by Daisy Allen
I sit back. It feels like it should be a victory; getting to go home was one of the major milestones in my recovery.
But right now, all I can think about is Noémie.
Think about how much she's helped me in the last few days. How much I've come to care for her. How much I desire her, want her.
She must be so fucking confused right now.
"I gotta go. I have to talk to her."
Again, Dennis stops me with a hand on my shoulder.
“Hey, can I maybe have a chat alone with Jez for a minute?” he asks the guys.
"Ugh, I knew he was your favorite," Brad grumbles as he grabs his bags of potato chips and wanders out of the room.
"Well you didn’t think it was you, did you?” Sebastian taunts him, pushing him in the back as they leave.
Dennis closes the door behind him before coming back to stand next to me.
“Jez. How much do you know about this girl?”
I didn’t expect that question. “Why?”
“Well, you’ve been here for about three months and we’ve managed to keep it completely out of the radar. You’re friends with this woman for a few days, and suddenly, paps are swarming.” He raises his left eyebrow, as if I should be reading more into what he’s saying.
“What are you suggesting exactly, Dennis?” Already I feel the back of neck tingle in an involuntary defense of Noémie .
“I’m not suggesting anything, I’m just saying, keep on your toes. Maybe you should just lay low for a while?” Dennis has had to deliver a lot of news to us, both good and bad, in the decade he’s been managing us. And we’ve gotten into a lot of trouble that he’s had to get us out of. But rarely does he look nervous. Like he does right now.
“Is that all?” I don’t want to talk about this anymore. If there’s something to say, he should just say it. I don’t appreciate the speculation about her.
But all he says, is “Jez.”
“Thanks for the warning, Dennis, but I think I’ve been at this for long enough to know when I’m being played.”
“I don’t mean that, I just mean, look, you’re vulnerable. I honestly think we’d all feel better if you maybe waited for a while after you left here, let things die down, and then you can get in touch with her again. There’s no reason you can’t.”
“Seriously, Dennis, I’m going to have to ask you to end this discussion right here. I’m not going to talk about this for another minute longer.”
He holds his hands up in surrender, “Fine. I… just looking out for you.”
“I know you are. I know. And I appreciate it. You’ve always looked out for us. And I know you’ve had to do things above and beyond since I got in the accident. I mean, taking care of everything so I don’t have to be bothered by it. I appreciate it.”
“I know you didn’t want to deal with it.”
“And I still don’t. You just do what needs to be done. I don’t care. I just care about me getting better and that what happened, doesn’t happen again to someone else. That person should not be behind the wheel ever again.”
“Got it. We good?”
I smile at him, to relieve the tension, even though it’s still knotting my stomach. “The best. Now get out of here. I need a nap. Before I return to the real world.”
Dennis pats me on the shoulder and gives me a long look before leaving.
I wait until I see him get on the elevator before I step out into the hallway. I have to see Noémie, she must be so confused. I don’t even really know what I’m going to tell her,
Being here, in the cocoon, we’ve gotten to know each other so well in ways that don’t include knowing each other’s life stories. But I can tell you how she feels about how soap operas change actors for the same role, or whether or not cheese should ever come out of a can, and what she wants to name her second born. I know how she eats everything with a spoon, because she likes to scoop and not stab her food. I know the things that matter.
And she knows the things that matter about me.
Me being famous and part of the Rock Chamber Boys should not matter.
But it does. And I guess it’s time she learned about it, and heard it from me. I owe her that.
I nod my head to Frank, the bodyguard at my door and he waves as I step towards Noémie’s room.
Just be honest with her. But she needs to know, I tell myself.
There’s a ding of the elevator and just as I’m about to take another step toward her room. A tall, good looking guy steps off it.
A guy who looks very familiar.
A guy I never wanted to see.
A guy coming to claim his girl.
The guy from the bar.
Noémie’s boyfriend.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Noémie
“Noémie?” There’s a voice at the door and I jump up, expecting Jez. But it’s not his voice.
It’s a familiar voice, but it’s not the one I wanted to hear.
“It’s me, it’s Chris.”
It takes me a moment to place him. And then I remember. It’s Chris, the sleazy guy from Gators. What the hell is he doing here? I notice someone looming behind him. It’s Mike, doing his bodyguarding thing. I gesture that it’s okay and he goes back to his seat.
“Chris? Um, what are you doing here?” I stand up by the bed, feeling self-conscious at the near stranger here in my hospital room.
“You still don’t remember?” He says, taking a few steps closer, his strong aftershave wafting toward me. I try not to cringe. My sense of smell is so strong that it’s almost like an attack on my nose.
“Remember what?” I say, absently, while I try to find a discreet way to fan the scent away.
“Me. Us.” What is he talking about? There is no us.
“Well, I remember you from the bar, Chris. That’s all there is to remember.”
“No. Babe, no. Damn, I… I was hoping you’d remember by now. I’ve stayed away because I didn’t want to create any extra pressure on you, but I can’t stay away any longer. I needed to see you.”
I can’t help but wish he had stayed away. I don’t know what he’s talking about. I don’t know why he’s here.
"I don't remember."
