life. Afterward, there were remarkable changes in me. I gained amazing capabilities—increased strength, speed, and the ability to heal faster, among others.”
“And you believe the same will occur for me? Do you think your blood has removed God’s curse of the shakes? I will no longer fall groaning and quaking uncontrollably upon the earth?”
“Only time will tell us for sure, but I do believe.”
Cain embraced me. “I am most grateful to you,” he whispered. “We must find shelter for the night.”
We hiked for miles. As we crested the ridge, a lake appeared as if by magic. It shone like liquid silver glittering in the moonlight. A cascade descended into the crystalline lake, and fat marshes grew along some of the edges. We dipped in the fresh, clean water and washed away the long, hard day. We noticed a cave behind the waterfall. This cave was the epitome of a good home for us—a scenic location, secreted from the world, with fresh water to drink and bathe in and a forest nearby, teeming with a myriad of animals to provide us with nourishment. Moonbeams pointed to fronds and sizeable foliage, so we gathered them and made comfortable layers to sleep upon on the cave floor.
“You mentioned earlier that your mother drained you of your vital fluids. So you have regained your memories?” Cain said once we were settled.
“Yes, my memories returned like a tidal wave, and I looked on my mother as clearly as I see you now. She—the fiend in my nightmares—tried to end my life. She left me for dead.” I clenched my fists. “While my father and Samael fought for their lives, she lurked and watched. She could have helped them, but instead she perched hidde
n among the trees of a nearby forest just outside the Garden of Eden, snickering and relishing in their defeat.”
“You pucker your brow, flare your nostrils, and I see a tempest looming in your eyes. Have we not suffered enough on this gloomiest of days? We should get some rest now, my brother. Tomorrow we will have plenty of time to face our nightmares.”
“We must find my mother together,” I said. “She must pay for what she has done to me. I must have my vengeance.”
I heard Cain’s heavy sigh in the shadowy darkness. “Have you not seen where vengeance leads?”
“I spent years in fear and solitude. I suffered more than any innocent creature should. She must not get away with the cruelty she has shown me,” I said, my pulse racing.
Cain’s white skin had a strange glow that made him easier to see in the dark. He gazed in my direction with the pitying expression I had grown accustomed to and hated. “I am afraid you will have to go on this venture alone, for I cannot go with you.”
My mouth fell open in disbelief. “What? No! Why must we part? We are brothers! We were meant to be together. We know this now.” My hands shook at the very thought of it.
“When I spilled my brother’s blood, the earth became cursed as soon as his blood hit the ground. The earth will no longer yield crops for me. I am to wander the world as a fugitive and drifter. So you see, my place is not with you.”
“I do not need crops to sustain me, for the lifeblood of animals nourishes me,” I said, my voice quivering with desperation. “You will no longer be required to harvest, for blood is all you will need from this moment forth. If you must roam the earth, then roam it with me, for I know not my mother’s whereabouts, and finding her will take a lot of wandering.” I held my breath, waiting for some response from him.
“Very well. Sleep now, for we will need much rest for all our meandering.” I heard him roll over, the fronds rustling beneath him as he moved. Exhaling the breath I had been holding, I curled against him. Soon, I too slept.
Chapter 6
FORSAKEN
Diffused radiance shone into the cave through the cascading water. I sensed the warmth of the incandescent sun on my face. I sat upright on my makeshift bed, stretched and yawned. I turned toward Cain. He no longer lay next to me.
I crossed my ankles in front of me and thrust out my chest. A moment later, there was a noisy flapping of many wings. I got to my feet and ambled to the cascade, slipped my head through the falling water, and looked out at the lake. The morning sky displayed mellow blues and pinks, blurred together in a silver mist. I smiled. Even when so many wrongs have been committed, even when we are drowning in heartache and grief, the sky remains beautiful.
A flurry of birds landed on the marshes and interrupted my thoughts with their squawking. I stepped out of the cave and watched the tall, beautiful birds with their unique-looking heads bent forward in a graceful curve. Their huge, bright-pink bills and striking, vivid-pink feathers broadened my smile. They were a pleasure to gaze upon. I scratched my head. How do their long, thin legs keep them balanced? I laughed as I watched their social interactions. The entire flock preened as one, and their uproarious chatter filled the air around me.
For a moment I wished to have been born such a creature. To be always surrounded by family to converse with seemed invaluable.
I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Where was Cain? I had not seen him out by the lake. My pulse quickened. He must be in the forest, hunting. Thus, I hurried to the forest to assist him, but he was nowhere to be found. I returned to the cave alone and waited. Seven days and seven nights I awaited his return to our cave dwelling by the lake.
*
The flamingos marched in unison, flew away at nightfall, and chattered me awake in the morn, but still no sign of Cain. At last I understood—he would not be returning. Once again, I had been forsaken.