"Babe. Come on, try." He comes up to me, so close I almost retch from the scent. I'm too busy trying to breathe, I almost don't notice when he grabs my hand and presses it up to his face.
"Feel my face. Don't tell me you don't recognize me." I fight not to wrench my hand away because I don't want to hurt his feelings... just in case.
"I- I do recognize you. I just don't, I don't remember us being together.”
"You kill me. You're killing me, babe." He lets go of my hand and finally steps back and sits down on the couch.
How...how can this be happening? Could I really be forgetting being involved with him?
You forgot, Jez. My brain reminds me. I did. I don't remember, Jez. And frankly, if I don't remember, Jez. I could forget anybody. I could forget me and who I am, completely. I could forget all that and still, I would remember Jez. But I don't.
Fuck.
I wander over, my eyes on him, his face, his movement, willing it to trigger something in my brain.
But there's nothing.
Well, there's disgust.
I take a breath and sink down onto the couch next to him. He looks at me, his eyes lowered, sad.
"Um, Chris. Why... why don't you tell me a little about us then, maybe it will help me remember?"
"Of course, babe."
I nod, trying to smile, to encourage him. I can't imagine how hard it would be to be in love with someone and have them not remember you. Maybe Jez would know, I think, and feel instantly guilty. He's never said he loved me or that we were involved. But he's given every indication that he is now, hasn't he?
Shut up with your Jez obsession for a moment right now there's a man in front of you, telling you he is your boyfriend, give him some respect.
I notice Chris is looking at m
e strangely, and I wonder if he's said anything yet.
"Sorry, I’m a little tired. Can you say it again?"
"I just said that we've been together for a few months. We are really in love. We spend pretty much every night together, either at your place or mine."
"And... um, my place is?" I ask.
"Oh, you don't remember that either? You share an apartment with Paige at The Emerson. You've probably been there for three and half years. You like it there."
I nod. Because no, I didn’t forget. That’s a detail I do remember, and I was testing him. And he passed the test.
"What... what else can you tell me?”
"Well, we were planning a visit to Maine to visit your family. It's your mom's 50th next month, and we were going to go and surprise her. You haven't been home for her birthday since you moved to L.A."
How could he know that? I would only tell someone I'm close to that particular wish. To wake my mom up with a breakfast in bed on her birthday.
"How... how could you know that?" I ask him.
"Oh babe, you told me. You tell me everything. I know you. I know you, babe. And you know me." He shifts closer and I try not to grimace.
"Tell me about you,” I say, fidgeting with the arm of the couch to avoid too much eye contact while I try to figure out what’s going on.
"Well, I'm the host on a cable TV show."
That I remember. Can it really be the only thing I remember about him?
"I moved here from San Jose three years ago. I'm an only child. I have a dog. That’s what we first bonded over, because you love dogs. His name is Beto, but you call him Toto, because you hate human names for animals.”
Everything he says... everything he seems to know about me, is true.
"Do we...?" I start, but don't know how to finish.
"Do we what, babe?"
"Do we... are we... intimate?"
A grin spreads across his face and I have to admit he's good looking, in a slick, too charming kind of way. Did I fall for it?
"Yeah, babe, of course. Why do you think we spend every night together?" He shifts closer on the couch, and leans in, his mouth hot against my ear, "you love it when I kiss that little yin yang birthmark you have on your butt."
I gasp. My birthmark.
How could he know about my birthmark?
Nobody knows. Nobody. Unless they've seen it for themselves.
Oh my god.
He seems to pick up on my reaction.
His eyes widen and he clasps my hand. "Babe! Do you believe me now? Do you finally believe me?
I can't do anything but nod. I believe him. I have to.
"Oh my god, Noémie, I've missed you so much!" A smile breaks on his face and he looks so happy. He pulls me into a hug, his arms tight around my body. "Oh, baby! I'm so happy!"
I don’t hug him back, but I don’t pull away. I don’t want to hurt him.
"But you remember, or at least, you believe me now. Now we can be together, I'll help you! Anything you need. And as soon as you get better, you can come home, with me, and I'll take care of you!"
"Chris..."
He backs off a little, looking worried. "Oh, too fast? Sorry. Okay, we'll take it as slow as you need. I don’t care. I'm just glad I can come and see you now, now that you kinda remember. We can start making plans! We can rebook the trip to see your mom, since she's not coming out here. We can go somewhere for my birthday in a few weeks, as well. I'm going to take you to the new sushi place that's just opened up!"
He jumps up, reeling things off, counting on his fingers. He really does look so happy.
I think... I think it's because of me. Me. I made him happy. How could my brain forget something like this? Someone attached to me like this?
I'm broken. I really am.
He turns to smile at me, and nothing moves inside me.
Give it time, my mind tells me. Give me time to heal. Don't be too rash and give up something that could mean so much to you... just because you don't remember them.
But my heart, my hearts tell me, give it all up, for someone else I don't remember from my past, but who means everything to me now, in the present.
***
Chris leaves about half an hour later.
It can’t have been soon enough. My head was pounding but he seemed so happy that I didn't have the heart to ask him to leave. I fell asleep pretty much as soon as he left, my dreams filled with all the things he'd told me. What we'd done together, things we'd planned for the future.
It sounds like we were happy.
I can't imagine what it must be like for him, to wake up one day and have his girlfriend, me, be gone.
I didn't recognize him at all, the first time he came to visit me at the hospital, he says. And I'd been quite distressed. So, he'd stayed away, given me time to heal. But he couldn't wait any longer, he'd said. Now he is back. For me.
And I still don't remember him.
"Knock, knock," Paige says, not knocking actually and walking straight in. "Who's the heartbreaker sitting outside?"
"That's Mike, my bodyguard. I told you about him." I wave to him and he sits back down on his chair. I'd called her after the incident at the elevator. I thought she was going to explode with both excitement and anger. She loves a good celeb sighting, but she was pretty mad that I'd been in some sort of danger.
"Do you think he's single?"
"Why don't you ask him?"
"Because I'm a little scared of him. Scared and turned on. Which, as you know, is the best combination."
I shake my head but can't help smiling. To be honest, I'm happy to see her. I'm still shaken up from the day's events; the paparazzi crazies and then finding out I’m dating Chris. Jez hasn't even been by, and I'm sure he has a reason, but it'd be good to get to ask him a few questions about what happened, and to make sure he’s okay as well.
"What are these?" Paige says, pointing to the flowers Chris brought.
"Um, flowers."
"Yeah, I can see that, where are they from?"
"Chris. My boyfriend," I say, matter-of-factly. To see how she reacts.
Paige stops fussing with her bags and turns slowly toward me. I can't read anything from her expression. And it's like she's waiting, in turn, to see how I react.
"I have a boyfriend. Chris. You know Chris."
She takes a long breath and comes to sit by me on the couch.
"I do know Chris," she nods.
"And do you know he's my boyfriend?" And I can't help but silently beg that she says no. It would make it all easier to deal with.
She pauses, then nods again, slowly. "Yes."
Fuck.
"Paige." I say, trying to urge her to give me more information but it sounds more accusatory than I meant to.
"I'm sorry. We, um, he and I agreed that it would be better to give you some time to heal first. You were pretty distressed when he came the first time."
"Oh my god." My head suddenly starts to pound, and I close my eyes, trying to brush away the stars that appear. I was barely dealing with one forgotten, let alone two, one who I've obviously had an intimate relationship with.
"It's okay, honey. We'll sort it out," she says, squeezing my hand.
"I don't want to sort it out!" I burst out loud, and she flinches but doesn’t say anything. "I don't feel ANYTHING for him, in fact, the last thing I DO remember is being utterly disgusted by him!" I shout even louder, finally ready to verbalize the feelings I've been having since he came into my room. "I don’t understand how this happened. It just doesn’t make any sense!!"
"Honey," she says softly, patting my shoulder. "You've got an injury. This is part of the recovery."
"Then I don't want to fucking recover," I yell, the anger still bubbling inside me.
"I know. I'm sorry. It sucks," she says. And I feel instantly bad for yelling, even if it wasn’t meant to be at her. Not after everything she's done for me. "Maybe, though. Maybe just give him a chance. I mean you are starting to rem
ember a few more things slowly, maybe he'll come back to you soon."
"But what about Jez?" I say. Asking her the question, I've been asking myself since I found out I apparently have a boyfriend.
"What about him? Is he your boyfriend?"
"No. Not that I know of," I have to admit.
"Not that I know of either. You never mentioned him to me before. But Chris... Chris I know about."
"Shit." I lay my head down on her shoulder.
She sighs and brushes the hair from my forehead. "Don't think about it too much more tonight, honey. You need some rest."
"Yes, she does," we hear a voice at the door. "You are going to need your rest... so that you can go home in a few days."
"What?" Paige says, jumping to her feet, her mouth dropping open.
"What are you saying, doctor?" I ask him, afraid he's going to say it’s a joke.
He grins, like he’s used to this idiocy over happy news. "Well, we've looked at your test results from this morning, and it looks like everything's recovering as it should. Now, I know you still have a problem with your amnesia, but there's nothing we can do but monitor that. Otherwise, your skull fracture is all healed, your neck seems to be fine. You can go home."
All of the last few minutes is forgotten and Paige and I turn to each other and scream.
"YESSSSSSSSS!"
"FUCK YAYYYYYYYY"
The doctor grimaces and covers his ears and waits for us to calm down.
"Yes, well. Um, I'm glad you're happy. I'll come back tomorrow and we'll talk about what needs to be done when you go, but I'd say by Friday, you can get on out of here."
My whole body feels light, a weight lifted. "Oh my god, doctor, thank you!" I gush.
Paige runs over to him and gives him a big hug. He just stands there like a totem pole, but doesn’t look too unhappy. He gives me a nod and a smile before he leaves.
"Oh, Noémie ! You can go home!" Paige squeals.
I look at her, disbelievingly. "I know! I can’t believe it!"
"I'm going to get everything ready, okay? Don't you worry about a thing. I'll going to clean your room, shoo away the spiders, organize a huge party, maybe see if your Mom can come up!" It's the second time someone paced happily in my room that day, reeling off things on their fingertips.