One morning not long after Cain snuck away in the night, I slouched on my bed of fronds in the cave, feeling my heart sink into a lake of fire like a heavy boulder. I needed to feed. I forced myself to stand and stumbled from the cave. I glared at the flamingos, growling at their honking and chattering as I clasped my hands over my ears. They went about their routines, as if nothing had changed and my world had not been shattered. I crossed my arms and stared at them. There were so many of them. Would they miss one or two of their companions if they were gone?
I transformed into the red fiend and pounced in the midst of them, snarling, my fangs bared. They chattered on, ignoring my threat to inflict evil upon them.
“I exist!” I yelled, the heat rising to my face. “I am not a ghost! I am not waste to be tossed aside or left behind! I matter!”
I charged the birds, grabbing one by its long neck and sinking my teeth into it. Then I grabbed another and another in a whirlwind of rage and ravenousness appetite. “I demand acknowledgement of my pain!” By the time I ended my gluttonous outburst, I had drained fifty-two birds. I ceased my attack when the remaining birds took flight; before, they had only flown at night. They too deserted me, the surviving birds. I did not blame them for fleeing from a monster. With my rage, I am trouble best ignored, left alone until the fire is quelled.
I shifted to my human form and stood alone amongst a blur of pink and red. Rosy feathers lay strewn about the corpses—some still drifted in the air around me. I looked at what I had done and slumped to the ground. I sat holding my head with both hands, weeping like a child. In the moment, flashes of anger protected me from the pain. Were I to relive it, I would try to summon more strength. I had failed myself again.
The flamingos were not the cause of my anger and pain. I struck out at them simply because they were there. My anger, a flash of fire covering my own weakness, was all for nothing, since the pain, vivid and bristling, consumed me still. My hands were bloodied with the tears I cried into them.
I threw my head back, squeezed my eyes shut, and yelled at the heavens. “Help me! I no longer want to show the troubled child within, damaged and afraid, the one still hiding in the dark, awaiting the return of the monster who tried to take my life.”
I beheld her in my mind’s eye—Lilith, my mother, perched on a tree overlooking Satan and Samael. They burned and she, the treacherous fiend, cackled without mercy at their fear and suffering.
I opened my eyes and, quickened by my hatred for my mother, prepared to go on. My heart burned with a single purpose: to find her. Even if I needed to wander the earth alone forever, I would find her and retaliate for every wrong she had done to me.
Chronicle of Lilith - 1
I shall start at the beginning. Not the beginning of my life in Floraison as an angelic child freshly molded by God. Not the beginning of my hierarchy as a Cherubim, and not the beginning of my life on earth as a cursed being. No. I have had many beginnings, but my rebirth as a goddess, after eating the fruit of the Tree of Life in the Garden of Eden, signifies the most to me. Power coursed through every fiber of my being, transforming me into an immortal. My tail grew longer, sinewy and mighty. The eyes covering the front side of my enormous, black wings gained the ability to see. I became powerful, faster, and my abilities, such as my gift of sight, were enhanced tenfold.
Since I was a child in Floraison, the third and lowest realm of Heaven, where angels are born, I have had visions. God had promised every angel would receive a gift, and this was mine. My visions were prophecies of events and happenings to come. Many occurrences in the future of mankind unfolded before my eyes. After I ate of the Tree of Life, my visions expanded. My revelations were never wrong, and when I received one involving me, I acted upon it immediately.
When I was exiled from Floraison to Earth, I swore I would have my vengeance against God. I retaliated by corrupting his most prized creations—the man, Adam, and the woman, Eve. When I left the Garden of Eden I decided to visit a cave Satan had mentioned when we first reunited on Earth. On my way to find this cave, Eve caught my eye as she, alone, picked fruit from a tree. I delayed my journey t
o pay the woman a visit, unable to resist taunting her once more.
I landed before her, immediately sensing the life growing inside her. I touched her belly and discovered she carried Satan’s offspring. This discovery left me in turmoil. On the one hand, I enjoyed knowing this knowledge would bring Eve much pain and mankind pandemonium. My vengeance against God had been even more perfect than I had thought. On the other hand, it upset me to know she would have his son. I am not sure why this troubled me so, for I despised Satan, but the thought of her carrying his child made me want to tear her apart. However, watching her sob in agony at the news sufficed for the time being.
Once I had given her the news, I left her crumpled in a pool of her own tears. Yes, telling her she carried Satan’s son in her belly devastated her. How presumptuous of her to think she could live happily and in peace with her little family, after what she had done!
As I flew toward my destination, I thought of the son I once had, for I too gave Satan an offspring. I despised the child as much as I hated his father, perhaps because the boy resembled his father’s cursed demon form instead of the handsome, angelic form Satan, then called Lucifer, had in Floraison. Or maybe I loathed our son because he was fathered by Satan. Seeing the love Satan had for the child made me want to kill the boy—so I did.
During my search for Satan’s cave, I came across many others like me, fallen angels transformed into other unique beings. Of the millions of fallen angels I encountered along the way, I considered only three as worthy companions: Asmodeus, Prince of Lechery; Gremory, the wise one; and last but not least, Sila, beautiful jinn and talented shape-shifter. These three have been my confidants for centuries and are never far away.
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